@茶叶蛋炒饭@第一次作业 issue212 请组员跟帖

fly-2011UID: 2707582

212.If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable
Increasingly influenced by pragmatism and utilitarianism, the author asserts that when a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable. However, as for me, I would contend that no matter how worthy the goal is, the means taken to attain is must be reasonable and sensible.

In the economic area, the primary goal is to improve profits and decrease expenses, yet the illicit way to obtain it is unjustifiable. For instance, the Mengniu Dairy Factory produces various kinds of dairy products and hit the row for several years in our country. These products are diverse from drinks to ice-creams, and they are catering to citizens from infants to the older group. What shocked us last year was the factory produced some kinds of milk which contains a chemical element harmful to consumers' lives. Though the factory could gain profits dramatically during a short period, it lost its consumers' trust forever. They added the chemical element for the sake of gain much more profits and reduce expenses on dairy product, yet they ignored the consumers' health condition especially some very young infants, who are too young to defend the toxin to harm their body. Moreover, if an employer focus on rise his company's profits and decrease its expense, but ponder upon little about his employees' physical and mental health, then the company could not maintain its position in the long term. We can conclude that only the reasonable and sensible means could obtain these goals while the illicit goal may harm a company forever more.

In the educational system in college, the professor's goal is to improve his knowledge skill and do contributions to our society. On the contrary, many professors strike the balance between researches and make profits for themselves. The Shiyang River is facing with pressing environment problems at the moment as a result of water scarcity and humans' overuse. Our President visited this arid region for several times and encouraged citizens to protect this place from being disappear, just as the Ancient State of Loulan. Professors in one of the northwestern colleges do researches on this arid region. To be disappointed, more researches results in more pollution, the professors do no pragmatic things but made the condition worse and worse. The only benefit they get may be research experience and money. The fact tells us that only through careful work and right objective can they have value to this country. Without true individual value, they could do their own work rather than harm the environment and obtain money and position in our country. Some professors even do not care their students a little and do their own work. We cannot but accept the truth that such educational system has no help to our society and even waste a lot, which should be resisted.

In the political field, the politician's goal is to lead the country through the correct route as well as maintain people's rights. For example, Abraham Lincoln, serves as the sixteenth President of the United States, complained that he was constantly beleaguered by job seekers waiting to ask him for political appointments or other favors. Lincoln put up with the annoyance rather than risk alienating some associate or friend of a powerful politician or opinion maker. He set up fine political system which favors most citizens in the United States. His lost caused the residents' grieve. On the contrary, in the feudal society in China, the unhealthy leadership caused social instable and the masses' poverty. Just as it portrayed in the novel, Dream of the Red Chamber, demonstrate people's bad life at that time. In line with the fast developing technology, people strive to get their own rights. These historical facts demonstrate that a good leader should maintain his people's rights and life quality, which in turn propel the society moving forward in the long run.

In sum, we can safely come to the conclusion that when a goal is worthy, not every means but the reasonable and legal ways are encouraged. Only guarantee these justifiable means could we improve the society wholesomely.

niyinanUID: 2693578

ISSUE212 - "If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable."
Living in a world fraught with marvelous opportunities and fierce competitions, every individual and every institution have goals that direct them what deserves their efforts and energies and time while dominating every behavior of them. surviving in a society can not live without goals, for numerous times we wonder the principle and methods of attaining the goal, the speaker asserts that any means taken to achieve a goal that is worthy is justifiable. As for me, I disagree with the speaker since he fails to take a fuller consideration of the nature of the goal and his principle of any means is justifiable to attain a goal is so extreme that may harm our society in various realms.

The speaker seems to assume that every goal can be characterized as worthy or unworthy, however, along with the development of our society in nearly every realm, the problems and challenges we are faced with are no longer pure white or pure black, they are grey ones. The goal to solve those problems or challenges becomes controversial, no one can define a goal as a worthy one or a unworthy one. An apt illustration involves in the development of cloning technology. The advances in cloning technology is companied with numerous questions and suspicions, cloning technology has been under fierce debates since the emergence of it. Public and sociologists oppose the development of cloning since it may bring devastating results to our society, in face of cloning human, our traditional morality and principles would be teetering on the brink of collapse, as we can not draw a consensus as to whether those cloning humans should enjoy the human rights such as freedom, vote rights and so forth traditional human beings embrace, how to define the relationship between the cloning person and its original individual. However, many scientist supports such technology unjieldly for advances in such realm would exert positive impact on medicine, through cloning, many fatal diseases that cannot be cured today could be solved and human beings are able to gain a strong body and lead a healthy life. Thus , the goal of cloning is a controversial goal no one can define whether it is worthy or not. The speaker fail to take into account that our society is composed by different and diverse individuals possessing various thoughts and values due to their educated level, cultural backgrounds, religion beliefs and so on, it is hard for them to hold a same attitude towards every issue, including a goal..

The speaker not only ignores the complexity of defining the goal, but also fail to take the nature of the measures taken to obtain the goal into consideration. As is known to all, everything has two sides—beneficial side and detrimental side, ignorant of the side effects of the measures may amount to addressing pressuring social problems. For instance, few people will oppose the development of economy, since without increasing economy, it is impossible for us to embrace abundance of goods and services and lead a happy and leisure life. However, if we develop our economy at the expense of environment, we would suffer from polluted air, dirty water, more strange and fatal diseases, then the level of living would undoubledly decrease sharply and our civilization would stagnate, even setback. So, in order to reap the sustainable and long term benefits from our measures, it has vital importance of evaluating both the positive and negative sides of them, and choose ones that could maximize the benefits and minimize the harmness of them.

Having recognized the faults of the statement, by no means should we deny that such statement is of certain value under some conditions. For example, before Edison saw the first light of the bulb, he had tried more than 1400 kinds of materials and nearly any measures that were possible to achieve his target had been taken, without the unjeiding persistence of edison, the prevalence of bulb may delayed for unknown time, and people may still live in the darkness and the development of industry would slow down. Thus, this statement also has a positive effect in the realm of scientific researching.

From what has been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that the statement overlooks the difficulties in defining whether a goal is worthy or not and loses a comprehensive consideration of the side effect of the measures taken to achieve a goal.
  

niyinan(塞纳)改懒蚂蚁
【212】. If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable.

只要值得，不择手段达到目的是合理的。
提纲：一，不同意作者的观点，要弄清楚worthy和 justifiable的判断标准。我们要用合理的方法取得成功。

二，
关于if a goal is worthy 的讨论。个人层面（不能危害了其他人和社会这个整体）和社会层面（要符合大众的利益而且不能危害大众的利益，还不能被一些人或政党绑架）。


三，即使一个目标是worthy的，达到这个目标的方法也必须得要合理，合法。个人的目标怎么样？（被社会唾弃或者被法律惩罚）社会的目标怎么样？（引起群众的不满，动乱甚至是冲突）

四，即使有时候会用一些不太好的手段获取成功，但是这种成功是建立在利益大于支出的基础上的。实现这种目标的方法是合理的。

五，我们要用合理的方法取得有意义的成功。为社会和个人创造最大的利益。

In our contemporary society, there is a controversy over the issue that whether the means taken to attain a worthy goal is justifiable, no matter it is noble or low. In my opinion, great attention must be paid to the worth of our goals and the justice of the ways we use. In a sense, we should achieve our objectives appropriately.

In the first place, a full understanding of the worth of a goal is necessary. Everyone treats the goal which brings them benefits as a worthy one in the reason of human's egoism. Nevertheless, since people live in a society, their benefits interacts with others’ of the society, and no one can deny that one's achievement must not base on the consumption(at the expense) of other people's interests. On the one hand, any individual's goal should not jeopardize the benefits of the others or the society as a whole, if not beneficial to them. On the other hand, the goal of an organization, a nation or the society should propel the improvement of its members instead of bringing harm to them or being utilized for the personal purpose. Only all these aspects are available can a goal be considered worthy.

In the second place,
after determining the worth of a goal(中文的感觉。。。换个说法感觉好一点。。。。), we will（should？） use all we have to make the goal come true. Does it mean that every means we use to achieve the goal which is proved to be worthy is justifiable just as the author asserts? Absolutely no, our processes for getting the foal must be conformed to our morality and laws. If an individual attains his or her destination in an irrational way, everyone of the society treats him or her as a loser rather than a successor. What's more, he or she may be punished by law if the damage they bring to the society is huge. An apt example is the Madoff's crime of fraud. He swindled so much money that he was judged into prison for 150 years.（个人感觉还能写得再好一点。） On the other side, when it comes to the society's goal, the method used to accomplish it must be built on the whole society's benefits. If not, insurgences, even incidences of violence, may come up. No wonder there were so many demonstrations outside the conference of Cobenhagen. Because this conference, viewed as one essential step of solving the problem of green house, did not consider benefits of many little island countries. So only through proper means can we get the goal hopefully, happily and effectively.

What's more, some processes that harm someone's benefits do exist in our society. Can we view them as lawless? I do not think so. Firstly, the goal it achieves, in other words, the benefits it gets through this way, is obviously more than what it costs. Secondly, though ？some harm it brings to our society, it does not violate the law. At last, no one treats it as an ugly thing because of the advancements it emerges. After thinking about this deeply, we conclude that this kind of means is also an appropriate way to success.（没有例子，感觉不是很有说服力；还有就是合不合法好像并不能说明是否值得。）

To sum up, using appropriate ways to get the significant goal is justifiable. By doing so we make more benefits for our society and ourselves as well.

整体感觉，说理还是不错，但是缺乏例子，加上必要的例子会更加饱满，个人看法。呵呵。
感觉很好，句式词汇丰富，逻辑也比较清楚。

BryanpengUID: 2705644

snow的作文


反对这种观点
例子一:为了得到高分而作弊 ,扩展,吉林高考舞弊案
例子二::为了方便而不考虑后果.垃圾袋,一次性饭盒等造成的白色污染,一次性筷子使用导致森林减少,水土流失严重,造成沙尘暴等
总结:好的想法好的创意要经过思考,努力实现,但要顾及后果,不能不择手段.

If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable

A great goal may make one succeed, make a lot of profits to many people , and maybe it can also change the world. But even the goal is worthy , can any means taken to attain it is justifiable? I think this view is too extreme. Now I give some my opinions.

On one hand, the goal may bring you a lot of profits in the future , but we should know whether it is lawful. Not only do the parents hope their children can get a high mark at the college entrance examination ,but also the students want to join the colleges or the subjects which are their dreams. Even everyone has a lot of colleges and subjects to choice, they want the best one. As we all know, the compete in the college entrance examination is very fierce in China .There must be a lot of students can not get a enough mark to be admitted to the college which he choosed. As a result, he may make himself dejected, make the teacher, his parents disappointed, he can not achieve his goal ,his dream .So in order to achieve his goal ,he take other method . At the college entrance examination of 2009 in China ,a lot of students from Jilin province cheat .They  used money to buy answers from others. They used telephone to send messages to deliver answers . Also they may  earplugs . Even they get good marks which they dream ,they affected other students’s profits. They offensed the law. Their results had been canceled and they may never to achieve their goal to join in the college.

On the other hand ,the success of our goal  is a double-edged sword . It can not only bring benefits to us ,but also it can also have a bad effect to us. For convenience when we go shopping ,we invent the plastic .For convenience and healthy when we have meals in the restaurant ,we cut trees to make disposable chopsticks .What is the result? The abandoned plastic which is well known as “white pollution” is very difficult to decomposition .It is harmful to the environment .The government spend a lot of money to treat it and creat new things to instead it.Funnily, the plastic is considered  as the worst creation in the 20th century. As so many trees cut down ,  it bring a series of questions. Desertification, sandstorm, soil and water loss and so on .The influence and the loss which it lead to can not be evaluated.

So even the goal is worthy ,before we do it ,we must take a lot of things into consideration .Whether it is lawful ,whether others have opposite to it ,whether we can use other methods that is better to do it ,what is the result after we have done it etc. Not any means taken to attain it is justifiable.

Athena.missingUID: 2710486

Increasingly influenced by pragmatism and utilitarianism, the author asserts that when a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable. However, as for me, I would contend that no matter how worthy the goal is, the means taken to attain is must be reasonable and sensible.

In the economic area, the primary goal is to improve profits and decrease expenses, yet the illicit way to obtain it is unjustifiable. For instance, the Mengniu Dairy Factory produces various kinds of dairy products and hit the row for several years in our country. These products are diverse from drinks to ice-creams, and they are (去掉, 个人觉得用分词更好一点) catering to citizens from infants to the older group. What shocked us last year was the factory produced some kinds of milk which contains a chemical element harmful to consumers' lives. Though the factory could gain profits dramatically during a short period, it lost its consumers' trust forever. They added the chemical element for the sake of gaining much more profits and reducing expenses on dairy product(去掉, 这样profit和expense的对照性更强一些), yet they ignored the consumers' health condition especially some very young infants, who are too young to defend the toxin to harm their body. Moreover, if an employer focus on rising his company's profits and decrease its expense, but ponder little upon his employees' physical and mental health, then the company could not maintain its position in the long term. We can conclude that only the reasonable and sensible means could obtain these goals while the illicit goal may harm a company forever more.

我觉得后面的moreover部分有些牵强了.
乍一看以为是和前面联系在一起的,  其实是想说另外一个方面,又没有更多的解释说明, 有点不知所云的感觉.

In the educational system in college, the professor's goal is to improve his knowledge skill and do contributions to our society. On the contrary, many professors strike the balance between researches and make profits for themselves. The Shiyang River is facing with pressing environment problems at the moment as a result of water scarcity and humans' overuse. Our President has visited this arid region for several times and encouraged citizens to protect this place from being disappeared, just as the Ancient State of Loulan. Professors in one of the northwestern colleges do researches on this arid region. To be disappointed, more researches result in more pollution,as(两个简单句不能直接并列) the professors did no pragmatic things but made the condition worse and worse. The only benefit they get may be research experience and money. The fact tells us that only through careful work and right objective can they have value to this country. Without true individual value, they could do their own work rather than harm the environment and obtain money and position in our country. Some professors even do not care their students a little and do their own work. We cannot but accept the truth that such educational system has no help to our society and even waste a lot, which should be resisted.

In the political field, the politician's goal is to lead the country through the correct route as well as maintain people's rights. For example, Abraham Lincoln, serves as the sixteenth President of the United States, complained that he was constantly beleaguered by job seekers waiting to ask him for political appointments or other favors. Lincoln put up with the annoyance rather than risk alienating some associates or friends of a powerful politician or opinion maker. He set up fine political system which favors most citizens in the United States. His lost caused the residents' grieve. On the contrary, in the feudal society in China, the unhealthy leadership caused social instable and the masses' poverty. Just as it portrayed in the novel, Dream of the Red Chamber, demonstrate people's bad life at that time. In line with the fast developing technology, people strive to get their own rights. These historical facts demonstrate that a good leader should maintain his people's rights and life quality, which in turn propel the society moving forward in the long run.

论述了political leaders的 goals.  通过对比来说明.
我想.能不能事先就提出你的favor, 写一个小的主旨句, 阐明即使是同一个目的, 不同方式会给民生造成不同的结果..
不然这么看.就是单对比.没有说明.striking的力度不够.

In sum, we can safely come to the conclusion that when a goal is worthy, not every means but the reasonable and legal ways are encouraged. Only guarantee these justifiable means could we improve the society wholesomely.

思路很清晰. 致使文章结构也很清晰.这方面我需要学习~
不过鸡蛋里挑骨头..
我觉得整篇文章的长句过多, 读的时候没有喘气的机会. 不轻松..
以后可以试试长短句交错使用?
我的写作老师说这是中国学生普遍的英语作文现象.
不是越多从句和并列句就越好.

Athena.missingUID: 2710486

13# link424
收到..谢谢~~~

mikestoneUID: 2734495

塞纳，我根据你的文章写了一篇，修改的比较犀利，希望对你有帮助，其他的问题，咱可以在群里面相互交流。这些都是我个人的看法，其他达人肯定也有自己很好的见解，欢迎一起讨论。


As for me, I disagree with the speaker. We should take a further consideration of the essential of a goal first. In addition, the assertion, that any means taken to attain a worthy goal is justifiable, is so extreme that may harm our society in various realms.
(即使开头放一个大帽子，将来评审你作文的人也只会看这几句。还有就是，别管speaker说了什么，他只是给你一个话题让你说说你的看法，就好像他说了一句一会要下雪，不管他基于什么说的，你只管说你的，你可以说一会要下雪，也可以说一会不会下雪,你只管写你的理由和依据。不必深究他到底基于什么理由。)

To begin with, if a goal is harmful or contradict to morality and laws, even it is worthy to somebody or some groups, any means to attain it is unjustifiable, because, the results will harm our society anyway. For example, cloning of people or organs of people are worthy to some badly injured patients, and if the technology is mature, it will benefit some organizations and merchants. However, it contradicts to morality, causes tremendous serious social problems and incurs chaos. Therefore, any research of cloning people is unjustifiable and is limited by our government. So, we must make sure that our worthy goal is harmless; otherwise, any means to attain it is a waste of time and will be punished.
(我想我基本上把你的观点总结出来了，我希望的结构就是，开头和结尾是表观点的，中间是例子，然后跟上论证过程。还是要注意，不要猜测作者到底基于什么假设，因为人家没有说，人家只是给了你一个话题让你表明你的观点。)

If the goal is worthy and harmless, we should choose an appropriate approach to attain it. As we know, there are usually several means. Some of them are beneficial, while others are detrimental. Those detrimental methods should be ignored for the following three reasons. The first is that: Some means may damage society directly. For example, someone wants to make money by selling drugs. This will be harmful to the health of those who use drugs and destroy their lives. Other examples, such as steal, robbery and pirate, can be easily provided. If these means are justifiable, why does government punish this kind of criminals? The second is that: Some means may cause problems that damage our lives. For instance, to make more profits, a factory drains poisonous water into river directly. Although the factory lowers the cost, the river is deeply polluted. These means seemed justifiable 200 yeas ago, since no one realized environment problems. However, nowadays not until it meets the secure standard, drainage from a factory is permitted. Therefore, these means are unjustifiable, and the government may establish laws and standards to limit them. The third is that: The efficiency of some means may be lower. We say these means are harmful, because they cost too much energy, resource, time or effort, such as the mathematical calculations. We have computers now; however, 60 year ago, mathematicians calculated the equations themselves. The results given by computers may be imprecise, but sufficient. They can save a lot of time, especially in weather forecasting. Therefore, if person-computation is justifiable in all times, it is of no use to raise computers.

(这段你想说的就是，每个事物都有两面，比如发展经济就必然会带来污染，但是我们要生存和发展就必须发展经济，所以我们应该考虑正反面，这样才可能最大的利益和最小的损害。这就是因为对作者的观点转了牛角尖才造成的。你没有说是不是为了一个worthy goal，所有的means都是合理的，这才是全文要表明的。所以我把我的观点加过来了，我也刚开始写，文笔不好，仅作参考。)

From what has been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that we should set a worthy and harmless goal first, or any means to attain it is unjustifiable. Then, since there are usually several means to fulfill a goal, we have to choose an appropriate one.
(个人的观点是开头和结尾简单的把全文的论点概括一遍，否则就会显得拖泥带水的。)

最后用中文总结下全文的思路。
首先，说明，如果目标就有害，所有的方法都不合理，因为结果都一样。
其次，目标很好，但是方法有选择，有些方法好，有些不好，不好的方法又有三类，1直接的害处，2间接地害处（也就是产生一些附加问题）3效率低下（比如高耗能，费时间），所以应该选择一个合适的办法。

shenxianhuUID: 2455394

9# yeshen2010
感谢yeshen2010的修改，两个建议都很有帮助，不过第一个did我还是觉得用does的好，呵呵

cycy881125UID: 2625420

3.22@AlanC


In the dictionary, goal represents the end toward which efforts is directed, then worthy means that something is valuable and meaning for us to do. So a worthy goal might lead us to take effort to attain it. However, the measures we take to accomplish it should be in control and must be within limits so that it is justifiable.
Undoubtedly, only if we have a worthy goal, which would give us power and strength to confront the obstruction, we should do our best to take action to achieve it for the goal would symbolize the desire of our mind, it is meaningful to accomplish for us so that our way of life might benefit from it. Then during the process, no matter how hard or how rugged the road might be, if we could ultimately go to the end, every measure we have ever taken should become the experience, and then every mistake we have made would be the treasury for us so as to lay the foundation for the next step. To exemplify this point convincing, here’ an case that is very strong, in the medical domain, every research for the disease is of importance, then relative to the physical condition of we human being, so it is to carry out that is necessary, then it would improve the technology of health care, ultimately promote our life quality.
However, in my opinion, only if the means which is with legal restraint and limits could be reasonable, since in our society, the law is a rule of conduct enforced by a controlling authority, everyone should be restrained by law. With limits, these action might not interfere the social order, even benefit others. But if something without control or limits represents the infinite power, and one out of legal restraint, if we take the actions without control, we would not predict the range it might affect so that we could not evaluate the consequence it may bring out. Nuclear power is power produced controlled nuclear reactions. Nowadays, more than 14% of the world’s electricity came from nuclear power. This huge power would make more contribution to our community. But some organizations or even nations provoke the conflict with the abuse of this power. Moreover, the use of nuclear power without control would make the social order confused. So the legal utility of nuclear power could make a contribution to the world.
To sum up, although one’s goal might be worthy, one must accomplish it with the control of law and also consider the influence to others. After all, we human are in the same world, we would rather donate ourselves to the world’s health development rather than do something out control of law which is harmful to the world, and in this way, the goal will be more meaningful.

cycy881125UID: 2625420

修改18楼作文：

If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable

A great goal may make one succeed, make a lot of profits to many people, and maybe it can also change the world. But even the goal is worthy, can any mean taken to attain it is justifiable? I think this view is too extreme. Now I give some my opinions. 我感觉是不是有必要在第一段把自己的Thesis Statement写出来呢？修锐的建议是要在文章的第一段给出一个能够概括下文各段的Thesis Sentence。

On one hand, the goal may bring you a lot of profits in the future , but we should know whether it is lawful.（Topic sentence） Not only do the parents hope their children can get a high mark at the college entrance examination ,but also the students want to join the colleges or the subjects which are their dreams. Even everyone has a lot of colleges and subjects to choice, they want the best one.（个人感觉这两句话和你的Topic sentence没有太大的关系，我觉得写完topic sentence以后应该紧接着写a.用于解释的的主题句的句子。b.这个主题的目的是什么。C.写例子验证你的主题。） As we all know, the compete in the college entrance examination is very fierce in China. There must be a lot of students （who）can not get a enough mark to be admitted to the college which he （has）choosed（chose）. As a result, he may make himself dejected, make the teacher, his parents disappointed, he can not achieve his goal ,his dream .So in order to achieve his goal ,he take other method . At the college entrance examination of 2009 in China ,a lot of students from Jilin province cheat .They used money to buy answers from others. They used telephone to send messages to deliver answers . Also they may  earplugs语法错误 . Even they get good marks which they dream ,they affected other students’s （students’）profits. They offensed the law. Their results had been canceled and they may never to achieve their goal to join in the college.
（用于验证这段话的例子不符合阅卷老师的要求:1.不应该用中国国内的事例，很大的禁忌
2.这个例子写的比较啰嗦，应该尽量的精简。3.例子应该和主题呼应，不要写太多了，绝对不能用例子来凑字数）

On the other hand , the success of our goal  is a double-edged sword.（我感觉这句话是不是有歧义，既然是成功的例子，就不应该是双刃剑，就应该是一个双赢的结果。我感觉你想表达的应该是：一个有价值的目标应该会有正反两面，它可能是对自己有价值的，但是却会对他人造成负面的影响。所以说我感觉你不应该用success这个词，是不是应该换一个词呢？） It can not only bring benefits to us ,but also it can also have a bad effect to us. For convenience when we go shopping ,we invent the plastic .For convenience and healthy when we have meals in the restaurant ,we cut trees to make disposable chopsticks .What is the result? The abandoned plastic which is well known as “white pollution” is very difficult to decomposition .It is harmful to the environment .The government spend a lot of money to treat it and creat（create） new things to instead it. Funnily, the plastic is considered  as the worst creation in the 20th century. As so many trees cut down ,  it bring a series of questions. Desertification, sandstorm, soil and water loss and so on .The influence and the loss which it lead to can not be evaluated.
（还是一样的毛病，例子的陈述太冗长。而且例子的篇幅占到段落的60%以上，缺少对主题的分析和论证。）

So even（个人感觉你应该是想让步，EVEN没有让步的意思，可以用even if or even though or although and so on） the goal is worthy ,before we do it ,we must take a lot of things into consideration .Whether it is lawful, whether others have opposite to it, whether we can use other methods that is better to do it, what is the result after we have done it etc（这句话是不是前一句的从句？我感觉如果不是的话，那语法就有点问题了，如果是的话，那就是你的标点用错了）. Not any means taken to attain it is justifiable.

总结：你的文章条理性逻辑性比较不好，而且在用词方面比较单调同时比较啰嗦。在对各段主题句的验证说明方面，做的很不够，基本没有写，只是用了例子来说明这个是不行的，例子只能是很少的一部分。应该在主题句后面多加解释才行。而在例子的使用方面应该使用美国人历史生活有关的实例，少用或不用中国事例。
但是，你文章的框架已经能够基本上确立了，段落结构已经比较明显了。

以上观点是我的个人意见，正确性有待考虑。
希望大家相互帮助…

niyinanUID: 2693578

niyinan(塞纳)改snow的作文
反对这种观点
例子一:为了得到高分而作弊 ,扩展,吉林高考舞弊案
例子二::为了方便而不考虑后果.垃圾袋,一次性饭盒等造成的白色污染,一次性筷子使用导致森林减少,水土流失严重,造成沙尘暴等
总结:好的想法好的创意要经过思考,努力实现,但要顾及后果,不能不择手段.

If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable

A great goal may make one succeed, make a lot of profits to many people , and maybe it can also change the world. But even the goal is worthy , can any means taken to attain it is justifiable? I think this view is too extreme. Now I give some my opinions.

On one hand, the goal may bring you a lot of profits in the future , but we should know whether it is lawful(不必是lawful，unjustifiable就可以).（加一部分，直接举例子太唐突了） Not only do the parents hope their children can get a high mark at the college entrance examination ,but also the students want to join the colleges or the subjects which are their dreams. Even everyone has a lot of colleges and subjects（disciplines）
to choice, they want the best one. As we all know, the compete in the college entrance examination is very fierce in China .There must be a lot of students can not get a enough mark to be admitted to the college which he choosed. As a result, he may make himself dejected, make the teacher, his parents disappointed, he can not achieve his goal ,his dream .So in order to achieve his goal ,he take other method . At the college entrance examination of 2009 in China ,a lot of students from Jilin province cheat .They  used money to buy answers from others. They used telephone to send messages to deliver answers . Also they may  earplugs . Even they get good marks which they dream ,they affected other students’s profits. They offensed the law. Their results had been canceled and they may never to achieve their goal to join in the college.（感觉有点乱啊，说的不条理，呵呵）

On the other hand ,the success of our goal  is a double-edged sword . It can not only bring benefits to us ,but also it can also have a bad effect to us. （搭配问题）For convenience when we go shopping ,we invent the plastic .For convenience and healthy when we have meals in the restaurant ,we cut trees to make disposable chopsticks .What is the result? The abandoned plastic which is well known as “white pollution” is very difficult to decomposition .It is harmful to the environment .The government spend a lot of money to treat it and creat new things to instead it.Funnily, the plastic is considered  as the worst creation in the 20th century. As so many trees cut down ,  it bring a series of questions. Desertification, sandstorm, soil and water loss and so on .The influence and the loss which it lead to can not be evaluated.（这个塑料袋和一次性筷子，本身是否值得没有说，前后结构不饱满。句子有些简单。）

So even the goal is worthy ,before we do it ,we must take a lot of things into consideration .Whether it is lawful ,whether others have opposite to it ,whether we can use other methods that is better to do it ,what is the result after we have done it etc. Not any means taken to attain it is justifiable.

结构不好，太简单了。句子需要整合，多用复杂一点的句式。论证方法也有问题，没理解题目，和我一样。改的不多，感觉需要整体的提升，没法具体改，呵呵。个人见解。

sonia0318UID: 2674482

[email=2.22@sonia]2.22@sonia[/email] Issue212 第一次作业
TOPIC: ISSUE212 - "If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable."
WORDS: 620
TIME: 00:43:46
DATE: 2009-12-26 14:59:41

The speaker claims that any means to achieve the goal which is worthy is justifiable. Adimittedly, human society can make progress because of valuable
and worthy goals. However, from my personal perspective of this issue, the speaker's statement seems to be too extreme. Many facts have given us lessons that if we just make every effort to achieve the goal without considering if the means is proper or rational, then we may make irrevisible and unforgivable mistakes.

From the perpective of economy, industry is an essential measure to improve the Gross Domestic Produce(GDP), which is the total value of goods and services produced in a country over a period of time. However, as
industry release an increasing
amount of
carbon dioxide to the atmosphere through burning
of fossil fuels, drive vehicles, the temperature of earth has
increased in average which is known as greenhouse effects. Even though it still doubts how much the temperature will rise, it is quite certain that global warming have led to a rise of sea level, changes if precipation and climate, a wide rage of impacts on plants, wildlife and humans. On the other hand, as the atmosphere warm, the glacier and ice sheets will melt , especially for ice sheets around Greenland ,and swell the sea ,some
islands even never exist in some years later. Besides, the hazarsous waters which is dischaged by
paper factoris and chemical industry are generall toxic ,reactive , corrosive or ignitate. For example,in 1950s and 1960s,the residents living near Mimanata Bay, Japan ,developed nervous disorders ,tremors and paralysis in a mysterious epidemic. More than 400 people died before authorities discovered the a local industry had releases
mercury into the bay which accumulated in the bodies of human . The tragic result warns ur that
we should not sacrifice
human's health to attain the economic purposes. There is a lot of methods to improve GDP. However such extreme method should be abolished because it is cruel and detructive. It is never justifiable to achieve a seemly goal whith a sacrefice of people's healths.

From the perspective of academy, commen facts tells us the contests in the academic circles is more and more keen nowadays. In 2004, a team of
South
Korea
led by Woo Suk Hwang of Seoul University anounced that they
had
cloned human embryos capable of reaching the blastocyst stage and hand suceed in extracing stem cells from one of embryos. However, a university panel later determined that Hwang's research was fabricated. Hwang resigned his position from the university. After a trial lasting 3 years, Hwang was given a two-year sentences suspended for three -year by Soeul Central District Court. Many observers believed clone research was likely to received a major setback in funding as a result of fraud . From my persprctive of this issue, Hwang's action is by no means justifiable. He
has broken the bound of morality ,ethnic, and even the law. After all ,means to achieve the goal should be restrained by morality, ethnic and laws.

From the perpecitive of politics, the total tyrant ,Adolf Hitler, who is generall regarded as the one who converted Germany into a fully militarized society and launched World War II. To achieve his goal of empire the world , he became more and more ambitious and finally ruined much of Europe and lead to thousands of deaths. The facts tells us to anticipate the result which our means may bring about before we strive to achieve the goal.

To sum up ,we should take many things into consideration such as: morality ,ethnic and laws, the results before we do it. Not all the means is justifiable. Just try to avoid the possible bad results before we do it.

BryanpengUID: 2705644

snow(bryanpeng)改sonia0318的作文

The speaker claims that any means to achieve the goal which is worthy is justifiable. Adimittedly(admittedly), human society can make progress because of valuableand worthy goals. However, from my personal perspective(是不是用view更好,此词汇当观点用的时候较少) of (to)this issue, the speaker's statement seems to be too extreme. Many facts have given us lessons that if we just make every effort to achieve the goal without considering if(换做whether较好) the means is proper or rational, then(去掉) we may make irrevisible(irreversible) and unforgivable mistakes.

From the perpective(拼写错误) of economy, industry is an essential measure to improve the Gross Domestic Produce(GDP), which is the total value of goods and services produced in a country over a period of time. However, asindustry release(releases) an increasing amount of carbon dioxide to the atmosphere through burningof(of去掉) fossil fuels, drive(用动名词,前后一致) vehicles, the temperature of earth has increased in average which is known as greenhouse effects.(这句话几个层次不搭边,工业释放通过燃烧化学燃料,开机动性汽车导致大气中二氧化碳含量增高,气温升高…..太乱了) Even though it still doubts how much the temperature will rise, it is quite certain that global warming have(单复数) led to a rise of sea level, changes if precipation and climate, a wide rage of impacts on plants, wildlife and humans. On the other hand, as the atmosphere warm, the glacier and ice sheets (可以去掉)will melt , especially for ice sheets around Greenland ,and swell the sea ,someever exist in some years later. Besides, the hazarsous waters which is dischaged bypaper factoris and chemical industry are generall toxic ,reactive , corrosive or ignitate. For example,in 1950s and 1960s,the residents living near Mimanata Bay, Japan ,developed nervous disorders ,tremors and paralysis in a mysterious epidemic. More than 400 people died before authorities discovered the a local industry had releasesmercury into the bay which accumulated in the bodies of human . The tragic result warns ur thatwe should not sacrificehuman's health to attain the economic purposes. There is a lot of methods to improve GDP. However such extreme method should be abolished because it is cruel and detructive. It is never justifiable to achieve a seemly goal whith a sacrefice of people's healths.

From the perspective of academy, commen facts(事实还是常识?) tells us the contests in the academic circles is more and more keen nowadays. In 2004, a team of SouthKorea led by Woo Suk Hwang of Seoul University anounced that theyhadcloned human embryos capable of reaching the blastocyst stage and hand suceed in extracing stem cells from one of embryos. However, a university panel later determined that Hwang's research was fabricated. Hwang resigned his position(没用) from the university. After a trial lasting 3 years, Hwang was given a two-year sentences (was sentenced)suspended for three -year by(the) Soeul Central District Court. Many observers believed clone research was likely to received a major setback in funding as a result of fraud . From my persprctive of this issue, Hwang's action is by no means justifiable. Hehas broken the bound (limit是不更好些)of morality ,ethnic(词性要一致), and even the law. After all ,means to achieve the goal should be restrained by morality, ethnic and laws.

From the perpecitive of politics, the total tyrant ,Adolf Hitler, who is generall regarded as the one who converted Germany into a fully militarized society and launched World War II. To achieve his goal of empire the world , he became more and more ambitious and finally ruined much of Europe and lead (时态)to thousands of deaths. The facts tells us to anticipate the result which our means may bring about before we strive to achieve the goal.

To sum up ,we should take many things into consideration such as: morality ,ethnic and laws, the results before we do it. Not all the means is justifiable. Just(当什么讲) tryto avoid the possible bad results before we do it.(Try our best to ensure that we can avoid the possible bad results before we do it)

这篇文章语法错误,拼写错误比较多,尤其是主谓一致,单复数,时态方面,.有些词汇个人感觉还是用常用一点的好,虽然有些高级词汇有你想要表达的意思,但那些词义并不常用,不建议采用.
第一次的论述我感觉很乱,帮你整理一下思路,首先工业可以使GDP提高,改善人们的生活,但不考虑后果不择手段的加强工业可能导致大气中温室气体增多,进而引发一系列问题影响到人们赖以生存的环境及人类的健康.所以这种不顾后果的形式不可取.
第二次论述的第一句貌似跑偏,学术界的竞争激烈并不是导致他造假的原因,个人感觉可以直接写他为了荣誉,金钱,名利等不择手段造假导致被揭穿,最终受到惩罚比较好.

总体上讲问题一:拼写,语法错误较多.
            二,调理不够清晰
            三,貌似没有论据
            四,以后要排版哦
优点:词汇较为丰富,开头结尾还可以,句型难易结合挺好.
其实我的作文水平可能是群里最烂的了,以上有不对的地方忘见谅啊,呵呵

BryanpengUID: 2705644

SNOW修改3.22@AlanC的文章


In the dictionary(不明白是什么意思), goal represents the end toward which efforts is directed, then worthy means that something is valuable and meaning(meaningful) for us to do.(第一句话你想表达什么呢?很有问题) So a worthy goal might lead us to take effort to attain it. However, the measures we take to accomplish it should be in control and must be within limits so that it is justifiable.

Undoubtedly, only if we have a worthy goal, which would give us power and strength to confront the obstruction, we should do our best to take action to achieve it for the goal would symbolize the desire of our mind, it is meaningful to accomplish for us so that our way of life might benefit from it. Then during the process, no matter how hard or how rugged the road might be, if we could ultimately(多余) go to the end, every measure we have ever taken should become the experience, and then every mistake we have made would be the treasury for us so as to lay the foundation for the next step. To exemplify this point convincing, here’ an case that is very strong, in the medical domain, every research for the disease is of importance, then relative to the physical condition of we human being, so it is to carry out that is necessary, then it would improve the technology of health care, ultimately promote our life quality.

However, in my opinion, only if the means which is with legal restraint and limits could be reasonable, since in our society, the law is a rule of conduct enforced by a controlling authority, everyone should be restrained by law. With limits, these action might not interfere the social order, even benefit others. But if something without control or limits represents the infinite power, and one out of legal restraint, if we take the actions without control, we would not predict the range it might affect so that we could not evaluate the consequence it may bring out. Nuclear power is power produced controlled nuclear reactions. Nowadays, more than 14% of the world’s electricity came(comes) from nuclear power. This huge power would make more contribution to our community. But some organizations or even nations provoke the conflict with the abuse of this power. Moreover, the use of nuclear power without control would make the social order confused. So the legal utility of nuclear power could make a contribution to the world.

To sum up, although one’s goal might be worthy, one must accomplish it with the control of law and also consider the influence to others. After all, we human are in the same world, we would rather(去掉) donate ourselves to the world’s health development rather than do something out control of law which is harmful to the world, and in this way, the goal will be more meaningful.

优点:1.文章词语单复数形式,时态,词汇词性,固定搭配,语法错误较少
     2.很多语句很漂亮
缺点:1没有论据,论点
     2.有些句子很精彩,但貌似前后句关联并不是很大,不应该刻意为了使句型美观,复杂而故意把一句话弄成很长,有很多的地方翻译并不很通顺,甚至不搭边的上下文放到了一起.
       3.感觉你的文章和大家的很不一样,貌似对ISSUE的写法理解上有很大的偏差,感觉这篇文章需要重写.
       个人的一点建议,你可以看看群里其他同学的文章,或者再请他人帮看看你的文章.