作业issue 130

clover213UID: 2807466

issue130
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"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."



With the globalization trends in economic, scientific and technological development, communication ability is considered as one of the most important skill to weigh a people. Indeed, children as the future of our world should be paid more attention on the cultivation of sociability. However, there are much more important factors contribute to a better society which the speaker ignores.

As the world is moving further toward multi-polarization and globalization, good sociability serves as a necessity in social life. More and more international affairs acquire cooperation between different countries. For example, major scientific researches usually conducted by several scientists of different nationalities. Just because intellects are collected from all over the world human can achieved such considerable development in scientific field. The cooperation in environmental protecting also plays an important role, as different countries share the same goal they join ally to work together against one of the most persistent issue—environmental problem. All the cooperation mentioned above require the personnel a good sense of sociability. Only through good communication can different views share comprehensively and correctly. To one person, sociability also plays a key role in his social life. Because every single people belonging to some certain groups mediating with others is a necessity in our daily life. If one person suffered a deficiency in communicating with others he may confront with a lot of troubles. For example, bad relationship with other people will result him in a loss of friends and being isolated in society. In that case, as good sociability is the foundation of social life educators should place more emphasis on cultivating children to be better socialized persons.

Besides, to some extent, sociability is truly dismissed in today's education. Nowadays, educators and parents value the cultivation of logic thinking and the scope of knowledge the most. It seems like that the ultimate goal of educating is to get a higher score in the exam and make every child into a living encyclopedia. Therefore, a lot of students who can achieve a high score in paper work however suffer a deficiency in communicating with others. If related department keeps ignoring this problem, our society will trap in the mire of unbalance and human culture will hence stagnate or even back up.


However, the future destiny of society is determined by a lot of factors, in which how children are socialized plays only a small part of them. Based on the experience learned from history, the chief factor that contribute to a better society include the development of science technology, the policy which determining the general well-being, the state of morals and ethics and so on. Despite the education of sociability for children is very important, people should pay much attention on those aspects in the process of building a better society.

In addition, the education system which has transformed for thousands of years is already mature to some extent. Based on this education system a lot of talents were brought in the society and made considerable contribution. Admittedly, inadequate still exist in the education system. However, the assertion that we still don’t know how to raise children to the people who are beneficial for society is very extremely and unfair.


In sum, for the reason that children’s growth indicates a country’s well fare in the future, people should place much attention on the education of children especially the cultivation of sociability. However whether a country is better or not in the future depends on many factors. The speaker’s assertion unnecessarily exaggerates the value of education on sociability.

heisenberg0000UID: 2755324

在下水平有限，改得不好请见谅
With the globalization trends in economic, scientific andtechnological development, communication ability is considered as one of themost important skill to weigh a people. Indeed, children as the future of ourworld should be paid more attention on the cultivation of sociability. （直接说到sociability无法接受，你应该先定义socialize,而且socialize的内涵不只是社交能力那么简单，你可以上wiki查一下。过于表面的定义写不出深度）However, there aremuch（many） more importantfactors contribute(contributing) to a better society which the speaker ignores.

Asthe world is moving further（closer） toward multi-polarization and globalization, good sociabilityserves as a necessity in social life. More and more international affairsacquire cooperation between different countries. For example, major scientificresearches are usually conducted by several scientists of differentnationalities. Just because intellects are collected（这个搭配不敢苟同） from all over the world human can achieved such considerabledevelopment in scientific field. The
cooperation also plays an important role in environmentalprotecting, as different countries share the same goal they join ally（确定有join ally这个用法？） to work togetheragainst one of the most persistent issue—environmental problem. All thecooperation mentioned above require the personnel a good sense of sociability.（这句话如果提到段首会不会更好呢？因为你花了那么多篇幅讲合作，会使读者觉得你跑题了，如果在段首先提出合作需要社会交往能力，可以给读者一个预期）
Only through goodcommunication can different views share（be share） comprehensively andcorrectly. To one person, sociability also plays a key role in his social
life. Because every single people belongingto some certain groups mediating with others is a necessity in our daily life.If one person suffered a deficiency in communicating with others he mayconfront with a lot of troubles. For example, bad relationship with otherpeople will result him in a loss of friends and being isolated in society. Inthat case, as good sociability is the foundation of social life educatorsshould place more emphasis on cultivating children to be better socializedpersons.

Besides,to some extent, sociability is truly dismissed in today's education. Nowadays,educators and parents value the cultivation of logic thinking and the scope ofknowledge the most. It seems like that the ultimate goal of educating is to geta higher score in the exam and make（turn） every child into a living encyclopedia. Therefore, a lot ofstudents who can achieve a high score in paper work however suffer a deficiencyin communicating with others. If related department（what department？） keeps ignoring thisproblem, our society will trap in the mire of unbalance and human culture willhence stagnate or even back up（是不是太严重了？）.

However,the future destiny of society is determined by a lot of factors, in which howchildren are socialized plays only a small part of them. Based on theexperience learned from history, the chief factors that contribute to abetter society include the development of science technology, the policy whichdetermining the general well-being, the state of morals and ethics and so on. Despitethe education of sociability for children is very important, people should paymuch attention on those aspects in the process of building a better society.

（第三段和第四段的是不是应该调换过来？因为你在第二段先讲了sociability对社会的作用，然后接下来应该是决定社会发展还有其他因素，这样才是连贯的思路。如果中间插入教育忽视了sociability，与上下文没有逻辑关系，而且第三段与第五段都是讲教育，应该放在一起。）
In addition, the education system which has transformed for thousands of yearsis already mature to some extent. Based on this education system a lot oftalents were brought in the society and made considerable contribution.Admittedly, inadequate（inadequate是adj） still exist in the education system. However, the assertion thatwe still don’t know how to raise children to the people who are beneficial forsociety is very extremely（extreme） and unfair.

Insum, for the reason that children’s growth indicates a country’s well fare inthe future, people should place much attention on the education of childrenespecially the cultivation of sociability. However whether a country is betteror not in the future depends on many factors. The speaker’s assertionunnecessarily exaggerates the value of education on sociability.

heisenberg0000UID: 2755324

原来的红字都不见，请问怎样保留红色字体

heisenberg0000UID: 2755324

麻烦楼主看一下我的130
TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children aresocialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have notyet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

What would the society be like if itoverlooks the importance of socializing children? The answer is that thesociety would face plenty of difficulties to progress. The role of socializingchildren is important, however not decisive, in determining the destiny ofsociety. The society has not yet understood well how to raise children tocontribute to a better society.

Children socialization deeply affects thedestiny of society. It is a process to help children shape the attitudes thesociety wants, and accord with social regulations including legal, political,and moral regulations. Children will one day grow up and step into the mainstream, and become the main force in building a better society. How thesociety's main forces are socialized is crucial in building a better society.

For example, modern society's work cannotbe accomplished by few, so cooperation is strongly required by the society.Individuals are required to cooperate with each other, which means tolerance,understanding, disciplines and so on. People are not inclined to possess thesecharacter traits if they are not educated to behave in such ways when they arechildren. Furthermore, children are taught what laws, politics, and moralitiesare. Indeed, children probably cannot understand the true meaning of them.However, studying the general concepts in childhood will cause a life-long influenceto help them become responsible citizens. If a child is told not to laugh athis friends, he is taught that laughing at others is immoral. Consequently, hewill be more likely to become a moral citizen.


However the society should not rest allhopes on children socialization. The way in which children are socialized isdetermined by society. Yet the depth of knowledge the society has is limited bythe era it belongs to. Breaking old rules and creating new ideas alwaysaccompanies with social progression. If children are socialized in the old waythe society develops, they are unlikely to be innovative enough to reform thesociety. A better society should be one which never stops progress. To build abetter society, children should be encouraged to be critical and skeptical ofthe existed social system, rather than simply accept the old one.

Education is the main approach tosocialization. Due to emphasis on socialization, the educational system is lessconcerned with children’s individualities than their similarities. Thuseducation tends to set a pattern for every different student. When I was achild, my teacher tended to praise those excellent students who were excellentfrom their point of view, trying to set good examples for the rest of studentsto follow. It is difficult to label it correct or wrong. Actually the case ismore complicated than we think. I understand that my teacher wanted to motiveus to be excellent, however, the by-effect was we were being shaped in the samemode. There should be different standards to evaluate students. Unfortunately, childrenare always evaluated by the standard decided by few, sometimes teachers andschools, sometimes officials of the education department. There are onlyseveral types of standards, if not one, but every child is so distinctive.Hence, their individualities should be valued. Otherwise it is detrimental tochildren’s growth.

In sum, children are future of the society.Socialization is only one of the aspects of raising children. If we are simplyconcerned to raise children in the way we want them to be, which issocialization, we might restrain their innovative ability and unique personalitydevelopment, and it will not help to contribute to a better society.

fchenyanUID: 2804020

issue130
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"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better socie ...
clover213 发表于 2010-7-4 19:03

issue130-byclover213
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"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
With the globalization trends in economic, scientific and technological development, communication ability is considered as one of the most important skill（skills） to weigh（这个不好，换evaluate） a people. Indeed, children as the future of our world should be paid more attention on the cultivation of sociability(这句话的句子结构有问题，你仔细看看，我以为顺着看，should be paid more attention to就可以截止了，逆着看又不知道你的attention到底要pay 给children 还是the cultivation of them了). However, there are much more important factors contribute to a better society which the speaker ignores.
As the world is moving further toward multi-polarization and globalization, good sociability serves as a necessity（这四个词放一块儿很好） in social life. More and more international affairs acquire cooperation between（among） different countries. For example, major scientific researches usually conducted by several scientists of different nationalities. Just because intellects are collected from all over the world human can achieved such considerable development in （the）scientific field. The cooperation in environmental protecting also plays an important role, as different countries share the same goal they join(join去掉) ally to work together against（focusing on the solving of） one of the most persistent issue—environmental problem. All the cooperation mentioned above require(require somebody for something) the personnel () a good sense of sociability. Only through good communication can different views share comprehensively and correctly(这句话的句子结构不对). To one person, sociability also plays a key role in his social life. Because every single people belonging to some certain groups mediating with others is a necessity in our daily life. If one person suffered a deficiency in communicating with others he may confront with a lot of troubles. For example, bad relationship with other people will result him in a loss of friends and being isolated in society. In that case, as good sociability is the foundation of social life educators should place more emphasis on cultivating children to be better socialized persons.（正反两面论证）

Besides, to some extent, sociability is truly dismissed in today's education. Nowadays, educators and parents value the cultivation of logic thinking and the scope of knowledge the most. It seems like that the ultimate goal of educating is to get a higher score in the exam and make every child into a living encyclopedia. Therefore, a lot of students who can achieve a high score in paper work however suffer a deficiency in communicating （这个重复）with others. If related（relating） department keeps(departments keep on) ignoring this problem, our society will (be trapped)trap in the mire of unbalance and human culture will hence stagnate（这个词我不认识，你好牛） or even back up.

However, the future destiny of society is determined by a lot of factors, in which how children are socialized plays only a small part of them. Based on the experience learned from history, the chief factor that contribute to a better society include the development of science technology, the policy which determining the general well-being, the state of morals and ethics and so on. Despite the education of sociability for children is very important, people should pay much attention on those aspects in the process of building a better society. （怎么说呢，我这个人写作文的时候比较喜欢强词夺理，比如说这里哈，我想到的是如果我来写我就会把所有的问题都归结到socialization上面，not well socialized导致了未来生活和社会发展中的所有问题，这样可以放开手举例子，个人风格哈，供你参考。毕竟issue是考论证嘛，我也不善于左右开弓取其中）
In addition, the education system which has transformed for thousands of years（这里没看懂） is already mature to some extent. Based on this education system a lot of talents were brought in the society and made considerable contribution. Admittedly, inadequate（这里需要的是名词） still exist（or exists） in the education system. However, the assertion that we still don’t know how to raise children to the people who are beneficial for society is very extremely and unfair.

In sum, for the reason that children’s growth indicates a country’s well fare in the future, people should place much attention on the education of children especially the cultivation of sociability. However whether a country is better or not in the future depends on many factors. The speaker’s assertion unnecessarily exaggerates the value(affection) of education on sociability.

短发mmUID: 2840480

With the globalization trends in economic, scientific and technological development, communication ability is considered as one of the most important skill(s) to weigh a people. Indeed, children as the future of our world should be paid more attention on the cultivation of sociability. However, there are much more important factors contribute to a better society which the speaker ignores. (这段感觉上你有2个观点,一个是kids的社会主义应该被培养,一个是作者忽略了更重要的创建美好未来的因素,感觉观点少了点承接词)
As the world is moving further toward multi-polarization and globalization, good sociability serves as a necessity in social life. More and more international affairs acquire cooperation between different countries. For example, major scientific researches usually conducted by several scientists of different nationalities. Just because intellects are collected from all over the world (in which) human can achieved such considerable development in scientific field. The cooperation in environmental protecting also plays an important role, as different countries share the same goal they join ally to work together against one of the most persistent issue—environmental problem. All the cooperation mentioned above require the personnel a good sense of sociability. Only through good communication can different views (be) share(d) comprehensively and correctly. To one person, sociability also plays a key role in his(or her) social life. Because every single people(person) belonging to some certain groups mediating with others is a necessity in our daily life. If one person suffered a deficiency in communicating with others he may confront with a lot of troubles. For example, bad relationship with other people will result him in a loss of friends and being(be) isolated in society. In that case, as good sociability is the foundation of social life educators should place more emphasis on cultivating children to be better socialized persons.
(Er…I just want to ask you a question that what’s the definition of sociality in your issue?)
Besides, to some extent, sociability is truly dismissed in(from) today's education. Nowadays, educators and parents value the cultivation of logic thinking and the scope of knowledge the most(这句话表达有问题吧). It seems like that the ultimate goal of educating is to get a higher score in the exam and make every child into a living encyclopedia. Therefore, a lot of students who can achieve a high score in paper work(,) however(你确定能放这里吗?) suffer a deficiency in communicating with others. If related(relevant) department keeps ignoring this problem, our society will trap in the mire of unbalance(陷入不平衡的泥潭是中国人的讲法,our society will suffer from unbalance.) and human culture will hence stagnate or even back up.(这段支持得是什么?)

However, the future destiny of society is determined by a lot of factors, in which(放这里干什么?) how children are socialized plays only a small part of them.(这句话有逻辑和语法双从错误) Based on the experience learned from history, the chief factor that contribute to a better society include(去e加ing) the development of science technology, the policy (歧义)which determining the general well-being, the state of morals and ethics and so on. Despite the education of sociability for children is very important, people should pay much attention on those aspects in the process of building a better society.(注意时序,用被动语态较为常见)
In addition, the education system which has transformed for thousands of years is already(这个副词限定时态为完成时) mature to some extent. Based on this education system a lot of talents were brought in the society and made considerable contribution. Admittedly, inadequate still exist in the education system. However, the assertion that we still don’t know how to raise children to the people who are beneficial for society is very extremely and unfair.

In sum, for the reason that children’s growth indicates a country’s well fare in the future, people should place much attention on the education of children especially the cultivation of sociability. However whether a country is better or not in the future depends on many factors. The speaker’s assertion unnecessarily exaggerates the value of education on sociability.
总结报告:思路混乱,泛泛而谈,不会找关键词,平衡观点也不是这么用的,超时肯定严重.中国式英语,语法错误严重因为我都看出来了,纯属个人意见,有点犀利.

clover213UID: 2807466

看了各位的批评。。（辛苦大家看我这篇漏洞百出的issue了~T.T）
我确实觉得我的问题还很多很多很多。。。（重复一万遍）
敷衍了事是不行滴！
今后一定要努力认真一丝不苟的完成作业了！！
fighting！巴扎嘿！

clover213UID: 2807466

To heisenberg0000 同学

What would the society be like if itoverlooks the importance of socializing children? （用问句开头很不错啊）The answer is that thesociety would face plenty of difficulties to progress. The role of socializing children is important, however not decisive, in determining the destiny of society. The society has not yet understood well how to raise children to contribute to a better society.(最后一句话感觉来的有点突兀)

Children socialization deeply affects the destiny of society. It is a process to help children shape the attitudes the society wants, and accord with social regulations including legal, political, and moral regulations. Children will one day grow up and step into the mainstream, and become the main force in building a better society. How the society's main forces are socialized is crucial in building a better society.

（这个for example前面应该有个引出的句子吧。。不然举得例子是为了说明什么呢？）For example, modern society's work can not be accomplished by few, so cooperation is strongly required by the society. Individuals are required to cooperate with each other, which means tolerance, understanding, disciplines and so on（这句有点没懂。which指代的是啥？）. People are not inclined to possess these character traits if they are not educated to behave in such ways when they are children. Furthermore, children are taught what laws, politics, and moralities are. Indeed（indeed，这个用在在这里比较怪 应该是转折关系吧）, children probably cannot understand the true meaning of them. However, studying the general concepts in childhood will cause a life-long influence to help them become responsible citizens. If a child is told not to laugh athis friends, he is taught that laughing at others is immoral. Consequently, hewill be more likely to become a moral citizen.（最后一句论据不是很有力哦）  这一段我觉得连接词用的不是很好，导致逻辑有点不清晰。


However the society should not rest（这个用法不错啊，很新鲜） all hopes on children socialization. The way in which children are socialized is determined by society. Yet the depth of knowledge the society has（社会有知识？） is limited by the era it belongs to. Breaking old rules and creating new ideas always accompanies with social progression. If children are socialized in the old way the society develops, they are unlikely to be innovative enough to reform the society. A better society should be one which never stops progress. To build abetter society, children should be encouraged to be critical and skeptical ofthe existed social system, rather than simply accept the old one. （最后一句就是这段的论点吧？可是这样呈现出来的话感觉前面有点跑题。）

Education is the main approach to socialization. Due to emphasis on socialization, the educational system is less concerned with children’s individualities than their similarities. Thus education tends to set a pattern for every different student. When I was a child, my teacher tended to praise those excellent students who were excellent from their point of view, trying to set good examples for the rest of students to follow.  It is difficult to label it correct or wrong. Actually the case is more complicated than we think. I understand that my teacher wanted to motive us to be excellent, however, the by-effect was we were being shaped in the samemode. There should be different standards to evaluate students. Unfortunately, childrenare always evaluated by the standard decided by few, sometimes teachers and schools, sometimes officials of the education department. There are only several types of standards, if not one, but every child is so distinctive. Hence, their individualities should be valued. Otherwise it is detrimental tochildren’s growth.（。。socialization就意味着失去了个性吗？）

In sum, children are future of the society. Socialization is only one of the aspects of raising children. If we are simply concerned to raise children in the way we want them to be, which is socialization, we might restrain their innovative ability and unique personality development, and it will not help to contribute to a better society.

这篇文章有些观点我有点不理解哈~ 感觉还可以再提炼一下！
我的问题也很多啊。。一起加油！！