ISSUE修改铺 BY 银~(版主missingusa注: 此修改铺暂停修改)

银落UID：2632560

感觉最近求拍的板油很多。。。而正值寒假。。。AW的考试也快临近。。。
so。。。开一个issue修改铺。。。也给bela减轻点压力。。。

不过。。由于最近自己也在复习ibt的考试。。以及clover组内的计划和工作安排。。。
so。。。暂时两天修改一篇。。。修改前请把语法，拼写等检查好。。。

习题发布的格式按照stefana版主发的帖子所说的哦。。。

单日的早上八点开始。。发的第一篇。。我会去改。。。呵呵。。
遇到换月。。。则单变双~
so。。。2月变为双日改作文~

原则上。。。一周内不改同一人。。。

先修改铺暂停修改

银落UID：2632560

汇总楼层：
1/27   hyq533    issue70            done
1/28   saybia      issue136          done
1/29   小夏         issue131          done
1/31   jellyjar      issue112          done
2/2     xiemeng   issue221          done
2/4     jinziqi       issue73            done
2/6     susan       issue243          done
2/8     panpancx  issue121          done

小灵易碎UID：2733622

帮顶~！加油落落大人~

StefanaUID：2143510

占楼支持　

银落UID：2632560

有空的话~我和你一起改吧~~
Bela1229 发表于 2010-1-26 21:37

本来就是想减轻bela一点压力的。。bela开个argu的嘛。。。》《。。。

没有落。。是因为。。我喜欢银啊。。呵呵。。

flearUID：2533174

大好人~

JulymayUID：2645085

支持~落落大人加油……鞠躬感谢~

vital-dustUID：2756355

写的第四篇，貌似很不好的样子。。。可不可以指点一下。。

221、The chief believe of the study of history is to break down the illusion that people in one period of time are significantly different from people who lived at any other time of history.

As the wheel of time turns, many things change. Nations rose then destroyed, oceans became plains. Caveman were hunting animals and collecting fruits in most of their lifetime; now we sit in front of computers and transit ourselves from boxes to boxes called buildings or cars. However, the speaker asserts that people are significantly changed as time passes by is an illusion that should be break down, which consists the main belief of studying history. As far as I concerned, I concede that essential transform of human mind has not taken place during the long history, nevertheless, it’s controversial to claim that realizing it should be the chief purpose of history study.

First of all, although advanced technologies such as telephones, TVs, internet and lap-top computers have changed our daily lives immensely, the instinct of human beings does not change that much. An old Chinese saying said: "It's easier to destroy a country than to change a man." We human beings existed now through harsh trials as the so called natural selection, by which we gained many special characteristics that is deeply planted in our genes, such as competition and ambition for power. Also, the many weaknesses involved jealousy, greed, and selfishness has always been keeping a company with us from the time when the first caveman hided and stored food from his tribe, to the many wars in history during which large amount of soldiers and common residents died only for the fulfillment of their kings, till now there is still stealing and lying among us for the sake of personality defects. Besides, accompany with us are still unchanging morals; love, kindness, tolerance and appreciation of beauty closely connect us with our ancestors.

There are numbers of rewards for understanding that. When heightened the awareness of the connection between people from different periods, we would feel safe thus know better how to gain knowledge and avoid or solve problems according to the experience from ancestors. Assuming that if a scientist confronts of a man-sided question which coincidently has been pondered over by an ancient scientist, in result of despising the intelligence of ancient people, he may brush pass an inspiring idea. Thanks to the study of scientific history, we all know that ancient people are as clever as, sometimes more clever than, modern scientists, and predecessors’ works have enlightened them on many significant inventions and discoveries. In addition, the sense of connected with the past can strengthen faith and courage in face of the future, as well as conquer the feeling of loneliness and helpless which has recently taken place in high mechanized society.

However, although humans ourselves haven’t changed significantly, we cannot ignore the obvious truth that the relationship between human and the nature does change a lot. In antiquity, people’s lives totally relied on and were controlled by the natural environment. They cannot change the natural world. Toward the nature, their attitude is respect even worship. After the industril revolution, people changed weather, cut down forests, thought they had conquered the nature. Nowadays, we realize nature is not to be conquered , but to be cooperated with. Hence, if we blind our eyes and narrow our minds so that we can only see human beings ourselves in the lengthy history, we may not exist long in the future because of our arrogance.

In addition, we should not ignore those detriments caused by one-sided attitude towards history. In fact, to claim that nor people or our relationship with nature has changed much is negative viewed from several aspects. Firstly, it unfairly prevents us to take notice to our great effort and progress to gain a better understanding of the world and become a better specie. Secondly, it will strongly upset those who believe in advancement and works hard for a better future. Besides, in fact, we are becoming more tolerant towards different culture, strange people and groups holding opposite opinions, we are protecting the environment from polluting: all indicate that we are becoming more cultural. In short, seeing only the similarities without improvements between us and our ancestors is not only harmful but also untrue.

To sum up, although people haven’t changed essentially in different period of time, we need to look for a bit more balance between similarities and differences, while broaden our outlook beyond humans.

hychlavenderUID：2697566

昨天晚上写的一篇比较头疼的艺术类：https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/thread-1055423-1-1.html

望落落大人给予狠批~

ieyangj08UID：2743219

强烈支持：）

银落UID：2632560

TO saybia


“The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare.”

As the speaker’s claim that（北美范文式开头，好坏我也不想说，主要是自己觉得可行不可行。） the absence of choice is a rare circumstance, I basic(basically) agree with it. In fact, unless one is in unconsciousness circumstance or be forced to do something (perhaps illegalor这个是什么单词？
the nature disaster), you have already made your choice whatever do or not to（to去掉）. However, no action is still a choice.如果我是考官，我会认为这一句是TS。
这一段，显得太过单薄了。中心是同意题目。然后就没有分段的层次了。只有一个中心点。而这个中心点，其实一句话就够了。直接说choice exists everywhere no matter whether people realize it.

Our lives are full of choices, both in mentally and physically, indeed.这句作为TS我觉得实在是太短了。文章中的句子短可以，但是中心句一定要复杂句~ While a loving couple have dating（dated。。have后面的动词应该是过去分词吧= =+）, they can choose to have a meal or nourish（nourish是营养吧，怎么可以放在这里？） their sense to see a movie together; while decide（deciding） to eat, they can choose to have a meal at home or go to the restaurant; while go out, they also can choose a cheaper one or not; while in restaurant, more and more food can be chosen for them.这一些排比如果用词和句式再更到位一点就好了 Not to mention our daily lives filled with thousands of actions and thoughts.（需要点名，full of actions and thoughts和many choice之间什么关系）
Any previous chooses can lead to countless follow-ups. In today’s freedom world, unless we go against something illegal or unlucky to meet a nature disaster（这里我不是特别懂你的意思，illegal和nature disaster有什么关系呢） as well as these irresistible things, how could we meet a circumstance of no choice?结尾处何必加这一句呢？你是想说选择出处在，但是没必要特意去反驳题目里的观点。

其实这一段，是想说选择有很多，然后举了个例子对吧。但是，lz有没有觉得，这一段一句话就ok了呢？直接用个例子表示出现象，说选择其实很多，然后lz应该说点到底是为什么选择会那么多，但是这点却没有提到。

What we must acknowledge is that a no choice circumstance almost happens subjectively.(这句TS很突兀，在开头第一段也没有提出过，再第二段的结尾也没有过渡转折，突然就来了这么个句子) People say they have no choice is not because they have no chance to choice（choose） but actually they don’t want to make choices for the reason of
lacking dynamic（想说缺少动力吗？dynamic是指身体上的动态啊，不是心理上的。Lacking motivation）, or even, the condition to support their decision is too poor so that they feel hopeless to choose. Consider a student graduated from university full of ambition, unfortunately, the competition is so stiff（tough） that the gap between ideal and reality seems unbridgeable. Neither the graduated student willing to be mediocrity nor could he realizes his ambition. Thus, the circumstance of absence of choice happens. This graduated student loses his target full of depression and sadness.这两句之间最好再点明一下，graduated student 怎么就没选择了。因为沮丧失去目标而没选择？还是因为自己高不成低不就而没选择?还是两者结合？要分析清楚。 Another good example is that a normal boy falls in love with a beautiful girl, or rather, falls in deep, one-sided love with this girl regardless of own condition. It is a normal phenomenon of youth, nevertheless, the bad thing is that this boy neither wants to marry a normal girl nor does he dare to express himself for the reason of fear of rejection. Thus, the circumstance of absence of choice happens.又举了一个例子，其实没有必要了。一个细节性的例子足以。不然，纯粹是用例子来代替自己的思考和辩论了。文章就没有灵魂了。 Secret love seems to be a huge rock block this normal boy’s inner mind and deny his other choices.

这一段的点评基本都放在文章里了。这一段的立场很好。但是lz应该多增加下深层次的原因。为什么人们会觉得没有选择？只是单单说环境问题和缺乏动力，都只是外因，没有分析到位。真正的原因其实在于人本身，妄想好的，却因为自身的实力不足追求不到。却又自傲，而不愿意从基层做起。于是陷入两难的境地。看似没有了选择。然后lz应该再点出，其实他有哪些选择，比如他可以继续深造，以追求自己的目标。或者从基础一步一步去建筑梦想的高楼。这样写，是不是会血肉丰满一点？

In fact, these “no choice” circumstances is not the really no choice objectively. （这一点不就和上一段重复了吗？转换成中文，一个是说没有选择是主观原因，一个说在客观上时有选择的。这两个本质上是一个问题啊。）While facing several frustrated ways in people’s lives, we already have choices. The key to make these choices is to keep our faith. Besides, how can you know the result since you even don’t want to have a try? Perhaps the graduated students could finally stand out from the crowd through his hard-working. Perhaps the normal boy could finally gain that beautiful girl’s heart because of his genuineness. Abraham Lincoln can be regarded as one of the greatest American presidents is not just because of his leading talent but also his spirits of keep on fighting and never give up his choice, as well as Ludwig van Beethoven, a musician who could still keeping on creating the greatest music project regardless of his deafness. Every great man is sure to be a determined people. Admittedly, choices are always around us.
这一段文字上我没有修改，主要看逻辑。其实，这一段就是讲了我刚刚建议的，他们在看似没有选择情况下的，其实有许多选择。但是lz却把重点放在了他们选择了以后的成就。但是真正的重点是他们有选择，而这个选择往往不是通往理想的道路。但是他们依然有选择。只是他们不愿意去面对选择之后的事情。

To sum up, unless we meet the irresistible situation, we always have many choices in our lives. Of course, the more effort we pay, the more gains we will have. Choices are always there, the key is whether we can discovery it or not.

总结：文章的用词有点生涩，所以对词语的把握需要加强。语法有些地方错误非常严重，我基本在第一二三段指出来了，后面的就没有进行修改了。文章的词语之间总是会漏打空格，希望lz以后把文章放上来以后可以先自己再好好检查一下。其次，文章的手法是属于只有血肉，没有灵魂。用大量的事实来写，却没有充分分析正真的原因。思想分析得不够透彻。其次，段与段之间没有联系，没有转折词。这让段之间显得很不连贯。

请继续加油。

zhaohanUID：2595904

。。。。我也好想被拍。。。
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/thread-1055578-1-1.html

wl851112UID：2516029

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=1055591&extra=
没感觉的一篇，请求指导~~

银落UID：2632560

昨天晚上写的一篇比较头疼的艺术类：https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/thread-1055423-1-1.html

望落落大人给予狠批~
hychlavender 发表于 2010-1-29 08:00

已经修改完成

银落UID：2632560

。。。。我也好想被拍。。。
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/thread-1055578-1-1.html
zhaohan 发表于 2010-1-29 15:53

请看第一页的修改要求