independent writing

zdnfkkUID: 3372787

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support?

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.


From my perspective, I disagree with the statement that at universities and colleges, sports and activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support. And I will show you the following reason why I think so.

First, as we know, sports and social activities are a important part of university life, because doing sports will have a great benefit of keeping a health body to live and learning ,making friends, doing own favourite things, and social activities can increase the skill of making new friends and learning how to get well with others .It is necessary for universities and colleges to attain financial support which is used to increase infrastructure of sport and crease more chances for students to face our society.

However, the most significant purpose of students is having classes to learn knowledge which can train independence thinking mind, form the capacity of overcoming difficulties, increase the capacity of learning skills, and find favourvit things and the aid of life. And those things are the key of living in the society. If the administrations think highly both of physical and learning extent, it must weaken the quality of learning and doing scientist research, and the universities cannot engage with outstanding professor to teach the students. Consequently, students cannot receive good classes. Therefore, universities and colleges should support more resource and financial support to classes and libraries.

Obviously, universities and colleges life should have a sensible proportion of learning and sports and social activities, and we cannot miss both of them.But,we should put more finance support in learning and it is the standard of universities and colleges to educate their students to be successful.

Finally,I think that classes and libraries should receive more financial support than sports and social activities.

mpromanusUID: 2565872

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support?

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.


From my perspective, I disagree with the statement that at universities and colleges, sports and activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support. And I will show you the following reasons why I think so.

First, as we know, sports and social activities are an important part (It's hard to decide whether an 'and' phrase should be plural or singular, so I personally prefer to avoid this grammatical difficulty by saying '<something> and <something> constitute/form an important aspect/part of <something>'.) of university life, because doing sports will have a great benefit of keeping a health body to live and learning ,making friends, doing own favourite things, and social activities can increase the skill of making new friends and learning how to get well with others (It took me quite a while to figure out you go back to using '-ing' forms here in the 2nd half of the sentence because this part is actually meant to be parallel with '..have a great benefit of keeping..', instead of with '..a healthy body to live'. As the 2nd phrase is closest thing before that 'and', the assumption will be that you are 'and'-ing with 'to live', rather than 'of keeping..'. So, to make things clearer, you should add a 断句 before this 'and', so people will know this 'and' part is not with the thing that's immediately before it, but with something further back: '..a great benefit of keeping…to live, and learning, …'). It is necessary for universities and colleges to attain financial support which is used to increase theinfrastructure of sports (Two things here: 1. 'infrastructure' is usually a mass noun like 'water', so you normally don't just 'increase' it, but 'increase the amount of' it; 2. 'infrastructure' is a collective term of supporting buildings and developments for something or in some location, so you normally say infrastructure 'of a city', and infrastructure 'for better education', but not the other way round.) and crease (You mean 'create'?) more chances for students to face our society.

However, the most significant purpose of students is having classes to learn knowledge which can train an independence thinking mind (Either 'independent thinking', or 'independent mind' or 'thinking mind', but not everything thrown together without proper noun phrase structure.), form the capacity of overcoming difficulties, increase the capacity of learning skills, and find favourite things and the aid ('aim'?) of life. (Don't insist on throwing out complex noun phrases for the sake of pumping up your word count. Use short, straight-forward verb phrases e.g. '..which can train independent thinking, hone learning skills, help to overcome difficulties..') And those things are the keys of living in the society. If the administrations think highly both of physical and learning extent (I do not understand this. The administrations of what? What do you mean by 'physical extent' and 'learning extent'? 'extent' of what?), it must weaken the quality of learning and doing scientific research, and the universities cannot engage with outstanding professors to teach the students. Consequently, students cannot receive good classes. Therefore, universities and colleges should support more resources (You don't 'support' resources, but 'allocate' them..) and financial support to classes and libraries.

Obviously, universities and colleges life should have a sensible proportion of learning and sports and social activities, and we cannot miss both of them (If you say you cannot miss 'both' of them, it means literally you only cannot miss 'both' of them, which means you can miss 'either' one of them as long as you don't miss both two..what you wanted to express, I think, was actually 'cannot miss either of them'.). But, we should put more finance support in learning and it is the standard of universities and colleges to educate their students to be successful.

Finally, I think that classes and libraries should receive more financial support than sports and social activities.

总结：

你的语法用词神马的都不错，但是 1. 表达有很多看得出直翻，尤其在长句子里，绕啊是绕的来。。；2. 论述只有说理，题目特别指明要求specific example你都没有。。3. 题目有两个重点：as important as; should receive equal financial support. 你的文章只明确地提到financial support这一点，对importance的比较有论述，但是没有很明确地说出more important这话来。。而且题目提出这两个点，我认为是有一点意图说因为同等important所以应该拿同等financial support，所以reasoning的时候也应当明确地分成两步：因为xxx更加important所以应该拿更多financial support。

zhlifa08UID: 3397298

修改的很赞，学习了，lz也写得很好

秋雨荆州UID: 2903781

zhlifa08 发表于 2012-12-15 23:43
修改的很赞，学习了，lz也写得很好

有兴趣可以拿ro老师前几期的修改铺学习一下呀~:lol

zhlifa08UID: 3397298

秋雨荆州 发表于 2012-12-15 23:50
有兴趣可以拿ro老师前几期的修改铺学习一下呀~

嗯嗯，在看呢