[作文] 【夜空的彼方】---高分作文精读贴！（最新更新于8月28号） [复制链接]

夜空的彼方
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电梯直达

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发表于 2007-8-18 04:14:54 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

没有想到这篇帖子会被加精，其实初衷是，平时自己喜欢看范文并且加上自己的修改和心得，正好GTER|IELTS版为我们提供了这样一个交流的平台，所以就抛砖引玉，希望大家也能分享自己看到的优秀作文。
说实话很喜欢GRE写作版的那种气氛，大家踊跃发表自己的习作和心得，并且积极的互改（他们管互改叫“互拍”），虽然我知道GTER上主要活动的是那些考G和考T的，不过既然我们选择了IELTS（不管是因为TOEFL报不上，还是目标就是英联邦国家），这里都是我们的一片天地，我们从这里得到了很多东西（看看置顶帖就知道了），but，只taking不giving是不行滴~我们也应该在学习的过程中分享自己的资料，习作，心得，以及一点一滴的经验，别怕会“前人栽树，后人乘凉”，保证你现在就能受益匪浅的！
感谢H-Kevin版主的肯定和朋友们的鼓励（当然定期的提高精华级别鼓励一下也是一定的;d: ），让我有了继续下去的信心，当然前提是现在暑假，自己的时间上也能够保证，恐怕开学实验开始之后，就没法保证每天都有更新了，不过我会尽力的！也希望大家积极踊跃，踊跃积极的给我仍“版砖”啊，俺带好头盔搬一小凳在这等呢！:loveliness:

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            最新更新：#37----------------Topic：大学生活
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                                                   目          录
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                           #1       Topic：电脑能是否能取代教师？
                           #7       Topic：体育与政治
                           #15    Topic：南北问题
                           #18    Topic：互联网
                           #31    Topic：太空探索
                           #32    Topic：生活压力
                           #37    Topic：大学生活
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Topic: As computers are being used more and more in education, there will be soon no role for teachers in the classroom.

There is no doubt that education and the learning process has changed since the introduction of computers: The search for information has become easier and amusing, and connectivity has expedited the data availability. Though experts systems have made computers more intelligent, they have not yet become a substitute of the human interaction in the learning process. In my opinion; what can be expected, is a change of the teachers’ role but not their disappearance from the classroom.
第一段首先陈述了计算机在教学过程中大量使用的事实，尽管专家系统使得计算机更加的只能，但是还不足以替代教师的作用。段尾引出主题：是教师角色的改变而不是完全消失。
几个好的表达值得我们学习：introduction of sth.---------sth.的引进;
A is a substitute of B = A is a altnative of B---------A是B的替代品;

Nobody can argue that the acquisition of knowledge is more fun and easier with computers. The mere activity of touching and exploring this device constitutes an enjoyable task for a kid. This, accompanied with the relaxing attitude and software interactivity, usually conduce to a better grasping of new knowledge. At a higher educational level; the availability of digital books, simulator and other academic materials, provide the student with an ever accessible source of information, that otherwise would not be at hand.
第二段作者并没有马上就自己的观点进行辩论，而是先做了让步,让步的目的不是要同意所提的观点，恰恰相反，让步式论证是一种高姿态的论证策略，它承认所探讨问题的复杂性和部分合理性，然后正面提出理由支持自己的立场，最后通过妥协得出自己的结论，值得学习。
好的表达：conduce to = be benificial to---------对...有利;

But, （这里but笔锋一转，要开始批判了~）besides the increasing complexity and behavior of intelligent software, which is usually embedded in the academic digital material, the need of human interaction in the learning process will always be present, at least in the foreseeable future. There is the necessity for a human being to be able to determine what the specifics needs of each individual are. The expertise of a teacher in how to explain and adapt complex concepts to different individuals can hardly be mimicked by a computer, no matter how sophisticated its software is.
第三段作者列举了计算机不能取代教师的几个理由。典型的先让步，后论述结构。
几个好的表达：the foreseeable future---------可以预见的未来;
adapt ...to = adjust...to---------适应，调节;
be mimicked by = be simulated by---------模仿：

As computers are becoming a common tool for teaching, teachers should be more aware of their role as guides in the acquisition of knowledge rather than transmitters of facts. They have to be open minded to the changes that are taking places, keep updated and serve as a problem solvers in the learning process, thus allowing students to discover the fact for themselves.
第四段提出对于教师来说，所面临的挑战和应该采取的应对措施。
好的表达：be aware of = be conscious of---------意识到;
open minded to---------对...思想开放;
keep updated---------保持最新;

To summarize, in my personal view, teachers play and will play an important role in the classroom, especially at the primary level. No matter how complex computers become, there will be no replacement for the human interaction, but in the way how this interaction takes place.
结尾比较简单，重申论点并加以强调。

最后看一下原文出处所给的评论：
Excellent essay! Are you a native English speaker? Well done. The only problem: too long, 365 words instead of 250-265 maximum.

PS:写完这篇看看表，已经4点了。。。不知不觉几个小时就熬过来了，明早估计可以直接起来吃午饭了。。。:L
不过，今晚的成绩还不错，晚上下自习后狂看了几集《死亡笔记》，夜神月不愧是东大的高材生啊，所有事情都安排的天衣无缝，眼看用笔记杀人的事情就要暴露了，还是没有被抓住证据，看到这里都觉得那个龙崎有点太啰唆了，找不到证据就别在那推理了，有时候感觉他就是在硬掰，要么就是他偷窥月了。。。:lol
快十二点开始上寄托转，去G版看了几篇issue，找找灵感，回头自己练习了一篇Task 2作文，以后索性就直接在电脑上写了，免得写在纸上再敲进来错误多多，反正最后都是要放在这里让大家修改。
之后看了几篇范文，都是号称8分+的，写的就是牛啊，用词地道不说，逻辑也很好，读的过程中总结了一些好的表达（写作的素材啊~）
最后，精读了一篇8分的Essay。
哈，不说了，上床睡觉，估计我是今天最后。。。嗯，应该是今天第一个离开版面的人吧。。。呵呵 :loveliness:
好困啊，

[ 本帖最后由夜空的彼方于 2007-8-28 02:25 编辑 ]

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[作文] 【夜空的彼方】---高分作文精读贴！（最新更新于8月28号） [复制链接]

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