爱烤鱼的小伙的托福作文帖，请猛拍！

爱烤鱼的小伙UID: 2580692

3.18
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
A serious and strict teacher is more effective than a teacher who is humorous and easygoing..

The education of our offspring has always been the first concern of society. Recently there is a fierce debate about the quality of teachers. Some people believe that serious and strict teachers are more effective while others just hold the opposite idea. As far as I am concerned, qualities such as humorous and easygoing, rather than strict and serious, are the essential factors of a successful teacher.
Admittedly, being strict and serious does have its own effects, especially on those naughty students. I still remember that when I was in primary school, everyone, even those most naughty boys, strictly obeyed the rules required in math class since our math teacher was such a serious women that she was rarely seen to be smiling. No one dared to chat or play tricks on each other and all of us made every effort to meet her high standards, which finally led to a high score in every examination.
However, being serious also has its side effects. One of the shortcomings involves the problem that no student is willing to communicate with a strict teacher. The best illustration is the math teacher just mentioned above. Even when she was merely planning to ask a question to a certain student, the whole class would put down our head as soon as possible, with the fast beating heart revealing our extreme nervousness. On the contrary, easygoing teachers would create a compatible atmosphere, attracting students to come to them and share their feelings. This is a necessity of a successful education process since only when the teachers have understood students’ problems and needs can they be able to come up with ideas solving these problems.
Another advantage having to be mentioned is that a humorous and easygoing teacher makes classes more interesting and therefore ensures the teaching quality. Some subjects, such as math, physics and history are really exhausting and students would undoubtedly feel tired and weary after spending 2 hours or more on these subjects. However, a humorous teacher is able to refresh the students by telling a funny joke or playing an amusing short play and draw their attention back to the class.
In conclusion, despite the fact that a serious and strict teacher does work temporarily, being humorous and easygoing is more important if someone is to be a famous and successful teacher since only in this way can he/she hope to make students concentrate on courses and better communicate with them.

爱烤鱼的小伙UID: 2580692

3.19

Throughout our life time, there are a considerable number of people influencing us with their thoughts or behaviors. For students, besides their parents and other family members, the most influential people must be their teachers and friends. Some people believe that teachers are more influential than friends, while some others just hold the opposite idea. As far as I am concerned, friends affect us more efficiently since we spend a lot of time playing with them and communicating with them.
Admittedly, teachers influence us a lot. They give us instructions not only in our study but also in formation of our characters. In addition, from the perspective of students, teachers are thought to be people of great authority and respectful, which increases their influence on students as students would follow their guidance out of reverence.
However, despite the advantages mentioned above, I still strongly believe that it is our friends who influence us more. Firstly, we spend a lot of time with our friends and therefore, our behaviors would affect each other. It is not surprise to find out that a group of students, who spend most of their school time on staying with each other, are very alike in a certain respect, such as their dressing style and the way they talk. The best illustration is my own experience. I used to be a quiet and introvert girl who was even not dare to talk loudly in the public, but when I met my best friend, an easygoing and humorous girl in middle school, my parents were surprised to find out that a great change in my personality took place gradually: I was more willing to express my thoughts and even my voice became louder when communicating with others. In other words, whether this is good or not, when staying with friends, students can’t help imitating their behaviors in order to be “just the same” as their friends, a process of great importance in their characters and behaviors.
Besides the influence on behaviors, friends also have enormous impact on our thoughts. During a certain period of time, especially our adolescent ages, we always hold the belief that parents and teachers are too out of date to understand us. As a result, we only share our ideas with friends who are believed to be able to better comprehend us. Therefore, our friends’ opinions are gradually accepted as beliefs of our own, which greatly change our thoughts and thinking patterns.
In a word, we can safely draw conclusion from the statement above that friends are more influential than teachers not only on our behavior but also on our thoughts since we spend most of our time staying and communicating with them, and can’t help imitating them.

琳宝贝UID: 2719878

认真拜读了两遍，没有发现表达和语言上的错误，绝对的高手，第一次参加改作文就让我给碰上了，呵呵，唯一发现的不足之处就是在However 的那一段论述中，如果不在说同学不愿意回答老师问题的这个例子而把重点放在easygoing 老师的好处上是不是结构会更严谨一些呢？ 我觉得既然是支持观点就应该把重点放在自己的正面论证上，真的很长见识，水平有限仅供参考，，留下Q 多多请教，1220085758

51航海UID: 2738581

3.19  
Throughout our life time, there are a considerable number of people influencing us with their thoughts or behaviors. For students, besides their parents and other family members, the most influential people must be their teachers and friends. Some people believe that teachers are more influential than friends, while some others just hold the opposite idea. As far as I am concerned, friends affect us more efficiently since we spend a lot of time playing with them and communicating with them.
Admittedly, teachers influence us a lot. They give us instructions not only in our study but also in formation of our characters. In addition, from the perspective of students, teachers are thought to be people of great authority and respectful, which increases their influence on students as students would follow their guidance out of reverence. (这段可以放到倒数第二段，做让步)（这都是写的老师给学生的影响，没有和朋友的影响作对比，这就说服力不强）
However, despite the advantages mentioned above, I still strongly believe that it is our friends who influence us more Firstly, we spend a lot of time with our friends and therefore, our behaviors would affect each other. It is not surprise to find out that a group of students, who spend most of their school time on staying with each other, are very alike in a certain respect, such as their dressing style and the way they talk. The best illustration is my own experience. I used to be a quiet and introvert girl who was even not dare to talk loudly in the public, but when I met my best friend, an easygoing and humorous girl in middle school, my parents were surprised to find out that a great change in my personality took place gradually: I was more willing to express my thoughts and even my voice became louder when communicating with others.（这个例子不错） In other words, whether this is good or not, when staying with friends, students can’t（cannot,不能缩写，这是要注意的~~） help imitating their behaviors in order to be “just the same” as their friends, a process of great importance in their characters and behaviors（这个我觉可以写成：So it is inevitable that friends have  great importance in our characters and behaviors）.

Besides the influence on behaviors, friends also have enormous impact on our thoughts. During a certain period of time, especially our adolescent ages, we always hold the belief that parents and teachers are too out of date(这个表达不地道吧，unfashionable)[/color] to understand us. As a result, we only share our ideas with friends who are believed to be able to better comprehend us. Therefore, our friends’ opinions are gradually accepted as beliefs of our own, which greatly change our thoughts and thinking patterns.
In a word, we can safely draw a  conclusion from the statement above that friends are more influential than teachers not only on our behavior but also on our thoughts since we spend most of our time staying and communicating with them, and can’t help imitating them.

你是先做的让步，再论证的你的观点，我觉得作文应该先用论证字的观点，然后再作让步可能更好些。还有最好做一下对比，朋友在这个方面的影响是老师给不了的等等。总之，作者语言功底还不错，继续努力

爱烤鱼的小伙UID: 2580692

The education of our offspring has always been a heated discussed topic of society. Recently, there’s been a fierce debate about whether the habit of putting things organized would lead to success. Some people believe that students who are able to keep their own space clean and tidy have a larger chance to gain success in the future, while others just hold the opposite idea. As far as I am concerned, I strongly agree with the former opinion since keep things organized not only provides a compatible environment for students’ study but also is helpful in the development of their career.

Admittedly, we do have heard anecdotes about some famous figures making a considerable difference in their field while their labs or study rooms in a totally mess. And we sometimes feel it unnecessary to organize our rooms since it wastes a lot of time which would have been spent on reading and study.

‘However, what should be pointed out is the fact that sweeping our personal space and making it clean and tidy are actually of significant help for our study. First of all, a well-organized room, compared with a messy study room full of rubbish, provides a much more comfortable environment, which enables us to concentrate on our study. In addition, contrary to the concept that cleaning our room is a waste of time, an organized room would increase our study efficiency rather than decreasing it. Imagine one day you are in urgent need of an important book or a notebook, but it is buried under a number of useless things and you have to spend half an hour looking for it. What would you feel under such circumstance? Isn’t it a truly waste of time and energy? In other words, a well organized desk would help students increase their efficiency since they can find out whatever they want immediately as everything is put in order.

Another advantage of keeping a tidy room which has to be mentioned is that it helps in the formation of good habits. If students are used to putting everything in order, they would also bring this good habit to their work process. They are more likely to get their schedules well planned and finish tasks in a wise order, which is of great importance for their work performance and further influences their career development.

Based on the statement listed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that the habit of putting things in order increases students’ study efficiency and helps in the formation of their characters, which as a result, enhances their possibility of success in the future.

macaoUID: 2404395

The education of our offspring has always been a heated discussed topic of society. Recently, there’s been a fierce debate about whether the habit of putting things organized would lead to success. Some people believe that students who are able to keep their own space clean and tidy have a larger chance to gain success in the future, while others just hold the opposite idea. As far as I am concerned, I strongly agree with the former opinion since keep things organized not only provides a compatible environment for students’ study but also is helpful in the development of their career.觉得开头字数有点多，跟下面段落比较，个人觉得可以稍微精炼点
Admittedly, we do have heard anecdotes about some famous figures making a considerable difference（这个词不是很懂） in their field while their labs or study rooms in a totally mess. And we sometimes feel it unnecessary to organize our rooms since it wastes a lot of time which would have been spent on reading and study.有点单薄，让步的两点，每点都只说了一句，可以再多些
‘However, what should be pointed out is the fact that sweeping our personal space and making it clean and tidy are actually of significant help for our study. First of all, a well-organized room, compared with a messy study room full of rubbish, provides a much more comfortable environment, which enables us to concentrate on our study. In addition, contrary to the concept that cleaning our room is a waste of time, an organized room would increase our study efficiency rather than decreasing it. Imagine one day you are in urgent need of an important book or a notebook, but it is buried under a number of useless things and you have to spend half an hour looking for it. What would you feel under such circumstance? Isn’t it a truly waste of time and energy? In other words, a well organized desk would help students increase their efficiency since they can find out whatever they want immediately as everything is put in order. 这段我觉得写得挺好的，有观点有例子
Another advantage of keeping a tidy room which has to be mentioned is that it helps in the formation of good habits. If students are used to putting everything in order, they would also bring this good habit to their work process. They are more likely to get their schedules well planned and finish tasks in a wise order, which is of great importance for their work performance and further influences their career development. 意思递进的有点仓促，把东西放规整为什么就能导出对于工作是好习惯，你可以再加一句中间承接的话

Based on the statement listed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that the habit of putting things in order increases students’ study efficiency and helps in the formation of their characters, which as a result, enhances their possibility of success in the future.

提点小建议，有的地方模版的痕迹有点明显，但总得来说写得挺不错的个人以为，词用的也不是大众化的词。我也是第一次帮人改作文，提不出什么更有建设性的意见，继续努力祝你取得好成绩！

watergoodUID: 2691519

The education of our offspring has always been a heated discussed topic(简化为discussion/topic) of society. Recently, there’s been a fierce debate about whether the habit of putting things organized would lead to success. Some people believe that students who are able to keep their own space clean and tidy have a larger chance (more chance) to gain success in the future, while others just hold the opposite idea. As far as I am concerned, I strongly agree with the former opinion since keeping things organized not only provides a compatible environment for students’ study（provides students comfortable/suitable environment） but also is helpful in the development of their career(for their career development).
Admittedly, we do have heard anecdotes about some famous figures making a considerable difference in their field while their labs or study rooms in a totally mess(不明白这句的意思，是不是要说there are indeed numerous successful people who make great achievement in their own fields but keep their labs or study rooms in chaos). And we sometimes feel it unnecessary to organize our rooms since it wastes a lot of time which would have been spent on reading and study(两个概念有包含关系，可为 sports and study).
‘However, what should be pointed out is the fact that（这个表达个人觉得比较奇怪，而且后面所说的不是一个fact） sweeping our personal space and making it clean and tidy are actually of significant help for our study. First of all, a well-organized room, compared with a messy study room full of rubbish（可以省去）, provides (缺us) （去掉a） much more comfortable environment, which enables（enable） us to concentrate on our study. In addition, contrary to the concept that cleaning our room is a waste of time, an organized room would increase our study efficiency rather than decreasing it（这个表达严格来说有问题，contrary 的两者一个是一个concept，另一个是一个room。而且后半句rather than decreasing it啰嗦）. Imagine one day you are in urgent need of an important book or a notebook, but it is buried under a number of useless things and you have to spend half an hour looking for it. What would you feel under such circumstance? Isn’t it a truly waste of time and energy? In other words, a well organized desk would help students increase their efficiency since they can find out whatever they want immediately as everything is put in order(in place).
Another advantage of keeping a tidy room which has to be mentioned is that it helps in the formation of good habits(改为to form a good habit). If students are used to putting everything in order, they would also（改为tend to） bring this good habit to their work process. They are more likely to get their schedules well planned and finish tasks in a wise order（改为be good at planning and carry out their plans wisely）, which is of great importance for their work performance and (would) further influences their career development.

Based on the statement listed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that the habit of putting things in order increases students’ study efficiency and helps in the formation of their characters, which as a result, enhances their possibility of success in the future.


Based on the statement listed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that the habit of putting things in order increases students’ study efficiency and helps in the formation of their characters, which as a result, enhances their possibility of success in the future.

恭维的话就不多说了，主要提提意见，说得不对或者不知轻重的地方，请多多包涵：）
总体来说文章非常喜欢用名词或名词词组来代替动词和形容词，1-2个字可以说清的东西非要用3-4个字。转换表达方式可以，但总不要每处都是这样子。而且语言词汇表达比较啰嗦，总体读后给人的感觉不太清爽，词汇有点生搬硬套，语句表达上也有不清楚的地方。LZ加油