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History informs us that sometimes blind loyalty to an iron tyranny could lead to a destructive result, however, loyalty as a virtue should not be disclaimed/blamed(这样用两个形容词有重复之嫌,感觉好像是从某个近义词表上粘贴来的,删掉一个). Loyalty is an essential element that brings the cohesion to an organization , no matter it is a school, a corporation or a nation. On the other hand, loyalty should be taken as a moral code (规则,准则,不过这个意思好像不那么常用,建议换成principle之类的)that directs our live(几个意思意识疏忽搞混了吧,应为lives).
Admittedly(admittedly应该再正负观点中作转折,此处用不上诚然, 无可否认地 这个意思啊~), undue loyalty could cause negative or even devastating result. The blood(bloody) history of World War II tells us that the loyalty to a cruel regime who deprive people of their lives and freedom could lead to social catastrophe: the bury of alive Jews and suppression/repression(删掉一个) of justice, and the Holocausts are forever nightmare and inedible shadow for the European people. However, if not for the people who sticked to their loyalty to Nazi , if not for the nationwide support from people who had blindly believe that what they did for their government would bring about a bright future , Hitler's regime would not had expanded all over the Europe and trampled on the continent . Thus, the loyalty to the inequitable tyranny could only bring a more grave result, rather than the beneficial achievement made by joint efforts.
On the other hand, loyalty is a two-side(double-edged更地道一些) sword, though sometimes quite destructive, in most times it is a positive force that would inject vitality and produce cohesive power to an organization. In modern times(上面用过times了,换一个era怎么样?) with the unavoidable trend of globalization, some of the tasks can only be done by team work, where loyalty plays an important role. The evolving of business giants such as Microsoft, Oracle, Google and Lenovo, to a large measure is attributed to loyalty. Take Lenovo, the Chinese multi-national corporation for example. During its growth from the local company to today's IT mogul, its leader—Liu Chuanzhi and all his subordinates have overcome many difficulties together. Zhang had said, (and I rephrased), if it were not the support from his staff and friends, Lenovo could not have overcome the financial crisis in 1998 and global recession in 2007 and 2008. On the other hand, Zhang was esteemed and admired by his employees as well. His employees love Lenovo and devote their life into it and try to make it the best. Due to the mutual efforts made by the loyal subordinates, Lenovo now is enjoying the limelight as a successful organization and possesses a large share in the computer market. Thus loyalty provides the cohesive force that lifts the morale and motives working, especially effective in today's competitive and complex environment.
Furthermore, in today's new and complex(多丰富一下词汇,用complicated更好) society where sometimes one is lost in the information and technology explosion, one should have some moral adscription to direct their life. Loyalty, sometimes equals to honesty, love, and devotion, is one the virtues that should be highly valued. If we have loyalty to our friends, then we would never betray them and take advantage of them by some illegal or dark/murky methods, thus loyalty to friends help us win others' hearts that ensures us a safe harbor in our life that sometimes we can also securely turn to when we are in trouble or tired. If we have loyalty to our school, then as students, we would try our best in absorbing knowledge and show grateful to our teachers who have already devoted all their lives to teaching us. Thus after we graduate and enter the society, we feel proud when our boss praises us and appreciates our school that we are belonging to. If we have loyalty to our country, we would dedicate our life with other people to bringing about a bright future for the society and for the new generation. In the final analysis, loyalty allows us to have indeed friends and true happiness, and it also builds the home for our heart, it’s your workplace, your school and your nation that you are passionate about and willing to devote to.(总觉得举例有点多了,都是泛泛地说,而且表达同一个意思,应该精简而又有重点)
In sum, though loyalty is sometimes destructive when devoted unduly, appropriate loyalty can help an organization gain cohesion which is essential in the operation. What's more, loyalty should be taken as a moral code that guides our life, and should be treasured to sever our spiritual needs alone(应该是along) with the success of the objective that we show our loyalty to.(结尾简练而全面,用词准确 很好)
思路清晰,扣题比较准确,逻辑上没什么问题,但列举还应该更具体,用词应该更丰富一些。要考试了,继续加油哈~ |
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