新手作文， 请猛拍

谦行天下UID: 2797557

后面两篇文章字好小。。。
建议调大一点。。。
回头俺有时间再来看。。。

whenitssunnyUID: 2726688

16# 谦行天下

ms字体原因，调了还是看着怪怪的。。。

这几篇总觉得自己论证得不够充分。。。

谦行天下UID: 2797557

独立作文、职业运动员工资这么高，像足球和篮球运动员，是否deserve?就是合理不合理，值得不值得。



When it comes to whether it is fair that professional sports stars are highly paid, some people insi ...
whenitssunny 发表于 2010-4-22 12:44

第一段 是不是把specialist 误写为specialness
我狂赞最后一个运动员捐钱的例子。。
最近玉树郭晶晶又捐了20万。。。

谦行天下UID: 2797557

独立作文、职业运动员工资这么高，像足球和篮球运动员，是否deserve?就是合理不合理，值得不值得。



When it comes to whether it is fair that professional sports stars are highly paid, some people insi ...
whenitssunny 发表于 2010-4-22 12:44

想请教你的是：

To this already familiar example

此话何解。。。
我不是很明白

谦行天下UID: 2797557

你应该是掐时间做的吧。。。
我不是权威。。。
我觉得你的语言读起来很流畅。。我很喜欢。。。

谦行天下UID: 2797557

13# whenitssunny

题目是IMPROVING SCHOOL IS MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR TO SUCESSFUL DEVELOPMENT OF COUNTRY

When it comes to what is the most important factor in the development of country, some peopl ...
whenitssunny 发表于 2010-4-22 22:21

这篇文章都可以当范文看了。。。
你的用词很丰富。。文章页很有内容。。逻辑也比较清晰。。。。
看的出平时积累得很多。。。
学习了。。。

谦行天下UID: 2797557

前日套用你的模板写了一篇文章。。。拿来你指点指点。。。

Topic:
Most business people are motivated only by the desire of money.

When it comes to the issue what most business people are motivated by, some people insist that it is the desire of money, considering that doing business is the most effective way to earn money and then people can live a better life. There may be some truth in the statement, however, accumulating evidence has demonstrated that people are no longer desperate for money and more people are motivated by something else such as desire of successful career and interests.

To make this point clear, an analysis of the role that money play in individual's life is necessary. Admittedly, money is necessary for one survives and in some part in the world people are short of money. People need money to buy food, to buy house, to entertain them, to educate their next generation. However, nowadays the majority of people do not need to worry about money. They have access to high education and fewer and fewer people are desperate for money. People do not need to do business just for making money; instead they can do things whatever they love to do.



That's only part of the explanation. From my point of view, someone doing business are motivated by the desire of having a successful career, which means high level of social status, the attainment of position, honors, other than wealth. Even though someone doing some small business couldn’t earn as much money as being a worker in a large company, these people as bosses are considered more successful. Besides, they prefer to work for themselves rather than work in a large company and doing the tasks command by their bosses. Hence, someone prefers be a boss doing their own business rather than a worker.

Besides, someone connected doing business to their hobbies. Admittedly, there are some people interests in doing business. For example, someone run a restaurant because he is fond of cooking. Someone open a photo shop because he loves taking photos. There are large amount of artists sells their own artwork.

To sum up, nowadays most business people are not motivated only by the desire of money, because people tend to choose career according to their own hobbies. With the development of modern economy, people’s living condition is much better and they no longer need to work just for money.

whenitssunnyUID: 2726688

22# 谦行天下

前两天刚考完，现在还是看到作文就抑郁。。。考场上发挥太烂了，用词什么的都没想起来，重复率感觉太高了。。明明是看过的题目啊写得都可以当反面教材了。。真杯具。。

以上牢骚请无视吧。。

To this already familiar example 就是除了这个很熟悉的例子以外的意思， 在saavedro 的writing资料里的句式训练里看到的，应该是这么写的吧，这个句式。。。

关于你的作文：

我觉得总体很顺畅，理由也都很充分，不过我也不是权威，五段式的作文也看得不多。。。所以不知道到底能打多少分。。有几个小问题讨论一下哈

Admittedly一般是转折吧，最后一段论证里那样用不知道对不对。。

词稍有重复，比如be motivated by 可以用devote oneself in 替换（不过现在已经一点感觉都没有了，所以谦行同学最好再核实一下）建议用金山词霸查词，他收录了一个同义词词典，多查查就可以积累一些了。

第一段论证里的people are not desperate of money 没怎么说people 问什么不急需钱， 可以提到生活改善， 观念改变之类的。还有我觉得some people 说服力好像不够，最好用很多的，数量可观的之类的定语， 显得立场坚定些。

以上是我的一些suggestion， 仅供参考， 有待商榷:D

improving school 那篇没有限时。。。第一篇也没有限时。。而且还大改过。。我限时写得还是太少啊。。

谦行天下UID: 2797557

aaaaaa，我现在才看到。。。
受教了，明天有时间来细细琢磨。。
很珍视你提的建议。。。

Vivian911UID: 2801422

翻出来再次看一下
思路清晰了不少