AW互改组-每日一题.每日精彩不断！拜求高手路人围观一下！！

richie_ceUID: 2606273

4.12 长沙 496345655

海王泪UID: 2673613

很好～支持一下！！加油！！！

NaperyUID: 2710990

建议你们写完作文后附上提纲吧。
这样方便修改呢。
而且自己先修改初稿 例如拼写语法错误之类的~~~

lynnuanaUID: 2772328

13# ainizhouni

13楼修改稿（仅供参考，欢迎讨论）


修改颜色：
红色：小修改，词或者短语
蓝色：整句
粉色：段落评论

The authorcontends that the degree of socialization of the children dominates the destinyof society, and asserts our ignorance of raising children to prompt it（it指代不明）. While I concede that socializedperson is of irreplaceable significance in a sense, in my point of view, theauthor apparently oversimplifies the topic.

Admittedly, the socialization plays a vital role in children’s future, and thedestiny of community also depends thoroughly(太绝对) upon the children for the reasonthat, as the president Mao once told us, “whenever it is, the future belongs tothe next-generation”. Simply put, without socialization, our society would finditself bogged down in the “Dead Sea”. Humans no longer communicate andcooperate with each other, and the world as a whole is completely filled withindifference and loneliness.
–-第一句似乎有些松散和罗嗦，第2部分和第1句联系的“simply put”有些突兀，改写参考如下：

As the president Mao Zedong, a Chinese political theorist and communist leader， once told us, “whenever it is, the future belongs to thenext-generation”, the socialization plays a vital role in children’s future andeven the destiny of community. Without socialization, Humans would no longercommunicate and cooperate with each other well, and the world, as a whole, iscompletely filled with indifference and loneliness. In short, our society wouldfind itself bogged down in the “Dead Sea”.

Yet, the socialization is just one aspect of children’s quality. There areother factors like diligence, stoic, opportunity(这个不是个人品质，要换)and etc dominate（用这个词似乎不合适，控制支配的意思） the destiny of individuals which partly consist of that of the society（看不懂）. Furthermore, were the significance（哪种重要性？） highly over-rated,it may give rise to over-absorbed（give rise to+N.?能接adj？） in the relationship between（换成of？）
humans rather thanthe substance of affairs which we should have been attracted to.（这句是倒装的写法？看不明白，感觉可以再细致写一下）

第二句改写参考：Other factors， like diligence,stoic, opportunity and etc.，also dominate thedestiny of individuals which partlyconsist of that of the society.


On the other hand, with regardless of the factors above, the authorunwarrantedly asserts that we fail to raise children well socialized. In fact,based on what I know, most schools have focused increasing attention upon the growth（换成development如何，growth还有数量增加的意思） of students. They are strivingto establish a variety of institutions, including（换成as well as?） aharmonious environment, to ensure that the children can integrate intothe community smoothly. As for the families, parents areincreasingly interested(换成are putting more interests?) in improvetheir children’s communicative ability. Despite the rising divorcerate, what is undeniable is that the attention that the parents focus upon thechildren is more or less increasing. （此句有画蛇添足之嫌，建议删除）For supporting example, the parents start to pay attention（换成give morefocus?“开始注意”经不起推敲） to the quality of the pre-school,and it is only because of that they contend
that children entering the kindergartenare the starting point into the community（改成kindergartenis the first step for their children to get involved in the community如何？）.

To reiterate, socialization is undoubtedly important whether
to（no matter for）
the individuals or the nation（不是society么）, and（删） .fortunately we have master aseries of scientific methods to raise ouroffspring. Nevertheless, overrating（overrating 什么？）would make us to go to the other extreme. After all, we need people who arereally concerned about with their own responsibilities and work（不太明白此句在最后结尾处的作用）.

glnlwl2016UID: 2785741

第一篇issue 字数都不够啊~~~

Children education has been becming significant as it forms consensus that children, as future and hope of society, determine society's destiny. I foundamentally agree author's assertion that we have not build a wonderful education system for raising children while the author overstate socialization's function.

Admittedly, socialization play a prominent role on children's development and everyone have to be influenced by his/her parents, teachers or peers in different aspects such as selfconcept, emotion,attitude and behavior, no matter whether he/she like or not. Besides, early childhood is the period of the most intense and the most crucial socialization. However, in my perspective, facing the study, work or life,individual always has the opportunity to make a choice rather than passively accept which has a more significant impact, let alone determine society destiny.

On the other hand, socialization is just a small segment in education. And t education should emphasize teaching students the skill to learn and cricitical thinking which help students acquire the valuable information in the era of information explosion. Only in this way. Life long learning can come true. Unfortunately , rote learning and cram studing are serious problem adversely influence on student's develop and progress  Moreover teachercentered class in Chinese education system cannot cultivate students interest regarded as motive force and the best teacher. Although quality oriental education promoted for many years, it seems that students are burdened more pressure not only from compulsory course but also the socalled remedial classes for interests those they have no interest in but their parents think useful and valuable just because many students attend. However ,the education system in China, especially the thirty years after the reform and open policy obviously provide sufficient high quality personnel and therefore rapidly promote the economic development and enhance living standard.

In summary, we have a long way in education system while the destiny of society do not only depends on socialization.

dfly_zxUID: 2643573

According to the statement, the author asserts the evidence that the socialization of children today determines the destiny of society and we-humans need to find a proper way to raise children who can help bring about a better society. I fundamentally agree with the author's statement that the destiny of society will be changed or even be determined by influence degree from socialization of children, however, in view to the education system about raising children, there may still need additional analysis to make it convincing.

The statement brings immediately to mind that socialization of children affect much qualities of themselves when they grow up, such as communicating skills, cooperation-consensus, self evaluation, etc. In turn, these qualities contribute a lot for children after they become adults and try to promote social development. If the adults and schools provide more knowledge about the issues in society and give an access to the understanding of the social problems in a proper way, children will benefit a lot. For example, telling children learn from others and cooperate with others is a very important in a company. You are just one worker in a company and you must have the collaboration-consensus if you want to complete a mission. Admittedly, whether someone can communicate with others in a proper way is an essential quality if he wants to express his feelings and get others' acceptance in society. Apart from that, a guy who always deals with things all by himself may meet more problems when he want complete a task than people who know how to cooperate with others and take the advantage of teamwork, as it should be, there can exist special situation for someone who is talented in some professions. Additionally, socialization contributes more to children such as financial management, dialectic thinking, etc. All of these are important qualities reflect the ability of someone and then may be main factors in helping him alter our society in the future.

Considering nowadays education about socialization of children, the fact is that, after grew up and completed their lives in school, most people can adapt the conditions of society and some of them even made great contribution on the development of human civilization. This directly indicates that we get a positive result on raising children and helping them alter a better society. As a matter of fact, we learn a lot from our parents and school in our daily lives, especially after we get access to colleges for a farther study. We start to know that qualities including communication, cooperation, and self identification are so important, especially after we step out into society. Then we try to participate the social activities and of course acquire a lot from them. Conclusion from it could be that we have established a good education system for raising children who can help bring about a better society.

However, the methods we adopted nowadays may not be a proper way considering some negative effects resulted from the management system. For example, too much violent affairs spread through internet mainly due to the deficient internet management. As a consequence, children may be influenced unaware without a good guidance from the adults. Of course this and other situation (phenomena) need to be improved under the endeavor of adult, schools, and governments.

In sum, the statement indicates an actual situation at some degree, however, the assertion that we have not yet learned how to raise children may desires a more specific discussion for more details considering that much progresses of society have been witnessed which could be a reflection of the effective education system and upbringing method for children.

lynnuanaUID: 2772328

21# dfly_zx

21楼修改稿


修改颜色：
红色：小修改，词或者短语
蓝色：整句
粉色：段落评论


According to the statement, the authorasserts the evidence（删？） that the socialization of children today determines thedestiny of society and we humans（这个词应该在生物类文章中出现吧？） need to find a proper way to raise childrenwho can help bring about a better society. I fundamentally agree with theauthor's statement that the destiny of society will be changed or even bedetermined by influence degree from socialization of children, however, in viewto the education system about raising children, there may still need additionalanalysis to make it convincing.

The statement brings immediately to mind that socialization of children affectmuch qualities of themselves when they grow up, such as communicating skills,cooperation-consensus, self evaluation, etc. In turn, these qualitiescontribute a lot for children after they become adults and try to promotesocial development. If the adults and schools provide more knowledge about theissues in society and give an access to the understanding of the socialproblems in a proper way, children will benefit a lot. For example, tellingchildren learn from others and cooperate with others is a very important in acompany. You are just one worker in a company and you must have the collaboration-consensusif you want to complete a mission. Admittedly, whether someone can communicatewith others in a proper way（properly 重复上文） is an essential quality if he wants to express hisfeelings and get others' acceptance in society. Apart from that, a guy whoalways deals with things all by himself may meet more problems when he want to complete a task than people who know how to cooperate with others and take theadvantage of teamwork, as it should be, there can exist a special situation forsomeone who is talented in some professions（不太懂）. Additionally, socializationcontributes more to children such as financial management, dialectic thinking,etc（and so forth 重复上文）. All of these are important qualities reflect the ability of someone andthen may be main factors in helping him alter our society in the future.


Considering nowadays education about socialization of children, the fact isthat, after grew up and completed their lives in school, most people can adaptthe conditions of society and some of them even made great contribution on（to） thedevelopment of human civilization. This directly indicates that we get apositive result on raising children and helping them alter a better society. Asa matter of fact, we learn a lot from our parents and school in our dailylives, especially after we get access to colleges for a farther study. We startto know that qualities including communication, cooperation, and selfidentification are so important, especially after we step out into society.Then we try to participate in the social activities and of course acquire a lotfrom them. Conclusion from it could be that we have established a goodeducation system for raising children who can help bring about a bettersociety.

However, the methods we adopted nowadays may not be a proper way consideringsome negative effects resulted from the management system. For example, toomuch violent affairs spread through internet mainly due to the deficientinternet management. As a consequence, children may be influenced unawarelywithout a good guidance from the adults. Of course this and other situation(phenomena) need to be improved under the endeavor of adult, schools, andgovernments.

In sum, the statement indicates an actual situation at some degree, however,the assertion that we have not yet learned how to raise children may desires amore specific discussion for more details considering that much progresses ofsociety have been witnessed which could be a reflection of the effectiveeducation system and upbringing method for children.

写得很好，学习！

lynnzhang2009UID: 2789534

我4月15考，虽然有些早，还是希望加入群，苦于作文没人修改啊！我的QQ号：920100762

lynnzhang2009UID: 2789534

求深拍。不甚感激，苦于作文没人修改啊！
48"The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
Nowadays, a controversial and intricate issue has been brought in to focus, lots of people maybe have an attitude towards that the study of history accentuate individuals rather than groups of people who have long been forgotten and play more important role in history. Nevertheless, we should consider it comprehensively and systematically. In my point of view, that the grounds of people take important effects in history as well as the heroes play a significant role at the most significant events and trends in history, and for the convenience of study history, history research always places much emphasis on individual.

Firstly and basically, the arguer's assertion insofar has some merits primarily in that there are sufficient supports and logical proofs. Indeed, The groups of people overwhelmingly act on the most significant events and trends and their identities have long been forgotten. A persuasive case can demonstrate this opinion very clearly. George Washington, the first president of America, led American to fight for independence. When the revolution succeeded, the offspring remember him and the history recorded his story vividly, nonetheless, the grounds of people that also took an vital efforts are forgotten and neglected by the descendant. In case that the crowd did not take part in revolution, there is not the independence of the nation and Washington could not written down by history. Hence it is partially disputable that the grounds of people take an important effect in history and generally are forgotten by history.

Despite the desirable part of the arguer's assertion, there are still some deficiencies.
the speaker extraordinary accentuate the importance of the grounds of people and even maintain that the grounds of people are possible to make the most significant events and trends. I am skeptical this respect on the ground that admitting the importance of the grounds not signifies that we also assert the most significant events and trends in history were not made by the famous few possibly.

Accompany with the society's development, some people's cognition often woke up the human and world, and brought the world to pursue the liberty and more legitimate institution. Besides, the progress and advance of the technology and civilization, few people's contribution and achievement is very important. Such as Marx, a director of the proletariate, conducted some nation's revolution. his notion correctly guide the crowd to combat for more perfect institution. He affected the history and human very profoundly and remarkably. Some famous scientists and their importance in the history usually written by history and accurately they made some most significant events and trends. For example, Edison, Newton, Einstein, etc. Consequently, we should acknowledge that the famous few play a crucial role at the most significant events and trends in history. It is unnecessary and unreasonable for us to make a conclusion that who is more important to make the most significant events and trends in history possible.

Additionally, in fact, the study of history places much emphasis on individuals not because of they is more important. It is convenient and feasible for the descendant to study the history by pay a attention to individuals. Due to the long time and loss of some things, It is difficulty for offspring to study the ground of the people. The significance of study history is not for completely reappearing previous time and life, but is that guide us to build the modern society legitimately and to endeavor for more beautiful future. As a result, we need not places much emphasis on the ground of people in the study of history.

To sum up, when we make a contestation we should consider it evenly and across the abroad. Based the analysis made above, my conclusion is that the grounds of people and the famous few both take an important effect in history, and the grounds of people generally are forgotten by history whereas the individuals are usually placed much emphasis, because of it is convenient for the study of history to pay attention to individuals.

lynnzhang2009UID: 2789534

求修改啊！求修改！有拍必回。
212"If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable."
Nowadays, there is a controversial and intricate issue has been brought in to focus, Lots of people maybe have an attitude that we should take any means to attain our justifiable goal. Nevertheless, making a so hasty contestation is ostensible and inadvisable and we should consider it comprehensively and systematically .My point involve rationale and all-sided consideration is that we should make our great efforts to attain our justifiable and worthy goals in actuality not mean that we will take any means to achieve goals.

Firstly and basically, the arguer's assertion insofar has some merits primarily in that it has sufficient supports and logical proofs although suffers some deficiencies. Indeed, when some one has a worthy goal, he should endeavor to attain it and it is justifiable. Since for individual, only he makes his great efforts to attain his goal, he will conquer the difficulty on the road and finally succeed to attain his goal. For the society, just thanks to the human make their endeavors to achieve goals, there are the progress and prosperity of the technology and human civilization. If somebody has a goal in his mind but he does not endeavor to acquire it, when he confronts the hardness and obstacle, he is possible to abandon the goal. Without our ancestor's efforts for their goals, it is possibly that our human still dwell on the primitive society and ignorant about the world. Today the global technology and economy are developed and progressive, it is rightly that previous scientist and people tried their best to attain goals. Some very persuasive cases can illustrate the viewpoint very clearly. Edison, a famous scientist and inventor, took his great efforts for his goal, and persisted on his goals whereas he experienced defeat many times. He succeeded and devised the electric light, brought light for the world eventually. George Stephenson, prompted the first train run, took efforts for his goal and insisted on it while his idea and goal is skeptical and jeered by the noble. He gain the success and promote human enjoy the traffic convenience in modern society. All these evidence certified beyond and doubt that it is very significant and justifiable for people to endeavor to attain goals.

Despite the desirable part of the arguer's opinion, we must be aware of that overextended emphasis is problematic and comparative significance. In a short, I am skeptical the claim in two respects as the analysis as below.

At first, we do not have a reasonable criterion to judge whether individual goal is worthy. It is different for various people, nation, culture, time and human diverse value, education, age, experience and so on. Some goals are worthy and important for individual whereas they are possibly harmful for other and society. Some actions such as deforesting, exploiting the source of energy, hunting rare species are useful and worthy for individual according to someone's standard, nonetheless, they are detrimental and irresponsible for others and the descendant. Moreover, we even should refrain some people take any means to attain their goals on the ground the goals are valuable through their one-sided decision. For example, the clone technology and nuclear weapon research are significant for some scientist that only pursue limited benefit, however we should prohibit these study and action. Otherwise they will threaten human existence and development and induce the chaos and confusion of our society.

Additionally, Even though a goal is worthy, it is not justifiable for people take any means to achieve it, we should weigh the expending and gain. Some appropriate instance can certify the point : human aspire to explore the uncharted space and sea, in fact, due to they will cost plenty of capital and manpower, people need not take any means to attain the goals. Hence, it is partially indisputable it not sensible for people take any means to attain their valuable goals.

To sum up, we should take our efforts to attain our goals and ideals so that technology and human civilization will develop and go forward. When we measure whether the goals is worthy, we should measure it comprehensively and broadly. Furthermore, when we decide to take any means to attain our goals, we should balance the cost and outcome reasonably and across the broad

dfly_zxUID: 2643573

20# glnlwl2016

Children education has been becming significant as it forms consensus thatchildren (Children’s education has become significant), as future and hope ofsociety, determine society's destiny. I fundamentally agree the author'sassertion that we have not established a perfect education system for raisingchildren while there may desire to get a discussion on the statement thatchildren’s socialization determine the social destiny for that the effect of socializationmay not be that great.（感觉开始以教育开头不好，毕竟题目就是针对socialization，不是教育）

Admittedly, socialization plays a prominent role on children's developmentand everyone will be influenced by his/her parents, teachers or peers indifferent aspects such as self-concept, emotion, attitude and behavior, nomatter whether he/she like or not. Besides, early childhood is the period ofthe most intense and the most crucial socialization.(是想表达童年是受到社会化影响最多的时候还是？) However, in my perspective, facing problems from study, work or life,individual always has the opportunity to make a choice rather than passivelyaccept which has a more significant impact, let alone determine societydestiny.(没有转折吧？你是想表达？没有论证观点，都是陈述论点就完了)

On the other hand, socialization is justa small segment in education（个人觉得应该是抓住socialization不放，而不是抓住education不放，虽然两者关系密切，但还是不同）. Education should pay more attention on the skills of learning andcritical thinking which contributes in acquiring the valuable information inthe era of information explosion for children. Unfortunately , rote learningand cram studying are serious problem adversely influence student's developmentand progress.  Moreover, teacher centered class in Chinese educationsystem cannot cultivate students interest while it is so important as a proverbsays, ”interest is the best teacher”. Although quality oriental educationpromoted for many years, it seems that students are burdened more pressure notonly from compulsory course but also the so called remedial classes forinterests those they have no interest in but their parents think useful andvaluable just because many students attend. （表达？）However ,theeducation system in China, especially the thirty years after the reform andopen policy obviously provide sufficient high quality personnel and thereforerapidly promote the economic development and enhance living standard.(又不是问你中国的教育)
In summary, we have a long way ineducation system while the destiny of society do not only depends on socialization.
感觉偏题甚至离题：
看完文章得到的信息：孩子社会化很重要，但这只是教育中的一部分，教育还有其它问题要考虑到。
题目是社会化，而且有两句，其实不仅仅是一个教育问题。题目中how to raise children既包括课堂教育，也可以是社会中对于一些社会问题的处理吧？比如网络暴力的传播对孩子有不利影响，贪污问题……在教孩子的时候如何处理这些问题好些。至于第一句，决定社会命运么？直接回答一下好
（个人观点，欢迎讨论指正）

草木也知愁UID: 2487572

赞一下组名

尤其是湘江旁边的潇湘大道 很赞

tyfytjUID: 2456129

第一次写，模板啊，金句啊，看得不熟，只有个大概的思路，英语基础比较薄弱，壮壮胆发上来，哈哈
Issue130

While I agree with the speaker’s comment about the effect of socialization to children, I totally disagree with the speaker’s assertion that the future of society depends on how children are socialized and we can’t cultivate our children to make a better society. The extent of how children are socialized is one factor that maybe can determine the destiny of our society, and in my opinion we have already succeeded in teaching our children to build a good modern society.

As far as I’m concerned, socialization is a process that everyone communicates with others, contributes to his country and tries his best to work hard and a general idea towards others, his country and job, as well as the whole world. Children initiate being socialized through their early school life and at that time they started to make friends with others then we can make out how they are socialized by observing their behaviors such as cooperating with other students and how to solve the conflict also. Definitely socialization can help a teenager be a real adult with a proper attitude towards people and society.

Admittedly, most successful people are well socialized before they achieve their great business, but we can’t neglect other factors including inborn intellect, industrious attitude and tolerance and so forth. Bill Gates, the founder of Microsoft, originate his company when he was in college. For donating himself to the new PC system “windows”, he made a decision to leave Harvard University which millions of students dream of entering. In people’s traditional views, Gates didn’t manage to graduate from Harvard University and finish his college education, which means he is not well socialized completely, especially in the education part. However, his later excellent achievements surprise the whole world totally because of his raw intellect, passion to the field of computers and the unique perspective about development of PC. In this way, socialization is not the only factor that determines a person or a society’s destiny.

When looking back at the recent half-century past, we are proud of creating a civilized society with respect, tolerance, rapid development and advanced technology. I have no comments that why the speaker concludes that we cannot have a way to raise our children to bring about a better city, at least, over the past quarter of century, we have distinguished progress in various fields and the speed of social evolution is quite steady and fast. The society is better and better just like that people expects. These positive phenomena show that our education is effective to a child’s growing into a useful person to society and the way we raise children is proved successful.

In sum, no one could ignore the importance of socialization which play a vital role in a child’s growing process, but besides it, we have still a lot of other parts that should be improved to make a better society. Nowadays, the modern society is a sign of quite well civilization and people’s wisdom. It is no doubt our society will be built into a better one by our children with intellect, respect as well as different capabilities.

lynnuanaUID: 2772328

20# glnlwl2016

20楼修改稿（仅供参考）

修改颜色：
红色：小修改，词或者短语
蓝色：整句
粉色：段落评论

Children education has been becoming significant as it forms consensus（ consensus has been formed？） that children, as future and hope of society, determine society's destiny. I foundamentally agree with author's assertion that we have not build a wonderful education system for raising children while the author overstate socialization's function.

Admittedly, socialization play a prominent role on children's development and everyone have（has） to be influenced by his/her parents, teachers or peers in（with） different aspects such as selfconcept, emotion,attitude and behavior, no matter whether he/she like or not. Besides, early childhood is the period of the most intense and the most（删？） crucial socialization（这句话看不出来孩子是被动接受passively accepting ）. However, in（from） my perspective, facing the study, work or life,individual always has the opportunity to make a choice rather than passively accepting which has a more significant impact, let alone determine society destiny.（这段的重点似乎放置太多，每一句话都可以是主题句）

On the other hand, socialization is just a small segment in education. And education should emphasize teaching students the skill to learn（with learning skill） and cricitical thinking which help students acquire the valuable information in the era of information explosion. Only in this way, lifelong learning can come true. Unfortunately , rote learning and cram studing are serious problem adversely influence on student's develop and progress  Moreover teacher centered class in Chinese education system cannot cultivate students interest regarded as motive force and the best teacher. Although quality oriental education promoted for many years, it seems that students are burdened more pressure not only from compulsory course but also the socalled remedial classes for interests those they have no interest in but their parents think useful and valuable just because many students attend. However ,the education system in China, especially the thirty years after the reform and open policy obviously provide sufficient high quality personnel and therefore rapidly promote the economic development and enhance living standard.（觉得可以另起一段写对社会的作用）

In summary, we have a long way in education system while the destiny of society do not only depends on socialization.