duck的独立作文，自1月30日

duck2010UID: 2757376

1.30 - Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Governments should spend more money on improving public transportation than on improving accessing internet.
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(以下是考虑“小心littleheart”和“baitao8866”的修改建议后的最新版本。感谢他们的宝贵建议！)

There is a warm discussion, with sharply risen volume, as whether governments should spend more money on public transportation or on asscessing internet. Regarding this issue, I suggest governments spend more money on improving public transportation than on improving accessing internet. Here are my reasons followed.

At first, I admit that both of public transportation and internet accessing are of great importance, and both of the two worth governments' investment. Public transportation plays a key role in social economy and public life. People need bus and subway to travel, as well as Companies need high way, railway and airline to boost conveyance efficiency. Without a good condition of public transportation, the whole society would be like a nightmare. I live in Beijing, the public transportation of which still leaves too much to be desired. Every day in the rush hours, millions of cars and buses stop to wait in long queue in streets, moving so slowly that I always hear drivers complaining about and cursing the bad traffic jam. At the same time, spending money on Internet accessing improvement is also worthwhile. Internet is not only where people chat with friends and watch movie, but more like a cyber public transportation. The only difference between the two is that, the cyber public transportation enables information flow fluently, instead of material things. The fluency of information currents directly effects the quality of communication on line, no matter in personal, business or governmental affairs.

However, personally, I suggest governments place more emphasis on improving public transportation rather than on internet accessing. First, compared with internet accessing improvement, public transportation improvement project always requires a larger amount of social resources, thus costs much more money. For example, according to the statistics from ifeng.com, the largest portal website in China, the Beijing subway construction project cost *** Yuan per meter on average. Therefore, by nature, public transportation improvement needs more money. In addition, there are many business companies willing to invest money on internet accessing improvement. Although always in small scales, instead of nationwide, they do invest plenty of money and make a profit. In contrast, generally, the money spent on public transportation improvement is merely from governments, or from tax payers. From this point of view, governments should devote more money on improving public transportation.

To sum up, I believe that the improvement of both public transportation and internet accessing need money from governments. However, after a careful comparison between them on several aspects, I suggest governments spend more money on improving public transportation.


小弟不才，请路过的大侠们多多指教，非常感谢！

小心littleheartUID: 2726034

1.30 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Governments should spend more money on improving public transportation than on improving accessing internet. :

I suggest governments spend more money on improving public transportation than on improving accessing internet. Here are my reasons followed.

At first, I admit that both of public transportation and internet accessing are of great importance, and both of the two worth (deserve可能更好些) governments' investment. Public transportation plays a key role in social economy and public life. People need bus and subway to travel, as well as companies need high way, railway and airline to boost conveyance efficiency. Without a good condition (of) public transportation, the whole society would be like a nightmare. I live in Beijing, the public transportation of which still leaves too much to be desired (好词，呵呵~). Every day in the rush hours, millions of car (cars) or bus (buses) stop to wait in long queue in streets, moving so slowly that I always hear drivers complaining and cursing about the bad traffic jam. At the same time, spending money on Internet accessing improvement is also worthwhile. Internet is not only where people chat with friends and watch movie, but more like a cyber public transportation. The only difference between the two is that, the cyber public transportation enables information flow fluently, instead of material things. Whether the information flows efficiently directly effects people's communication on line, no matter in personal, business or governmental affairs."

However, personally, I suggest governments place more emphasis on improving public transportation rather than on internet accessing. First, public transportation improvement project, compared with internet accessing improvement, (Compared with internet accessing improvement,放在句首应该更符合习惯些吧) always requires (a) large mount (amount) of social resources, thus costs much more money. For example, according to the statistics from ifeng.com, the largest portal website in China, the Beijing subway construction project cost *** Yuan per meter on average. Therefore, by nature, public transportation improvement needs (可换词，使文章词汇丰富些，如requires) more money. In addition, there are many business companies willing to invest money on internet accessing improvement. Although always in small scales, instead of nationwide, they do invest plenty of money and make a profit. In contrast, generally, the money spent on public transportation improvement is (merely) from governments, or from tax payers. From this point of view, (或用Regarding this issue) governments should devote more money on improving public transportation.

To sum up, I believe that the improvement of both public transportation and internet accessing needs (need) money from governments. However, after a careful comparison between them on several aspects, I suggest governments spend more money on improving public transportation.


一个字“牛”，这篇文章很值得我们学习，语言毫无做作，言简意赅啊~除了一些粗心的小错误外~表达十分清楚，观点也很明确，楼主的文章内容很充实，很丰富。用词也很多变~而且没有一点套用模版的感觉~~没得说了，好文章啊~，   

1

duck2010UID: 2757376

谢谢你的夸奖
我的文章还有很多问题的
相互学习，共同提高

2# 小心littleheart

duck2010UID: 2757376

谢谢你的修改建议
它们对于我来说非常具有参考价值
你的文章写得很好，且非常认真负责，修改得非常细致
我非常欣赏你的水平和态度 :)
非常感谢

我之前也考过一次GRE和托福
想比较而言，托福对于观点和论据的完整性和严谨性方面的要求，确实比GRE作文要宽松很多，只要自圆其说便可
呵呵，不过，在时间允许的条件下，写出一篇高质量的符合GRE作文要求的托福作文，精益求精，那自然是非常让阅卷老师欣赏的啦，哈哈

加油

3# baitao8866

皇甫秋荻UID: 2638790

拜读duck大作。逻辑果然厉害。颇有AW风范。学习ing。飘走。。。

duck2010UID: 2757376

2.2 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The best way to travel is being in a group led by a tourist guide.
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（以下是考虑jbc88和shirley072的修改建议后的最新版本。非常谢谢他（她）们的宝贵建议！）

As economy booms, touring is affordable to an increasing amount of Chinese. There is an ongoing discussion on line, with sharply risen volume, as “what is the best way to travel”. Many believe that the best way is being in a group led by a tourist guide. I personally disagree with their opinion. Instead, I prefer to travel with several good friends.

It is true that being led by a tourist guide has several advantages. For example, a tourist guide would give people more detailed information about certain visiting sites. Moreover, a tourist guide would plan the visit schedule for tourists, which would save them a lot of time and energy. However, there are several disadvantages with this way of traveling as well. First, people need to pay extra money to tourist guides, which, to some people such as me, might be too much to afford. Second, it is getting increasingly difficult finding a competent and trustworthy tourist guide nowadays. According to statistics from ifeng.com, the largest portal company in China, the number of tourists claiming that they have been cheated by tourist guides, has tripled during the past two years. This issue raises serious public concerns. In addition, people in a group might have various interests, which means a single plan might not satisfy all of them.

Compared with being led by a tourist guide, I believe traveling with several good friends is much more preferable. In the summer of 2009, I traveled to Tibet with my best friends. Instead of joining a group led by a knowledgeable tourist guide, we did a lot of homework before departure. After gathering comprehensive information on line about Tibet tourism, we successfully made a detailed travel schedule for ourselves. We were having such a good time there. This way of traveling would not only save people money and satisfy their specific interests, but also provides a great opportunity of promoting friendship. Being with some good friends and having fun with them, especially in a totally strange and good place, is such a great pleasure to me!

Based on those mentioned above, I would like to suggest traveling with good friends, rather than being in a group led by a tourist guide, as the best way to travel. I hope the other people would enjoy the great fun I once had with my friends on our Tibet tour.

shirley072UID: 2712200

As economy booms, touring is affordable to an increasing amount of Chinese. There is an ongoing discussion on line, with sharply risen volume, as “what is the best way to travel”. Many believe that the best way is being in a group led by a tourist guide. Personally, I disagree with their opinion. Instead, I prefer to travel with several good friends.

It is true that being led by a tourist guide has several advantages. For example, a tourist guide would give people more detailed information about certain visiting sites. Moreover, a tourist guide would plan the visit schedule for tourists, which would save them a lot of time and energy. However, admittedly（我觉得这里可以不用admittedly）, there are several disadvantages with this way of traveling as well. First, people need to pay extra money to tourist guides, which, to some people such as me, might be a big sum of money. Second, it is getting increasingly difficult finding a competent and trustworthy tourist guide nowadays. According to statistics from ifeng.com, the largest portal company in China, the number of tourists, who claim（直接说claim吧不要再用逗号隔开了，前面逗号太多，有点混乱了，后面的相应变化一下） that they have been cheated by tourist guides, has tripled during the past two years. This issue raises serious public concerns. In addition, people in a group might have various interests, which means a single plan might not satisfy all of them.

Compared with being led by a tourist guide, I believe traveling with several good friends is much more preferable. In the summer of 2009, I traveled to Tibet with my best friends. Instead of joining a group led by a knowledgeable tourist guide, we did a lot of homework before departure. After gathering comprehensive information on line about Tibet tourism, we successfully made a detailed travel schedule for ourselves. We were having such a good time there. This way of traveling would not only save people money and satisfy their specific interests, but also provides such a great opportunity of promoting friendship. Being with some good friends and having fun with them, especially in a totally strange and good place, is such a great pleasure to me!（such a貌似多了点）


Based on those mentioned above, I would like to suggest traveling with good friends, rather than being in a group led by a tourist guide, as the best way to travel. I hope the other people would enjoy the great fun I once had with my friends on our Tibet tour.


结构安排很好呢，如果要说只能说出无数优点
学习了啊！

duck2010UID: 2757376

2.9 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should not pay to the public transportation.
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以下为考虑“如是_ivy”、“小心little heart”和“slimh”的修改建议后的最新版本。谢谢他/她们的热情帮助！

There is a discussion, with sharply risen volume, as whether people should pay to the public transportation. While the majority believes that people need to pay to this, personally I do hold a different opinion. Here are my reasons.

First, I admit that to ask people to pay to the public transportation, as many suggest, has several advantages. The construction and maintenance of public transportation always involve large amount of social resources. The expenditure on this is so huge that people need to pay to the projects. For instance, according to the statistics from ifeng.com, the largest portal website in China, the Beijing subway construction cost 20,000 Yuan per meter on average. What is more, it has been estimated that the projects would hardly make ends meet, even though people have already paid for taking subway in Beijing. Thus, to lower the pressure of the high cost of public transportation, many give their advice that people should pay to this.

However, the issue raises a number of other concerns, which make me disagree with the majority. Nowadays, in China, an increasingly widening gap between the rich and the poor seriously threatens the social stability. Instead of taking bus or subway like the majority does, the rich men always drive their private own cars (usually a brand new BMW or Benz). At the same time, the majority, who usually work so hard to afford a set of low quality apartment, spend large amount of money on daily commuter. Moreover, due to an increasing number of private cars, the public transportation is facing serious pressure. For example, as a resident in Beijing city, I have such an unusual experience that I once spent two and half hour traveling 15km on bus. “There are just too many private cars on the streets now”, the bus driver has been complaining all the time, as I remember.

The reality in China is that public transportation is acting as a role of widening the gap between the rich and the poor. What is more, while taking over the majority of social fortune, the rich has put too much pressure on public transportation, generating inconvenience to all. Therefore, my opinion is that people should not pay to public transportation. The most money, if not all, spent on public transportation should be gathered by imposing heavy tax to the rich.

如是_ivyUID: 2704554

2.9 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should not pay to the public transportation.
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首先说明一下，我觉得题目很怪异。应该是pay for吧。开始准备改你的，然后发现题目就出的诡异了。所以下文中我都没有改。

There is a discussion, with sharply risen volume, as whether people should pay to the public transportation. While the majority believes that people need to pay to this(it是不是常用一点？), personally I do hold a different opinion. Here are my reasons.0 i- d' J6 A; h

First, I admit that to ask people to pay to the public transportation, as many suggest（as many have suggested）, has several advantages.（个人倾向于写，Admittedly, as many have suggested, to ask people to the public transportation has several advantages.感觉这样看起来顺眼点) The construction and maintenance （加个介词，至于是of 还是 for，我倾向于of）public transportation always involve large amount of social resources. The expenditure on this-->it is so huge that people need to pay to the projects. For instance, according to the statistics from ifeng.com, the largest portal website in China, the Beijing subway construction costs 20,000 Yuan per meter on average. What is more, it has been estimated that the projects would hardly make ends meet, even though people need to pay for taking subway in Beijing. Thus, to lower the pressure of the high cost of public transportation, many give their advice that people should pay to this.

b7 M4 O( M" v" c
However, the issue raises a number of other concerns, which make me disagree with the majority. Nowadays, in China, an increasingly widening gap between the rich and the poor seriously threatens the social stability. Instead of taking bus or subway like the majority does, the rich men always drive their private own cars (usually a brand new BMW or Benz). At the same time, the majority, who usually work so hard to afford a set of low quality apartment, spent large amount of money on daily commuter. Moreover, due to an increasing number of private cars, the public transportation is facing serious pressure. For example, as a resident in Beijing city, I have such an unusual experience that I once spent two and half hour traveling 15km on bus. “There are just too much private cars on the streets now”, the bus driver has been complaining all the time, as I remember.
个人觉得这一段语法没有什么错误，但是论证不够切题。无论是第一点贫富差距加大还是第二点富人给公共交通造成压力，都没有落点到公众不应该为公共交通建设买单。第一点只是描述了差距大，却没说为啥就因此不应该pay for transportation了。第二点同。

The reality in China is that public transportation is acting as a role of widening the gap between the rich and the poor. What is more, while taking over the majority of social fortune, the rich has put too much pressure on public transportation, generating inconvenience to all. Therefore, my opinion is that people should not pay to public transportation. The most money, if not all, spent on public transportation should be gathered by imposing heavy tax to the rich.
G的作文风格很明显。让步段不需要写那么多，T重在论证充分，把后面一段的观点夯实一下，加一下details论证，会更好。还就是让步段的感觉写的有点怪，我个人是在T里不写让步段的。
语言都不错，主要问题在于论证。

小心littleheartUID: 2726034

2.9 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should not pay to the public transportation.! F  B& L, Q) \1 d- t% x7 Q3 K
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There is a discussion, with sharply risen volume, as whether people should pay to the public transportation. While the majority believes that people need to pay to this, personally I (I personally好像更常见) do hold a different opinion. Here are my reasons.
$ _/ ?3 u9 K, U, V" t
First, I admit that to ask people to pay to the public transportation, as many suggest, has several advantages. The construction and maintenance（of） public transportation always involve large amount of social resources. The expenditure on this is so huge that people need to pay to the projects. For instance, according to the statistics from ifeng.com, the largest portal website in China, the Beijing subway construction cost 20,000 Yuan per meter on average. What is more, it has been estimated that the projects would hardly make ends meet, even though people need to pay (have paid这里用完成时比较清楚吧) for taking subway in Beijing. Thus, (in order) to lower the pressure of the high cost of public transportation, many give their advice that people should pay to this.
5 E/ v7 A; g/ ?0 J& }
However, the issue raises a number of other concerns, which make me disagree with majority. Nowadays, in China, an increasingly widening gap between the rich and the poor seriously threatens the social stability. Instead of taking bus or subway like the majority does, the rich men always drive their private own cars (usually a brand new BMW or Benz). At the same time, the majority, who usually work so hard to afford a set of low quality apartment, spent（spending） large amount of money on daily commuter. Moreover, due to an increasing number of private cars, the public transportation is facing serious pressure. For example, as a resident in Beijing city, I have such an unusual experience that I once spent two and half hour traveling 15km on bus. “There are just too much private cars on the streets now”, the bus driver has been complaining all the time, as I remember. （这里如果能在扩展一下就好了~感觉还想没说完，而且这个例子跟主题不是很贴切，not pay to public transportation, private cars就能减少么？交通状况就能变好么？ )

The reality in China is that public transportation is acting as a role of widening the gap between the rich and the poor. What is more, while taking over the majority of social fortune, the rich has put too much pressure on public transportation, generating inconvenience to all. Therefore, my opinion is that people should not pay to public transportation. The most money, if not all, spent on public transportation should be gathered by imposing heavy tax to the rich.

Duck全文还是一如既往的流畅， 尤其是缩小贫富差距的例子举得很好，很独特。词汇也很丰富，句式多样~只是你既然支持的是第三段的观点， 让步的那一段应该少一点吧，至少要明显比第三段少~这样可能更有说服力，主题也更突出啊~

slimhUID: 2438517

2.9 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should not pay to the public transportation.
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以下为考虑“如是_ivy”的修改建议后的最新版本。谢谢她的热情帮助！5 h- m( `; T1 ?

  D8 t
  ?3 u7 j+ P$ I1 f# [; o- m
There is a discussion, with sharply risen volume, as whether people should pay to the public transportation. While the majority believes that people need to pay to(for尽管题目里面写的是to。。) this, personally I do hold a different opinion. Here are my reasons.* t* n4

|3 G9 {' A7 o$ k  f: ~1 W
- K) Q! L6 J7 A! K5 ?& }# K
First, I admit that to ask people to pay to the public transportation, as many suggest, has several advantages. The construction and maintenance of public transportation always involve large amount of social resources. The expenditure on this is so huge that people need to pay to the projects. For instance, according to the statistics from ifeng.com, the largest portal website in China, the Beijing subway construction cost 20,000 Yuan(我看老美写的文章里面Renminbi更常用些),或者RMB) per meter on average. What is more, it has been estimated that the projects would hardly make ends meet, even though people need to pay for taking subway in Beijing. Thus, to lower the pressure of the high cost of public transportation, many give their advice that people should pay to this.

However, the issue raises a number of other concerns, which make me disagree with the majority. Nowadays, in China, an increasingly widening gap between the rich and the poor seriously threatens the social stability. Instead of taking bus or subway like the majority does, the rich men always drive their private own(有private就不需要用own吧？） cars (usually a brand new BMW or Benz). At the same time, the majority, who usually work so hard to afford a set of low quality apartment(为什么这里apartment是单数呢？), spent (签名 work是一般时态，这里spent是过去时，）large amount of money on daily commuter. Moreover, due to an increasing number of private cars, the public transportation is facing serious pressure. For example, as a resident in Beijing city, I have(建议用had) such an unusual experience that I once spent two and half hour traveling 15km on bus. “There are just too many private cars on the streets now”, the bus driver has been complaining all the time, as I remember. (如果这里在加上贫富差距大，所以穷人更应该不要付钱的总结就更好）

The reality in China is that public transportation is acting as a role of widening the gap between the rich and the poor. （为什么公共交通是加大贫富差距的东西呢？）What is more, while taking over the majority of social fortune, the rich has put too much pressure on public transportation, generating inconvenience to all. Therefore, my opinion is that people should not pay to public transportation. The most money, if not all, spent on public transportation should be gathered by imposing heavy tax to the rich.

总结：我觉得搂主语言运用方面绝对没有问题，已经到了一个境界了，就是观点问题上，倒数第二段更强调一下搂主的观点感觉会更好。继续加油！

duck2010UID: 2757376

2.10 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is important for families to regularly eat their meals together.
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I always hear people say "I am busy", when being asked to have fun together. The whole world seems to be getting increasingly busy, especially since the advent of modern technology. We are living in a style inconceivable only a few generations ago. There is an ongoing discussion, with sharply risen volume, as whether people should eat meals with family members. Personally I agree with the suggestion that people should. Here are my reasons.

It is happening everywhere that a large amount of people, with increasing numbers, seldom eat with their family. For example, I am a graduate student studying in Beijing. My hometown lies in Hunan Province in southern China. Except on the Chinese festival holidays, I would hardly go back home. I wish that I could eat meals with my dear parents every day. My mother cooks very delicious dishes, much more delicious than any dish cooked in any restaurant in Beijing city. However, too much work is left on my table, waiting to be finished. I also hear people say, “Our society is full of nothing but competition”. To fight for splendid future, I have to work hard. As it is with me, so it is with the many others, who are also striving to make better livings, always in a city remote from their hometowns.

Under this unique social condition, regularly eating meals with family members tend to be of vital importance. Regularly eating meals for families is not just eating. Instead, it provides a precious opportunity for people to communicate with their parents or siblings, through which process the affection between them is enhanced. People always find their homes the cheeriest places on earth. According to statistics from ifeng.com, the largest portal company in China, to those families who seldom eat meals together, the divorce rate and crime rate of the family members are 48% and 58%, respectively, higher than those who regularly do. The statistics also show that the less people eat with their family members, the more likely they would divorce and commit crime. This set of statistics has drawn people’s full attention. Although the exact cause and effect relation has not been clear enough, statistics do show that people are moving from office desk to dinner table.

It is very lucky that there are several holidays encouraging families to go back home and eat meals together. The most famous would be the Mid-Autumn Day and the Spring Festival. When the two holidays approach, people always try to leave their work aside, no matter how busy they are. It is time for going home to have a rest. By staying together with the other family members, including eating meals together, people show their deep affection to the others. Home has always been a place of love.

小心littleheartUID: 2726034

Duck：我觉得读这篇文章的感觉是很舒服的，虽然没有模版，没有华丽的句子，但是与主题非常贴近，而一篇文章最重要的应该是点题，我个人觉得比上一篇总体要好很多。因为这篇更自然，尤其是文章中有很多的细节和例子，你通过自身的一个很详细的例子得出自己的结论，这点应该很符合toefl作文的，如果在考场上你能根据主题想出这样一篇文章，那真的很不错。