issue58 改过简单错误后的 求砖

hazelilyUID: 2578520

ISSUE 58
题目：
"The increasingly rapid pace of life today causes more problems than it solves"

正文：

      As we enjoying the efficiency and convenience the increasingly rapid pace of life brings us, it does also emission byproducts. But the byproducts couldn't shade advantages it products.

    The pace of life increased as the development of productivity ever since human being emergence. Life is changing every now and then since thousands years ago. And life today is much more different with it hundreds years ago due to the industrial revolution. When chasing the original causation for increasingly life pace, we find it is the reformation of production tools. Thousands years ago only hoes were used in agriculture. Later, animals began to participate for help. Now, most labor work in agriculture has been done by machines. The revolution of tools not only let farmers free from cropland and burning sun, but also increases output per acre. Since more people could be fed by the limited land, population grows larger and competitions between individuals get fiercer. Life pace speeds up behind the pursuit of better life and the rapid competition in sharing a part of hi-tech. Hi-tech brings us what we can't even imagine before, like the cell phone, computer, magnetic cards, and etc. And greater convenience and efficiency comes after them. Thanks to e-commercial, we can buy whatever we want by simply clicking bottoms on computer in seconds, which costs several days shopping in plaza before. We could also chatting whenever we want online, which was difficult before since it's not that easy to gather two people together. The efficiency of rapid life pace allows us to accomplish work in shorter time, thus more spare time is left for personal life. The increasingly rapid pace of life due to the revolution of technology brings people more leisure time and personal space. Modern life is much more amazing than ancient one. We no longer face the challenge of survives but live.
     
     A coin has two sides as the increasingly rapid pace of life also has byproducts which weaken the quality of life. The support of technology is a huge demand of resource. The high productivity in outcome is based on the vast consumer of income. Mine, water, air are indispensible materials of hi-tech. Mines, which costs long time to form, become fewer and fewer. Quality of water and air are worse and worse. The harm on nature worsens the environment human live and weakens the benefits of hi-tech. Physical uncomfortableness and mental stress impact modern people together. At the same time high technology creates high productivity, it also provides one with means of production a chance to exploit others. Thus, distinction between the poor and the rich get larger and larger. Hi-tech brings luxury life to the rich, at the same time endless work hour and disparity payment to the poor.
   
    As human instinct: to fight for a better life, workaholic is everywhere today. We dare not to rest, considering others may exceed. For this point of view, the spare time hi-tech brings seems the other way. We did produce more, but the work hour does not decrease since we urge much more. Byproducts in physical and mental do weaken the quality of life, but should we blame it to the rapid pace of life?

    Throw away an apple because of the core is stupid so as condemn the hi-tech because of the byproducts. Anyway, we have ways to solve those problems. To deal with the decrease of natural resource, we can exploit it scheming and searching for new energy source. To reduce the disparity of rich and poor, governments could charge more tax from the rich for building public utility for the poor. To ease the mental stress, we can educate people how to manager rest and work.

    In conclusion, we have analyzed the advantages and disadvantages of increasingly rapid pace of life. We realize the enjoyment it brings as well as the byproducts it makes. The best is yet to come. A better life is still waiting us by dealing with those byproducts effectively.

求砖，感激不尽。

123runfordreamUID: 2697608

ISSUE 58
题目：
"The increasingly rapid pace of life today causes more problems than it solves"

正文：

      As we enjoying the efficiency and convenience the increasingly rapid pace of life brings us, it does also emission byproducts. But the byproducts couldn't shade advantages it products.

    The pace of life increased as the development of productivity ever since human being emergence. Life is changing every now and then since thousands years ago. And life today is much more different with it hundreds years ago due to the industrial revolution. When chasing the original causation for increasingly life pace, we find it is the reformation of production tools. Thousands years ago only hoes were used in agriculture. Later, animals began to participate for help. Now, most labor work in agriculture has been done by machines. The revolution of tools not only let farmers free from cropland and burning sun, but also increases output per acre. Since more people could be fed by the limited land, population grows larger and competitions between individuals get fiercer. Life pace speeds up behind the pursuit of better life and the rapid competition in sharing a part of hi-tech. Hi-tech brings us what we can't even imagine before, like the cell phone, computer, magnetic cards, and etc. And greater convenience and efficiency comes after them. Thanks to e-commercial, we can buy whatever we want by simply clicking bottoms on computer in seconds, which costs several days shopping in plaza before. We could also chatting whenever we want online, which was difficult before since it's not that easy to gather two people together. The efficiency of rapid life pace allows us to accomplish work in shorter time, thus more spare time is left for personal life. The increasingly rapid pace of life due to the revolution of technology brings people more leisure time and personal space. Modern life is much more amazing than ancient one. We no longer face the challenge of survives but live. (前半部分废话了)
     
     A coin has two sides as the increasingly rapid pace of life also has byproducts which weaken the quality of life. (笔锋一转的话可以写得更有力度一点。)The support of technology is a huge demand of resource. The high productivity in outcome is based on the vast consumer of income. Mine, water, air are indispensible materials of hi-tech. Mines, which costs long time to form, become fewer and fewer. Quality of water and air are worse and worse. The harm on nature worsens the environment human live and weakens the benefits of hi-tech. Physical uncomfortableness and mental stress impact modern people together. At the same time high technology creates high productivity, it also provides one with means of production a chance to exploit others. Thus, distinction between the poor and the rich get larger and larger. Hi-tech brings luxury life to the rich, at the same time endless work hour and disparity payment to the poor.
   
    As human instinct: to fight for a better life, workaholic is everywhere today. We dare not to rest, considering others may exceed. For this point of view, the spare time hi-tech brings seems the other way. We did produce more, but the work hour does not decrease since we urge much more. Byproducts in physical and mental do weaken the quality of life, but should we blame it to the rapid pace of life?

   
Throw away an apple because of the core is stupid so as condemn the hi-tech because of the byproducts.
(改写好一点！)Anyway, we have ways to solve those problems. To deal with the decrease of natural resource, we can exploit it scheming and searching for new energy source. To reduce the disparity of rich and poor, governments could charge more tax from the rich for building public utility for the poor.(贫富差距是高科技生活问题之一？)
To ease the mental stress, we can educate people how to manager rest and work.

    In conclusion, we have analyzed the advantages and disadvantages of increasingly rapid pace of life. We realize the enjoyment it brings as well as the byproducts it makes. The best is yet to come. A better life is still waiting us by dealing with those byproducts effectively.

求砖，感激不尽。

基础语法问题不小！！！
一开始以为都是我对该issue的理解狭隘了。但是仔细一想，这个题好像没有太多选择的余地。“But the byproducts couldn't shade advantages it products.”
假如这是你要强调的，那么我必须告诉你，这是得到承认的事实。Issue的问题是，高节奏的生活里问题是否多于益处。你仅仅强调了存在的利弊，我建议多理解more的含义！！对于后半部分的论述也没有太多突出点。你只是让我看到了表面的大家都会有的东西，而你需要展示的是你的文章里有的自己的东西。需要下苦功哦！加油！！！