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[求助] TPO 4作文，求批改！ [复制链接]

nkfingineer
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2011-7-14 00:53:38 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TPO 4的综合和独立，下周就要考试了，求批改！多谢多谢！

综合：
The lecturer points out some evidences to challenge the idea that dinosaurs were endotherms.

First, despite the discovery of dinosaur fossils in the polar areas now extremely cold, the lecturer illustrates that during the period when dinosaurs lived there, the climate of these areas was considerably warmer than it is now, which indicates the dinosaurs were not necessarily endothems in order to survive. On the other hand, there has not been evidence to show the dinosaurs, whose fossil are discovered, had moved to the places that become polar regions today. Therefore, the assumption that dinosaurs had to be endothems in such harsh climate is hardly persuasive.

Moreover, the fact that dinosaur's legs were under their body, as are today's endothems can not lead to the belief that dinosaurs were also endothems. The lecturer points that other factors might account for this fact. It would probably because having their legs underneath their body could help them sustain their weight. Under this condition, this fact that dinosaurs had legs underneath their bodies is evidently irrelevant to whether they should be endothems.

Last but not least, dinosaurs did have Haversian canals as other endothems do today. But as mentioned by the lecturer, the dinosaurs had another indicator of their growth rate, the growth ring. The growth ring, appearing not always consistently, has demonstrated that this creature was indeed under a fluctuating rate of growth, contradicting the belief that it was an endothem since most endothems grow rapidly even in cold climate.

独立：
Nowadays as we have more been irresistable to the problem of traffic congestion and resulted air pollution in megacities, people tend to believe there will be fewer cars in use in twenty years than there are today. However, in my point of view, it would more likely to have more cars in use after twenty years than today.

First, evidenced by the burgeoning of skyscrappers in cities worldwide, world economy is on its upward trend during the past several years. We hold strong belief to see a more prosperous global economy in the near future. People turn out to be wealthier and more of them could afford a private car which has long been dreamt of. As a result of the increasing demand, manufacturers may expand their supply and thus send out more cars into the market. No wherelse in the world would better show the relation between economy advancement and the increase of number of car in use than in the African countries. Countries such as Eypt and kenya have experienced a rapid economic take-off in the past decade so that the ownership of car in these two countries improved greatly according to a survey made by United Nations.

Moreover, what is going on in developed countries is also evidence of a potential increase of car usage. Although city residents occasionally complain about the deterioriting traffic conditions, they always are living in suburb areas far away from their workplace. The primary commuting method in their lives is invariably the cars. So with the expansion of high-quality roads and cities, people would undoubtedly replace their worn-out cars for new, more cost-efficient ones, thus leaving the number of cars in use at a relative stable level or even a slightly increase.

Third, even the need to improve the traffic conditions and get rid of air pollution will inspire more cars to be supplied. It should be noted that the best way to solve the prblems of traffic congestion and air pollution is to improve the efficiency of the public transportation, indicating that some newly designed cars that require clearer fuel and take more passengers will be highly in demand. It could be seen that in the near future, our streets would be filled up by the traditional cars and some other cars in new design.

Overall, given the situation today, I believe we could soon witness a booming of cars rather than a decline of numbers of cars.

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hycqy
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沙发

发表于 2011-7-14 17:02:56 |只看该作者

帮顶一下

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sh890418
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板凳

发表于 2011-7-19 17:05:46 |只看该作者

TPO-4的独立作文我前两天也才写过,但我的水平没法和LZ相比了~算是我写的第四篇作文,作文才刚刚起步,把你的文章当范文学习修改,就当自己学习了,如果改的不对还请见谅~

首先有一些拼写错误,不过不严重
irresistable(irresistible)
skyscarpper(skyscraper)
deterioriting(deteriorating)
wherelse(不知道有没有这个词...)

然后是第二段
Moreover, what is going on in developed countries is also (an )evidence of a potential increase of car usage. Although city residents occasionally complain about the deterioriting(deteriorating) traffic conditions, they always are living in suburb areas far away from their workplace. The primary commuting method in their lives is invariably the cars. So with the expansion of high-quality roads and cities, people would undoubtedly replace their worn-out cars for new, more cost-efficient ones, thus leaving the number of cars in use at a relative stable level or even a slightly increase.1

这段你大概是想说发达国家目前的现状也是用车量增大的原因之一.然后你说虽然有居民抱怨交通情况,但这是因为他们住在很远的城郊,而通勤的方式只能是汽车.后面的话你大概是想说所以好的交通环境来临时,"人们会用上更好的产品再配合好的交通环境,可以解决目前的交通问题",可是并没有文字说明,而是直接继续说让用车量继续保持在一个稳定甚至微增长的水平.给我的感觉是你so with the expansion of high quality roads and cities之后都没有问题,而前面although提出的问题在我看来并不能因为他们只能坐车就解决了啊?感觉有点逻辑不通,不知道是不是我理解不对,如果是别见怪
你可以写,随着城市交通的扩张发展,交通堵塞的问题会得到解决,并且会让人们有更换高级汽车的需求,因此,让用车量保持…

But with the expansion of high-quality roads and urban traffic system, the current traffic problem would be settled, and the people's demand for replacing their worn-out cars for new,more cost-efficient ones would progressively surface, thus leaving the number of cars …

然后我看到你第三段了,也提到了现在的问题反而会成为了动力,

总的来说
整篇文章上逻辑上是并列-递进,逻辑性比较强
语言我现在是达不到这么高的水平啦~只有学习的份~
PS:考试顺利

努力比方法重要

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nkfingineer
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地板

发表于 2011-7-20 00:14:15 |只看该作者

多谢楼上的兄弟了！

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nkfingineer
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5楼

发表于 2011-7-20 00:16:06 |只看该作者

传上来新写的TPO 7

Integrated:
The lecturer in the listening passage obviously disagrees with the belief that US wood companies are unlikely to receive ecocertification. He casts doubt on the three reasons made in the reading passage.

First, as the lecturer points out, it is not generally the case that American customers are indifferent to all advertisements. American customers can distinguish the advertisements with a label from a creditworthy third-party agent in a huge international reputation with the ordinary advertisements. And the ecocertification now becomes an accredited label that the American customers pay attention to as they are aware of issue of ecosystem preservation. So the advertisement of the companies with such a label would probably be noticed by the customers rather than being ignored.

Second, it is no doubt that people are sensitive to product price. However, as the lecturer states, people will not be sensitive to the small price difference of the products such as the products of the wood companies. As a result, people would emphasize some features other than the price. In this case, a company with a ecocertification will be outweighed by the customers to others who do not have such a label.

Third, even though American wood manufacturers sell the majority of their products domestically, they could also be driven to receive the ecocertification in order to win the customers from their foreign competitors. American customers would choose the products from foreign companies who have got the ecocertification, consequently American companies would soon begin to struggle for that certification.

Independent:
Some students are confused at whether they should focus on understanding ideas and concepts rather than learning facts. In my point of view, understanding ideas and learning facts can be weighed equally and neither of them could be isolated from the other.

First, learning facts paves way for understanding ideas and concepts. Only when people make clear of something that does happen could they comprehend the ideas or principles behind it. Take the Law of Motion for instance. It was after thousands of observation on the patterns of the falling materials that Isaac Newton put forward his groundbreaking idea of gravity. Even today, it requires people to watch cautiously the pattern of falling material in order to get familiar with Newton's ideas. There has been no exception in the history of scientific discovery in which people grasp an idea without learning the facts.

Second, understanding the idea and concepts will improve the learning ability of human, so that they are more able to learn facts efficiently. Knowing tremendous knowledge and theories facilitates researchers to direct their observation accurately. People can make experiments in the lab to compose existed materials into new things, and only under the guidance of some theories and ideas can people march into the area of unknown.

Third, understanding ideas and learning facts have to work harmoniously in order make innovation. The old Greek philosophy has already revealed that these two ways are integral parts of discovering the truth. People begin to learn something by observing and then make their points, and they should test their beliefs later by observing new facts with their original beliefs. It will be on an upward trend if people use these two ways intelligently.

In conclusion, neither of these two things should be outweighed. As students in modern age, they ought to focus on how to integrate these two parts of learning together to sharpen their learning ability.

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