麻烦楼主改改给点意见 下周就考了

小鱼sharonUID: 2686816

题目：ISSUE73 - "In most professions and academic fields, imagination is more important than knowledge."
字数：422          用时：0:47:42          日期：2010-3-1

The author claims that imagination plays a more important role than knowledge in most professions and accademic fields. Admittedly, I concede that in some certain areas, such as art, imagination is more pivotal than knowledge. However, knowledge is the very focus in most fields, including philosophy, physics, politics, or business.
Imagination, the spring of creativity and invention, is vitol with regard to art. It just look like a kaleidscope which brings about kinds of thoughts and inspirations and leads to a broader scope and view. Any famous and attractive art is full of imagination and creativity. Consider a greater musician, Beethoven, who creates 'Happy Song', 'Hero', and so forth, spends all his life on writing wonderful music, the most reason of his song perpetuating for long time is that his works fulfill with imagination and personality which is the soul of art. Beethoven would fail to attain this achievement, if discarding imagination, and become a common musician like many people who studied music at his times receive any real success.
Without imagination, art will be critically uninteresting and unattracted and cannot last for long time. For instance, there are many best-sale books in markets, which concern about common ideals and opinions, that cannot influence human being constantly and greatly. Imagination to art is what water to fish and air to human.
In most of the professions and academic fields, knowledge must be the base or foundation. It is necessary for everyone to pay much attention on knowledge since it is the most useful and valuable things that we can attain what and how about the world and why. According with the base-knowledge, we can go on to learn and predict what will happen in the upcoming. In the realm of science, without knowledge any research is groundless and useless since any result is based on an ambiguous basis. Conder politics, lacking knowledge politians fail to understand the evolution of human beings and the development of society, leading to any strategies and policies unreasonable, superficious, even harmful.
To render a more acceptable and justifiable situation, we should take not only imagination, but also knowledge serious because both are significant and mutually helpful in professions and academic fields-art, science, business, politics, etc. The best means to deal with these two, from my point of view, is striking a balance between knowledge and imagination.
In short, imagination, as the author mentioned, is certainly important, yet we should not alike ingore the significance of knowledge, which is the most basic and burning factor in most fields.





题目：ARGUMENT53 - Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin-a hormone known to affect some brain functions-would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.
字数：380          用时：0:30:00          日期：2010-3-2

In this argument, the author claims that infants with high level of melatonin before birth can be shy and this shyness last for all his or her life. To substantiate this claim, the author cites two studies. Firstly, a thirteen years ago study showed that 25 studied infants exposed mild distress after unfamiliar stimuli, and these infants were born in autumn easily and at that time their mothers are in a low level of melatonin. Secondly, a follow-up study about these infants indicates that several years later half of these infant-now teenagers-who showed signs of distress similar as shy in their opinions. However, a close scrutiny reflects that this argument fulfills with several fallacies.
First of all, a threshold question is that these two studies are based on only 25 infants which are far from sufficient and representative. Specifically, there is few information about these infants, their age, sex, health, or weight, that may has a great influence on the studies.
Moreover, consider the former study, the author makes an assumption that the mild distress the infants show is abnormal, it is highly possible that the mild distress is just physical phenomenon. Even if the reflection is not normal, it is also likely that there is no relationship with the born season-autumn at which time mother is in a condition of low level of melatonin. Even as the low production of melatonin is correlated, the author provides no evidence for whether it will affect brain function. In short, lacking more information about the infants, the hormone-melatonin leads to the argument unwarranted.
Furthermore, the latter study is alike full of problems. The author refer that half of these children show signs of shy after several years, while he or she ingores that any other respects, possibly the most determinants, would result in their shyness. If possibilities, mentioned above, are true, the author's notion is groundless.
To wrap up, it is imprudent for the author to conclude that high level of melatonin before birth will lead to shyness in the later life. To make this argument logically resonable and persuasive, the author need to provide more persuasive information about this two studies--in terms of the characteristics of these infants, the function of melatonin, the life of these infants in the several years.

hurongchildUID: 2595535

小鱼这篇argument最大的问题就是结构，你看你开头和结尾分别写了多少，再看看你每个中间段。我想问下，argument究竟是中间的东西重要呢还是开头结尾呢？你的开头结尾太拖沓，建议废话少说；而中间每一点却写得相当不深入，每一点都是带过，这样是肯定不行的。
比如说第一点调查，攻击调查可以，但是你不能一句话就没了，说清楚点嘛~第二点也是，你让了很多次步，但你每次让都没让彻底，你要彻底点就要让对方无话可说。比如说你可以说这两点之间的关系也许仅仅是巧合，或者也许这个东西根本就是不会作用，总之要讲清楚。我这里只是举例啊，具体要怎么讲清楚就看自己的想法了，别人的提纲一般都不是太可靠，但是你完全可以想出很多理由。
另外就是谋篇布局上，我觉得这个题目最大的逻辑问题应该首先是“这些婴儿不一定是害羞的”，这里有两个分论点，一个是调查，一个是调查即使对了，这种表现也可能不一定说明他们害羞；然后才是“就算害羞也不一定是由于···，这里就按你上面的思路攻击；第三点是他们长大后不一定比别人害羞···也不一定是因为这个原因导致的···楼主加油~