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tesolchina
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沙发

发表于 2017-8-20 00:19:41 |只看该作者

占楼写综述

东扯扯
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板凳

发表于 2017-8-20 10:57:54 |只看该作者

本帖最后由东扯扯于 2017-8-20 16:02 编辑

50) Government officials should rely on their own judgment rather than unquestioningly carry out the will of the people they serve.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

Intro
The Government who has the responsibility for the development and harmony of society is required to make decisions and formulate policies mainly in three aspects—namely foreign affairs, resources distribution and livelihood issues. Given the fact that people do not have a comprehensive understanding about the first two cases and they cannot reach a consensus even on livelihood policies which they are closely associated with, I agree that government officials should make a final decision based on their own judgment instead of blindly follow the will of the public who are likely to lack long-term vision.

Ts1
Foreign affairs are inevitable for a country to face, which is so crucial that the Government need to depend on their own judgement with long-term vison rather than refer to the people unquestioningly.
e.g. sovereignty issues; international affairs such as economic cooperation and cultural interaction
Ts2
In addition to the politic issue, resources distribution is likewise of paramount importance and it is well-qualified officials of the government but the public who can consider it holistically.
e.g. funding distribution for researches; educational resources distribution; natural resources allocation
Ts3
While decision-makers are obliged to consider properly the voice of the public who are directly associated with livelihood issues, they should still take it as reference and rely on their own judgement to make a sagacious decision instead of blindly adopting people’s diverse and inconsistent advice.
e.g. rich people want more private clinics regardless of cost, while indigent ones desire public hospital and well-covered health insurance; similar conflict between public & private school; house issues

Ts3
While decision-makers are obliged to consider properly the voice of the public who are directly associated with livelihood issues, they should still take it as reference and rely on their own judgement to make a sagacious decision instead of blindly adopting people’s diverse and inconsistent advice. That is to say, farsighted government officials are supposed to integrate the public’s opinions with actual conditions and full consideration and finally make decisions and formulate policies based on their own professional judgement on such livelihood issues. If the Government unquestioningly follow individual’s will, they cannot make any decision at all, since that people from different background have dissimilar needs and it is almost impossible to reach a consensus. For example, upper-class people desire more private clinics regardless of cost, while indigent ones only want affordable public hospitals and well-covered health insurance. Similar cases such as public and private schools and house issues also put the government into a dilemma. Only government officials glean information from the public and then make a decision by their own judgement, can these knotty problems be well tackled.

Coherence & Cohesion Analysis
Model Paragraph
To begin with, I strongly believe that government officials should consult the public frequently and systematically before introducing important policies. For one thing, the government officials should always take into account the people’s opinions when developing relevant policies in order to better meet the needs of the people. For example, before the Hong Kong government decides to tighten the ban on smoking in public space, it has run a public consultation for over 3 months to collect people’s opinions on this issue. A better understanding of what people think about the issue can inform the policy-making process. In addition, hearing people’s voices on the proposed policy will further legitimize the policy and make it easy for the government to later enforce the policy. The ban of smoking, for example, would be much easier if the society has reached a consensus about the issue.

其实在看别人的文章和自己写作时都会下意识的注意cohesion和coherence，看下来也知道是否连贯流畅，是如何做到的，但真的要细细去挖具体怎么连贯的，去列lexical chains时就有点痛苦，不知道怎么去拆解这些。所以这篇model paragraph其实心里已经能把握它的C&C，但是实在不会像Simon那样列。。。就不瞎列了

点评楼下

首先，写了全文，赞一个。以及谢谢你的点评。

接下来，先按照格式点评一下。
1）提纲的框架是否合理？
框架没有问题

2）提纲所用的例子是否合适？
感觉ts1touch id例子不是很恰当，这个技术是科技公司把军方的技术应用到日常设备以及政府对军事保不保密是单方面决定的，和民众的关系不大。ts3没有例子，但对应的道理论证也有点单薄。

3）开头段语言方面有哪些问题？
个人认为，可以增加complex sentences的使用，这样看起来会比较简洁且连贯一些。比如intro的前两句话可以合并起来。同时可以考虑让句式丰富点，比如最后两句都是用while的句式，略显单调。当然其实问题不大。

p.s. 第一段中mundane的用法感觉怪怪的，可能不太对，这个词通常用作贬义且形容事物，你可以查一下，个人认为换成normal people可能会更恰当点。还有些细节上的我猜可能是打错了，比如Ts1中的w/o bcz和ts2中的prospective和后面的for government count on，ts3中第一句最后两个单句间缺了连接词，end没有adj的用法换成final/ultimate可能是你想表达的？
关于你指出的我的语法问题，我觉得应该是没有错误，Google里也不乏有这样的表述，不过你自己也使用了。（Ts2第二句）

看的比较匆忙，有说的不对的还请指正。

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前意识的斑点
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地板

发表于 2017-8-20 12:27:09 |只看该作者

本帖最后由前意识的斑点于 2017-8-20 12:30 编辑

issue 50
Government, which oversees important issues of a country, is one of the most powerful systems today. Power also means responsibility. Thus, critics hold different opinions upon the mechanism, which the government is based on. Some people argue that the government should follow the will of mundane people, while I think it all depends on the nature of certain issue. In the technology and global issues, government should not blindly follow the public’s ideas, while the government should take public’s idea into account for the issues related to the public service.

According to exhaustive data, the government officials will know about the technology field better than mundane individuals. Sometimes for a country’s benefit, only government officer can know the top military technologies. After decades later, this technology might be open to the public. Thus, it is impossible for the public to make any meaningful decision. The touch id, for example, is now widely utilize in individuals’ cell phone identification technology. It was used as a military identification decades ago. If the government released this technology without because the public asked for it, the country’s military advantage might be gone. Therefore, when it comes to technology field, the government should make clear judgment independently.

What’s more, the government officers will harbor broader prospective about global issues than the mundane citizen. Sometimes, it is hard for individuals to hold a stable and clear view on certain issues. After hearing the Diaoyu island event, a lot of Chinese citizen started destroying products from Japan. A middle-aged even ended up paralyzing only because he bought a Toyota automobile. In fact, those so called anti-japan behaviors are not going to have any global effect at all. Thus, it is impossible for the government count on those irrational citizens.

Even though, encountering technology field alongside with global issues, the government should not blindly follow the public’s wishes, the government still need to hear the voice from the public when it is related to public service. The end goal of public service is to improve individuals’ living conditions. It is important for the government to collect the citizens’ complaints or compliments on public issues, which could demonstrate the strong field and weakness of the government.

In conclusion, the government should not follow the opinions of the public about global events and technology. However, it is important to gather ideas from the individuals when they are related to the citizens’ benefits. If the government fails to make judgement clearly, it will be a disaster for the whole country.

我又痛苦的写了一篇文章，感觉真的好难展开，

下面是来分析一段我在经济学人看的文章
In 1965, a 47 year-old

lawyer

复制代码

in southern France, made the deal of a lifetime. Charmed by an apartment in Arles, he persuaded the

widow

复制代码

living there that if he paid her 2500 francs a month until she died, she would leave it to him in her will. Since she was already 90, it seemed like a safe bet. Thirty years later

Mr Raffray

复制代码

was dead and the widow,

Jeanne Louise

复制代码

, was still going strong. When she eventually passed away at 122, having become the world's oldest person, the Raffray family had paid her more than twice the value of the house.

回复上一楼的，我感觉写的挺好哒，感觉思路好清晰，虽然写的同一个问题，但感觉你写的更有逻辑性，如果可以希望你也来给我的逻辑评平，
感觉总体很好，就是语法错误注意下，比如Given the fact that people do not have a comprehensive understanding about the first two cases and they cannot reach a consensus even on livelihood policies which they are closely associated with, people是复数不可以a understading 应该是understandings(⊙o⊙)哦~

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wanghaitao199391
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5楼

发表于 2017-8-20 13:22:50 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 wanghaitao199391 于 2017-8-20 13:36 编辑

issue 16/50/86/114/115/139

issue 50: Government officials should rely on their own judgment rather than unquestioningly carry out the will of the people they serve.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.
开头段：
Which criterion should be given more importance when we talk about the judgement of government officials, relying on their own opinion or unhesitatingly listening to the requirement of the people they serve? Someone thinks the government officials are public servants while others would like to see a more resolute official has his/her own judgement towards things, with the public’s will relegated to a less important concern. Both of the views are reasonable in some cases, I think that they are not mutually exclusive.
中间段主题句：
1.Firstly, I acknowledge that government officials are elected by the people they serve and therefore officials should behave in accordance with the benefit of their citizens.
2.However, officials sometimes should make decisions based on their own judgement, that is to say, sacrificing the will of people for the precedence of individual authority.

分析连贯性：《经济学人》杂志文章节选
https://www.economist.com/blogs/ ... 17/08/bannon-fodder
Steve Bannon is ousted as the president’s chief strategist
He may yet prove more effective outside the White House

THE statement was short and bland:“White House Chief of Staff John Kelly and Steve Bannon have mutually agreed today would be Steve’s last day. We are grateful for his service and wish him the best.” As with most such statements, this one concealed more than it revealed. According to President Donald Trump, there was nothing mutual about the separation: he had decided to remove his nationalist chief strategist. Mr Bannon’s camp insisted that in fact their man had resigned 11 days ago and that the events of Charlottesville had delayed the announcement. Signs that the relationship between the two men was not as harmonious as it used to be had emerged on Tuesday, when the strongest defence of Mr Bannon that Mr Trump could muster was to call him a “friend”, and “not a racist”, but warned that “we’ll see what happens with Mr Bannon.”
...
His time at the White House was not smooth. He clashed with what he called “globalists” in the administration, which seemed to encompass all those who did not share his yearning to limit legal immigration and his belief that the West was under siege. Negative stories about H.R. McMaster, the national security advisor who booted Mr Bannon from the national security council’s principals committee, began to appear on Breitbart. He had no shortage of internal enemies: one unnamed official told Politico, “No one liked him. People didn't know what he did other than stab his colleagues in the back.”Though Mr Bannon entered government vowing to turn the Republicans into the party of the working and middle classes, he and his boss have no signature policy achievements after eight months in office. Instead, Mr Bannon proved adroit at making enemies. Many—particularly on the left—will be glad to see him go.
我写的：
In the report, the author recommends that the daily use of a nutritional supplement abstract from fish will effectively reduce colds and therefore prevent the absenteeism caused by cold. To strengthen his/her recommendation, the author takes a report arguing that high fish consumption in nearby East Meria lead to only once or twice times of cold treatment every year. Additionally, although cold is the most common excuse of absences from campus and workplace, the author need more evidence to support the effect of fish consumption and its reduce of absenteeism.
为什么这段看着很cohesion？因为它是我写的一个argument的开头段，感觉argument很容易就能写出这么连贯的感觉来，Issue却忽视了这个，变成胡写一通。真切感受到了连贯性，以后要注意。

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6楼

发表于 2017-8-20 15:41:47 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 mzlgjg 于 2017-8-20 20:48 编辑

62.Leaders are created by the demands that are placed on them.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

Frame: leaders are created by demands of people placed on them, environmental conditions and leaders’ own personality.

TS: Leaders, managing groups large or small, are usually complex entity of product of factors both external and internal. Demands of people placed on them may stand out as the most essential, but there are actually more factors exerting on leaders than that. The environment conditions and leaders’ own personality and skills are also dispensable in determining how a leader comes into being.

TS1: Demands of people on leaders are the driving force of their existence.
The waves of revolution during the 18th and 19th century France have given rise to several famous leaders like Robespierre and Blanqui. Demanded by people’s desire for ideal life, these leaders led the French people seeking for reform and better social systems.

TS2: Not only are demands important but also the environmental conditions should allow for the leader to apply his aspiration.
Roosevelt led America to be the center of the world's politics and economy thanks to the Second World War destroyed Europe. The New Deal and the following revival of American economy were the both successful only under this background.

TS3: Apart from external factors discussed above, the internal factors of leaders can’t be ignored.
Niels Bohr was a wise scientist, for a lot of physicists working in his group who actually looked down upon one another’ s theory was cohered by Bohr and they both fulfilled their talents.

连贯性分析TS3:
Apart from external factors discussed above, the internal factors of leaders can’t be ignored. To make a group of people cohere to each other and fight for one ultimate goal, leaders should skillfully employ different talents of his people and avoid potential conflicts. Otherwise any group would collapse and leader would also vanish into none. As the leader of Copenhagen School, Niels Bohr was a wise scientist, for a lot of physicists working in his group who actually looked down upon one another’ s theory was cohered by Bohr and they both fulfilled their talents. They together created the initial quantum mechanics. Without Bohr’ s moderate temper and skill in managing people’s pride, the achievement of modern physics frame might have to wait for longer time.

老师的范文63TS1分析
Without being tested by demands for leadership, people often assume leadership positions by demonstrating strong communication skills that are important for dealing with situations in which they have to lead others to solve problems. In the field of academic researches, for example, senior researchers have to communicate their research findings and the vision about how the discipline would advance clearly and persuasively to the fellow researchers in order to take up leadership positions such as editors of top journals and chairpersons of the academic societies. They also need to demonstrate their willingness to listen to other members of the research community and understand their ideas and concerns about the field. Such strong communication skills would enable them to become leaders in the field and help others to meet the challenges.

点评5楼同学的提纲
开头段不错，不过我感觉frame不是很具体，你的两个TS基本上就是重述了一下题目的两种观点，不过这两种观点怎么取舍，应该明确一下你的准则，要不然就显得有一些空泛。而且没看到例子啊....
coherence的分析我觉得挺好的，没什么问题。

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7楼

发表于 2017-8-20 17:27:56 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 amber_123 于 2017-8-21 11:15 编辑

Model essay

Leadership is vital for the success of any enterprises, whether it is in the field of business, education or public administration. It is argued that, in order to prevent power abuse and revitalize the organizations, those in the leadership positions should quit their jobs after a certain number of years.  I think this proposal will not benefit businesses and educational institutions as leaders in these fields need many years to build their reputation and earn trust from the stakeholders.  Nevertheless, it is important for government officials to serve for a limited number of years only.

Consider the leadership in business world first. With the separation of ownership and management in modern corporations, it is important for the stockholders to trustthe managers of the businesses.  But to earn the trust of the stockholders often takes a relatively long period of time.  The managers will need to demonstrate their competence as leaders through years of services and accumulate more experience while working with the staff to develop the best strategic plans for the long-term development of a company.  Once the manager reaches the top management, s/he will become a valuable asset that the company cannot afford to lose.  If s/he has to leave the position in five years, the company will have to start over the process of cultivating a leader all over again.  Therefore, to save money for the investors of the company, this rule should not apply.

With the increasing corporatization of higher education, the same logic also applied to the leadership of universities. As a president of a university, one has to spend years developing intimate knowledge about the industry of higher education and building his/her network with the key people in the circle.  S/he will need to promote the university aggressively at a global scale and raise money for different projects and programs that can help the university to stay competitive.  This is a very challenging job and if a university is lucky enough to find someone who can do the job well, it makes little sense to let him/her go in 5 years. This is why the leaders of universities often hold their positions for years.

Nevertheless, the proposed rule should apply to government officials who do need to leave their jobs after certain years. One may argue that just like corporate CEOs and university presidents, it also takes years for a government official to learn to do his/her job well and build his/her reputation.  This is true to some extent. But it is important to bear in mind that “government, even in its best form, is a necessary evil” as it takes away certain amount of freedom from the citizens in order to preserve peace and order.  As a result, the power of the government officials have to be limited through the institutional arrangement that any officials, no matter how competent or reputable they are, have to step down after a certain number of years.  The risk of having a dictator justifies the cost of reducing the tenure of a capable leader.

In conclusion, I believe that the proposed rule should not be applied to the fields of business and higher education. But for the government leaders, they should definitely leave their positions after a certain number of years.

着色的过程令人眼花缭乱，可能结果有点混乱。这个lexical chain的辨别还是有些难度的，希望老师讲多一点例子。

issue 16/50/86/114/115/139

issue 50: Government officials should rely on their own judgment rather than unquestioningly carry out the will of the people they serve.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

People, by the advantages of rapidly developed technologies, have bigger influence on government than before. Government could hear people’s voice through various ways like internet, telephones and letters. However, when making decisions, government officials mustn’t easily be influenced by people’s opinions. Instead, they must think independently in order to facilitate the development of the society. Law officers need to protect the seriousness of laws. Education officials should assure the appropriateness of teaching contents. Economy officials are supposed to make efforts to protect agriculture.

To begin with, law officials must keep independent and sagacious to assure the seriousness of laws. Several months ago, a man in China killed a government employee purposely in order to protect his mother from being abused by them. He, according to the law, should be sentenced to prison for a long time or death. However, the public showed huge sympathy for him because he was protecting his mother. People’s will was so strong on the internet that law officials couldn’t ignore them. However, if officials break the law to gain satisfaction from people, it would be a disaster for the whole society. Anyone who successfully manipulates people’s will could crime and escape from the punishment. Law officials should rigidly keep the seriousness of laws to punish crimes and protect the society.

In addition, education officials should properly arrange learning contents for students regardless of the parents’ wish. A number of parents always want their children to learn more. They send prekindergarten kids to education institutions to learn mathematics. They arrange numerous after school courses for the primary school students like dance, handwriting, English and art. They, at the same time, also wish that school could add more classes for students, so they can learn more and be better prepared for the future. One of the responsibilities of education officials is to appropriately evaluate the learning abilities and needs of different-age students. They should arrange courses with apt contents and difficulty in consistent with scientific principles other than the wish of parents. If too much pressure is given to students, it might come out with an adverse consequence compared with parents’ wish.

Last but not least, besides the fields of law and education, it’s similar in the field of economy that government officials must maintain a balance between agriculture and other economy components in order to help develop the country healthily. As we all know, technology economy is more profitable than agriculture. Fewer people, as a result, are working in the less profitable field. However, it, though less beneficial, is very important, without which humans may face a problem of starving. Economy officials should make policies to prize people making a living in agriculture by giving them technical support and reducing their taxes. Through maintaining proper percentage of agriculture, officials keep economy healthy and do a favor for future development.

To draw a conclusion, I believe government officials should remain independent and wisdom in making decisions. Law officials must protect the seriousness of laws and avoid the influence of people’s will. Education officials need to assure the rationality and scientificity of contents in textbooks. Economy officials must balance agriculture and other economy components.

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8楼

发表于 2017-8-20 17:35:23 |只看该作者

本帖最后由丽丽酱香饼于 2017-8-21 17:38 编辑

issue 8/111/149
In any profession—business, politics, education, government—those in powershould step down after five years.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree ordisagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure toaddress the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used tochallenge your position.

Intro

People in power can make great influence onothers and decide the direction of the enterprise under their lead What companied with such power is the possibility of power abuse, which could destroy aperson, a company or even a country. So, there is the argument about restraining leadership with a limit tenure in five years, whether it is in education system,business field or governmental agency. I agree with the original intention ofthis proposal, but this rule should allow for different flexibility indifferent professions.

For leader of government like the presidentand administer, five years tenure is a good regulation to prevent the risk of dictational tendencies. But it could perform better with the permission of one reelection to support the decent leader.

Eg1 George Washington; Abraham Lincoln

Eg2 encourage of long-term project like landrevolution

OP: because the reelection depend onpeople, centralization and excess of power could be reduce

As for education, there is no deny that it takes hundred years to rear people. So the school principals need much more than fiveyears to achieve their education deployment.

Eg1: educational concept need consistency foryears to accomplish

Eg2: five years is too short to buildpublic praise for school

The same logic also applied to the managersof companies. The steady leadership is the base of sound collaboration and stable hearts of employees.

Eg1: success of a company roots in longperiod corporation

Eg2: change of manager will impact the peace and order in the company organization.

连贯性练习：老师同题目范文

Consider the leadership in business world first. With the separation of ownership and management in modern corporations, it is important for the stockholders to trust the managers of the businesses. But to earn the trust of the stockholders often takes a relatively long period of time. The managers will need to demonstrate their competence as leaders through years of services and accumulate more experience while working with the staff to develop the best strategic plans for the long-term development of a company. Once the manager reaches the top management, s/he will become a valuable asset that the company cannot afford to lose. If s/he has to leave the position in five years, the company will have to start over the process of cultivating a leader all over again. Therefore, to save money for the investors of the company, this rule should not apply.

感想：

有所进步~~~

读了一些素材，有想法和思路了~

困惑：

遣词造句真的太费时了，，，想不到可以替换的词句，不知道地道的表达。。。

关于文章立意，ets是如何评分呢？要立意深刻还是只要讲清楚就好呢？

建议：

还是希望老师能附上视频配套的文本，总是停下截屏或抄录，效率不高(✿◡‿◡)

我来点评其他网友

楼层：6

1）mzlgjg网友提纲的框架是否合理？

第一个主题句可以再详细具体一点

第二点，Environmentalcondition 是不是也是一种demand？ Demand of environment？

2）网友提纲所用的例子是否合适？

第二个Roosevelt的例子，有了background才有New Deal吧？感觉因果关系不大合适

第三个Bohr的例子，没有提到他是leader

3）网友开头段语言方面有哪些问题？

指意不明 there areactually more than that， What more than what？

搭配不当 Are leadersentity of factors?

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9楼

发表于 2017-8-20 18:56:00 |只看该作者

本帖最后由芥弥于 2017-8-20 19:41 编辑

issue 104/107
To be an effective leader, a public official must maintain the highest ethical and moral standards.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

Given the complexity of personalities, social scientists are always looking for determinant features and characters of an effective leader. Some contend that a public official need to have high moral standards and comply with ethical rules properly in order to be an effective leader. In my opinion, whether high moral standards serves to be an requirement for an effective leader depends on which aspect of life these rules should be applied to. In public sphere, officials must adhere to high moral standard in order to win support and trust from the teams and the general public. Yet, in private sphere high moral standard is not a necessary requirement for leaders since they are playing different social roles rather than a leader in their private life. While there might be some scepticisms that this inconsistency may cause public distrust for these leaders, I believe that attitudes and behaviors of public leaders in private sphere should be excluded from the media coverage since these are their own privacy.

TS1
There is no doubt that in public sphere a high moral standard and strict self-discipline should be a must for a public official to win public support and trust in order to become an effective leader.
e.g. role model for inferiors, integrity, probity, honesty when cooperation
e.g. set the standard for other leaders through competition, less bribery, less nepotism, win recognition

TS2
However, while officials should serve as a moral examplar in public life, this rule does not apply to their attitudes and actions in private life since they have different roles to fulfill other than public leaders.
e.g. as a family member, more concern of the benefit of the family instead of the whole community, as long as not involved in public affairs
e.g. roles as an ordinary citizen, concern personal interests more than public good

TS3
Some might challenge this position by claiming that the inconsistency of behaviors in public and private spheres might induce negative impression towards the leaders from the public. Nevertheless, public officials have the rights to keep their private acts from the media coverage so long as these behaviors do not violate the law.
e.g. report other family members' info,love affairs, violate personal privacy (so long as do not involve public affairs)
e.g. difference btw public and private spheres

Coherence Analysis

Model Paragraph

Practice

点评8楼

1）提纲的框架是否合理？
框架很清楚。

2）提纲所用的例子是否合适？
P1 But it could perform better with the permission of one reelectionto support the decent leader.感觉可以去掉，讨论的重点是是否应该有tenure，而非tenure时长；
P2 两个例子在我看来更像是two steps in reasoning

3）开头段语言方面有哪些问题？
倒数第二句whether一整个句子在后面很奇怪，最后一句最好点明specific circumstances有哪些

PS：可能是因为网页的原因，一些单词中间的空格消失了，阅读不是很方便。

附件: 你需要登录才可以下载或查看附件。没有帐号？立即注册

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10楼

发表于 2017-8-20 20:41:01 |只看该作者

issue 50: Government officials should rely on their own judgment rather than unquestioningly carry out the will of the people they serve.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

开头:
When talking about the relationship between the people and the goverment, some people consider the government as tools implementing residents' will. However, I disagree with this opinion, because hardly can people consider every possible results of a policy, instead they just care about themsevles. Besides, there many conflict voice in the society, any incline towards one side will split people.

分论点
1. On the one hand, People just concern themselves' property which cause the policy insular and myopic.
e.g. the economy policy popular in China, printing more money so that everybody is rich.
e.g. government have set some moral paragon to lead the citizen.
2. Next, Simply follow people's will will split the country.
e.g. in America, tearing down the sculpture of slave owner in south states, even about Lincoln.

3. On the other hand, in order to contrain government's power, public official should follow people's need.
e.g. soth korean presidents's scandal for corruption galvanize people's distruss towards the government, so the government quickly resign the presidents and set a professional team to check the presidents corruption.

第一个主题段:
On the one hand, People just concern themselves' property, which will make the policy insular and myopic. The policy government make should consider the future influence and all the kinds of people in this country. For example, in the 1970s, the bad economy situation in China make people have a will that why not print more money so that everybody is rich, and can buy the food to stop starvation. This is myopic opinion that it omits the basic axiom in economy and the quantity of production. So if the government just follows this will, not only can people still suffer the starvation, but the economy in China will be interrupted terribly. Thus, without considering the potential bad influence, people's will has its innate drawbacks, and the government should not simply follow it.
==============================
Coherence & Cohesion Analysis
To begin with, the attention from the public after a scandal does not necessarily focus on the right issue. Take the Clinton scandal and impeachment for example. With the release of Starr report, the Clinton scandal has attracted the national and even international media attention. But the majority of American people seem to find it more interesting to talk about whether or not President Clinton had sex with Monica Lewinsky. They would even get into the debate over whether oral sex would count as sex. But the real issue that should capture public attention is whether or not the President had lied and still deserved the trust of American people. With the media always interested in reporting sensational news, the Clinton scandal failed to focus public attention on the right issue and therefore was not very useful for the development of American politics.

红色: 连接词
绿色: lexical chain => scandals
背景色: signaling noun => attention 抽象到具体

attention -> 下定义 national and international attention -> 具体化描述人们的关注点 -> 延续之前的具体人们开始辩论他的关注点 -> 引入另一个概念, 还是具体 deserved the trust from American people.

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11楼

发表于 2017-8-20 20:48:59 |只看该作者

芥弥发表于 2017-8-20 18:56
issue 104/107
To be an effective leader, a public official must maintain the highest ethical and mo ...

谢谢点评~
格式问题以前没注意呢，是从word复制过来的原因吧，以后我检查一下再上传~
第二段我是想用分析而不是举例的方法呢，不知道是否充分

whether这句是参考的老师这个例句Leadership is vital for the success of any enterprises, whether it is in the field of business, education or public administration.
我是想表达，In any profession—business, politics, education, government—those in powershould step down after five years.你觉得怎么写更好呢？

还有就是我确实是想说，对每个领域都规定一个五年的tenure不合适，不跑偏吧~(@^_^@)~

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12楼

发表于 2017-8-20 21:59:52 |只看该作者

丽丽酱香饼发表于 2017-8-20 20:48
谢谢点评~
格式问题以前没注意呢，是从word复制过来的原因吧，以后我检查一下再上传~
第二段我是想用分 ...

嗯，用分析的话我觉得是可以的，你提纲那里写的是e.g.所以我就以为你是要用来举例的啦。

whether那个句子...老师既然这么写了，我...我自己写的话professions后面直接跟such as就列举几个就可以啦。

我觉得你的框架很清楚的，但是我想说的是P1最后一句提到的五年这个时长还有reelection，在我看来并没有这么重要，要是我的话不会写这一部分。

：)

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13楼

发表于 2017-8-20 22:12:06 |只看该作者

issue 8/111/149
In any profession—business, politics, education, government—those in power should step down after five years.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

Intro:
From my perspective, I partially agree with the argument's statement that leader of every areas should be replacement every five years. To scrutinized my opinion, I am going to illustrate from three different areas: business, education and the political system. Leaders of business area and educational system may not have to step down in a short five years, while for the political system such as government , the leaders on the top should , in my opinion, be elected again.

Ts1: First, leaders of business do not have to be replaced in five years after he or she accede. Business man need a relatively long period to accumulate his or her reputation in this competitive society. They also have to develop human resources to aid the whole corporation works more effectively and efficiently. And it is not an easy work that can be accomplished in five years.

Ts2: Then, leaders of education should not step down every five years. Education is a long-time thing and need the educationist to inherit experiences from predecessors and make some innovations to benefit the schools and the students. Only when a educationist casts about a long-period and feasible plan and practices it in this long time insistently, the effect and achievement will be seen. If the leader such as principal of a school changed in a short time, the plan will never be completely practiced and not mentioned the development of students of the schools.

Ts3:However, leaders on the top of the government may need to be changed periodically. As we all known that every leader including president in most countries of the world carry out tenure system because it can, to some extent, keep the clarity of democracy and freedom. It also can limit the president's power in case of he or she abusing the power so that it is beneficial for the political system and the country's development.

In conclusion, in certain areas, for instance, in business or education, leaders may not have to step down as quickly as five years, while in other areas such as political, people in power should be changed in a short period such as five years.

分析段落后面补。

我的问题：语句比较简单，没有什么例子，字数少，要通过练习多写一点。

点评楼上：
题目：政府不应该单纯靠人们的期望而是应该有自己的判断。
作者态度：同意－－应该有自己的判断
论点1：人们只关心自己的利益导致政策目光短浅。
论点2：简单跟从人们的意愿会分裂国家（不是很理解）
让步：为了限制政府权力，政府应该跟随人们的意愿。

问题：
1.开始段写的比较模糊，希望可以写的更加与题目本身贴合，我刚开始还以为是不同意题目观点，有些混乱。
2.有一些小小的语法错误
3.从三个主题句来看，应该是部分同意题目观点，不是完全同意。
4.论点2的topic和例子我觉得不是很贴合，因为好像没有分裂，只是内战，而且黑奴问题不是平等的人民意愿问题，是一个比较复杂的历史文化问题，内战并不一定是不好的，但是在这个论点的情况下作者认为是贬义的。

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14楼

发表于 2017-8-20 22:25:34 |只看该作者

本帖最后由卿本悠悠于 2017-8-20 22:50 编辑

7、In any profession—business, politics, education, government—those in power should step down after five years.（8/111/149）

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

我写提纲时搭建框架所用的方法是第3种，through classification of key term(s) in the issue statement。按照题目给定的内容，将profession分成business, politics (together with government), education三类论述。

我的提纲如下

开头段全文：
The stipulation according to which the powerful in any profession should step down after five years is a wide-ranged consensus and has lots of apparent benefits. The periodical change of significant positions in any vocations, like business, politics and education, although the difference in working content, has helped in professional development, the talent attraction and better resource allocation.

主题句1
As the importance and necessity of decisiveness and adventurous spirit, the powerful in business have a responsibility to step down to a more ambitious successor after five years.
具体例子或细节
--decisiveness. New successor tends to more likely to take some resolute decision and reform the old custom.
--adventurous spirit. Being a powerful person for a long time will gradually wear his adventurous spirit away.

主题句2
Like but more essential than businessman, those in power in politics will lead to severe consequences towards the national and whole country if their power are permanent and unrestricted without the stepping down after five years.
具体例子或细节
--emperors in ancient times, even the most praised and memorable ones, had done some bad-influenced things.
--the state leaders of some countries, like North Korea and Saudi Arabia.

主题句3
Not so far-reaching influence as politics, but play a pivotal role in the society, from the low-educated to the well-educated, is the powerful in education, as they directly effect on the next generation.
具体例子或细节
--principals, bring new resources and reforms.

关于这个提纲的写作我有以下感想或困惑
最后一部分除了校长，暂时没想到教育方面的高层之类的例子，希望能够予以补充。

范文中间段分析（段落间句子连贯性分析）
选自8/111/149题范文的第三段
With the increasing corporatization of higher education, the same logic also applied to the leadership of universities. As a president of a university, one has to spend years developing intimate knowledge about the industry of higher education and building his/her network with the key people in the circle. S/he will need to promote the university aggressively at a global scale and raise money for different projects and programs that can help the university to stay competitive. This is a very challenging job and if a university is lucky enough to find someone who can do the job well, it makes little sense to let him/her go in 5 years. This is why the leaders of universities often hold their positions for years.

我来点评其他网友
楼层：7楼

1）amber_123网友提纲的框架是否合理？
框架与题目切合，属于第3类分类方式。但是按照老师的提纲格式来写会更清晰。
2）amber_123网友提纲所用的例子是否合适？
合适。但是感觉PIE model中的information有点多，相比起来elaboration显得比较少。
3）amber_123网友开头段语言方面有哪些问题？
mustn’t这个用法不合适。seriousness of laws感觉不是很好。

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15楼

发表于 2017-8-20 23:01:15 |只看该作者

03/03/2014
The Embargo of Cuba: Time to Go- Becker
The US embargo of Cuba began in 1960, a year after Fidel Castro turned this island toward communism. It was extended to food and medicines in 1962, the same year as the showdown with Russia over the installation of missiles there. The embargo has prevented American companies from doing business with Cuba, and discouraged tourism to Cuba. The American government also tried with quite limited success to prevent other countries from trading with Cuba.

In general economic embargoes are undesirable because they interfere with free trade among countries. Yet a case could be made for an embargo against Cuba. Castro not only allowed Russian missiles to be installed in Cuba, just 90 miles from Florida, but was also actively trying to interfere in other countries by sending troops and so-called advisers. The aim of the embargo was to impose economic hardship on Cuba that would force Castro to drop these international actions, and possibly even lead to the toppling of his government and the end of communism in Cuba. Castro did stop his international adventurism, but he and communism remained firmly entrenched for decades.

16.Some people believe that in order to be effective, political leaders must yield to public opinion and abandon principle for the sake of compromise. Others believe that the most essential quality of an effective leader is the ability to remain consistently committed to particular principles and objectives.
Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.

TS:How to maintain a relatively high effect is a debatable issue.Especially for the political leaders,they should consider about how to ensure the overall stable of the society.As far as I am concerned,on the cases related close to the happiness and daily lives of people,leaders should are persuaded to listen the advice from the public.When it comes to the executives of the law,leaders must be solid impassive and persist to their principles.

ts1: For the first part,let me explain why I think it is dispensable for the leaders make compromise to their people. As for the work really close to the people’s daily lives,leaders should listen to them and make promotions
-For example,public equipment is always being revised and the designers tried their best to provide the convenience for the public.I remember once at the subway in Beijin,I saw the introduction of the newest lower-path designed especially for the disabled people,which is constructed after a series of suggestions of the citizens,received compliments mostly.However,the design before which are condemned for the most time,built only by the isolated purpose.Thus,the leaders are persuaded to listen the suggestions from the people when it comes to the decisions related very close to their daily lives.

ts2 On the other hand,people would challenge if all the things should be discussed with the public,how to ensure the efficiency as well as the stableness of society?There no doubt that when it comes to the laws,leader should be as impartial as possible and stick to the principles.
-Take the case of education of example,if both children at the same age,but one comes from a decent family with power and pecuniary advantages,the other comes from an totally impoverished family.They involved in an crime case and both were arrested,however,as for the venality,the one from the better family received less punishment.If the equality of law reflected like this,I don’t think there is any need to have it.As a result,the leader should persist to their principles and be solid impartial to the executives of the law.

ts3 Last but not least,I’d like to qualify my explanation.Even though stick to the principle of law is of advantage of the most time,there are exceptional cases.For example,the resource of people is not always equal,actually,is not equal for most time.To be specific,the chances for people vary a lot.Unfortunately,when the inequality caused a poor boy to defend himself by attacking the one who bullied him.This situation,for the sake of the ethos,we need to give a chance to him,instead of escaping the penalty,but less.

分析主题段1
For the first part,let me explain why I think it is dispensable for the leaders make compromise to their people. As for the work really close to the people’s daily lives,leaders should listen to them and make promotions.For example,public equipment is always being revised and the designers tried their best to provide the convenience for the public.I remember once at the subway in Beijin,I saw the introduction of the newest lower-path designed especially for the disabled people,which is constructed after a series of suggestions of the citizens,received compliments mostly.However,the design which was condemned for amount of time,built only by the isolated purpose.Thus,the leaders are persuaded to listen the suggestions from the people when it comes to the decisions related very close to their daily lives.

我用红色标出来了逻辑词，用黄色标出来了key word
我觉着还算coherence