AW互改组-每日一题.每日精彩不断！拜求高手路人围观一下！！

鑫在远方UID: 2778843

报名  4.23   qq 708823612

maplewind001UID: 2738208

同志们~~给点光明罢~~我已然改过别人的文章了，能否麻烦大侠过来看看我的啊？跪拜了~~
"The best ideas arise from a passionate interest in commonplace things."

Hegel, the German philosopher, thinks that good ideas are what can give trenchant or different insight into the world people are long used to. People like best ideas to simulate them and seek to discover the maxim to produce them. I give my agreement to the thought that passionate interest in commonplace things is not only a most basic requisite to bring about best ideas, which makes commonness uncommon.

Commonplace thing is a mile in which lie many ores of best ideas for people to exhume. All the best ideas are derived from commonplace things and turning them into enlightenment to people. Sir Newton finds out the law of gravity from the common phenomenon of an apple’s falling down from a tree. Moreover, the study of uncommonness begins with commonness. Take the study of quark, which is esoteric and elusive for the non-professional, for instance. Its starting point is the very wish to unravel the mystery of the movement of the world, the common world.

However, such a long road in physic is not open to anyone who has the wish to demystify the movement of the world. Only knowing there are miles in earth does not necessarily lead to the finding of gems. The quintessence of this mile-digging is passionate interests, which promote the process from likeness to hearty devotions. What makes people keep on working is a combination of impetuses, like interest, social responsibility or stresses to lead a better life. None of them alone is the sufficient condition of a best idea. The most fundamental one, and the one that keeping inspiring people is constant and passionate interest. It provides people with impetus and absorbs them to persist on making out tiny details others usually ignore, relating them in a harmony that may cost years and finally creating the best idea.

There are doubts that maybe intelligence and education of a person contribute more to best ideas. These doubts are untrue because of reasons as follow. According to the theory of developmental psychology, sixty percent of human intelligence quotients are above a hundred. Intelligence factor exerts weaker influence over people’s career with a proportion of thirty percent, the rest are emotional factor with nearly sixty eight percent and accidental factors with two percent of proportion. Passionate interest happens to be one of the main emotional factors in getting an achievement. As to education, it is more like a tool with which helps people to use scientific methods than the watershed to select people who can make a difference some day later.

Numerous examples in politics, arts, and knowledge seeking can lend credit to this point.
…(examples in the three fields above)

In conclusion, a palace of best ideas is build up with common bricks within hands of a man with devoted and perseverant interests.

例子没补全，不过应该不影响罢~~多谢了~~

tyfytjUID: 2456129

昨天的作业，写的有点仓促。。。

ISSUE 51

4/6    汤

Nowadays, Education is always regarded as a topic with a lot of things to discuss. It is known to all interests are significant for a child to gain new knowledge. In this issue, while I concede the speaker’s assertion to some extent, the speaker unfairly generalizes that education should be specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student because of its impossibility. We still have a lot to do to develop our academic system with a balance between students’ interests and quality of education.

Most of us have the experiences that real understanding comes from interests and investigation. If we are interested in something, it will evoke our curiosity and make us try to find out the fact about it. It is applicable not only in academic studying but also in our life. Some people are keen on sports and some like music so they spend much time on what they’re interested in and never feel boring and tired. As Einstein said, “interest is the best teacher.” With the great interests in physics, he invented the theory of relativity and achieved the distinguished success. We can’t ignore the importance of interests that play a vital role in the process of studying.

However, in fact education is such a complex subject and designing lessons specifically for each student to meet their own needs and interests is impossible. Though education is much more advanced than before, we have to admit the educational resource is still not abundant. For a teacher who is in charge of the whole class of twenty, even thirty students, it is too hard to have a good control of every his student’s interests and needs for studying and design different ways to impart the regular courses. In the modern education, the usual measure is to meet most of students’ needs and interests rather than each individual ones. Admittedly, individual education may have better influences on students’ working, but integrated educational ways are more practical and accessible.

Furthermore, in the present system of academy, I have some problems to modify about the issue. In some courses, students have little freedom to choose what they really want to learn while they are compelled to attend some subjects that they have no interests in. For example, in our literature studying, most of the articles we learned are ancient and classic ones and for young people, they are not attractive enough for them to understand what the articles mean. To ameliorate this situation, we could add some modern and popular literal articles to our text book, and then students will have more interests and impulses to learn the course well. What we should do is to evoke students’ positive attitude while guarantee the whole quality of education.

In conclusion, interests are quite important to a student’s school life as the speaker asserts. In addition, we need to get a full use of students’ interests and needs to induce their positivity. For limited educational resources, it is impossible to design courses specifically to meet each student’s need. Thus it becomes fairly necessary for schools to open adequate courses for students to choose.

tyfytjUID: 2456129

修改 # 75 ainizhouni

The discussion of this issue has come into vogue in the last decade. The author contends that only the education that is specifically designed according to the case student is truly effective.(这句感觉句式有点问题，effective是指教育的话，那student怎么用) In my point of view, education has a tight link to the other field in the society while the author merely emphasized the importance of education. Apparently, the author oversimplified this topic.（对题目的反驳明确，不过抒发自己的观点的内容显得不充实）
Admittedly, I concede that education is of irreplaceable significance and it can not be denied that specifically（副词？？该用形容词吧） designation would be beneficial to the individual in some way. The society will obtain a mass of more professional and aggressive（这个词带贬义换别的会不会好点） people at the same time. As Confucius, the ancient Chinese sage, said that “teach students in accordance with their aptitude”, and this motto had a profound impact on the Chinese or even the whole world for thousands of years. （detail不足，有点泛泛而谈,感觉这一点真的很难提高啊）
However, the efficiency of education lies in its generalization and the education source of the society is extremely limited. Specifically designation means to consume more which will make the cost of education become extremely expensive for the individuals and uncommitted for the society. Thus, either a great number of teenagers miss their opportunities to accept the education, or the government would have to invest a vast mass. Confronted with the dilemma, every country will find no way out. If so, education would probably come into a fiasco.（这一段展开得可以，假设也成立）
What is more, over-specified education will narrow down students’ ken and capability of acclimation to future career. If over-numbered people began to engage in only one aspect of the work, and ignored the linkages between（among） the different areas of expertise, which would restrict people’s way of thinking, and even that may limit the progress of human society. It can be counter-productive.
Finally, the student’s interests fail to be completely stable. Take me, for example, I dreamt to be the president of my country when I was little. As time goes by, I feel it is that different（difficult？） to achieve this aspiration. Then I changed again and again, and even now I still have no sense about what I can do for my country. That is the way that almost everyone went. Thus should we change the plan for the specified education is no longer suit for the one individual? Obviously, we can’t. Further, even in regardless of the factors above, were I interested in the president for his power, can I be trained to be. That would be ridiculous.(虽然有点没明白什么意思，不过据自己的例子不失为一个不错的选择)
In sum, Education is impossible and unnecessarily to try to meet everyone's needs. In my point of view, schools can manage to aptly offer more choices and autonomy to students as long as the quality of education is effectively prompted without negative impacts. After all, it is worthwhile to meet students’ individual interests with conditions permitting.（permitted conditions?）

整个文章的起承转合把握得到位，模板条理很清楚，运用英语的道地欠缺一点，内容还有待翔实！

turnpUID: 2776787

修改白马多多的ISSUE51
As the speaker claims that only education designed to meet each student’s interests and needs can be truly effective, is this true? Admittedly, it seems to be plausible that this way of education will bring more benefits to students than the traditional way at a glance （个人觉得用at the first glance更有力度）. However, it is so utopian that we can’t make it come true in the real world.

The world would be change（changed） dramatically if teachers and parents changed(change or alter,建议后者，尽量在文章里表现出大的词汇量，毕竟这是ETS得评分标准之一)the way of education to educate every student in different way. We may have more skillful artists, superb technologists, excellent scientists and so forth than we received the same way of education in the classroom containing 50 students. Because students will have more freedom to choose what they interest (are interested in) and what they like. For instance, Xiao Hua, one of the most illustrious writers in china, said she did not go to school by reason of poverty(个人感觉“by reason of”有点chinglish,建议换成owing to, due to,
as a result of ) when she was at the age of 9.(表达稍显平淡，尝试一下
“she was force to give up going to school/quit school” or “she had no choice but to quit school” 这样感情色彩强烈点的表述) However, it is lucky for her that her uncle was a literate farmer.（时态乱了） And her uncle taught her in his own way every night and she read a lot of books about literature, art, and philosophy. Twenty years later, she wrote a book ‘Sun’, won the Mao-Dun literature prize and became one of the most famous modern writers in China. From Xiao Hua’s example, it seems to be easier to attain the goal for students to receive specific and designed education.（这个例子有个比较严重的漏洞是，只论证了题目的一部分，即specifically designed education, 但是meet the individual needs and interest of each student 完全没有体现出来）

However, to my point of view, it is too difficult to put this way （method, manner..） of education into practice. Obviously, Xiao Hua’s example is not fitting for every student in modern times. Less students will have such strong ambition to get the success like Xiao Hua in such a prosperous society. When they feel hungry, their parents will cook a delicious meal for them; When they are tired of study, they can play the computer game or Game Boy. Therefore, this time of students are enduring less pressure than previous times.

Furthermore, it is a serious question that how we specifically design the various education to meet the individual needs and interests of each students. And even if some of educators would invent kinds of education to satisfy different interests of students, hardly persons (person 的复数形式是people) can (hardly 开头的句子要用倒装) make a guarantee（直接用动词会简洁点） that students will have intense enthusiasm to receive this kind of education several years later. I can think of no better illustration of this idea than this assumable case. One little boy said he want to be a great mathematician. Then, his parents sent him to a mathematic school to study professional knowledge. However, five year later, he became boring to math and began to like literature. So, he suddenly realized that he had wasted about five years to （study）such a boring subject. (建议全部用现在时) And it is impossible for him to (get) back 5 years to choose literature and receive fundamental lessons. Therefore, I think it is ridiculous that developing such education to fitting (fit) for interests of each students.

In summary, due to the reason discussed above, I commit to the approach that the way （the apporach 与 the way 是不是重复了？）that education designed to different interests of students may bring tremendous benefits to some students, but to majority of them, it is questionable.

文章结构清晰，论证完整，但感觉作者在词汇量方面有所欠（我也有这个问题），句子结构变化比较少且表达比较繁冗，可以尝试看看silentwings的句型大课堂，平时有意识地多积累并运用。

turnpUID: 2776787

非常谢谢你的修改，细节上的建议非常好，比如proportion&part, colon&comma..,对文章逻辑漏洞的指出也很犀利，真的是一针见血。我看出来了，莫非你就是传说中的大牛..:D  
72# maplewind001

turnpUID: 2776787

74# 白马多多

呵呵，谢谢修改~~~文章第一段第一句应该是“develop skills”与前面的improve knowledge并列，多打了一个D；第二段的最后一句里的“conclusive”应该是“condusive”，写错了。
第一段的确是长了一点，写完就发现了，可又不晓得怎么删减好，自己再琢磨一下。
关于长短句搭配的问题，我在写第一篇Issue时就有个误区，以为句子写得越长越好，后来Lynn在帮我修改的时候就有特别指出过，应该要长短句配合才会使文章错落有致，读起来也不那么费劲，所以写第二篇时就有特别注意一下。进步能得到肯定很高兴，谢谢你的鼓励哈~

lynnuanaUID: 2772328

81# tyfytj

Nowadays, Education is always regarded as a topic with a lot of things to discuss. It is known to all interests are significant for a child to gain new knowledge. In this issue, while I concede the speaker’s assertion to some extent, the speaker unfairly generalizes that education should be specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student because of its impossibility. We still have a lot to do to develop our academic不太准确，与education不是相等的关系，school可以么 system with a balance between students’ interests and quality of education.（好！没有废话，破题-点题-提出主题，条理清晰）

Most of us have the experiences that real understanding comes from interests and investigation. If we are interested in something, it will evoke our curiosity and make us try（简单些，motivate us） to find out the fact about it（指代不明）. It is applicable not only in academic studying but also in our life.（这句很意外，首先看第一段最后你限定在academic system来谈，其次看下面的句子也是与学校相关，建议：去掉，下句开头加for instance，in the school） Some people are keen on sports and some like music so they spend much time on what they’re interested in and never feel boring and tired.  这里缺少连接词，似乎是另一个例子了 As Einstein said, “interest is the best teacher.” With the great interests in physics, he invented the theory of relativity and achieved the distinguished success. 这里缺少连接词We can’t ignore the importance of interests that play a vital role in the process of studying. （态度很明确，但是1 例子有些混乱，或者音乐体育的小例子用排比多举些，或者Einstein的例子往深里谈 2 缺少 logical linkword）

However, in fact删 education is actually such删 a complex subject and designing lessons specifically for each student to meet their own needs and interests is impossible. Though education is much more advanced than before, we have to admit the educational resource is still not abundant. (可以用assumming引起写一个假设句子->)For a teacher who is in charge of the（a） whole删 class of twenty, even thirty students,删 it is too hard to have a good control of every his student’s interests and needs for studying and design different ways to impart the regular courses. （仔细看会发现问题。改为it's hard for the teacher to understand the  interests and needs of each student and design different pedagogies to instruct regular courses such as ........）In the modern education, the usual measure is to meet most of students’ needs and interests rather than each individual ones.（看不懂，1 与上句没有关联，可以用so 2 错句：nowadays，education is often considered as meeting most students‘ needs rather than individuals 3 measure 用的有点大，政府措施可以） Admittedly, individual education may have better influences on students’ working, but integrated educational ways are more practical and accessible.

Furthermore, in the present system of academy, I have some problems to modify about可以这样用？ the issue. In some courses, students have little freedom to choose what they really want to learn while they are compelled to attend some subjects that they have no interests in. For example, in our删 literature studying, most of the articles we learned are ancient and classic ones and for（so that )young people, they删 are not attractive enough for them to understand what the articles mean.（这句也是用词不清，attractive？or attracted by？） To ameliorate this situation, we could（must） add some modern and popular literal articles to our text book, and then（with which） students will have more interests and impulses to learn the course well. （缺少连接词）What we should do is to evoke students’ positive attitude while guarantee the whole quality of education.（此句也是有些理解困难）

In conclusion, interests are quite important to a student’s school life as the speaker asserts. In addition,不合适 we need to get a full use of students’ interests and needs to induce their positivity. For limited educational resources, it is impossible to design courses specifically to meet each student’s need. Thus it becomes fairly necessary for schools to open adequate courses for students to choose.

很多问题要注意，而且是如果注意了很容易解决的问题
1 lack transitional words and phrases to convey meaning skillfully
   reader跟着阅读感觉走的连接词缺乏，会打断思路，使文章不流畅
2 persuasive examples
   针对第2段的例子：

用来支持reason的，使抽象的reason更具体，更易被读者理解，从而产生共鸣，或使其更可信，更有说服力。可用的例子有自己的经历，引言。在范文里Ets重点表扬过两种举例方式：1). extended examples(见范文1, 6分文)，叙述例子的过程就是reason的过程；2). examples are varied(见反问2，6分文)，举各个领域的例子或例子涉及的范围很广。恰切的例子一定要论述充分(不然ets都替你可惜)。5分文要求well- chosen examples, 4分要求是relevant examples，因此我个人认为，要达到5分要求，例子一定得典型，多少有点说服力。个人经历是最好的例子，但不能是特例。

3 缺少有亮点的长句，2-3句即可
4 这个太重要了，给我的印象一下子滑到3分，重点看第4点
  3分文章的标准

A typical paper in this category exhibits ONE OR MORE of the following characteristics:
•        is vague or limited in presenting or developing a position on the issue
•        is weak in the use of relevant reasons or examples
•        is poorly focused and/or poorly organized
•        has problems in language and sentence structure that result in a lack of clarity
•        contains occasional major errors or frequent minor errors in grammar, usage, or mechanics that can interfere with meaning

感觉写完了自己要多读几遍，先根据自己的语感觉得没有问题才行，慢慢就练出来了。
仅供参考，不当之处望谅解^^

turnpUID: 2776787

80# maplewind001

"The best ideas arise from a passionate interest in commonplace things."

Hegel, the German philosopher, thinks that good ideas are what can give trenchant or different insight into the world people are long used to. People like best ideas to simulate them and seek to discover the maxim to produce them. I give my agreement to the thought that （好表达）passionate interest in commonplace things is not only a most basic requisite to bring about best ideas, which makes commonness uncommon. （）

Commonplace thing is a mile （是mine吧，和后面的ore对应） in which lie （lies） many ores of best ideas for people to exhume. All the best ideas are derived from commonplace things and turning them into enlightenment to people. Sir Newton finds out the law of gravity from the common phenomenon of an apple’s falling down from a tree. Moreover, the study of uncommonness begins with commonness. Take the study of quark, which is esoteric and elusive for the non-professional, for instance. Its starting point is the very wish to unravel the mystery of the movement of the world,(个人觉得这个地方用破折号——引出后面的the common world 更好) the common world.
这一段是对commonplace things 的论证，用两个很恰当的例子（Nweton 和 quark ）
阐明了best ideas的来源。

However, such a long road in physic is not open to anyone who has the wish to demystify the movement of the world. Only knowing there are miles （这个词在这里是什么意思? ） in earth does not necessarily lead to the finding of gems. The quintessence of this mile-digging is passionate interests, which promote the process from likeness to hearty devotions. What makes people keep on working is a combination of impetuses, like interest, social responsibility or stresses（和前面对称的话stress也用单数比较好） to lead a better life.(to lead a better life 放在这里有点突兀，一是语法上好像有点不对，二是容易产生歧义，不知道是其主语是什么) None of them alone is the sufficient condition of a best idea.（句型改写：none of them alone suffice to generate best ideas）
The most fundamental one, and the one that keeping inspiring people is（加上their) constant and (去掉and,把constant改成constantly) passionate interest. It provides people with impetus and absorbs them to persist on （好像只有 persist in doing sth 的结构，建议把on 该成 in）making out tiny details others usually ignore, relating them in a harmony that may cost years and finally creating the best idea.
这一段是对passionate interests 的论证，说明了best ideas的形成取决于许多因素，但其中最基础的是passionate interests.

There are doubts that maybe (may be) intelligence and education of a person contribute more to best ideas. These doubts are untrue because of reasons as follow. According to the theory of developmental psychology, sixty percent of human intelligence quotients are above a hundred. Intelligence factor exerts weaker influence (这句话看了很多遍也没懂，语法没有问题，应该是表达上的混乱) over people’s career with a proportion of thirty percent, the rest are emotional factor with nearly sixty eight percent and accidental factors with two percent of proportion. Passionate interest happens to be one of the main emotional factors in getting an achievement. As to education, it is more like a tool with which helps people to use scientific methods than the watershed to select people who can make a difference some day later.
这一段从心理学的角度阐明对于best ideas的产生而言，passionate interest 比 education 和 intelligence都要重要。角度很好。

Numerous examples in politics, arts, and knowledge seeking can lend credit to this point.
…(examples in the three fields above)

In conclusion, a palace of best ideas is build up with common bricks within hands of a man with devoted and perseverant （？） interests.（总结不够完整，不能很好地表明作者的立场和观点）

文章论述简洁清晰，逻辑缜密，在用词和句型方面也很好，看得出作者的写作功底很棒，但感觉有点头重脚轻，可能是因为例子还未写完整所以结尾得很仓促，且通篇都没有一个很坚定明确的立场（在首尾段都找不到明确表明观点的总结句）。
仅个人观点，水平有限，不足之处还望见谅，谢谢。

maplewind001UID: 2738208

88# turnp
多谢TURNP~经你指点，我受益匪浅。
依你指导，将文章改了下，仍有几点不懂之处，请指点。

1. 段首主题句放在了第一段最后（
I give my agreement to the thought that passionate interest in commonplace things is a most basic requisite to bring about best ideas, which makes commonness uncommon.），位置是否不甚好？
    结尾的确收束性不强，于是加了句话于in conclusion之后：...best ideas are hoarded in commonplace things and their appearances are fundamentally driven by passionate interest. 这样好些了没？

2. 。。。羞于承认功底太差，把所有的mine敲成了mile，还请见谅。

3. turnp同学所迷惑的第三个主体段中

According to the theory of developmental psychology, sixty percent of human intelligence quotients are above a hundred. Intelligence factor exerts weaker influence over people’s career with a proportion of thirty percent, the rest are emotional factor with nearly sixty eight percent and accidental factors with two percent of proportion.
我也颇不得表达要领，想表达的意思如下，还请turnp指教
根据发展心理学理论研究数据，全球人类智商水平60%都在100以上。智力因素在影响人事业过程中发挥作用较弱，仅占30%，其他因素为情商（占近68%）和突发性因素（2%）
表达。。。于我而言还是颇艰难的事情啊。。。

4. 作文中的数据是用阿拉伯数字写呢还是用正规英文写出来？如 the margin profits raised 30%  OR the margin profits raise thirty percent?

5. 我在百度知道上（虽然来源不是颇靠谱）看到一个问答说老外有可能看不懂破折号。。。于破折号的使用，自己并非颇了解，请指教
http://zhidao.baidu.com/question/73402711

6.例子我会尽快填上，呵呵~~但是例子使用的时态就颇纠结了。。。全用一般现在时有些地方表达不明晰；有的一般现在有的过去时又觉得整个段落颇有跨时空之势，混乱不已。。。这个问题如何解决呢？


以上为反馈，请指教~~
ps. turnp的表达功底颇深厚啊~以后指教了~