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[a习作temp] (作文互改小组)argument 作文贴 白宝 [复制链接]

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发表于 2012-12-11 23:27:01 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
本帖最后由 白宝 于 2012-12-11 23:45 编辑

第一次发作文,请各位猛拍砖。
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沙发
发表于 2012-12-11 23:52:46 |只看该作者
2012.12.11
argument69
The writer is hoping we just focus on the noncontroversial statement about superficial phenomenon of choosing Zeta company for construction, and not notice what being assumed. In the memo, the vice president maintains that using Zeta Company for the new building project. Even though, this argument seems convincing at first glance, but the basis for its view based on a serious misinterpretation of the truth. My reason will be stated as follows/

Firstly, the vice president mentions that Zeta company saved half of the maintain charge of the floor in the building than Alpha company last year. Thus it, seemingly, shows Zeta is better than Alpha at constructing floor. Differences between this two buildings' construction are uncertain; there is the possibility construction costs of building belong to Zeta is higher than Alpha, while its difficulty degree is lower than Alpha's. On the other hand, one year's low costs do not mean, during the whole effective life of the building, maintenance costs is lower than building constructed by Alpha. Demonstration from this memo is definitely deficient, unless the vice president can testify this and other similar scenarios are improbable.

Secondly, vice president uses the comparison of energy consumption between the two buildings to develop this argument. From his point of view, energy consumption in Zeta's building is lower than Alpha's, and if we choose Zeta as the constructor of next building it will save money as well. Energy consumption of one building can not prove this building is energy-saving, hence it is also related to building's occupancy rate. Concerning that, there are plenty of tenants in Alpha’s building while no tenant in another one. Energy consumption, in this case, can not be one criterion of the quality that buildings being constructed. Vice president from this company needs do more investigates about details' of energy consumption before selecting the subcontract company.

Last but not the least, even though the evidence at last turns to be the supporting one of his forgoing assumptions, the vice president just merely believes lower price of employee turnover can the reason to choose Zeta. When consider which company we should choose, we might have taken numerous factors into account, especially comes to the construction company. Besides the construction quality, energy consumption of one building, construction period and so on, costs of a building's contraction is also significant. It includes construction company's employee turnover as well as construction costs. In a word, a overall consideration is needed before the vice president making a decision.

In a nutshell, argument from this memo about which company should be selected may not bases on effective evidence or convincing inference. Neither of these is nonsignificant to the integrated and logical ratiocination. Only reasoning more persuasively, citing evidence more conceivably, can this vice president make a wise decision for his company.

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板凳
发表于 2012-12-12 08:10:55 |只看该作者
只能够通过附件上传吗?为什么贴了两次都没了
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地板
发表于 2012-12-12 10:46:36 |只看该作者
多练习和主要文章提到d细节很重要
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发表于 2012-12-17 21:58:58 |只看该作者
2012.12.17
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发表于 2013-2-13 23:47:36 |只看该作者
2013.02.13
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IBT Zeal AW小组活动奖 AW作文修改奖 US-applicant

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发表于 2013-2-14 08:07:13 |只看该作者
白宝 发表于 2013-2-13 23:47
2013.02.13



已阅,思路很清晰!
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备考先锋 Aquarius水瓶座 寄托兑换店纪念章 美版守护者 荣誉版主

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发表于 2013-2-14 13:27:10 |只看该作者
共同进步
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发表于 2013-2-16 10:37:08 来自手机 |只看该作者
Enolate 发表于 2013-2-14 13:27
共同进步

额,确实。我写这个完全是随心所欲,没规矩了。这篇写了一个小时,写到最后困得要死,脑袋也转不动了,还是第一段论述得最清晰。
还有谢谢二位为我指出的intruction的致命问题!!!
下篇加油!

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发表于 2013-2-16 13:06:05 |只看该作者
白宝 发表于 2013-2-16 10:37
额,确实。我写这个完全是随心所欲,没规矩了。这篇写了一个小时,写到最后困得要死,脑袋也转不动了,还是 ...

不客气,我也不喜欢按套路来  加油~

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发表于 2013-2-16 21:41:03 |只看该作者
2.16 argument7

问题同今天写的issue。打字速度太慢,外加基本功不够扎实,还需要训练啊啊....
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发表于 2013-2-17 08:10:09 |只看该作者
白宝 发表于 2013-2-16 21:41
2.16 argument7

问题同今天写的issue。打字速度太慢,外加基本功不够扎实,还需要训练啊啊....



写得不错!关于questions这种instruction我也不太清楚,欢迎讨论!
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