Definitely, a victory 小组第1次作业 Argument 169 By9号wdx19861106

wdx19861106UID: 2821198

169.
The following appeared in a letter from a department chairperson to the president of Pierce University.
"Some studies conducted by Bronston College, which is also located in a small town, reveal that both male and female professors are happier living in small towns when their spouses are also employed in the same geographic area. Therefore, in the interest of attracting the most gifted teachers and researchers to our faculty and improving the morale of our entire staff, we at Pierce University should offer employment to the spouse of each new faculty member we hire. Although we cannot expect all offers to be accepted or to be viewed as an ideal job offer, the money invested in this effort will clearly be well spent because, if their spouses have a chance of employment, new professors will be more likely to accept our offers."

对于同样位于小城市的Bronston学院所作的一些研究发现，不论男性或女性教授，当他们的配偶在相同的城市有工作时，就更乐于在这些小城市生活。因此，为了吸引最有天分的教师和研究人员加入我们的员工队伍并提高我们员工的士气，我们Pierce大学应该为每一个我们所雇佣的新员工的配偶提供就业机会。尽管我们并不期望所有就业机会都会被接受或被看作是理想的工作，我们在这项努力上的投入显然是值得的，因为如果新教授的配偶有就业机会，他们将更乐于在我们学校就职。

In this argument, the arguer recommends that the Pierce University should offer employment to the spouse of each new faculty member and this can improve the morale of the entire staff. And his conclusion is base on some studies conducted by Bronston College. A careful examination of this argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.
To begin with, we should make it clearly that what are the real reasons for the professors’ happier living in small towns? Just because their spouses are also employed in the same area, or for they love live in small towns, now many people are like to leave the big city and want to have a simple live, or because they love their job and love the Bronston College very much? If the real reason is that the academic atmosphere of the College is freedom and the College can give the professors sufficient equipment and other resources. Then the recommendation from the department chairman may have little effect.
Secondly, we assume that the professors are happier for their spouses also in the same geographic area. And the university offer employment to the spouse of each new faculty member. Then how about the older-members in the university, whether all of their spouses are in the same city? If not, this will lead to discontented and this will affect the morale of the entire staff, and that will make counterproductive consequence. Finally, whether the situation in Pierce University resembles the Bronston College? If not the measures that implemented in the Bronston College maybe not suit the Pierce University. Maybe the College site in a small town while the University in big city and the professors may just prefer to live in small town, then the measures may not suit.
In sum, the argument is not well reasoned. To make it logically acceptable, the arguer would have to demonstrate the detail of the studies and contrast the difference between the College and the University, then according to the particulars of the University to propose applicable measures.

yogurt4UID: 198389

没看内容，随便瞟了一眼。
To begin with, ［we should make it clearly that ］what are the real reasons for the professors’ happier living in small towns?
括号里的文字去掉吧。

Secondly, ［we assume that ］the professors are  assumed happier for their spouses also in the same geographic area.
这一段也随便看了一下。叙述上比较散。一篇作文，开头有开头的作用，结尾有结尾的作用。同样的道理也使用于一段话。虽然argu的段落结尾可能没那么重要，但是开头简洁的点明你要针对的错误是有必要的，一针见血～

wdx19861106UID: 2821198

谢谢你的意见，受教了~欢迎多提建议~ 3# yogurt4

yogurt4UID: 198389

恩  下回字再放大一点就更好了，加油的说。

我觉得你花了比较多的笔墨在形式语句上。我说的形式句，是指在语法上没有错误，内容上假大空的表达。尽量做到表达简洁，言之有物，这样你就挤得出来时间写第三个错误了。。绝大多数题目都有三个或者三点以上的错误，你正文只有两段我觉得少了。

欢迎交流^_^

wdx19861106UID: 2821198

谢谢你的指点，我会慢慢改正的~~ 4# yogurt4