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xiangtuo
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2011-5-5 13:00:39 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

第一次写作文~第一次发帖~~纪念下~~

作文

相关帖子 Updated by 2024.11.20

豆包要去纽约！

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沙发

发表于 2011-5-5 13:02:53 |只看该作者

Do you agree that the government should support the scientific research even there’s no practical use?
Currently , more and more nations focus on the development of science and technology, as the result, governments paid more on scientific research. But as we know, the latest scientific researches are always in the areas as space exploration which are no practical use. In my eyes, I agree that the government should support the scientific research even there’s no practical use.
First of all, scientific research should be supported as the extreme importance of science and technology is known to all. One hand, science and technology can bring benefit to people's life. With Light rail, people can live conveniently and with mobile phone people can live effectively. On the other hand, science and technology help to protect the environment. People use more electricity or solar energy equipments and appliances could reduce the emission of greenhouse gas. And the widely use of smart car release no pollution also maintain the balance of the environment.
Equally important to the above, scientific research should be supported as to spur the people who hammer at it work harder and efficient. It was boring and tedious that scientific researchers may feel during the procedure. More seriously, they may meet fund shortage. With the encouragement and appropriation from government, researchers could concentrate in study and get further and greater achievement.
Although some scientific researches are no practical use right now, they may be valuable and useful in the future. Just like spacecraft landing on Mars, it is not meaningful to us now. But if one day humans would have to immigrant to Mars, the researches are significant.
In conclusion, from above the discussion, I may safely draw the conclusion that, the government should support the scientific research even there’s no practical use. Not only because science and technology is important to people's life and protect the environment , but also spur the researchers to work harder and efficient. Even there's no practical use right now, they may be valuable and useful in the future.

豆包要去纽约！

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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板凳

发表于 2011-5-6 12:20:12 |只看该作者

5.5
Do you agree that the government should support the scientific research even there’s no practical use?

Currently, more and more nations focus on the development of science and technology, as the result, governments paid more on scientific research. But as we know, the latest scientific researches are always in the areas as space exploration which are （is）no practical use. In my eyes, I agree that the government should support the scientific research even there’s no practical use.

First of all, scientific research should be supported as the extreme importance of science and technology is known to all. One hand, science and technology can bring benefit to people's life. With Light rail（这个词这里应该是名词但是是什么意思呢？）, people can live conveniently and with mobile phone people can live effectively. On the other hand, science and technology help to protect the environment. People use more electricity or solar energy equipments and appliances could reduce the emission of greenhouse gas. And the （去掉）widely use of smart car release （lead）no pollution（and） also maintain the balance of the environment.7 M3 u" m0 @+ l" \! Y. O) L

Equally important to the above, scientific research should be supported as to spur the people who hammer at it work harder and efficient. (俩动词？)It was boring and tedious that scientific researchers may feel during the procedure. More seriously（更严重的是？那后面就应该是前面从句）, they may meet fund shortage. With the encouragement and appropriation from government, researchers could concentrate in study and get further and greater achievement.* Y: a8 H. C3 n5 d. T% I$ B

Although some scientific researches are no practical use right now, they may be valuable and useful in the future. Just like spacecraft landing on Mars, it is not meaningful to us now. But if one day humans would have to immigrant to Mars, the researches are （turned out to be ） significant! j. u* Q A& X

In conclusion, from above the discussion, I may safely draw the conclusion that (与in conclusion 重复), the government should support the scientific research even there’s no practical use. Not only because science and technology is important to people's life and protect the environment, but also spur the researchers to work harder and efficient. Even there's no practical use right now, they may be valuable and useful in the future.

作者有些语法上的东西需要加强下
主题句并没有给出具体的理由有点含糊
个别单词的用法需要注意

水平有限不妥之处望见谅！

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地板

发表于 2011-5-6 12:31:04 |只看该作者

还需努力共同进步！
看些好的例文吧，容易找到感觉。

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5楼

发表于 2011-5-6 17:26:02 |只看该作者

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
Young people should try different job before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term？
Currently, young people should face to the more and more severe situation of employment when they graduate from university or want job-hopping, which is because more talented people can be selected than before. Confronted to dilemma, some young people choose to try different job before they decide which could be their career. I am absolutely with this point. The reasons are below.
First of all, in the process of trying different jobs, abilities and skills can be practiced very much. Different kinds of abilities can be improved when dealing with diverse areas of problems. Just as my sister’s case. She is a lawyer but used to work in a foreign corporation as an adviser of law. Finally, she found that she prefer to be a lawyer than an office woman. And now she is a lawyer major in international case. I think that without the experience of working in foreign corporation, she would not have such perfect English ability which benefit to her now and help her to affirm her favorite career. In a word, different jobs could improve different areas of abilities and skills.
Equally important, friends can be made in doing diverse jobs. Friend is of importance to us all. It is friends that share the pain and joy with each other. If you take different jobs, you will have different colleagues, then you can make different friends. Many people have difficulty in making new friends now as they are limited with their range of friends. And taking different job can provide you enough opportunities to make new friends. So making more friends is another reason attracts me to choose trying more jobs.
In addition, taking more jobs could accumulate more working experience, which is very important to every young people. Nowadays, many companies prefer to accept the person who have working experience. As the result of that, many young people work in other places before they applying to their yearning corporation.
So, I agree with the point that Young people should try different job before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term. Not only it may bring benefit to their skills improving and making more friends, but also cater to the employer more.

今天没手感写得没感觉臭长臭长的。。。

豆包要去纽约！

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6楼

发表于 2011-5-7 01:48:08 |只看该作者

Currently, young people should face （这里可以改成are facing）to the more and more severe situation of employment when they graduatefrom university or want job-hopping, which is because more talentedpeople can be selected than before. Confronted to with such dilemma（dilemma用在这里感觉不太合适，用problem比较好）, some young people choose to try different jobs before they decide which could betheir career. I am absolutely with this point. The reasons are below.
(个人觉得第一句写得有点太繁琐了，表明现在就业压力大就可以了，比如可以改成 young people are facing much more severe situations ofemployment at graduation and job-hopping for the competition from more talentedpeople than before)

First of all, in the process of trying differentjobs, abilities and skills can be practiced very much（very much表示程度，好像这里不合适，可以用其他一些副词，比如constantly, repeatedly等等）. Different kinds of abilities can be improvedwhen dealing with diverse areas of problems. Just as my sister’s case（这句没有主谓语，不能单独成句）. She is a lawyer butused to work in a foreign corporation as an adviser of law. Finally, （这个连接词有问题，你之前没有begin，后面突然加了一个finally别人看不懂）she found that she prefer to be a lawyer thanan office woman. And now she is a lawyer major in international case. I thinkthat without the experience of working in foreign corporation, she would nothave such perfect English ability which benefit to her now and help her toaffirm her favorite career. In a word, different jobs could improve differentareas of abilities and skills.! t1 h! d
(我觉得这个你姐姐的例子可稍作修改，主要体现第一份工作中的锻炼使其能更加容易的找到与自己职业目标相符的职业，并且第一份工作中的经验在第二个工作中得到发挥，我稍改了下，仅供参考 My sister, a lawyer major in international case, used to be a legaladvisor for foreign corporations. Skills and abilities acquired in the firstjob not only enabled her fulfilling the dream as a lawyer but also favored herhandling many difficult problems encountered in her second job.)

Equally important, friends can be made in doingdiverse jobs. Friend is of importance to us all. It is friends that share thepain and joy with each other. If you take different jobs, you will havedifferent colleagues, then you can make different friends. Many people havedifficulty in making new friends now as they are limited with their range offriends. And taking different job can provide you enough opportunities to makenew friends. So making more friends is another reason attracts me to choosetrying more jobs.
(这段一个明显的问题是虽然你说明了换工作可以结交很多朋友，但这对于你的长期职业选择来说有什么用处你没有说明)

In addition, taking more jobs could accumulatemore working experience, which is very important to every young people.Nowadays, many companies prefer to accept the person who have（has） working experience. As the result of that, many young peoplework in other places before they applying to their yearning corporation.

So, I agree with the point that Young people should trydifferent jobs before they decide whichjob or career they will do in the long term. Not only it may （not only放句首要倒装, may it）bring benefits to their skills improving（用improvement或者删） and making（make） more friends, but also cater to the employer more.
(最后一句用not only…but also不太妥，因为你的三个理由是并列的，你把前两个放在not only里，最后一个放在but also里，给人的感觉是最后的那个理由最为重要，前两个一样重要)

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7楼

发表于 2011-5-7 13:32:50 |只看该作者

5月6日独立改

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8楼

发表于 2011-5-8 16:29:57 |只看该作者

看到楼主发的短信息了！:loveliness: 可能当时有些地方真没看出来不好意思啦
你人很好！

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9楼

发表于 2011-5-8 22:21:45 |只看该作者

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
. t0 {0 {5 k6 u7 u% [Young people should try different job before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term？
+ B& D+ ^# a& }& S% ?% w. G' lCurrently, young people should face to the more and more severe situation of employment when they graduate from university or want job-hopping, which is because more talented people can be selected than before. Confronted to dilemma, some young people choose to try different job before they decide which could be their career. I am [url=]absolutely[/url][u1] with this point. The reasons are below., X/ o- U. J$ \# s
First of all, in the process of trying different jobs, abilities and skills can be practiced[url=] very much[/url][u2] . [url=]Different[/url][u3] kinds of abilities can be improved when dealing with diverse areas of problems. Just as my sister’s case. She is a lawyer but used to work in a foreign corporation as an adviser of law. Finally, she found that she [url=]prefer[/url][u4] to be a lawyer than an office woman. And now she [url=]is[/url][u5] a lawyer major in international case. [url=]I think that without the experience of working in foreign corporation, she would not have such perfect English ability which benefit to her now and help her to affirm her favorite career.[/url][u6] In a word, different jobs could improve different areas of [url=]abilities and skills[/url][u7] .# \- k1 ~2 U% W. L" p# d3 G
Equally important, friends can be made in doing diverse jobs. Friend is of importance to us all. It is friends that share the pain and joy with each other. If you take different jobs, you will have different colleagues, [url=]then[/url][u8] you can make different friends. Many people have difficulty in making new friends now as [url=]they[/url][u9] are limited with their range of friends. And taking different job can provide you [url=]enough[/url][u10] opportunities to make new friends. So making more friends is another reason attracts me to choose trying more jobs.
4 X; V- O7 }# `7 C- J& ?In addition, taking more jobs could accumulate more working experience, which is [url=]very[/url][u11] important to every young people. Nowadays, many companies prefer to accept the person who [url=]have[/url][u12] working experience. As the result of that, many young people work in other places（不能理解“工作在不同的地方”Chinese english？） before they [url=]applying to[/url][u13] their yearning corporation.
% b. s( L w% J; E" }So, I agree with the point that Young people should try different job before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term. Not only it may bring benefit to their skills improving and making more friends, but also [url=]cater[/url][u14] to the employer more.0 v( p1 r% w! ?9 {) u' l( H
$ d2 j$ Z5 ^/ z0 S
逻辑很好，三点理由想的也很好。就是在第三段时如果能把朋友对自已未来职业选择或未来生活的帮助描写一些就更好了，不然的话我觉得做不同的工作只是为了交更多的朋友的话，不是很有利的理由。
祝共同进步。
我的基础差一些，如果我哪里说得不妥的话。At every time，criticize me。I will accept it with pleasure。 Thanks。

[u1]少 “同意”吧

[u2]好像不用他也可以

[u3]Various 和multiple 也有多种多样的意思

[u4]+s

[u5]Grow into 是否更好？

[u6]这里用个条件状语从句是否更好，将要体现的结果放到前边。

[u7]Capabilities and qualities
不要老是ability and skill

[u8]And then

[u9]他们被朋友限制住了？
换个 their *** 是否更好

[u10]用 lots of或 amounts of
是否能更好的表达要说的意思呢？

[u11]Critical 可以换他

[u12]Has

[u13]此处用“开始工作”是否更好呢？starting or beginning

[u14]它迎合的意思是否占主导呢？换一下吧

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10楼

发表于 2011-5-8 22:54:10 |只看该作者

Do you agree that the government should support the scientific research even there’s no practical use?
2 E9 \" o8 E# _7 R- f% B" I9 ]Currently ,[u1] more and more nations focus on the development of science and technology, as the result, governments [url=]paid[/url][u2] more on scientific research. But as we know, the latest scientific [url=]researches[/url][u3] are always in the areas as space exploration which [url=]are[/url][u4] no practical use. In my eyes, I agree that the government should support the scientific research even there’s no practical use.3 S% L( c7 Q2 O- D0 s( Z2 z
First of all, [url=]scientific research should be supported as the extreme importance of science and technology is known to all. [/url][u5] One hand, science and technology can bring benefit to people's life. With Light rail, people can live conveniently and with mobile phone people can live effectively. On the other hand, science and technology help to protect the environment. People use more electricity or solar energy equipments and appliances could reduce the emission of greenhouse gas. And the widely use of smart car release no pollution also maintain the balance of the environment.$ x: }9 \  H2 U1 k6 \4 E* r
[url=]Equally important to the above, scientific research should be supported as to spur the people who hammer at it work harder and efficient. [/url][url=]It was boring and tedious that scientific researchers may feel during the procedure. [/url][u6] More seriously, they may meet fund shortage. With the encouragement and appropriation from government, researchers could concentrate in study and get further and greater achievement.
[u7] [u8] z2 ]0 y# N2 c
Although some scientific researches(它在这好像是不可数名词) are no practical use [url=]right now[/url][u9] , they may be valuable and useful in the future. Just like spacecraft landing on Mars, it is not meaningful to us now. But if one day humans would have to immigrant to Mars, the researches are significant.* F% k; L! [# s! I
[url=]In conclusion, from above the discussion, I may safely draw the conclusion that, [/url][u10] the government should support the scientific research even there’s no practical use.  Not only because science and technology is important to people's life and protect the environment , but also spur（出现频率太多了） the researchers to work harder and efficient. Even there's no practical use right now, they may be valuable and useful in the future.
首先感谢你帮我改的作文，再次感谢，
我basic grammar不是很扎实，所以很谢谢你。
那么开始说你的作文吧。
一、
结构，从现在开始你要有意的根据托福的要求，来调整自己文章的结构。附約略的托福寫作模板，供参考3 ?& y  r: n$ n/ H3 g) t9 t% W5 _

* n" D" ^6 T. S* _Introduction--* l! M/ x9 a  P' X4 z+ p# Z" ^
(repeat the topic& Advantages/ drawbacks for A, B)0 Q$ Y6 t* ~/ l- n
(stance)As my inclination,...I think… (topic), 原因1,2,3 (supporting ideas)6 x" s* l& x% v$ O  L
Body--/ B3 J" e1 T! r# i1 e" f9 L
1. Topic sentence—supporting ideas. . n# `3 l) z) p0 Y/ B
Description/ explanation. >> examples
5 A) N$ G; a/ Z- `3 @2, 3 as above
: O% A* P' j1 I6 }+ q, ?1 c- GConclusion--
8 K1 Y9 K2 G0 I% D% hRepeat stance, and summarize your support ingideas.

具体要多看别人写的好的文章，来修炼出自己喜欢的各种题型的写作思路。
上边只是很小的一块，具体还要你自己摸索，看、总结。
二、
就是语言，看了好些帖子，t 注重逻辑，在该方向你还需努力。
三、
如果我给你指出的，有我犯错的地方，先谢谢你再帮我指出来。
祝
共同进步！

[u1]Vocabulary + , +空格

[u2]这里用个现在完成时是否更好呢？表已经

[u3]这里换个词，是否会更好呢？

[u4]这个非限的先行词是exploration么？那就应该is。不过我看不像这里应该指的是科学发现。那整个句式都要改。

[u5]这句话可以改的更好些的。因为太重要了，他要阐明你的第一个观点。

[u6]这句话有必要这么的绕么？用正常语序我觉得更流畅。

[u7]这段我本来盼望着能挂着点主题的边。但是，好像也是一直在宣扬科学的重要性，科学家应该被许以、、、

[u8]看到这出才想起来说：就是第二段你举的例子很好，也很全面，但第三段是否有点跑题。题目问的是，是否应该支持科学研究，即使没有实际功用。这块扯出这么多应该的支持科学研究者的原因。我的建议是把第二段的好论点具体挑出两个来，for instance，给人们带来的便利，和为保护环境提供的帮助。分别为第二段和第三段。这样第二段显得也不是那么的杂，文章论据也很充足。
这样也可以支持你最后一段的结论。

[u9]可否放在 although，之后，且换个词。

[u10]总结的话，你背的太多了吧，这块好像用三句中的一句就可以了，记得一位老师曾经说过。T比较注重实用，不像G 可以有好些套话。

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11楼

发表于 2011-5-13 16:20:36 |只看该作者

5.13 综合
The reading passage and the listening material discuss the topic of whether a painting was created by Rembrandt himself. The author believes that it couldn't be while the speaker states that it was actually he painted, and gives three reasons.
   First of all, the reading passage contends that, there is something wrong with the woman dressed. She wears like a servant, but she has a luxurious fur collar that servant couldn't afford. In contrast, the lecture argues that the fur collar was painted over the original painting during over 1000 years after it was made, as a result, it was different from when it have made.
   Secondly, according to the reading passage, Rembrandt had a talent at painting light and shadow, but in this painting was painted without these elements. On the contrary, the professor in the lecture casts doubt on the viewpoint by saying that these elements couldn't be found because these was wiped out by time during the long period time. The woman was wearing a simple and light clothes and her face was in shadow when the painting was just finished.
   Finally, the writer holds the opinion that the paint was on a panel made of several pieces of wood glued together which is not Rembrandt's style. Nevertheless, this is challenged by the lecture. She said that several pieces were because the initial painting was enlarged to be more valuable. Furthermore, there is evidence that the wood of a painting created of Rembrandt was similar to this one, which directly refutes the reading material.

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12楼

发表于 2011-5-13 23:21:03 |只看该作者

5.13 独立~今天在做TPO3 所以写的是TPO的~
没有手感，写得不好很多话让我觉得找不到一个准确的措辞找不到语感所以拜托了！
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends?

Is it possible to tell whether the left hand is more useful than the right one? It would be ridiculous to argue that which is more important between keeping old friends or making new friends. In fact, old and new friends are both vital to ourselves, and just two hands of a human and two wings of a birds.
Old friends are the people we share the joy and sorrow with. And they may keep you company even put other thing away if you need. It is old friend that we first think of when we are in trouble. Venus is my best friends and I look at her as my sister from my teens. I was in trouble and need to get a material urgently last summer, I turned to her for help, and, to my surprise, she came to my city to send me the material in time. It is old friend that give you a hand when you need without any hesitation. So , the friend like this should keep for life long.
As a sword has two blades, we need to make new friend when we keep in touch with old friends. We have to face to new circumstances at any time during our life ,as the result of that, we meet new people as need. And, with more communication, we make more friends. New friends bring us new knowledge, new idea, new method and so on. Furthermore, as time goes, new friends become old friends and even bosom friends.
A famous person said that the number of friends is a standard to judge whether a man is successful. Therefore, both keeping old friend and making new friend are critical to our life. So, we could hardly to say which is better or more important than the other.

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发表于 2011-5-14 09:14:54 |只看该作者

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?0 J& w- G/ D8 V$ C& X6 b
It is more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends?

Is it possible to tell whether the left hand is more useful than the right one? It would be ridiculous to argue that which is more important between keeping old friends or making new friends. In fact, old and new friends are both vital to ourselves, and just two hands of a human and two wings of a birds.

Old friends are the people with who we share the joy and sorrow with. And they may keep you company even put other thing away if you need. It is old friend that we first think of when we are in trouble. Venus is my best friends and I look at her as my sister from my teens. I was in trouble and needed to get a material urgently last summer(last summer放在句子开头说感觉会好些), I turned to her for help, and, to my surprise, she came to my city to sending(bringing更好,send的话是传送或者寄，就不需要came to my city了) me the material in time. It is old friend that give you a hand when you need without any hesitation. So , the friend like this should keep for life long.

As a sword has two blades(我Google了一下，基本没有这种用法。。), we need to make new friends when we keep in touch with old friends. We have to face to new circumstances at any time during our life ,as the result of that, we meet new people as need. And, with more communication, we make more friends. New friends bring us new knowledge, new idea, new method and so on. Furthermore, as time goes, new friends become old friends and even bosom friends. 可以再举一个你遇到的新朋友是如何帮助你的，然后后来这个朋友渐渐成为老朋友的例子

A famous person said that the number of friends is a standard to judge whether a man is successful. Therefore, both keeping old friend and making new friend are critical to our life. So, we could hardly to say which is better or more important than the other.

红色的是我给你添加的，灰色的是应该去掉的。。改的不好请多指教~

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