[备考小组] 14年秋季提纲互改小组-Issue1 [复制链接]

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沙发

发表于 2014-10-12 20:26:48 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2014-10-12 21:30 编辑

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板凳

发表于 2014-10-13 21:13:33 |只看该作者

As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

(主旨段)When people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, is it the trend that the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate. As far as I am concerned depending on advanced technology to solve problems more and more is basic trend in future, however in different environment and situation this phenomenon will induce different conclusion and influence. On one hand, in most scientific areas, advanced technology are used as power engine in pushing development of such area, this process will induce more deep and complex thinking of humans in such area, finally; on the other hand, especially in daily lives the ability of thinking is degrading inevitably.

（主题句1）（对应basic trend in future意在强调科技的发展是不可阻挡的趋势） the modern world, especially in the second half of 20th century, development of advanced technology helps people to solve problems and change our lives and thinking rapidly. 列举一些重大的发明，比如计算机，复印机，互联网，MP3，手机，航天飞机等等。借此表明新技术的出现会改变人的生活和思维方式，而且这种趋势会一直持续下去。

（主题句2）（对应inducing complex thinking ）In most case, people can get lots of benefits from these advanced technologies, one important reason is we have the possibility to save more time and more energy and use them on what we need. 例如计算机的发明可以节约大量的时间，让人有更多的时间去进行更复杂的劳动，而这些劳动又是计算机完成不了的。再比如复印机的发明，可以让员工有更多的时间从事更有价值的劳动，从而实现产品的创新。

(主题句3)（对应the negative effect of advanced technology ）However, in daily lives, advanced technology may deteriorate the ability of thinking. 例如天气预报中的穿衣指数（dressing index），它虽然可以帮助人们决定穿什么样的衣服，但长此下去人体自身对周围温度变化的感觉就会减弱，人们不知道凭借自己的感觉去增减衣物，而是根据一个数字。再比如某些快速消费产品的流行，比如KFC, online game会逐渐让人失去体验真正美食和真实生活的能力。

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地板

发表于 2014-10-13 22:46:51 |只看该作者

As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

(主旨段)When people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, is it the trend that the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate. As far as I am concerned depending on advanced technology to solve problems more and more is basic trend in future, however in different environment and situation this phenomenon will induce different conclusion and influence. On one hand, in most scientific areas, advanced technology are used as power engine in pushing development of such area, this process will induce more deep and complex thinking of humans in such area, finally; on the other hand, especially in daily lives the ability of thinking is degrading inevitably.

从你的主旨句可以看出你在尝试用1+3的模型，或许你可以回复时谈下你的感受。你以前也这么写么？

（主题句1）（对应basic trend in future意在强调科技的发展是不可阻挡的趋势） the modern world, especially in the second half of 20th century, development of advanced technology helps people to solve problems and change our lives and thinking rapidly. 列举一些重大的发明，比如计算机，复印机，互联网，MP3，手机，航天飞机等等。借此表明新技术的出现会改变人的生活和思维方式，而且这种趋势会一直持续下去。

你这一段是在回应 As far as I am concerned depending on advanced technology to solve problems more and more is basic trend in future
但作为一个前提专门写一段我觉得有点浪费因为题目的核心是思考能力是否退化前提基本不需要多说

（主题句2）（对应inducing complex thinking ）In most case, people can get lots of benefits from these advanced technologies, one important reason is we have the possibility to save more time and more energy and use them on what we need. 例如计算机的发明可以节约大量的时间，让人有更多的时间去进行更复杂的劳动，而这些劳动又是计算机完成不了的。再比如复印机的发明，可以让员工有更多的时间从事更有价值的劳动，从而实现产品的创新。

这一段对应的是  On one hand, in most scientific areas, advanced technology are used as power engine in pushing development of such area, this process will induce more deep and complex thinking of humans in such area, finally
但是你的主题句说的完全不是这个  后面汉语的例子计算机可以，复印机就不太合适了
这里可以举一些例子说计算机可以做模拟不必做大量的计算  但是需要编程和建模也需要思考等等

(主题句3)（对应the negative effect of advanced technology ）However, in daily lives, advanced technology may deteriorate the ability of thinking. 例如天气预报中的穿衣指数（dressing index），它虽然可以帮助人们决定穿什么样的衣服，但长此下去人体自身对周围温度变化的感觉就会减弱，人们不知道凭借自己的感觉去增减衣物，而是根据一个数字。再比如某些快速消费产品的流行，比如KFC, online game会逐渐让人失去体验真正美食和真实生活的能力。

这两个例子都不合适
题目讲的是思考能力
你讲的是身体的感觉和体验能力不是一回事
你可以说一下电视通过多媒体使人减少阅读不思考直接接收信息等等

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5楼

发表于 2014-10-14 21:23:08 |只看该作者

受@liliudodo 的启发，也写了一个提纲，共拍砖~
While human are losing certain abilities due to the reliance on technology, our ability to explore the world, which asks for complex thinking, has improved significantly. Meanwhile, with regard to social issues, our ability to think for ourselves seems unchanged comparing to our predecessors.
1. Technology has made our life much easier than before, as a result, certain abilities, such as mental calculation and memory, are deteriorating. 人们依赖计算机，不再手动进行复杂的计算。手机里有通讯录，不需要记电话号码了。有Google map，人们也不需要自己在地图上计算最优路径了。在生活中的很多方面，技术代替了人力，相应的思考能力确实减弱了。
2. However, in the field of scientific research, advanced technology enhanced our ability to deal with complex issues. 大的方面，空间技术和例子探测技术的发展，使人们可以探索更多宇宙的奥秘；小的方面，通过粒子对撞机等可以研究原子核内部的结构和性质。在相应的技术出现以前，这都是无法做到的。科技的发展使人们有能力思考自然界中更多、更深刻的问题。
3. Unlike the two aspects mentioned above, when considering the field of social issues, it is hard to say our ability of critical thinking is higher or lower than before. 尽管过去一百年里技术对世界产生了翻天覆地的影响，但人们对社会问题的解决能力却没有发生太大的变化。一些社会问题，如公平和正义等，是无法通过技术进步得到解决的，而只能依赖人类的创造性思考，不断完善现有的制度。

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6楼

发表于 2014-10-15 16:03:31 |只看该作者

smily_ray 发表于 2014-10-14 21:23
受@liliudodo 的启发，也写了一个提纲，共拍砖~
While human are losing certain abilities due to the re ...

GRE作文6分教学博客

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7楼

发表于 2014-10-15 18:42:58 |只看该作者

我很欣赏上一位同学的分类方法，按照能力的种类来分类。
我的想法是按照人的种类来分，分为思考能力退化、思考能力提升和思维能力不变的人。
（Thesis Statement）While technology is playing a more and more important role in people’s life, whether the ability of humans to think for themselves will deteriorate depends on the roles of different people that play in the society.
(TS1)For workers or businessman, the ability of humans to think for themselves will deteriorate because technology has provided them with a more convenient life, which makes it unnecessary for people to worry about many trifling problems. For example, with the help of computer, workers in a supermarket can collect money more efficiently, rather than keeping accounts by using paper and pens, which is hard to reserve the accounts.这一段的大致论证逻辑就是:科技使得普通人省去了很多琐事，这样人们就不再为琐事担忧或者思考解决方法，而是理所当然地应用科技。长此以往，人们对生活的思考减少，思考能力减弱。例子用的是收银机的发明使得服务员不用再去考虑如何记账以及如何保存账簿之类的问题。
  (TS2)For scientists and inventers, on the contrary, the ability will increase since their careers require them to pay attention to people’s problems and try to solve the problems by using technology. For instance, while many people were enjoying the convenient trip by taking the trains rather than carriages, the Wright Brothers were thinking about how to travel faster and how to overcome the obstacles set by the ocean. By observing and thinking, they finally invented the airplane, which improve the efficiency of humans’ traveling in a large scale.这一段用于说明对于科学家或者发明家而言，发明为自己的本职工作，因此需要不断地观察生活，思考如何改进生活，从而为自身思考的能力提升。举例：莱特兄弟发明飞机。
  (TS3)Finally, for those who can never get used to new inventions, such as some senior citizens in whose life new inventions can never be accepted, the ability to think for themselves will stay still since technology does not influence their lifestyles at all.最后一段说明部分人the ability to think for themselves不会因为科技对生活的改变而改变。这一部分人因为不能接受科技的生活方式而拒绝改变自己的生活，因此思考能力不变。举例是一些老人等。

  我觉得我的思路比较牵强，而且难以展开举例。换句话说，我觉得我这个展开方法的思考深度不够，说理也很难说透。
  我准备再按照能力的分类再写一份提纲。
  同时想问问，如果按照人的分类来展开，有比较好的展开思路么？

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8楼

发表于 2014-10-15 18:43:22 |只看该作者

tesolchina 发表于 2014-10-15 16:03
Issue1、As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to t ...

谢谢老师~
第二个分论点的建议大概明白，就是不仅分论点之间要有联系，例子也要相互呼应，这样文章才更整合。
第三个分论点的建议没太理解。我的思路是技术在某些方面使人们的思考能力退化了，在某些方面增强了，在某些方面技术对思考能力没影响。之所以没影响这部分会被认为偏题，是因为不符合题目里"rely more and more on technology to solve problems“的前提吗？

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9楼

发表于 2014-10-15 19:12:28 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 liliudodo 于 2014-10-15 19:52 编辑

tesolchina 发表于 2014-10-13 22:46
As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for the ...

谢谢前辈的指导，我先回答你提出的问题，我以前没有刻意的采用1+3模式，我一般倾向与第一句，复述一下论题。第二句，从正面表示支持论题，再从反面举一个相反的例子表示有其他情况。第三句，强调论题的复杂性，所以我们要case by case。

例如：

16)Some people believe that in order to be effective, political leaders must yield to public opinion and abandon principle for the sake of compromise. Others believe that the most essential quality of an effective leader is the ability to remain consistently committed to particular principles and objectives.

How to become a great political leader? Some people consider that a successful leader must yield to public opinion and abandon principle for the benefit of compromise. Yet others believe the converse opinion, they think that the most essential quality of an effective leader is to remain consistently committed to particular principles and objectives in some special situation. I concede that it is really a complex question about how to be a good leader in government, so I will analyze this issue case by case.

好了下面我来谈一下我对这个1+3写作模式的一些看法，欢迎拍砖。在我看来，1+3可以按照例子来分成三段，同时也可以按照层次来分成三段。

还是issue1，如果按照例子分成三段，这三段都在同一个层级上，比如第一段，举例说明在科学技术领域技术的应用可以促进人们的思维，例子就是computer， internet一类的。第二段，举例说明在艺术和生活领域，技术的应用同样可以促进人类的思维，比如dv的出现可以使普通人也能进行电影的拍摄，促使他们更好地记录生活，观察生活，和思考生活，博客和twitter的出现使人们可以知道更多新的消息，从而加深对当前世界的理解。第三段，举例说明在生活或者教育领域，技术的普及使人们的思想变得简单，例子是电视的普及让人们的思想变得简单。

从例子的角度看只要可以举两个正例，一个反例就可以了，关键是看能不能想到合适的例子。

如果按照层次分的话，可以这样写：第一段举例说明技术的发展促进人们的思维，第二段举例说明技术的发展阻碍人们的思维发展。第三段上升一个层级，指出不管技术是否发展，人们的思维能力都会受到某些因素的促进或者阻碍。比如没有时间思考深入的问题，或者没有动力，没有长远的目光forethought去思考长远的问题。

这种思维方式有些类似于aw中的找他因。拿issue1来说，原题表达的意思是在技术不断发展的大前提下，人们的思考能力会变弱。那么第一层次就是接受这个前提，并拓展其内涵；第二个层次就是否定这个前提，指出不依赖这个前提，依旧会碰上同样的问题，从而揭示出表面原因下的深层原因。

我觉得这样写应该不算跑题。

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10楼

发表于 2014-10-15 20:50:42 |只看该作者

Without a doubt,the rapid development of the technology is changing our lifestyle.Concerning about this,some people attempt to connect the decreasing thinking ability of human-beings to the reliance on the advanced technology,and i partly agree with that.

1.Young people,as a generation in the information age,are surely rely too much on the high technology product.(某些年轻人可能确实有依赖高科技的现象）Since they grew up in a environment which is full of advanced technology,it’s easy for them to get used to the help of machines.Take a brief reflection on our daily life,and we can find out that almost every teenagers use their cell phones all the time.When they get lost,they will google the map;when they want a answer for a certain question,they will google it,rather than think it out by themselves;They can’t even calculate some simple math without a calculator.Compare to the precursor,they are surely losing some important ability in thinking and solving problems.（例子，遇到问题就谷歌，计算器习惯解题，遇到问题先去搜索网络）

2.However,it’s an overstatement to say that the advanced technology is impairing our thinking capability in every condition.In fact,the development of the technology can also enhance our mind.During the ancient time,the culture and the creation of people is relatively limited,because of the pressure of the fierce environment,such as hunger,wild animal,and nature disaster.While after the invention of light,building,guns,people are freed from the restriction of living,and can spend more time on reflection,art,and literature which are certainly produced by people themselves.Despite the culture issue,people’s scientific development can also result from the advanced technology.Nowadays,hundreds of invention and new theories come out everyday on earth,which is unimaginable for a scientist at the end of 19th century.Thanks to the computers and internet,scientist can easily get access to their desirable information and discuss their idea with colleague from all over the world.（有了技术，人类可以不再为生计奔波，有更多时间去做深层次思考，比如艺术，文学等等；而且技术让人们在现代更快接受信息，交流经验，举例现在发明和理论假说井喷层出不穷，这是以前低技术时所没有的）

Actually,one cannot assert that the advanced technology exert a surely positive or negative influence on people.It’s obvious that in the daily life,people,especially teenagers have a seriously dependence on the modern technical product by abusing it.However,there is no one can deny that advanced technology saves us plenty of time and eliminate the pressure of living so that we can devote ourselves into thinking more high-level questions,in this way,the advanced technology certainly promote our thinking ability.
Advanced technology will absolutely influence our thinking mode,but whether is a inspiration or a deterioration is depend on the way we use it.（总结一下，技术确实可能让我们依赖，但同时也会帮助我们思考，最后升华这其实取决于我们如何利用技术）

谢老师~！

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11楼

发表于 2014-10-15 21:50:11 |只看该作者

ClaretZ 发表于 2014-10-15 18:42
我很欣赏上一位同学的分类方法，按照能力的种类来分类。
我的想法是按照人的种类来分，分为思考能力退化、 ...

Issue1、As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

我的想法是按照人的种类来分，分为思考能力退化、思考能力提升和思维能力不变的人。
（Thesis Statement）While technology is playing a more and more important role in people’s life, whether the ability of humans to think for themselves will deteriorate depends on the roles of different people that play in the society. (the roles different people play in the society.)

1. 主旨句是否回应题目要求，有没有偏题？
这种将人分类的思路是我提倡的或许可以将主旨句写得更清楚一些

3. 每个分论点表达是否清晰，内容是否合适？
4. 分论点的汉语展开是否充分支持分论点，例子是否合适？

(TS1)For workers or businessman, the ability of humans to think for themselves will deteriorate because technology has provided them with a more convenient life, which makes it unnecessary for people to worry about many trifling problems. For example, with the help of computer, workers in a supermarket can collect money more efficiently, rather than keeping accounts by using paper and pens, which is hard to reserve the accounts.这一段的大致论证逻辑就是:科技使得普通人省去了很多琐事，这样人们就不再为琐事担忧或者思考解决方法，而是理所当然地应用科技。长此以往，人们对生活的思考减少，思考能力减弱。例子用的是收银机的发明使得服务员不用再去考虑如何记账以及如何保存账簿之类的问题。

2. 中间段分论点有没有和主旨句中提出的某个分论点呼应？
你将工人和商人放在一起，我觉得不太合适。而且你后面举的例子也不是这两个角色的例子。

3. 每个分论点表达是否清晰，内容是否合适？
不合适

4. 分论点的汉语展开是否充分支持分论点，例子是否合适？
不合适

  (TS2)For scientists and inventers, on the contrary, the ability will increase since their careers require them to pay attention to people’s problems and try to solve the problems by using technology. For instance, while many people were enjoying the convenient trip by taking the trains rather than carriages, the Wright Brothers were thinking about how to travel faster and how to overcome the obstacles set by the ocean. By observing and thinking, they finally invented the airplane, which improve the efficiency of humans’ traveling in a large scale.这一段用于说明对于科学家或者发明家而言，发明为自己的本职工作，因此需要不断地观察生活，思考如何改进生活，从而为自身思考的能力提升。举例：莱特兄弟发明飞机。

2. 中间段分论点有没有和主旨句中提出的某个分论点呼应？
ok
3. 每个分论点表达是否清晰，内容是否合适？
这里要注意的是题目说的是对技术的依赖使人思想能力退化你这一段举的例子没有涉及对技术的依赖
你需要讨论科学家、发明家在依赖技术的时候更积极的思考比如CAD技术让设计师把想法更快的呈现出来但是对创意思维的要求更高等等

4. 分论点的汉语展开是否充分支持分论点，例子是否合适？
莱特兄弟的发明依靠了什么技术？

  (TS3)Finally, for those who can never get used to new inventions, such as some senior citizens in whose life new inventions can never be accepted, the ability to think for themselves will stay still since technology does not influence their lifestyles at all.最后一段说明部分人the ability to think for themselves不会因为科技对生活的改变而改变。这一部分人因为不能接受科技的生活方式而拒绝改变自己的生活，因此思考能力不变。举例是一些老人等。

2. 中间段分论点有没有和主旨句中提出的某个分论点呼应？

3. 每个分论点表达是否清晰，内容是否合适？
不合适。因为这样的段落写出来不能支持或反对题目提出的观点。

4. 分论点的汉语展开是否充分支持分论点，例子是否合适？
不合适。同上。

  我觉得我的思路比较牵强，而且难以展开举例。换句话说，我觉得我这个展开方法的思考深度不够，说理也很难说透。
  我准备再按照能力的分类再写一份提纲。
  同时想问问，如果按照人的分类来展开，有比较好的展开思路么？

其实按照职业或角色来分是不错的思路你可以看下我在6楼的点评和意见

GRE作文6分教学博客

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12楼

发表于 2014-10-15 21:52:21 |只看该作者

aiyin 发表于 2014-10-15 17:09
我也来贴一篇，请老师指教！原来就写好的文章，所以例子直接写出来了，大家可以先忽略了。总体采用让步式
...

请参考1+3模型编辑你的习作并短信通知我点评 https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1777364-1-1.html

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13楼

发表于 2014-10-15 22:01:02 |只看该作者

assq 发表于 2014-10-15 20:50
Without a doubt,the rapid development of the technology is changing our lifestyle.Concerning about t ...

你试下按照1+3的模型重新列一下你的提纲会发现你的几个点无法连贯成一个整体
中间第一段写的挺好但是对技术的依赖究竟导致了什么思想能力的退化你没有说花了很多篇幅讲各种对技术的依赖但是没有深入讨论后果

中间第二段扯到远古人类似乎有点远了最后一句或许可以展开讨论

中间第三段没有讨论具体依赖什么技术带来什么后果只是泛泛而谈

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14楼

发表于 2014-10-16 21:30:11 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2014-10-16 22:30 编辑

aiyin 发表于 2014-10-15 17:09
(主旨段)We can hear the statement that technology weaken humans’ free thinking from newspapers or s ...

Issue1 As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

(主旨段)We can hear the statement that technology weaken humans’ free thinking from newspapers or social media frequently. Apparently, technology did a lot of work for humans in our daily life and weak some specific kinds of humans’ ability in deed. Wile as long as people are take charge of the technology, the creative part of human’s thinking ability will never be deteriorated. The fact is that with the help of modern technology, people could think more freely. Moreover, with the development of technology, much more complex problem are created by it.

1. 主旨句是否回应题目要求，有没有偏题？

Wile as long as people are take charge of the technology, the creative part of human’s thinking ability will never be deteriorated. 这一个分论点貌似可以成立 The fact is that with the help of modern technology, people could think more freely. 什么叫做think freely不太清晰 Moreover, with the development of technology, much more complex problem are created by it. 最后这个点和题目有什么关系看不出来

   (主题句1)We have to agree that human’s certain ability have been deteriorated by innovative technology. For instance, I was able to do mental arithmetic quickly and correctly before learning to work with a calculator. While it was so convenient by using the calculator that I total rely on it. Now I find that my ability of mental arithmetic has been weaken. As long as I meet with an equation, the first thing come to my mind is a calculator instead of mental arithmetic. (例子2)In other area, like designing, one of the most creative works, is changed by using Computer Aided Design(CAD) dramatically. In the old time, one had to express his ideas by a large amount of drawings. Now it is all done by computers.

2. 中间段分论点有没有和主旨句中提出的某个分论点呼应？
有。
3. 每个分论点表达是否清晰，内容是否合适？
不太确定画画和思考的关系是什么。
主题句说的是certain ability 和题目说的ability to think 并不一样

4. 分论点的汉语展开是否充分支持分论点，例子是否合适？

      However, we should not simply equate relying on technology with the humans’ free thinking. (主题句2，主要讨论人与技术之间存在信息交流)The major point is that we exchanging information with the tools we used all the time. And we need to process the output information and conduct the tools to go next step by independent thinking. The prior examples reveal that I lose my mental arithmetic ability and some designers can not draw on papers anymore. While that is a little aspect of humans’ thinking ability. In fact, I must extract mathematic information from the problem before I do calculate. With the output result I have, some inspect methods should be taken. As for designers, they are always exchanging information with computers. Choosing colors, changing materials, programing, the all above things can not be performed without creative thinking.

2. 中间段分论点有没有和主旨句中提出的某个分论点呼应？
不太确定这里free thinking指的是什么关键概念不清晰是很致命的

3. 每个分论点表达是否清晰，内容是否合适？
结合上段的例子来讨论是不错的
这里的两个例子其实都不错但在提炼观点方面很有问题

上段的论点或许可写成 - With the help of computers, human beings have lost the thinking abilities to process data at a lower level, e.g. perform arithmetic tasks mannually and drawing pictures by hands

这一段可以写成 - nevertheless, we still need to develop more sophisticated high level thinking skills to fully utilize the computing tools discussed above

4. 分论点的汉语展开是否充分支持分论点，例子是否合适？

      (主题句3，技术可以帮助人类思考)In contrast to the statement, technology makes people more free to think. Internet connect people from around the world, and we can share information, discuss issues, exchange opinions with the one in any corner of the Earth. When you commute to work, you can read with your Ipad which could store thousands of books in it. If you have any question, just clike the mouse and google it. (例子1)Massive Open Online Course(MOOC), an online course aimed at unlimited participation and open access via the web. If you are interested in some aspects of knowledge, just find the relevant courses on the web and start to learn during your spare time. The courses integrate videos, lectures, supporting materials and all other relevant staffs which will help you thinking more efficiently. Moreover, in the MOOC, you can choose to be an anonymity. In other words, you could express personal view more freely and never worried about lose face like in the real classroom. (可能的反驳意见)One may argue that people are more likely to search answers on Internet rather than think for themselves, eventually their freely thinking ability will be weaken. (我的理由，感觉有点单薄……)But the true is that the answers on the Internet will never be only one, they need to be reevaluated by people’s own judgments.
2. 中间段分论点有没有和主旨句中提出的某个分论点呼应？
makes people more free to think不知道这里想表达什么
楼主在提炼和表达分论点方面需要加强找例子反而表现不错还是多列英语提纲比较好

3. 每个分论点表达是否清晰，内容是否合适？
为什么MOOC可以使人更自由的思考？
这里似乎在说信息网络使我们可以透过MOOC获得信息、专家的指导和学习的社区从而给我们更多思考的机会
不太明白为什么要在这里加几句可能的挑战题目并没有要求如果加应该另开一段

4. 分论点的汉语展开是否充分支持分论点，例子是否合适？

(主题句4)In addition, humans need to address new issues with the developing of technology. Consider that with establishing of modern industry, the environmentalism gradually turn to be an important concept for human beings. People start to utilize new kinds of energies, study the pollution problems, set up Non-Govermental Organization(NGO) to protect the environment. There is no need to hold a negative attitude on the influence of technology. With the help of technology, people can be freed of some onerous labor and think more efficiently, freely than ever before.

你想表达是技术带来新的社会问题会迫使人们更多的思考而不会导致思想退化么
这个point其实很不错的
可惜你木有说清楚啊

总的来说我觉得你在选取例子方面表现挺不错，但是从例子中提炼适当的分论点的能力有待加强。尤其是你的分论点必须切合题目的要求。

另外，想问楼主几个问题
1）你是先想例子还是先想观点？
2）你在写中间段分论点时有没有关注这个分论点与题目本身是否符合？

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15楼

发表于 2014-10-16 21:30:59 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2014-10-16 22:40 编辑

liliudodo 发表于 2014-10-15 19:12
谢谢前辈的指导，我先回答你提出的问题，我以前没有刻意的采用1+3模式，我一般倾向与第一句，复述一下论 ...

谢谢前辈的指导，我先回答你提出的问题，我以前没有刻意的采用1+3模式，我一般倾向与第一句，复述一下论题。第二句，从正面表示支持论题，再从反面举一个相反的例子表示有其他情况。第三句，强调论题的复杂性，所以我们要case by case。

例如：

16)Some people believe that in order to be effective, political leaders must yield to public opinion and abandon principle for the sake of compromise. Others believe that the most essential quality of an effective leader is the ability to remain consistently committed to particular principles and objectives.

How to become a great political leader? Some people consider that a successful leader must yield to public opinion and abandon principle for the benefit of compromise. Yet others believe the converse opinion, they think that the most essential quality of an effective leader is to remain consistently committed to particular principles and objectives in some special situation. I concede that it is really a complex question about how to be a good leader in government, so I will analyze this issue case by case.

我觉得这样写不好。因为你没有在开头段提出一个复杂而有层次的观点。而且你第一句就不对，题目说的是effective，你却讲great，差很远好么？

好了下面我来谈一下我对这个1+3写作模式的一些看法，欢迎拍砖。在我看来，1+3可以按照例子来分成三段，同时也可以按照层次来分成三段。

还是issue1，如果按照例子分成三段，这三段都在同一个层级上，比如第一段，举例说明在科学技术领域技术的应用可以促进人们的思维，例子就是computer， internet一类的。第二段，举例说明在艺术和生活领域，技术的应用同样可以促进人类的思维，比如dv的出现可以使普通人也能进行电影的拍摄，促使他们更好地记录生活，观察生活，和思考生活，博客和twitter的出现使人们可以知道更多新的消息，从而加深对当前世界的理解。第三段，举例说明在生活或者教育领域，技术的普及使人们的思想变得简单，例子是电视的普及让人们的思想变得简单。

Issue1 As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.
尤其要注意题目的前提是当人们越来越依赖科技解决问题
因此你举的所有例子都必须是符合这个前提的
计算机、互联网可以解决的问题很多，但是你论述的时候必须强调是解决了什么问题
DV能解决什么问题呢不太好说
电视能解决什么问题？

从例子的角度看只要可以举两个正例，一个反例就可以了，关键是看能不能想到合适的例子。

如果按照层次分的话，可以这样写：第一段举例说明技术的发展促进人们的思维，第二段举例说明技术的发展阻碍人们的思维发展。第三段上升一个层级，指出不管技术是否发展，人们的思维能力都会受到某些因素的促进或者阻碍。比如没有时间思考深入的问题，或者没有动力，没有长远的目光forethought去思考长远的问题。

这种思维方式有些类似于aw中的找他因。拿issue1来说，原题表达的意思是在技术不断发展的大前提下，人们的思考能力会变弱。那么第一层次就是接受这个前提，并拓展其内涵；第二个层次就是否定这个前提，指出不依赖这个前提，依旧会碰上同样的问题，从而揭示出表面原因下的深层原因。