1010G零散版友作文互改帖（Argument）

江雪UID: 2790520

eddie_h：请跟据一楼的规则 先删除你的文章 占楼改你楼上的文章 再发你的文章。否则你的楼下直接从你楼上那篇改起 你那篇将被我删除。

figuechenUID: 2850619

修改30楼Argument

The researcher claims that the commercial use of salicylates as preservatives in recent decades is the cause of a trend of the decline in the average number of headaches through a 20-year study. In addition, the new function of salicylates as flavour addictives is anticipated to further decline this number in Mentia. It seems a rejoiceful [我查了韦氏字典也没查到这个词…]prevision; nevertheless, several loopholes bogged it down.
[感觉开头可以再简洁一些，作者重复了两个argument中的claims。个人觉得只用把最后的结论简要的复述一下就好]

First of all, the researcher failed to realize that even through salicylates and aspirin belong to the same chemical family, it does not indicate salicylates necessarily have the same function of treating headaches as aspirin. In addition, in the past decades, salicylates have only being [been]used as preservatives, which means people have little opportunity to directly contact with them [contact with them directly，原来也没什么语法问题，但读着别扭]so that it is of little possibility that the salicylates brought influences on them. As a result, the function of treating headaches remains questionable.
[第一个攻击点攻击的是S可能无法用作治头痛，但在这一段中攻击的对象似乎不太明确。第一句攻击的是原文说S和A同属一类化合物；第二句又攻击的却是另一个问题。感觉有点混乱。建议作者将每个攻击的对象写明白，说清楚，勿一句带过。]

The second flaw relates to the ambiguous statement of the 20-year study. Apart from the uncertainty of the representativeness and size of the patients observed, the possibility of [这一整句有语法错误，应该是the possibility that other factors may cause…]other factors (such as the anomalous weather and changes in people's life styles) that may cause a decline in the average number of headaches is not ruled out so that it could not be acknowledged [加个that吧]there is a causality between salicylates and the declining number of headaches.
[第二个攻击点攻击的是study，攻击的是正解。不过感觉内容很空，最好展开说明一下weather和life style是如何影响头痛发病率的。]

Finally, the anticipation of the effect brought by the new function of salicylates also remains invalid as it is unknown whether the residents in Mentia have the similar physical conditions as the samples in the study and whether they will consume foods with flavour addictives of salicylates over a long period of time. Even they do, the micro precipitation of the salicylates may affect little on treating headaches.
[第三个攻击点攻击的是结论的充分性，到位了。]

In sum, the result of the study of [这个of想指什么。。。好像没这种用法啊]the causal link between salicylates and headaches and the anticipation will keep stay in suspicion if the mentioned flaws are not revised. To ameliorate the credibility of them, the researcher should: firstly, corroborate there is a cause-and-effect relationship between salicylates and headaches through scientific experiments; secondly, modify the study, ensuring there is few influence of other factors in spite of salicylates. Furthermore, the content of salicylates as flavour addictives and the conditions of the residents (such as their dietary habits and whether the result of the study can be adopted) are also needed to make a more reliable anticipation.

总评：该文优点是语言流畅，攻击点准确，段落内容清晰；缺点是有一些语法错误，并且由于中间段落攻击时有一些例子没有展开仔细讲，所以感觉内容有些单薄，开头也不够新颖。

可能有些吹毛求疵了，还望作者谅解~

figuechenUID: 2850619

先谢谢楼下了
8 The following appeared in a memorandum issued by the strategic planning department at Omni Inc.                                                                                                                                                  
    "Mesa Foods, a manufacturer of snack foods that currently markets its products within a relatively small region of the country, has strong growth potential. Mesa enjoyed a 20 percent increase in profits last year, and its best-selling product, Diabolique Salsa, has had increased sales over each of the past three years. Since Omni Inc. is interested in reaching 14-to-25 year olds, the age group that consumes the most snack food, we should buy Mesa Foods, and concentrate in particular on marketing Diabolique Salsa throughout the country."

Word:587

    In the memorandum, the author recommends that Omni Inc should purchase Mesa Foods and market Diabolique Salsa in full efforts. To support his claim, the author provides statistics about the profits of Mesa last year compared with the year before and sales trend of Diabolique Salsa the past three years. The claim bases on the assumption that Mesa will continue to earn money and the popularity of Diabolique Salsa will last. There are some obvious unwarranted assumptions in some critical points and therefore the argument is not persuasive.
    First of all, the author fails to provide evidence to illustrate that Diabolique Salsa is welcomed among 14-to-25 year olds consumers, who has been the target of Omni Inc. Perhaps Diabolique Salsa is popular among the old people while the young consumers have shown little interest in it; or perhaps Diabolique Salsa contains a certain kind of hormone so that it is not suitable for children and youngsters. Without ruling out these possibilities, the author cannot confidently draw the assumption that Diabolique Salsa will be accepted by 14-to-25 year old consumers.
    In addition, even if Diabolique Salsa is popular among the 14-to-25 year old consumers, the author provide no evidence to confirm that this profit-increasing trend is going to continue in the future. The author has not accounted for the possibility that snack food safety might arouse public concerns and the sales of snack food will decline in the future; or perhaps potential consumers have already been tired of the smell and taste of Diabolique Salsa and turn to other fast food. Without further information about it, the author cannot convince me that buying Mesa Foods will make money and be a wise choice.
    Moreover, we cannot infer from the fact that Diabolique Salsa is popular in a small region of the country that it will be also welcomed nationwide. The author fails to consider the differences between the region where Mesa Foods locates and the whole country. Common sense tells me that the tastes of people in a region might differ from that of people in another region. For instance perhaps the local residents are fond of hot and spicy fast food while people from other region of the country prefer bland one. Unless the author provides extra evidence to eliminate these possibilities, I cannot accept the claim that marketing Diabolique Salsa throughout the country will bring benefits to Omni Inc.
    Finally, the author does not provide information about the exact profits of Mesa Foods last year and the money we have to pay to buy it, and therefore we cannot evaluate whether the purchase is worthwhile. Perhaps Mesa Foods is just a tiny company which has a high percentage growth but a small total profit; or perhaps Mesa Foods charges twice as the reasonable price for the purchase and Omni Inc does not have the money to buy it. Without considering these possibilities, the author cannot hastily come to the conclusion that Omni Inc should buy Mesa Food.
    In sum, the author’s recommendation that Omni Inc should buy Mesa Foods and that Diabolique Salsa will help make money cannot be bolstered by the limited evidence listed. To convince me of the case, the author has to provide statistic results supporting that Diabolique Salsa is popular among the youngsters throughout the country and Mesa Foods will enjoy an increase in profits the next few years, along with the detailed information about Mesa Foods, including the exact profits and the money Omni Inc has to pay for a purchase.

cant0577UID: 2781482

占位 修改33楼的哦

8 The following appeared in a memorandum issued by the strategic planning department at Omni Inc.                                                                                                                                                  
    "Mesa Foods, a manufacturer of snack foods that currently markets its products within a relatively small region of the country, has strong growth potential. Mesa enjoyed a 20 percent increase in profits last year, and its best-selling product, Diabolique Salsa, has had increased sales over each of the past three years. Since Omni Inc. is interested in reaching 14-to-25 year olds, the age group that consumes the most snack food, we should buy Mesa Foods, and concentrate in particular on marketing Diabolique Salsa throughout the country."

Word:587

    In the memorandum, the author recommends that Omni Inc should purchase Mesa Foods and market Diabolique Salsa in full efforts. To support his claim, the author provides statistics about the profits of Mesa last year compared with the year before and sales trend of Diabolique Salsa the past three years. The claim bases on the assumption that Mesa will continue to earn money and the popularity of Diabolique Salsa will last. 提出让步条件There are some obvious unwarranted assumptions in some critical points and therefore the argument is not persuasive.
    First of all, the author fails to provide evidence to illustrate that Diabolique Salsa is welcomed among 14-to-25 year olds consumers, who has been the target of Omni Inc 这个是一定要论证的，是作者建议的主要原因之一. Perhaps Diabolique Salsa is popular among the old people while the young consumers have shown little interest in it; or perhaps Diabolique Salsa contains a certain kind of hormone so that it is not suitable for children and youngsters. Without ruling out these possibilities, the author cannot confidently draw the assumption that Diabolique Salsa will be accepted by 14-to-25 year old consumers.采用举例例证，我个人觉得你的假设不是很合理，既然都说了is interested in reaching 14-to-25 year olds, the age group that consumes the most snack food, 我们就可以说为什么是interested 的呢？ 可以是 该地区只有这么一个牌子的零食，他们没得选择，所以看起来就像是很受欢迎的。
    In addition, even if Diabolique Salsa is popular among the 14-to-25 year old consumers, the author provide no evidence to confirm that this profit-increasing trend is going to continue in the future 第二个要论证的东东. The author has not accounted for the possibility that snack food safety might arouse public concerns and the sales of snack food will decline in the future; or perhaps potential consumers have already been tired of the smell and taste of Diabolique Salsa and turn to other fast food. Without further information about it, the author cannot convince me that buying Mesa Foods will make money and be a wise choice.用于很简洁，例证也很到位，学习
    Moreover, we cannot infer from the fact that Diabolique Salsa is popular in a small region of the country that it will be also welcomed nationwide. The author fails to consider the differences between the region where Mesa Foods locates and the whole country. Common sense tells me that the tastes of people in a region might differ from that of people in another region. For instance perhaps the local residents are fond of hot and spicy fast food while people from other region of the country prefer bland one. Unless the author provides extra evidence to eliminate these possibilities, I cannot accept the claim that marketing Diabolique Salsa throughout the country will bring benefits to Omni Inc.
    Finally, the author does not provide information about the exact profits of Mesa Foods last year and the money we have to pay to buy it, and therefore we cannot evaluate whether the purchase is worthwhile 确实是一个值得考虑的点，想的好仔细呐. Perhaps Mesa Foods is just a tiny company which has a high percentage growth but a small total profit; or perhaps Mesa Foods charges twice as the reasonable price for the purchase and Omni Inc does not have the money to buy it. Without considering these possibilities, the author cannot hastily come to the conclusion that Omni Inc should buy Mesa Food.
    In sum, the author’s recommendation that Omni Inc should buy Mesa Foods and that Diabolique Salsa will help make money cannot be bolstered by the limited evidence listed. To convince me of the case, the author has to provide statistic results supporting that Diabolique Salsa is popular among the youngsters throughout the country and Mesa Foods will enjoy an increase in profits the next few years, along with the detailed information about Mesa Foods, including the exact profits and the money Omni Inc has to pay for a purchase.
总的来说思路很清晰，分析也很到位，几乎每一段最后都会加上意见，表达方式各异，不错不错，学习学习。 在逻辑上，因为这篇 我感觉上基本上和你一样， 基于该产品有升值潜力 和 广大的消费团体 这两个前提 所以主要攻击点是这两点，恩 我觉得你写的很不错 除了第一个感觉假设的不是很合理外。语言能力也很好，值得我学习。。。。我长句一大堆。。。 加油加油啊

cant0577UID: 2781482

还望楼下大仙不吝赐教~~~

TOPIC: ARGUMENT67 - The following appeared in a letter to the editor of a newspaper serving the villages of Castorville and Polluxton.

"Both the villages of Castorville and Polluxton have experienced sharp declines in the numbers of residents who pay property taxes. To save money and improve service, the two villages recently merged their once separate garbage collection departments into a single department located in Castorville, and the new department has reported few complaints about its service. Last year the library in Polluxton had 20 percent fewer users than during the previous year. It follows that we should now further economize and improve service, as we did with garbage collection, by closing the library in Polluxton and using the library in Castorville to serve both villages."
WORDS: 633          TIME: 。。。。          DATE: 2010/7/14 21:06:53

It is mentioned in the argument that in order to save money and improve service, Castorville and Polluxton merged two garbage collection departments into a single department, and this measure have got nice effect. Based on this, speaker suggests the library in Polluxton should also be closed for the fewer users. Such action seems to take effect, however, the impact made by such two measures to villagers is totally different.

Firstly, in substance, the influence made by merging two garbage collection departments into one department is quiet different from closing the library in Polluxton. Obviously, merging garbage may hardly influence people's daily life, if the process of collecting garbage runs as before. Furthermore, the two villagers may not care where and how to solve garbage from daily life, as long as the new project will not pollute the environment where they live. But, if the library in Polluxton closes just as the speaker's recommend, the life of many people who live in Poluxton must be influenced especially those who go to town library frequently. It is possible that people have to take bus for a long time or walk a long way to the library located in Castorville but it only takes them few minutes to get the town library in Poluxton. Therefore, if we close the library in Poluxton in order to further economize, people are high likely to complaint this measure.

Secondly, closing the library in Polluxtion does not mean the purpose on improving service to be successfully achieved. It is possible that the library in Castorville is so far away and the traffic is so inconvenient that inhabitants in Polluxton are unwilling to go there. In addition, the library will provide services for a larger number of people from two villages than before. Can the capability of book in the library meet the needs from new users? Can the instructions satisfy the increasing number of users? Perhaps a majority of books stocked in the library is about art for the works of most people living in Castorbille is related to art. However, most people in Pulluxton need books concerning with science and technology for they jobs are related to this area. Thus library in Castorville could not provide as the one in Pulluxton. If speaker provides some information about the kinds and the number of books stocked in the library, the location of the library and the traffic condition, and the different needs of villagers, we may make a judgment wheather closing the library in Polluxton will improve service.

Thirdly, there is likely to achieve the opposite result. If the library in Polluxton was closed, the number of people going to the one in Castorbille must be increased. To meet the need of new users, the library is possible to buy more books or convey books from the library in Polluxton. And all these need the government to spend extra money. In addition, what will they do if the library in Castorbille fails to hold so large number of books? Will they enlarge the size of library? If so, the expense is no doubt increased and it is highly possibility that the expense will be higher than before. Hence, we could not just get a conclusion that closing the library in Polluxton will really further economize, for speaker fails to provide the size of Polluxton's library and some other information about the library.

Overall, this measure appears to save money and improve service but lacking so important information about the libraries of two villages, we can hardly make a sense decision. If speaker can make a poll about two villages, evaluate all potential possibilities and provide more information about the library in Castorbille, maybe we can make a right decision and get the aim to further economize and improve service.

追梦小木耳UID: 2781857

It is mentioned in the argument that in order to save money and improve service, Castorville and Polluxton merged two garbage collection departments into a single department, and this measure have got nice effect. Based on this, speaker suggests the library in Polluxton should also be closed for the fewer users.原文概括的比较简洁，但还是建议不要再复述了 Such action seems to take effect, however, the impact made by such two measures to villagers is totally different.

Firstly, in substance, the influence made by merging two garbage collection departments into one department is quiet different from closing the library in Polluxton. Obviously, merging garbage may hardly influence people's daily life, if the process of collecting garbage runs as before. Furthermore, the two villagers may not care where and how to solve garbage from daily life, as long as the new project will not pollute the environment where they live. But, if the library in Polluxton closes just as the speaker's recommend, the life of many people who live in Poluxton must be influenced especially those who go to town library frequently. It is possible that people have to take bus for a long time or walk a long way to the library located in Castorville but it only takes them few minutes to get the town library in Poluxton. Therefore, if we close the library in Poluxton is closed in order to further economize, people are high largely likely to complaint complain this measure.
关闭垃圾站对居民影响小，关闭图书馆造成居民的不方便

Secondly, closing the library in Polluxtion does not mean the purpose on improving service to be successfully achieved. It is possible that the library in Castorville is so far away and the traffic is so inconvenient that inhabitants in Polluxton are unwilling to go there.和上一段的理由重复了 In addition, the library will has to provide services for a larger number of people from two villages than before. Can the capability of book in the library meet the needs from of new users? Can the instructions satisfy the increasing number of users? Perhaps a majority of books stocked in the library is about art for the works of most people living in Castorbille is related to art. However, most people in Pulluxton need books concerning with science and technology for they their jobs are related to this area. Thus library in Castorville could not provide sufficient specific books as the one in Pulluxton. If speaker provides some information about the kinds and the number of books stocked in the library, the location of the library and, the traffic condition, and the different needs of villagers, we may make a judgment wheather whether closing the library in Polluxton will improve service.
书籍种类不能满足需求
Thirdly, therethe measure is likely to achieve the opposite result. If the library in Polluxton was closed, the number of people going to the one in Castorbille must be increased increasing. To meet the need of new users, the library is possible to buy more books or convey books from the library in Polluxton. And to meet all these need the government has to spend extra money. In addition, what will they do if the library in Castorbille fails to hold so such large number of books? Will they enlarge the size of library? If so, the expense is no doubt increased increasing and it there is highly high possibility that the expense will be higher than before. Hence, we could not just get a conclusion that closing the library in Polluxton will really further economize, for speaker fails to provide the size of Polluxton's library and some other information about the library.
运输书籍、扩充图书馆可能产生更多费用
Overall, this measure appears to save money and improve service but lacking lacks so much important information about the libraries of two villages that we can hardly make a sense sensible decision.这句话逻辑有问题哦，因为缺少信息我们不能做合理的决定？？ If speaker can make a poll about two villages, evaluate all potential possibilities and provide more information about the library in Castorbille, maybe we can make a right decision and get the aim to further economize and improve service.

总体逻辑比较清晰，反驳的理由也比较充分。但是第二部分也涵盖了第一部分的内容，可考虑重新拆分组合。
然后就是语法错误太多，语言表达欠缺了

我的提纲：
由于垃圾站和图书馆所提供的服务是不同的，所以不能用同一种方法处理
（1）    不能说垃圾站合并有好处，合并图书馆就有好处。两地的距离没有考虑、可能会造成不方便
（2）   合并不一定会带来更好的服务。因为书不够，管理员缺少
（3）    合并不一定会更加经济，扩充图书馆，买书，运书都会产生很多费用

追梦小木耳UID: 2781857

238The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira Vista College to the college's board of trustees.
"At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumés and interviewing skills."

Word 497
The data provided attempt to argue that the employment rate of Mira Vista College is lower than that of Green Mountain College. But the data are not convincing, and the suggestions are groundless as well.

First of all, one must consider how the survey was conducted, especially in Mira Vista College. It seems that not all graduates but only a part of them have participated in the survey. Are they all the hardworking students who represented the educational quality of the college or merely the small group who seldom attended classes and did not spent much time hunting jobs? If the answer is the latter, there would be no wonder that their employments are not satisfactory. Even if all the graduates have informed the placement office their results, the time frame is too short for a graduate of Mira Vista College to find a proper job. Perhaps, those who were not employed in their major are working temporarily in order to support themselves and keep looking for more proper positions. In addition, the argument fails to provide detailed information about the jobs found by graduates of Green Mountain College. Despite the 90percent employment rate, are they all employed in their own field? Are they content with their positions and salaries? Lacking all these specific statistics, the comparison of the graduates’ employment rate of the two colleges is unreasonable.

Second, the fewer amounts of business courses in Mira Vista College does not indicate more business courses could advocate the employment rate. What the role does business course play in hunting jobs? Perhaps, most students in Green Mountain College are majored in business while only a small proportion in MVC are interested and most students’ majors do not concern business at all. Besides, there is no sense to offer more computer technology courses since no evidence demonstrates that it is the poor skill at computer technology that leads to the unsatisfactory employment. On the other hand, increasing the number of courses in business and computer technology would lay burdens to the students, who therefore, have to spend more time on these classes and own insufficient time for major study. Consequently, without diligent study in major courses, it would be even harder for them to find proper positions.

Finally, as the argument’s failure to figure out the essential reason behind the low employment rate of MVC, hiring additional job counselors may hardly take effect. Perhaps, with the help of job counselors, graduates succeed in founding perfect jobs by showing extraordinary resumes and splendid interviewing skills. But after working a period of time, they turn out to be unqualified for the position and get demoted. In this case, possessing more job counselors does not have pros.

To conclude, the arguer fails to take into consideration other possibilities before comparing the statistics which are questionable. Even the assumption that the graduates’ employment of MVC is not as agreeable as that of GMC, vital reasons should be found before any decisions are made.


请楼下同学指点！

tyarelUID: 2756223

占楼改37L




238The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira Vista College to the college's board of trustees.
"At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumés and interviewing skills."

Word 497

The data provided attempt to argue that the employment rate of Mira Vista College is lower than that of Green Mountain College. But the data are not convincing, and the suggestions are groundless as well.

First of all, one must consider how the survey was conducted, especially in Mira Vista College. It seems that not all graduates but only a part of them have participated in the survey. Are they all the hardworking students who represented the educational quality of the college or merely the small group who seldom attended classes and did not spent much time hunting jobs? If the answer is the latter, there would be no wonder that their employments are not satisfactory. Even if all the graduates have informed the placement office their results, the time frame is too short for a graduate of Mira Vista College to find a proper job. Perhaps, those who were not employed in their major are working temporarily in order to support themselves and keep looking for more proper positions. In addition, the argument fails to provide detailed information about the jobs found by graduates of Green Mountain College. Despite the 90 percent employment rate, are they all employed in their own field? Are they content with their positions and salaries? Lacking all these specific statistics, the comparison of the graduates’ employment rate of the two colleges is unreasonable.

Second, the fewer amounts of business courses in Mira Vista College do not indicate more business courses could advocate the employment rate. What the role does business course play in hunting jobs? Perhaps, most students in Green Mountain College are majored in business while only a small proportion in MVC are interested and most students’ majors do not concern business at all. Besides, there is no sense to offer more computer technology courses since no evidence demonstrates that it is the poor skill at computer technology that leads to the unsatisfactory employment. On the other hand, increasing the number of courses in business and computer technology would lay burdens to the students, who therefore, have to spend more time on these classes and own insufficient time for major study. Consequently, without diligent study in major courses, it would be even harder for them to find proper positions.

Finally, as the argument’s failure to figure out the essential reason behind the low employment rate of MVC, hiring additional job counselors may hardly take effect. Perhaps, with the help of job counselors, graduates succeed in founding perfect jobs by showing extraordinary resumes and splendid interviewing skills. But after working a period of time, they turn out to be unqualified for the position and get demoted. In this case, possessing more job counselors does not have pros.

To conclude, the arguer fails to take into consideration other possibilities before comparing the statistics which are questionable. Even the assumption that the graduates’ employment of MVC is not as agreeable as that of GMC, vital reasons should be found before any decisions are made.

语言读下来感觉也很顺畅，很舒服
对于开头结尾提一点小小的建议。首段很简洁，不过感觉简单得过头了，感觉是个什么文章都可以套的开头段，其实可以在第一段中做点小小的铺垫，引一下后面要反驳的点，这样，读者在读了开头段的之后就能马上就能了解你会从哪些方面去反驳。如果在后面每段能轻易找到对应的反驳，那就显得你的逻辑很清晰。
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=920961&highlight=　　
这个帖子我觉得对于改进Argument的开头思路蛮有好处的
至于结尾，可以多提些建议，毕竟全文都是在反驳，这里继续反驳其实也反驳不出什么了，倒是提下建议，显得文章丰满。这个也是人家给我Argument结尾的建议，你自己可以斟酌一下～～


对于全文的逻辑和反驳点，我提些自己的看法。我个人觉得追梦的全文结构安排稍有问题。我觉得这个文章的逻辑线条是GMC的business课程较多+GMC的就业率较好→较多的business和counselors导致了高就业率→MVC按照建议来能提高就业率。那么可以抓的点就是，1.GMC就业率是否真的好?　2.business和counselor是否导致就业率好? 3.按建议来是否就有效　来做反驳。因为我感觉原文里表述有点杂，而且他的逻辑线是单线的，没有其它事实的参杂，所以按逻辑顺序可能条理更清楚。在第2段的反驳里，我觉得涉及到了2个反驳点。一个就是我前面讲到的反驳点2,另外就是前面讲到的反驳点3，然后第2的大部分和第3反驳又都是围绕最后的建议来反驳的。这样的话，我倒觉得可以把第2段前半部分拆出来，单独成段。而后半部分和第3段可以放在一起的，本质上差不多，就是说这个建议未必能是就业率提高上去。这样子显得比较清晰，否则第2段看着很乱。全文的反驳也缺一条清晰的线路。

tyarelUID: 2756223

TOPIC: ARGUMENT61 - The following appeared in a report by the School District of Eyleria.

"Nationally, the average ratio of computers to students in kindergarten through grade 12 (K-12) is 1:5. Educators indicate that this is very good ratio. This means that across the country, all students have access to and can use computers daily in their classrooms. In Eyleria's K-12 schools, the ratio of computers to students is 1:7. This number is sufficient to ensure that all of Eyleria's students, by the time they graduate from high school, will be fully proficient in the use of computer technology. Thus, there is no reason to spend any of the schools' budget on computers or other technology in the next few years."
WORDS: 460      

Based on the survey of the computers ratio to students in nation and in Eyleria, the author inferred that the number of computers is adequate to students here and suggested that schools' budget should not be spent on computers or other technology in the next few years. Unfortunately, that is not the case and his reasons are unwarranted at the same time.

Foremost, the author drew the conclusion that there are enough computers in Eyleria relying on the ratio of computers compared with that of whole country.  However, the inference is not so potent since the survey was  about the number of computers in kindergarten through 12 and no accurate number or ratio were offered to show the how many computers exactly in each grades. Maybe, in Eyleria, the owners of the majority computers are the kindergarten and there is few computers in higher grade. Thus, it is uncertain whether the number of computers is high enough to students.

Even if the assumption that there are sufficient in Eyleria to all the students is correct, that doesn't mean every student will have access to computers. The average ratio is about the whole Eyleria. Hence it is highly possible that the ratio in some schools will be much lower than that and students in those schools may have no chance to use computers, let alone adept the use of computer technology. If that is the case, schools’ budget spent on computers is essential and necessary obviously.

What's more, even though it has been to an ample degree right now, the number of computers cannot be guaranteed enough in the future. Perhaps there will be some trouble in these computers and they will be discarded. Or, the increasing number of students in Eyleria will also low the ratio. Without excluding these possibilities, it is unreasonable to assert that pursuing more computers is meaningless.

Last but not least, ruling out all the rebuttals I provided above, the conclusion is also not that cogent.  The author merely gave the reason why computers-pursuit is unnecessary. Yet, he didn't supply any reason why other technology should not be bought. If there is a grave shortage of facilities of these technologies, why shouldn't schools' budget be spent on them? So, lacking information about the situation of other technology, like the equipment needed in experiment or other facilities, it is reckless for the author to get the suggestion like that.

All in all, besides not supplying enough accurate ratios in each school and grade, the author didn't do any analysis about the likely situation in the future. And that render his conclusion rather weak. If he can show that the numbers of computers are and will really enough to all the students, the argument may be more persuasive.

说实话，对于这篇文章自己找的逻辑错误不是很有信心，请LX狠拍，谢谢

beanie加油UID: 2843548

TOPIC: ARGUMENT61 - The following appeared in a report by the School District of Eyleria. "Nationally, the average ratio of computers to students in kindergarten through grade 12 (K-12) is 1:5. Educators indicate that this is very good ratio. This means that across the country, all students have access to and can use computers daily in their classrooms. In Eyleria's K-12 schools, the ratio of computers to students is 1:7. This number is sufficient to ensure that all of Eyleria's students, by the time they graduate from high school, will be fully proficient in the use of computer technology. Thus, there is no reason to spend any of the schools' budget on computers or other technology in the next few years." WORDS: 460       Based on the survey of the computers ratio to students in nation and in Eyleria, the author inferred that the number of computers is adequate to students here and suggested that schools' budget should not be spent on computers or other technology in the next few years. Unfortunately, that is not the case and his reasons are unwarranted at the same time. Foremost, the author drew the conclusion that there are enough computers in Eyleria relying on the ratio of computers compared with that of whole country.  However, the inference is not so potent since the survey was  about the number of computers in kindergarten through 12 and no accurate number or ratio were offered to show the how many computers exactly in each grades. Maybe, in Eyleria, the owners of the majority computers are the kindergarten and there is few computers in higher grade. Thus, it is uncertain whether the number of computers is high enough to students. Even if the assumption that there are sufficient in Eyleria to all the students is correct, that doesn't mean every student will have access to computers. The average ratio is about the whole Eyleria. Hence it is highly possible that the ratio in some schools will be much lower than that and students in those schools may have no chance to use computers, let alone adept the use of computer technology. If that is the case, schools’ budget spent on computers is essential and necessary obviously. What's more, even though it has been to an ample degree right now, the number of computers cannot be guaranteed enough in the future. Perhaps there will be some trouble in these computers and they will be discarded. Or, the increasing number of students in Eyleria will also low the ratio. Without excluding these possibilities, it is unreasonable to assert that pursuing more computers is meaningless. Last but not least, ruling out all the rebuttals I provided above, the conclusion is also not that cogent.  The author merely gave the reason why computers-pursuit is unnecessary. Yet, he didn't supply any reason why other technology should not be bought. If there is a grave shortage of facilities of these technologies, why shouldn't schools' budget be spent on them? So, lacking information about the situation of other technology, like the equipment needed in experiment or other facilities, it is reckless for the author to get the suggestion like that. All in all, besides not supplying enough accurate ratios in each school and grade, the author didn't do any analysis about the likely situation in the future. And that render his conclusion rather weak. If he can show that the numbers of computers are and will really enough to all the students, the argument may be more persuasive. 占位改39楼 首先感觉你段落比较清楚，每段的字数相当，思路也明白，还是不错的，肯定下，下面简单分析下你每段的东东 开头段：言简意赅，不错，但缺点是模板化较明显，作者可以稍加修改，避免套路的大众化。 正文段：攻击的是第2个例子。你的观点是不一定每个年级都有相同的电脑，therefore就不能推出the number of computers is high enough to students.。在此段你提出了一个possibility，那就是可能低年级电脑多高年级可能相对少。这个例子是可以的。但是你忽略了一个很重要的东西，我觉得。。文中提到“by the time they graduate from high school, will be fully proficient in the use of computer technology”，就是说这个比例能都确定学生们在毕业时能高有一定的电脑水平？evidently, it is not the case. 你可以举例说因为电脑学生比率是1：7， 所以不一定每个学生能够经常用到电脑，因为他们平时还有很繁重的课业负担。另外一点我自己想的不知道这点何不合理，就是很有可能很多学生到高中毕业之前才掌握电脑技能，这也反映了一是电脑的不够用，二是可能没有专业的人去教，所以在结论中说不去投资是不合理的。额。。。不知道这点对不对。。 第二段继续反驳结论，说的是全国范围不等于地方范围，很好。 第三段举了两个possibility,一是电脑在未来的数量，二使学生的数量。Good 紧接着第4段提到其他的设备，我觉的折磨说可能更好： Last but not least, the conclusion is quite definitive which unfaily rules out other useful technologies that will benefit the students’ proficiency in using computer.It is more likely that the software programs including the photoshop will greatly improve the students ability of acquring the computer skills . without considering the advantages of introducing these kinds of technologies, the author can not draw the conclusion that the computers-pursuit is unnecessary.因为你之前写的那个批评较多我感觉，所以把一些批评得东西删掉加了一些possibilty。 最后一段，还是批评较多，argument主要不是批评，是指出里面的错误并帮他改正。所以最后一段你可以稍加改改，多一点建议，少一点批评。 总的来说，逻辑比较清楚，思维很明显，每段的安拍较合理，但语言缺乏variety。建议写的时候思考着如何让语言再漂亮些，嘿嘿，这样的你文章就比现在无敌多了。 个人意见，仅供参考。

beanie加油UID: 2843548

149. The following is a memorandum from the director of personnel to the president of Get-Away Airlines.
"Since our mechanics are responsible for inspecting and maintaining our aircraft, Get-Away Airlines should pay to send them to the Quality-Care Seminar, a two-week seminar on proper maintenance procedures. I recommend this seminar because it is likely to be a wise investment, given that the automobile racing industry recently reported that the performance of its maintenance crews improved markedly after their crews had attended the seminar(1). These maintenance crews perform many of the same functions as do our mechanics, including refueling and repairing engines(2). The money we spend on sending our staff to the seminar will inevitably lead to improved maintenance(3) and thus to greater customer satisfaction(4) along with greater profits for our airline(5)."
     The speaker asserts that Get-Away Airlines should send the mechanics to a seminar on proper maintenance procedures due to the markable performance of the crews in automobile racing industry did after their attendance of it. Believing it is a wise investment, the director think that it will inevitably lead to improved maintenance and thus a greater customer satisfaction along with greater profits. It seems to be compelling at the first glance, however, it we consider it deeply, we may not hard to find out several critical fallacies in the argument, greatly undermine the persuasive stand the argument tends to demonstrate.
     The director embraces that by sending our staff to the seminar will improve our maintenance level. The reason for him to strongly hold the position is contributed to the improved performance of the crews in automobile racing industry after they took the seminar. But the director fails to differentiate between the two companies before he wrongly expect the Get-Away Airlines to achieve the same benefit. Common sense tells us that there exist great differences between the same jobs in the two companies. For instance, the inner structures of many apparatus in the automobile are quite likely to be different with those in the airplane. Given that reason, it is unwise to send our staff to take the same seminar for it is actually leading them to a wrong way and even worse may increase the incidence of accidents of both the staff and the airplane. So in order to promote a better level of maintenance, the director can encourage their staff to go to a seminar which is specifically designed for those working in an airway company rather than a general lecture.
     When comes to the potential raising customer satisfaction, the director states his opinion that by improving the level of maintenance, the company can easily attain the goal, which is in fact not the case. Taking into account the factors that influence the customer satisfaction, we may reach an agreement that it constitutes several parts instead of only relying on one high level of maintenance. Others serving to it are including the customer service, ticket price, airplane safety, and its punctuality. Each element plays an indispensable role and without working it well, the greater customer satisfaction can not be easily achieved. Hence, the director should lay his attention not simply on the department of inspecting and maintaining, but on the whole company, which will help him realize his aim.
     Mentioned about the greater profits for the airplane company, the director assumes that the company will be quite beneficial by them. However, this is not the case. Lacking of considering the cost the company will pay on the seminar and the revenue they will receive in their future work, the director can not conclude that they will get profits rather than lose their money. So it is quite possible that the airplane company will pay much money on the seminar and earn a little on account of the wrong seminar their staff attend. If the company wants to get the greater profits mentioned, they need to require their staff to take the professional seminar first, raise their customer satisfaction, and then probably run an advertisement campaign on a nationwide scale or even a worldwide scale.
     To simply put, the director makes a wrong comparison between the two companies and then gets a conclusion that the airplane company needs to adopt the method that is proved accessible by the automobile industry. However, if he wishes to improve his company’s level of maintenance, the customer satisfaction and the greater profits, what he should do is to start thinking from his own company to find out the existing flaws in their work and then to correct them in proper ways.

秋尽江南UID: 2636333

149. The following is a memorandum from the director of personnel to the president of Get-Away Airlines.
"Since our mechanics are responsible for inspecting and maintaining ouraircraft, Get-Away Airlines should pay to send them to the Quality-CareSeminar, a two-week seminar on proper maintenance procedures. Irecommend this seminar because it is likely to be a wise investment,given that the automobile racing industry recently reported that theperformance of its maintenance crews improved markedly after theircrews had attended the seminar(1). These maintenance crews perform manyof the same functions as do our mechanics, including refueling andrepairing engines(2). The money we spend on sending our staff to theseminar will inevitably lead to improved maintenance(3) and thus togreater customer satisfaction(4) along with greater profits for ourairline(5)."

     The speaker asserts that Get-Away Airlines should send themechanics to a seminar on proper maintenance procedures due to themarkable performance of the crews in automobile racing industry didafter their attendance of it(attending it,用动名词形式是不是更简洁些？). Believing it is a wise investment, thedirector thinks that it will inevitably lead to improved maintenance andthus a greater customer satisfaction along with greater profits. Itseems to be compelling at the first glance（at first glance）, however, it(if) we consider itdeeply, we may not hard to（一般用法应该是形式主语吧，it is not hard to...但为了和前面的从句保持主谓一致，也许可以改成without difficulty来表达同样的意思，或者干脆删去，keep concise） find out several critical fallacies in theargument, greatly undermine the persuasive stand the argument tends todemonstrate.
     The director embraces that by(把by删去) sending our staff to the seminarwill improve our maintenance level. The reason for him to strongly holdthe position is contributed to the improved performance of the crews inautomobile racing industry after they took the seminar. But thedirector fails to differentiate between the two companies before hewrongly expect the Get-Away Airlines to achieve the same benefit.Common sense tells us that there exist great differences between thesame(similar?) jobs in the two companies. For instance, the inner structures ofmany apparatus in the automobile are quite likely to be different with(from)those in the airplane. Given that reason, it is unwise to send ourstaff to take the same seminar for it is actually leading them to awrong way and even worse may increase the incidence of accidents ofboth the staff and the airplane(for it may mislead them, and in even worse condition, increase the incidence of accidents). So in order to promote a better(promote和better是不是重复了) levelof maintenance, the director can encourage their staff to go to aseminar which is specifically designed for those working in an airwaycompany rather than a general lecture.
     When comes to the potential raising customer satisfaction, thedirector states his opinion that by improving the level of maintenance,the company can easily attain the goal, which is in fact not the case.Taking into account the factors that influence the customersatisfaction, we may reach an agreement that it(感觉it的指代不太明确) constitutes severalparts instead of only relying on one high level of maintenance. Othersserving to it are including the customer service, ticket price,airplane safety, and its punctuality. （可以挑一个具体展开说明一下）Each element plays anindispensable role and without working it well, the greater customersatisfaction can not be easily achieved(主谓不一致). Hence, the director should layhis attention not simply on the department of inspecting andmaintaining, but on the whole company, which will help him realize hisaim.
     Mentioned about the greater profits for the airplane company, thedirector assumes that the company will be quite beneficial by them.However, this is not the case. (与上一段的开头句重复了,which is in fact not the case)Lacking of considering the cost thecompany will pay on the seminar and the revenue they will receive intheir future work, the director can not conclude that they will getprofits rather than lose their money. So it is quite possible that theairplane company will pay much money on the seminar and earn a littleon account of the wrong seminar their staff attend.（感觉这句话和上面一句有点重复：The expense of the seminar may greatly exceed what the company can achieve. 这样改不知道怎么样？） If the companywants to get the greater profits mentioned, they need to require theirstaff to take the professional seminar first, raise their customersatisfaction, and then probably run an advertisement campaign on anationwide scale or even a worldwide scale.
     To simply put, the director makes a wrong comparison between thetwo companies and then gets a conclusion that the airplane companyneeds to adopt the method that is proved accessible by the automobileindustry. However, if he wishes to improve his company’s level ofmaintenance, the customer satisfaction and the greater profits, what heshould do is to start thinking from his own company to find out theexisting flaws in their work and then to correct them in proper ways（最后给出的解决方案会不会太泛泛了一些？）.

other possibilities列举的很充分，值得学习～举完反例之后可以再具体详细阐述一下，更具有说服力一些～
语法方面有一些长句在表意上不太明确，也不易理解（不排除我理解能力上的问题……）

秋尽江南UID: 2636333

TOPIC: ARGUMENT186 - The following is a recommendation from the director of personnel to the president of Professional Printing Company.

"In a recent telephone survey of automobile factory workers, older employees were less likely to report that having a supervisor present increases their productivity. Among workers aged 18 to 29, 27 percent said that they are more productive in the presence of their immediate supervisor, compared to 12 percent for those aged 30 or over, and only 8 percent for those aged 50 or over. Clearly, if our printing company hires mainly older employees, we will increase productivity and save money because of the reduced need for supervisors."

提纲：
汽车厂工人的例子不能用于印刷厂
即使印刷厂的情况和汽车厂类似，文中的调查结果只给出了老工人、年轻工人分别在有无监督者的情况下的工作效率，不能说明老工人的生产效率比年轻人高。
即使老工人的生产效率高，也不一定能达到省钱的目的。也许还有其他省钱的方法。


In this argument, the author recommends that Professional Print Company can increase productivity and save money by hiring mainly older employees. The recommendation seems reasonable at first glance, however, the author makes false analog by comparing automobile factory workers to printing company ones and the recommendation depends on several unwarranted assumptions. The implementation of such baseless recommendation may not achieve the goal as the director has expected.

The survey may describe the status of automobile factory workers, yet no evidence is provided that the same situation occurs in the printing company. Since the two industries differ in several aspects, from working environment to the machines they used, it is entirely possible that the trend just reverses at PPC: the productivity of older workers increases in the presence a supervisor while that of the young ones falls. Without more statistics to substantiate the analog between automobile factory workers and printing company ones, the author cannot convince me of the recommendation.

Moreover, the author hastily concludes that older workers work more efficiently than young ones, which is not supported by the statistics. The survey separately discusses the productivity of old and young workers in the presence and absence of a supervisor, but not comparatively. Common sense tells us that generally, young workers are more productive because they are agile, vigorous and in good physical condition. The author may overlook the possibility that older workers are still less productive than young ones without a supervisor. The author cannot judge the comparative productivity according to limited statistics.

Assuming that hiring older workers, and less supervisor at the same time, can increase productivity of the company, it does not suffice to save money. Perhaps experienced, skillful old workers charge more salary than younger ones, if so, these higher wages might offset production gains and payroll savings accruing from reduced supervision. For that matter,  the author’s assumption that hiring older workers will also save money does not stand as it states. Further, there exist other approaches to save money such as laying off unnecessary or inefficient employees, economizing on administrative costs and relocation to a place where charges low rent. With an overall analysis on other methods on saving, the author can make a balanced recommendation.

In sum, the author cannot justify his recommendation of hiring mainly older workers in the argument. To better support the argument, the author has to conduct similar survey in printing company or obtain relative statistics, and have a complete view on other possible solutions.

清水风铃_nonoUID: 2809777

In this argument, the author recommends that Professional Print Company can increase productivity and save money by hiring mainly older employees. The recommendation seems reasonable at first glance(像是套用模板，但其实，“at the first glance”并不觉得主要雇用老员工“看似合理”，相反，绝大多数都雇用老人很奇怪的，如果想这么用，起码要说，“从全文的推理来看”。模板的使用要当心，套用以前最好再多捉摸一下逻辑~), however, the author makes false analog by comparing automobile factory workers to printing company ones and the recommendation depends on several unwarranted assumptions(这个短语好，学习学习). The implementation of such baseless recommendation may not achieve the goal as the director has expected. (开头清晰间接，点出了文章的两个主要错误，盲目比较和无关推断)

The survey may(这个地方用may欠妥当，survey“确实”而不是“可能”描述了汽车厂的情况，可以直接用the survey describes…) describe the status(这个词的确有“情况”的意思，可根据金山词霸的例句和google上搜到的句子用法，status这个词更多的是表示“地位”，它的“情况”的意思也跟地位多少有关系，我对这个词也不太熟，希望使用的时候最好小心一些) of automobile factory workers, yet no evidence is provided that the same situation occurs in the printing company. Since the two industries differ in several aspects, from working environment to the machines they used, it is entirely possible that the trend just (省略) reverses at PPC(看了半天才明白这个缩写是指那个公司，如果一定要用缩写，最好在第一次提到全称的时候写一个括号：PPC 或者用其他合适的方法标一下): the productivity of older workers increases in the presence a supervisor while that of the young ones falls. Without more statistics to substantiate the analog between automobile factory workers and printing company ones, the author cannot convince me of the recommendation. (这一段的思路很清晰，错误类比的确是本文的一个大问题。只是，为什么印刷厂和汽车工厂是不同的，个人觉得要是能在具体些就好了。现在说的是印刷厂的情况完全可能跟汽车厂相反，这样没错，5分肯定是有了，只是要想六分，咱们就得琢磨这两个厂在什么地方的区别足以导致类比的失败……我还没想好，你如果想到了站短我~)
Moreover, the author hastily(仓促的，好词！) concludes that older workers work more efficiently than young ones, which is not supported by the statistics. The survey separately discusses the productivity of old and young workers in the presence and absence of a supervisor, but not comparatively. Common sense tells us that generally, young workers are more productive because they are agile, vigorous and in good physical condition(这三个词用得很到位，学习！). The author may overlook the possibility that older workers are still less productive than young ones without a supervisor. The author cannot judge the comparative productivity according to limited statistics. (这一段从Common开始后面都写的很流畅，只是画蓝色的那一句有些没点透，而且这还是比较关键的一句。文中是有比较的，27%,12% ,8%就是比较，生产效率和上司的存在也是有联系的，相应比例的人认为they are more productive in the presence of their immediate supervisor。这处的真正问题在于，调查里说的是，认为有上司在，他们的生产率就提高的人数，随年龄递减；但不等同于，生产率随年龄递增，也不等同于，需要上司的人数随年龄递减，作者做了这样两个推理是不对的。至于为什么不等同，本段从common开始后面都解释得比较清楚。并且，下面一段的逻辑也是接着这个的。个人认为这个逻辑很重要，希望我说明白了，有什么想法我们一块探讨~)

Assuming that hiring older workers, and less supervisor at the same time, can increase productivity of the company, it does not suffice to save money. Perhaps experienced, skillful old workers charge more salary than younger ones, if so, these higher wages might offset production gains and payroll savings accruing from reduced supervision.(情况1，老年熟练工人工资更高) For that matter,  the author’s assumption that hiring older workers will also save money does not stand as it states. Further(好词！), there exist other approaches to save money such as laying off unnecessary or inefficient employees, economizing on administrative costs and relocation to a place where charges low rent. With an overall analysis on other methods on saving, the author can make a balanced recommendation (后面半段说的是其他省钱的方法，个人觉得这个讨论是正确的，只是稍有点远。既然这一段的攻击目标是最后一句，不妨换一种思路：说完老年熟练工人工资更高这种情况，将老人经验多作为一个让步。经验多，但问题更多。跟年轻人相反，老人Less energetic, poor physical condition，如果老生病，雇2个只能用一个，产量更低。这是攻击“increase productivity”。老人需要和生活保障，保险之类，雇老人又干不了多少年就得退休，还得费劲雇新的，这都得花钱，攻击“save money”这样一来，驳斥相对有力一些，你觉得呢？).

In sum, the author cannot justify his recommendation of hiring mainly older workers in the argument. To better support the argument, the author has to conduct similar survey in printing company or obtain relative statistics, and have a complete view on other possible solutions.

文章的思路架构是很清晰的。特别突出的是连接词和某些小词的运用很准确，看得出来在炼字上下了很大的功夫。各种学习你的用法ing
总体来说没有什么大的问题，下一步需要提高的就是攻击的有力性和逻辑把握的准确性了。详见每段后面的紫色描述，要是这一点上再有提高，个人觉得就没什么问题了~
欢迎交流！加油加油！

清水风铃_nonoUID: 2809777

TOPIC: ARGUEMENT 8 -The following appeared in a memorandum issued by the strategic planning department at Omni Inc.
"Mesa Foods, a manufacturer of snack foods that currently markets its products within a relatively small region of the country, has strong growth potential. Mesa enjoyed a 20 percent increase in profits last year, and its best-selling product, Diabolique Salsa, has had increased sales over each of the past three years. Since Omni Inc. is interested in reaching 14-to-25 year olds, the age group that consumes the most snack food, we should buy Mesa Foods, and concentrate in particular on marketing Diabolique Salsa throughout the country."

提纲：
收购MF的决定有问题，MF不一定好，Omni 不一定有能力，两家公司不一定适合
即使收购MF，是否推广DS食品也值得商榷，DS是否在当地受欢迎都不一定，何况要对广全国。

According to the argument, optimistic performance  of Mesa Foods, the snack food manufacturer, rationalize the decision of Omni Inc. to buy Mesa Foods, and to concentrate on marketing Diabolique Salsa, the best-seller of Mesa Foods. However, either the purchase or the marking strategy is lack of consideration. If Omni execute this strategy, crisis is likely to be around the corner.

The merging plan should be on the top of reconsideration. Mesa Food is stressed to have “strong growth potential” in the argument, but not strongly supported by the data. Either 20 the increase in profit last year or the increase in sales of Diabolique Salsa only suggest that Mesa Food is experiencing increase in the past. The arguer fails to provide enough hints, such as strong R&D ability, innovation, reliable quality control and mature marking strategy, to guarantee Mesa Food’s promising future. For instance, if the snacks are reported to contain poisoned ingredients after Omni taken charge of Mesa Food, Omni may be in endless trouble of consumer’s complaining, suffering credibility crisis; or, it may forced to afford huge compensation, leading to financial crisis.  

Even if Mesa Food is merit enough and have great potential, it is not guaranteed that buying it the a wise choice of Omni Inc. Instead, the Omni should evaluate the financial ability of the both company. If Omni is much smaller Mesa Food, and not enough credits or loans are available, it is nearly impossible of Omni to perform the purchase. Moreover, the argument only mentions that the target consumers of Omni are 14-to-25 year olds, but does not present the fact that Omni is in the food industry. Instead, if Omni is a well performed youth clothing company, is it of high risk to buy a corporation of food industry, which is an unfamiliar field to Omni.

If finally the entire  crisis and risks are predicted, and Omni is appropriate as well as having the ability to buy Mesa Food, the chef of Omni may not have a breathing spell. The new problem is, is marking Diabolique Salsa throughout the country feasible ? It is highly doubted. Although DS is the bestseller of Mesa Food, neither the market share nor the growth rate of it is provided through out the argument. The acceptance degree of DS is unknown thus the sales situation in the future is hardly predicted. Provided that DS is well accepted, it is not guaranteed that DS is wide accepted, because the former market of DS is within a relatively small region of the country. If the flavor of DS is weird to other parts of the country, the promotion of DS will be more difficult, and might be a failure.

To summarize, purchasing a company and promote a new marketing strategy deserves close analysis and inspection. According the argument, the feasibility of Omni Inc. buying Mesa Foods and is highly doubted. It is strongly recommended of perform more specific observations and comparisons about both companies.

提前感谢楼下~谢谢！

给楼下的反馈：
非常感谢！恩！这是没限时写的，下一步该限时了，估计就会惨痛了。。。继续努力ing...
have a breathing spell 是“喘息时机，短暂的休息，考虑的机会”想表达“也不到这个人长出一口气的时候（后面问题还多着呢）”不知道能不能这么用……
后面那一句确实有点问题，改成The new problem is that weather markting DS throughout the country is feasible.是不是好一些~？