1010G零散版友作文互改帖（Argument）

费话先生UID: 2788924

占楼 改16楼的
TOPIC: ARGUMENT237 - The following appeared as part of an article in a local Beauville newspaper.
"According to a government report, last year the city of Dillton reduced its corporate tax rate by 15 percent; at the same time, it began offering relocation grants and favorable rates on city utilities to any company that would relocate to Dillton. Within 18 months, two manufacturing companies moved to Dillton, where they employ a total of 300 people. Therefore, the fastest way for Beauville to stimulate economic development and hence reduce unemployment is to provide tax incentives and other financial inducements that encourage private companies to relocate here."
WORDS: 411
TIME: 01:00:00
DATE: 2010-7-8 11:29:04


The enthusiastic author recommends a fastest way for Beauville (Be) to stimulate economy and reduce unemployment. His supporting evidences, the data during the past 18 months, an analogy between Dillton (Di) and Be, and a assertive assumption, is (应该改成are 吧)susceptible to query, rendering the conclusion based on them stands scant closer examination.

To begin with, is the Di model a real success?（嗯，问句开头做中心句我觉得有点风险，毕竟第一句得把之后的观点都有个大览的作用，比如提下这个错误是啥呀，to begin with, the assumption that di is successful in stimulating economic development is un substantiated） Merely the data collected （这个语序貌似不太对呀，若是我会写
the mere data collected during 18 mouths….）within 18 months doesn't necessarily indicate an increase after the relocating(用名词会好一点，relocation动词Ing放在前面不对啊，要么放后面) private companies. Maybe there are other factors in Di rather than the new policies that appeal to them, say available raw materials, potential market shares for them, convenient transportation to other markets, the particularly cheap labor and so forth. （我总觉得有点怪怪的，感觉不太正规呀，最后一个并列短语得用and吧，而且这种全部并列式的他因看上去给人印象不深刻呀，拆成两句话会好一些，毕竟这一句才是具体的展开重点呀）As to the 300 employees in the two companies, are they jobless local residents or immigrants along with the companies, or native skill workers that leap from the other local plants? If it is（it is what？
加TRUE 或者 the case 之类的吧，而且it代指不明呀） in the last two events（不应该用event吧，situation我比较倾向用）, the relocation of companies contributes little to reducing local unemployment.

Even if the new measures function well in Di, it is likely not the case in Be. What a company emphasizes when choose location is not only some new policies trying to allure them, but also other in-depth factors, such as the development space for it, the number of potential consumers, the cost of local labor, the prosperity of local market and the completeness of its infrastruction. All those should be given equal priority（为啥，我觉得这就是一个gratuitous assertion， equal priority从何而来，都要考虑跟同等地位的优先程度不一样吧~这句话有逻辑漏洞呀，只能说should not ignore the above factors ）. In other words（in other Words 个人觉得不适合用作小结尾，因为本身它是对上面话的进一步解释或paraphrase，没有总结的意义在）, Be may not be the first choose regardless its attractive tax incentives and other financial inducements.

Finally, the author assumes that there is not other（another） way to boost economy other（rather） than attracting private companies to Be. For example（这个词不是列举他因的标志诶，for example 后面跟的一定是具体事例，是真的是一个正儿八经的例子。）, aimed at developing local companies, expanding their market shares and therefore recruit more employees, may works equally well, if not better. In addition, if Be is a beautiful city, or be famous for its unique culture, why not enhance the relevant infrastruction（这个词。。。好像没有。。。） to allure more tourists, who may bring about piles of money?

Though well-intentioned, the author provides insufficient evidences to support his specious recommendation and cannot convince even me. To appeal to the masses, he should collect more statistics showing that a number of private companies managers will prefer Be if it adopt positive economic polices towards the relocation of companies. Additionally, he can survey the local tourist market and its appeal to non-residents, to conclude whether this can be a green way to stimulate local economy.
总评：我觉得逻辑和攻击点还是很清晰的，有些表达也让我眼前一新，没有很模板化。但是美中不足的是，他因总是喜欢一溜就列举完了，一句话就搞定了，让人有点欲罢不能呀，不够well-developed.语言流畅度方面还是要注意一下，有些句子有点绕，不太顺流，我可能语言比较小白，所以语言方面我无法提供更好的建议，只觉得流畅是第一位的，我初读笔者的文章，有些迟滞~我想这一点可能会影响到笔者的分析吧。另外，我觉得他因列举得很详实，结构亦很清晰，不错。

费话先生UID: 2788924

先谢谢帮我认真修改的版友~第一篇argument，希望多提缺点~
TOPIC: ARGUMENT14 - The following appeared in a memo from the owner of Green Thumb Gardening Center, a small business serving a suburban town.
"There is evidence that consumers are becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables. A national survey conducted last month indicated that many consumers were dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables available in supermarkets. And locally, the gardening magazine Great Gardens has sold out at the Village News stand three months in a row. Thus, we at Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase our profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds we stock for gardeners this coming spring."
WORDS: 533
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2010-7-9 9:17:58

The author predicts than Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds stocked for gardeners. To demonstrate his prediction, the author cites a national survey and good sales of a local gardening magazine. However, either the national survey or the good sales of magazine can lead little support to his prediction.

To begin with, it's unreliable to deduce that consumers are becoming more interested in growing vegetables themselves from the national survey. First, those who are dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables are only a small part of consumers and their comments can be negligible to represent the majority of consumers. Second, even if most of consumers are really dissatisfied with the vegetables, it is not safe to say that the consumers are interested in growing their own vegetables. The purpose of crying out may be attracting the managers' attention, so they can improve their services. It’s like consumers aren't satisfied with some services doesn't mean they want serve themselves. Third, the author's assumption that the results of national survey can also manifest the trend in local is unwarranted. Perhaps the local residents are very satisfied with the vegetables in supermarkets because the supermarket's supplier is quality guaranteed.
The author's further assumes that the good sales of gardening magazine can indicate the popularity of residents’ self-growing vegetables. However, this may be not the case. It's possible that those who buy the magazine are interested in growing flowers rather than vegetables. Anyway, there is no evidence that the magazine is mainly about vegetables growing. The assumption will be poor-reasoned if there is a little information about how to grow vegetables. Besides, the author doesn't provide any statistics on the specific volume of the magazine. If the circulation is rather small, the magazine is also possible to be sold out even if there are only a few people who like it. Again, three mouths data may be not sufficient to draw any conclusions from it. Perhaps during the three mouths there appears an influx of tourists who buy the magazine to kill time and hence increase the sales of the magazine. Without ruling out other possible factors which may influence the sales of magazine, the author cannot draw the conclusion that local residents are more likely to buy the magazine, let alone grow vegetables themselves.
Suppose that the above evidence can convincingly prove that local people do much prefer to grow vegetables than before, the suggestion that Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds stocked may turn out to be ineffective. The climate in the town may be only suitable for a few certain sorts of vegetables. So if the owner doesn’t take the viability into account, the decision to expand the variety of seeds may lead nobody to buy.

In conclusion, the argument is not cogent enough to give the prediction. If the author want to demonstrate the future market of his company are really with wide prospect, he should provide evidence that the local people are clearly more desirable to grow vegetables and the suggestion to expand the variety of seeds are effective in attracting the consumers.

yaniiUID: 2807225

The author predicts than（that） Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds stocked for gardeners. To demonstrate his prediction, the author cites a national survey and good sales of a local gardening magazine. However, either the national survey or the good sales of magazine can lead little support to his prediction.

To begin with, it's unreliable to deduce that consumers are becoming more interested in growing vegetables themselves from the national survey. First, those who are dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables are only a small part of consumers and their comments can be negligible to represent the majority of consumers. Second, even if most of consumers（most consumers或most of the consumers） are really dissatisfied with the vegetables, it is not safe to say that the consumers are interested in growing their own vegetables. The purpose of crying out may be attracting the managers' attention, so they can improve their services. (该句太突兀)It’s likely consumers aren't satisfied with some services doesn't mean they want serve themselves. Thirdly, the author's assumption that the results of national survey can also manifest the trend in local is unwarranted.（Nice！） Perhaps the local residents are very satisfied with the vegetables in supermarkets because the supermarket's supplier is quality guaranteed.

The author's further assumes that the good（high） sales of gardening magazine can indicate the popularity of residents’ self-growing vegetables. However, this may be not the case. It's possible that those who buy the magazine are interested in growing flowers rather than vegetables. Anyway, there is no evidence that the magazine is mainly about vegetables growing. The assumption will be poor-reasoned if there is a little information about how to grow vegetables. Besides, the author doesn't provide any statistics on the specific volume of the magazine. If the circulation is rather small, the magazine is also possible to be sold out even if there are only a few people who like it. Again, three mouths data may
be not sufficient (insufficient) to draw any conclusions from it. Perhaps during the three mouths there appears an influx of tourists who buy the magazine to kill time and hence increase the sales of the magazine. Without ruling out other possible factors which may influence the sales of magazine, the author cannot draw the conclusion that local residents are more likely to buy the magazine, let alone grow vegetables themselves.

Suppose that the above evidence can convincingly prove that local people do much prefer to grow vegetables than before(不是不能推出吗Even suppose that local people do prefer to grow vegetable themselves more than before) , the suggestion that Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds stocked may turn out to be ineffective. The climate in the town may be only suitable for a few certain sorts of vegetables. So if the owner doesn’t take the viability into account, the decision to expand the variety of seeds may lead nobody to buy. (是该决定导致没有人买吗？)

In conclusion, the argument is not cogent enough to give the prediction. If the author want to demonstrate the future market of his company are really with wide prospect,
（有点怪，不太明白）he should provide evidence that the local people are clearly more desirable to grow vegetables and the suggestion to expand the variety of seeds are effective in attracting the consumers.

总结：思路很清晰，结构、文笔都不错，词汇量也很大；对他因的思考也比较合理且全面，赞！
      个别地方选词不太准确，有些表达也小有问题。
      再改改就成型了，再接再厉！
PS：谢谢对我的修改呀！很有启发。

yaniiUID: 2807225

先谢谢将要辛苦修改的楼友们:)
TOPIC: ARGUMENT163 - The following is taken from the editorial section of the local newspaper in Rockingham.

"In order to save a considerable amount of money, Rockingham's century-old town hall should be torn down and replaced by the larger and more energy-efficient building that some citizens have proposed. The old town hall is too small to comfortably accommodate the number of people who are employed by the town. In addition, it is very costly to heat the old hall in winter and cool it in summer. The new, larger building would be more energy efficient, costing less per square foot to heat and cool than the old hall. Furthermore, it would be possible to rent out some of the space in the new building, thereby generating income for the town of Rockingham."

The editorial recommends the Rockingham's (Rh's) old town hall be replaced by a larger new one for saving money. However, its supporting evidences - several plausible assumptions and an assertive suggestion - are open to query, rendering it amount to a poor advice.

Turn to the first argument that the old town hall is too small to comfortably accommodate the town’s servants. What is the argument based on? Especially the vague word "comfortably"? Is it on complaints of some particular employees, whose concern is inexorable on being comfortable? Or the announcement of the authorities
without sufficient investigation on the hall and just taking it as an opportunity to improve their office conditions? If so, the civilian of Rh must be on guard not be deceived. On the other side, if the old hall is really not large enough to hold so many employees, purchasing some floors of established apt building or just constructing a small one to enlarge the gross office space both may be good choices. On the contrary, building a completely new one will inevitably waste a considerable amount of money rather save any.

Moreover, the editor assumes that the heat and cold fee is inefficient and costly
in the old town, and only by building a new one can they by solved. Yet, he overlooks or ignores intentionally the alternative solution. Through redecoration and replacing the old inefficient appliance, it may be equally efficient in the old hall. Besides, even new building may be more energy efficient in per square, the total fee of it may offset, if not exceed its benefits.

As for the editor's suggestion, renting out some of the space, in the would-be new building, thus generating income for the town is particularly ridiculous. Will the government build an excessive large one to spare space for rent or will it build a sizeable one to accommodate its employees? In the first situation, a higher front-end investment would be extremely high and may beyond the government can afford; If the government really want to expand income by renting rooms, why don’t they just build some? Does this consideration have any bearing with replacing the old town hall? On the second situation, there would be little space, if any, to rent, and the expanding income would be too small to mention. Additionally, what about the local rent market?
Is it prosperous or floundering? Absent such information, it's likely that the extra space will be vacant for a long time, without efficient utility, let alone expanding income.

As long as there is a common sense, all know that this editorial may be nothing but a propaganda for some intentional people, and the ignorant resident should be wary of being hoaxed. To rebut my conclusion and bolster the original one, the editor needs to provide more information about how come the old town hall is too small, and that the redecoration and replace of old heat and cold system may cost as much, or even more. As to the space of the new building, the government should consult with the taxpayers.

koyoiUID: 2694874

占20楼修改

这个是语法问题

这个是句子修善问题

这个是内容相关问题

TOPIC: ARGUMENT163 - The following is taken from the editorial section of the local newspaper in Rockingham.

"In order to save a considerable amount of money, Rockingham's century-old town hall should be torn down and replaced by the larger and more energy-efficient building that some citizens have proposed. The old town hall is too small to comfortably accommodate the number of people who are employed by the town. In addition, it is very costly to heat the old hall in winter and cool it in summer. The new, larger building would be more energy efficient, costing less per square foot to heat and cool than the old hall. Furthermore, it would be possible to rent out some of the space in the new building, thereby generating income for the town of Rockingham."

The editorial recommends the Rockingham's (Rh's) old town hall be replaced by a larger new one for saving money. However, its supporting evidences - several plausible assumptions and an assertive suggestion - are open to query, rendering it amount to a poor advice.

(To) Turn to the first argument that the old town hall is too small to comfortably accommodate the town’s servants (开头用不定式，因此这不是一个完整的句子). What is the argument based on? Especially the vague word "comfortably"?（这两句虽然语气比较强烈但是语法不那么规范尤其后一句只是一个句子成分但是被单独成句显得比较口语化）  Is it on complaints of some particular employees whose concern is (are) inexorable on being comfortable? Or (不应断句) the announcement of the authorities without sufficient investigation on the hall and just taking it as an opportunity to improve their office conditions? If so, the civilian of Rh must be on guard not be deceived (against being deceived). On the other side, if （建议直接使用even through之类的转折替换on the other side, if）the old hall is really not large enough to hold so many employees, purchasing some floors of established apt buildings or just constructing a small one to enlarge the gross office space both (both 提到purchasing前或者放到be后) may be good choices. On the contrary, building a completely new one will inevitably waste a considerable amount of money rather than saving any (any的感觉稍微有点怪).

Moreover, the editor assumes that the heat and cold fee is inefficient （用词不当，费用不存在有无效率，而应该是费用的使用有无效率） and costly in the old town, and only by building a new one can they be solved. Yet, he overlooks or ignores intentionally the alternative solutions (或许复数会更好？以及你如何确定他是intentionally？). Through redecoration and replacing (建议词性统一 redecorating and replacing 或者redecoration and replacement of) the old inefficient appliance（稍微觉得redecoration和appliance的对应不太妥当）, it may be equally efficient in the old hall（可以明白equally指代的比较双方是Old hall和new hall,但是整句是在围绕old，所以我觉得这里用become会更好）. Besides, even the new building may be more energy efficient in per square, the total fee of it may offset (by what? Give examples) , if not exceed its benefits.

As for the editor's suggestion, renting out some of the space in the would-be new building, thus generating income for the town is particularly ridiculous （用ridiculous过于尖锐，我们仍然不能否认有这种可能性，我们要否认的应该是editor这种过于乐观理想的想法）. Will the government build an excessively large one to spare space for rent or will it build a sizeable one to accommodate its employees? In the first situation, a higher front-end investment would be extremely high and may beyond the government can afford(觉得语法上或许有问题？我不确定); If the government really want to expand income by renting rooms, why don’t they just build some? Does this consideration have any bearing with replacing the old town hall? On the second situation, there would be little space, if any, to rent, and the expanding income would be too small to mention. Additionally, what about the local rent market? Is it prosperous or floundering (not academic) ? Absent such information, it's likely that the extra space will be vacant for a long time （我们的确是缺乏当地租房市场的信息，但这不等于当地租房市场不景气，因此用vacant是不恰当的）, without efficient utility, let alone expanding income （口语化）.

As long as there is a common sense （太绝对，如何确定这是common sense), all know that this editorial may be nothing but a propaganda for some intentional people, and the ignorant resident should be wary of being hoaxed. To rebut my conclusion and bolster the original one, the editor needs to provide more information about how come the old town hall is too small, and that the redecoration and replace of old heat and cold system may cost as much, or even more. As to the space of the new building, the government should consult with the taxpayers.

优：用transition words用得都蛮好蛮到位的~读起来比较流畅，而且没有模板化的感觉和什么严重的语法错误，找到的漏洞也都蛮准~（鉴于我自己水平也不高咳……所以如果有其他的我也木有看出来……抱歉~）

缺：关于攻击的第一点，觉得有点罗嗦，尤其是在2种具体情况的列举上花费了较多心思，其实可以考虑更精简的表达方式。关于第二点，我觉得后面的一点（也就是new hall的花费甚至会超过old hall）不够具体，是蛮重要的一个点，但被一笔带过了。第三点的问题我已经在文中标出。

感觉文章叙述比较激烈，用了许多反问句，但我个人觉得ARGU应该是比较冷静的分析逻辑漏洞并且驳斥，而不是总是用反问再去抛出问题，这里除了加强语气对分析问题似乎没有很大帮助，因为反问句的低效率，使得需要用更多的句子去驳斥观点，就会显得文章有点罗嗦。另外在一些地方过于主观，比如intentionally和有关第三点的驳论。

同时感觉童鞋有点先入为主地觉得这是propaganda，所以就觉得是cheat，在这点上强调得有点过多了，我觉得它可以作为一种猜测的可能，但不应成为一种比较强烈的观点倾向。作为最后一段，一般是如何改善避免这种逻辑漏洞（即让陈述变得合逻辑），但是开头两行变成了一种类似呼吁广大民众不要受骗上当的感性建议（即攻击陈述本身道义情理层面上的东西），换句话说，这其实也就是你把他的陈述假想为无漏洞的（因为如果没有漏洞，它就不会被认为是propaganda），而这本身与我们要找其逻辑漏洞的任务是相反的。

因为我也是初手所以可能在改的时候有些抓不到重点，在一些不必要纠结的地方吹毛求疵还请见谅~^^||

koyoiUID: 2694874

7.The following appeared in a letter to the editor of the Clearview newspaper.

"In the next mayoral election, residents of Clearview should vote for Ann Green, who is a member of the Good Earth Coalition, rather than for Frank Braun, a member of the Clearview town council, because the current members are not protecting our environment. For example, during the past year the number of factories in Clearview has doubled, air pollution levels have increased, and the local hospital has treated 25 percent more patients with respiratory illnesses. If we elect Ann Green, the environmental problems in Clearview will certainly be solved."


The argument claims that residents of Clearview should support the member of Good Earth Coalition, Ann Green, to be the next mayor for the purpose of preventing the further deterioration of the environment. To support this recommendation, the editorial enumerated three phenomena: the double-increasing amount of the factories, an increased degree of the air pollution and an increase in the number of patients with respiratory illnesses by 25 percent which are all due to the current council’s negative attitude to the environment protection. However, the editorial suffers from several problems which make it less credible.
  To begin with, the figure of a member of Good Earth Coalition (GEC) do not necessarily evince Green will take measures to solve environment pollution problems. Even he exactly takes measures, whether the measures perform effective cannot be ensured. Similarly, the identity of Braun, a member of the town council, does not infer he support current council’s action and will do nothing to solve the problem of pollution after he takes the power. It is possible that his proposal of taking more care of the environment was not adopted by the council.

Additionally, the examples stated actually serve little to accuse the current council due to a lack of significant evidence that can prove a conspicuous link among the increasing amounts of the factories and more patients with respiratory illnesses and the policies that council has adopted. Other factors, such as the emergence of a large amount of new commercial opportunities that automatically attract more investment to build new factories and the aberrant weather which caused an increased respiratory disease rate last year, can also lead to the three phenomena, those of which, however, cannot be simply attributed to the council and may not eliminate even Ann Green is elected.

Aside from the above two points, the possibility of an alternative way also could be considered. Even if the ability of Green in solving pollution problems is confirmed and really better than that of Braun, and a significant link between the actions of current council and the pollution problems and ensuing diseases exists, there may be some other candidates who have better performances as Ann Green should not be the necessary and only one.

In conclusion, the claim is unpersuasive as it stands. To support the editorial, strong evidence, such as more reliable and direct data that reflect the link between the current council’s action and pollution problems, is needed to prove that the current council accounts for them. Simultaneously, researches related to the Green’s and Braun’s positions and experience on relevant issues also should be done for showing that Green has the distinct ability in tackling pollution problems and voting him is the best way to solve pollution problems.

396857815UID: 2758634

7.The following appeared in a letter to the editor of the Clearview newspaper.

"In the next mayoral election, residents of Clearview should vote for Ann Green, who is a member of the Good Earth Coalition, rather than for Frank Braun, a member of the Clearview town council, because the current members are not protecting our environment. For example, during the past year the number of factories in Clearview has doubled, air pollution levels have increased, and the local hospital has treated 25 percent more patients with respiratory illnesses. If we elect Ann Green, the environmental problems in Clearview will certainly be solved."


The argument claims that residents of Clearview should support the member of Good Earth Coalition, Ann Green, to be the next mayor for the purpose of preventing the further deterioration of the environment. To support this recommendation, the editorial enumerated three phenomena: the double-increasing amount of the factories, an increased degree of the air pollution and an increase in the number of patients with respiratory illnesses by 25 percent which are all due to the current council’s negative attitude to the environment protection. However, the editorial suffers from several problems which make it less credible.
本段复述原文，并指出原文中有错。

  To begin with, the figure of a member of Good Earth Coalition (GEC) do not necessarily（这个词用在这里有些别扭可以改为 do not well evince )evince Green will take measures to solve environment pollution problems. Even he exactly takes measures, whether the measures perform effective cannot be ensured. （这句让步说明即使她的GEC身份可以推出他会采取措施，他的措施也不一定会有效。）Similarly, the identity of Braun, a member of the town council, does not infer he support current council’s action and will do nothing to solve the problem of pollution after he takes the power. It is possible that his proposal of taking more care of the environment was not adopted by the council.最后一句这个举例说明很到位，很必要而且表述的也不赘余。

Additionally, the examples stated actually serve little to（抽象词使用很熟练） accuse the current council due to a lack of significant evidence that can prove a conspicuous link among the increasing amounts of the factories and more patients with respiratory illnesses and the policies that council has adopted. Other factors, such as（给出了必要的例证，加分） the emergence of a large amount of new commercial opportunities that automatically attract more investment to build new factories and the aberrant weather which caused an increased respiratory disease rate last year, can also lead to the three phenomena, those of which, however, cannot be simply attributed to the council and may not eliminate even Ann Green is elected.
本段指出给出的环境下降的例子不充分，不足以直接说明环境问题确实存在。

Aside from the above two points, the possibility of an alternative way also could be considered. Even if the ability of Green in solving pollution problems is confirmed and really better than that of Braun, and a significant link between the actions of current council and the pollution problems and ensuing diseases exists, there may be some other candidates who have better performances as Ann Green should not be the necessary and only one.
再次让步，提出了又一个潜在的逻辑错误

In conclusion, the claim is unpersuasive as it stands. To support the editorial, strong evidence, such as more reliable and direct data that reflect the link between the current council’s action and pollution problems, is needed to prove that the current council accounts for them（觉得有些多余）. Simultaneously, researches related to the Green’s and Braun’s positions and experience on relevant issues also should be done for showing that Green has the distinct ability in tackling pollution problems（这个用法很地道，赞一个！） and voting him is the best way to solve pollution problems.
总结出了原文如果更有说服力的话需要在哪些方面改进。


很好的文啊，好多词用的都很不错，逻辑方面驳斥的也很严密，但是有些话看着有些熟悉。。。
需要改进的地方嘛，鸡蛋里挑骨头，就说说语言方面吧，有些地方表述还不够流畅，如果再加改进我觉得最起码能拿5分以上
再次赞一个，加油！！

396857815UID: 2758634

这是我的文，未计时。共463words。请改友狂拍

TOPIC: ARGUMENT29 - When Ida McAllister ran for mayor of Lake City four years ago, she failed to win even 30 percent of the vote. But since then, McAllister has made public her commitment to environmental causes. She would be wise, therefore, to announce her intention to close all Lake City parks to automobile traffic, thus following the example of the former mayor of Plainsville, Alecia Yu . On the recommendation of a small group of concerned citizens, Mayor Yu prohibited automobile traffic in all Plainsville parks, and therefore was credited with solving the pollution problem and improving the quality of life in Plainsville. This action would have great appeal to the citizens of Lake City, most of whom participate in the community's recycling program, and would guarantee McAllister's success in her current quest to be Lake City's new mayor.


    The argument states that the former mayor of Plainsville's successful example of acquiring highly praise by prohibiting automobile traffic in all Plainsville parks indicates that Ida McAllister (IM) can also achieve more voters in her current quest if she implements the same measure. The unreasonable comparison leading to this plausible and implicit conlusion makes the argument not thoroughly well-reasoned.
    To begin with, the comparison between Alecia Yu (AY) and IM may mask the discrepancy in the two cities. It may be that citizens in Lake City less likely concern about the environment problem than those in Plainsville. Or almost all the people in Lake City are tend to drive through parks for some inherent factors. For instance, most of the parks in Lake City are in the way of people driving to work. If so, IM’s election this time would obviously not success but possibly fail.
    Next, even though the two cities’ conditions are the same, the author simply draws the conclusion from the result of AY’s action that he has gained the great reputation of better the environment and the quality of life is questionable. There is a buried precondition that AY has been the Plainsville’s mayor at the moment. It is not that the favorable measure that makes him elected to be the mayor. Perhaps, when AY ran for the place of mayor, he didn’t mention any intention about environment.
    In addition, the reason why IM failed four years ago is not given. There may be many other possibilities other than her ignorance of environment problems result in her failure. For example, citizens not elect her for economic policies, education expense, even scandals. If it is not for the problem with the environment policy, she would not be elected no matter what she does on improving the environment.
    Finally, the assertor assumes that the citizens of Lake City mostly participating in recycling program indicate they care about the air pollution caused by automobiles. Accordingly, they would be appealed by the prohibiting cars in parks measure and therefore vote for IM. However, citizens join in the program can prove nothing about their tendency to forbid cars driving in parks. On the other hand, they may quite love to drive through the park for reasons like saving time.
    In conclusion, the argument has told us environmental problems plays an important role in one’s election. But, to make the measure guarantee IM’s success, the more information must be given that the main reason IM failed four years ago is just environmental problems. And the example of mayor AY needs to make clear that it would also work in the election of IM. Besides, more fact should be given to indicate that citizens in Lake City are really concern about the cars running in parks.

清水风铃_nonoUID: 2809777

369同学你好，很荣幸拜读你的作品~

绿色为个人很喜欢的地方
蓝色是用法建议
红色是个人认为有错误的地方

    The argument states that the former mayor of Plainsville's successful example of acquiring(省略) highly praise by prohibiting automobile traffic in all Plainsville parks indicates that Ida McAllister (IM) can also achieve more voters in her current quest if she implements the same measure(这句话从句的结构是The example…indicates that… 动词有些问题，example是不能indicate的). The unreasonable comparison leading to this plausible and implicit conlusion makes the argument not thoroughly well-reasoned.
    To begin with, the comparison between Alecia Yu (AY) and IM may mask the discrepancy(这个片语不错) in the two cities. It may be that citizens in Lake City are less likely to concern about the environment problem than those in Plainsville. Or almost all the people in Lake City are(去掉) tend to drive through parks for some inherent factors(这里还是用reason比较自然, factor有些怪). For instance, most of the parks in Lake City are in the way of people driving to work. If so, IM’s election this time would obviously not success but possibly fail. (这句话如果写成 If so, the regular life of Lake City residents must be interrupted, which may reversely harm the approval rate of IM 会更好，前一句话摆出了一个例子，说Lake City 的路可能是上班的必经之路，后一句就说IM会输掉选举，中间的推断咱们中国人明白，跟老美说他们会觉得不清楚，加上一句“这样的话人们的正常生活被打乱，一定不会再支持IM”会比较顺些)
    Next, even though(推荐使用even if, even though 都是“即使”，even though有“事实”的感觉，而even if 的假设性更强) the two cities’ conditions are the same, the author simply draws the conclusion from the result of AY’s action that he has gained the great reputation of better the environment and the quality of life is questionable. There is a buried precondition that AY has been the Plainsville’s mayor at the moment. It is not that the favorable measure that makes him elected to be the mayor. Perhaps, when AY ran for the place of mayor, he didn’t mention any intention about environment (这个点很细，能发现很好).
    In addition, the reason why IM failed four years ago is not given. There may be many other possibilities other than her ignorance of environment problems result in her failure. For example, citizens not elect her for economic policies, education expense, even scandals. If it is not for the problem with the environment policy, she would not be elected no matter what she does on improving the environment (这一段很顺畅).
    Finally, the assertor assumes that the citizens of Lake City mostly participating in recycling program indicate they care about the air pollution caused by automobiles (这句话的结构是citizens…indicate…个人不是太习惯indicate的这种用法，好像人们真的向作者“暗示”了，希望确认这个用法的正确性). Accordingly, they would be appealed by the prohibiting cars in parks measure and therefore vote for IM. However, citizens join in the program can prove nothing about their tendency to forbid cars driving in parks(仍然是句式，这句话的结构式citizens…can prove…似乎没有很明确的表达，猜想你的意思是the fact that there are citizens joining the program can prove nothing…). On the other hand, they may quite love to drive through the park for reasons like saving time.
In conclusion, the argument has told us environmental problems plays an important role in one’s election. But, to make the measure guarantee IM’s success, the(去掉) more information must be given that the main reason IM failed four years ago is just environmental problems. And(and是小连接词，尽量不要在句首使用，可以用plus, nevertheless等代替，下文的besides 也很合适) the example of mayor AY needs to make(改为be) clear that it would also work in the election of IM. Besides, more fact should be given to indicate that citizens in Lake City are really concern about the cars running in parks.

总体来说本文还是比较规矩的。逻辑问题发现的也比较细。有一些地方用语看得出是斟酌过的，比较好。文章结构上稍显罗列感，即重点不够突出，感觉是一共找到4个错误，逐一罗列，如果能把较为重要的放在前面，并且让读者体会到这些条目为什么重要，就更好了。笔者今日在本版看到一篇讨论argu论证顺序的帖子，感觉非常受用，也推荐给你。语言上呢，语法错误很少，但句子结构的掌握不够扎实。有一些句子详细分析会觉得主语和谓语的搭配欠考虑，读者需要停下来分析句子结构并加以联想才能体会意思，对影响文章的通顺性有影响，这一点需要注意。
以上评论仅代表个人观点，水平有限，仅供参考。
希望再接再厉！加油！

清水风铃_nonoUID: 2809777

大家很熟悉的官方范文，我写了一篇自己的，没有计时，企图说明的比较详尽，有很多部分跟官方范文思路不一样或者提到了范文里面没有提到的点。 非常感谢楼下的同学，谢谢。

题目：
Six months ago  the region of Forestville increased the speed limit for vehicles traveling on the region's highways by ten miles per hour.  Since that change took effect, the number of automobile accidents in that region has increased by 15 percent.  But the speed limit in Elmsford, a region neighboring Forestville, remained unchanged, and automobile accidents declined slightly during the same six-month period.  Therefore, if the citizens of Forestville want to reduce the number of automobile accidents on the region's highways, they should campaign to reduce Forestville's speed limit to what it was before the increase.

正文：
Forestville residents, by comparing the automobile accident and speed limit policy of their own with that of the Elmsford. Although clearly presented, the argument, however, fails to take all the alternatives, besides speed limit policy, into consideration. The conclusion of reducing speed limit appears to be reasonable, but could be improved by taking account more specific aspects of Forestville.

The decision of reducing speed limit is completely based on observation of Elmsford, the town nearby, without noticing the possibilities that the data may not compatible with situation in Forestville. Road condition should be considered at the first place. If, for instance, other than smooth city street in Elmsford, the roads in Forestville are mostly build on hills and valleys, full of twists and turns, high speed limit will definitely  lead to high accident rate, while decreasing the limit may not decline the rate optimistically, because despite of driving speed, poor road condition becomes the most severe cause of traffic accidents, which needless to be considered by Elmsford residents. Moreover, when Forestville drivers are more likely to ignore and break traffic rules, including the speed limit, then Elmsford drivers, because current rules are not justified enough, stricter requirement will only annoy them or create dissatisfaction, since more time will be taken to drive to work, not only accident rate may still be high, but potential threaten to security is also undesirable. As with the automobiles, it is possible that more cars are in bad condition in Forestville than in Elmsford, for various reasons such as lack of maintaining service, high maintaining expense, or gasoline of low quality. In this case, the effect of limiting speed may also be limited in Forestville.

In spite of formulating rules according to local conditions, as discussed above, statistic and demographic flaws should also be taken into account when concerning proper solutions to traffic accidents. Accident rate is reported to increase by 15 percent  in Forestville  and slightly decreased in Elmsford. However, the argument does not present the total number of cars in both towns. No evidence shows that the changes  in rate is not affected by huge decrease of total number of Forestville vehicles  and slightly increase of Elmsford cars. Nevertheless, the accident rate provided in the argument are not guaranteed  to be directly caused by speed driving, thus failing to demonstrate that uncontrolled driving speed is, soundly, the most severe cause of traffic accident increase. In this case, reducing speed limit could be useless when the drunken driving or fatigue driving is the main reason of accidents in Forestville. The observation time is also critical. Six month is not enough when the change in accident rate is a function to season and climate change. If Elmsford is a quiet town without a lot of strangers, while, although nearby, Forestville has beautiful landscape and scenery which attracts plenty of tourists driving here to enjoy the best time of the year in the past 6 months, difference of accident rates in the two towns are reasonable, without the impact of speed limit.

Plus, since the argument only provides fact that slight rate decrease is because of unchanged speed limit, even if the situation is completely the same in the both town, which is already nearly impossible, what will happen when speed limit is decreased, in either town, is not provided in the argument. No clear evidence in the statement shows that accident rate is surely to decrease together with the speed limit.

In a conclusion, although it is a good will of Forestville resident to level off accident rate, and the experience of Elmsford is a good reference to some extent, making decisions by only observing a town nearby, for a short time, is not enough, since the situation of two towns can be very different, and statistic errors may be easily ignored. To settle a proper solution, more specific observations of Forestville its own must be conducted.

反馈：
感谢费话先生的修改，很细致很到位，我会在长短句方面多注意一下，还得摒弃一些自己发明的用法以及definately这种绝对词汇，第三段开头决定改成Inspete of..., statistical flaws might lead to wrong conclusions...
再次感谢！

396857815UID: 2758634

多谢清水风铃同学的批改，很细致很到位，觉得收获很大！:)另外很想知道你说的那个论证顺序的帖是哪个哈~~~站短我好了，在这里发貌似是违反版规的，斑竹手下留情，多留一段时间再删这层~~~

费话先生UID: 2788924

题目：
Six months ago  the region of Forestville increased the speed limit for vehicles traveling on the region's highways by ten miles per hour.  Since that change took effect, the number of automobile accidents in that region has increased by 15 percent.  But the speed limit in Elmsford, a region neighboring Forestville, remained unchanged, and automobile accidents declined slightly during the same six-month period.  Therefore, if the citizens of Forestville want to reduce the number of automobile accidents on the region's highways, they should campaign to reduce Forestville's speed limit to what it was before the increase.

正文：
Forestville residents, by comparing the automobile accident andspeed limit policy of their own with that of the Elmsford. Although clearly presented, the argument, however, fails to take all the alternatives, besides speed limit policy, into consideration. (这段逗号还多啦，我个人感觉断的有点不美观，besides那个phrase前后可以考虑不用逗号)The conclusion of reducing speed limit appears to be reasonable, but could be improved by taking account more specific aspects of Forestville.（有转折关系么？应该说appears to be unreasonable, but could be.....,不过我觉得appear 这个词要斟酌，它是说表面看上去怎样，但事实不一定，也就是说后面无论是加unreasonable还是reasonable都有点不妥）

The decision of reducing speed limit is completely based on （the 或 an, 应该要加个冠词吧）observation of Elmsford, the town nearby, without noticing the possibilities that the data may not（be） compatible with situation in Forestville. Road condition should be considered at the first place. If, for instance, other than smooth city street in Elmsford, the roads in Forestville are mostly build on hills and valleys(我觉得有点chiglish,而且road和street不太一样), full of twists and turns, high speed limit will definitely（绝对了点，under high risk of high accident rate） lead to high accident rate, while decreasing the limit may not decline the rate optimistically, because despite of driving speed, poor road condition becomes the most severe cause of traffic accidents, which needless to be considered by Elmsford residents. Moreover, when Forestville drivers are more likely to ignore and break traffic rules, including the speed limit, then Elmsford drivers, because current rules are not justified enough, stricter requirement will only annoy them or create dissatisfaction, since more time will be taken to drive to work, not only accident rate may still be high, but potential threaten to security is also undesirable. As with the automobiles, it is possible that more cars are in bad condition in Forestville than in Elmsford, for various reasons such as lack of maintaining service, high maintaining expense, or gasoline of low quality. In this case, the effect of limiting speed may also be limited in Forestville.

In spite of formulating rules according to local conditions, as discussed above, statistic and demographic flaws (啥叫demographic flaws? 虽然中文是缺陷，但事实上，这个词的意思我觉得吧，是hinder effectiveness，我也说不清了，把这个句子一简化就变成flaws should be considered. 这是要表达的意思么？i'm not sure)should also be taken into account when concerning proper solutions to traffic accidents. Accident rate is reported to increase by 15 percent  in Forestville  and slightly decreased in Elmsford. However, the argument does not present the total number of cars in both towns. No evidence shows that the changes  in rate is not affected by huge decrease of total number of Forestville vehicles  and slightly increase of Elmsford cars. Nevertheless, the accident rate provided in the argument are not guaranteed  to be directly caused by speed driving, thus failing to demonstrate that uncontrolled driving speed is, soundly, the most severe cause of traffic accident increase. In this case, reducing speed limit could be useless when the drunken driving or fatigue driving is the main reason of accidents in Forestville. The observation time is also critical. Six month is not enough when the change in accident rate is a function to season and climate change. If Elmsford is a quiet town without a lot of strangers, while, although nearby, Forestville has beautiful landscape and scenery which attracts plenty of tourists driving here to enjoy the best time of the year in the past 6 months, difference of accident rates in the two towns are reasonable, without the impact of speed limit.

Plus, since the argument only provides fact that slight rate decrease（这语序？要不就the decrease of...,要不就加连词符号好啦 rate-decrease） is because of unchanged speed limit, even if the situation is completely the same in the（删） both town, which is already nearly impossible,（嗯，这个修饰语值得斟酌，有点中式英语的feel，already建议去掉） what will happen when speed limit is decreased, in either town, is not provided in the argument. No clear evidence in the statement shows that accident rate is surely to decrease together with the speed limit.

In a conclusion, although it is a good will of Forestville resident to level off accident rate, and the experience of Elmsford is a good reference to some extent, making decisions by only observing a town nearby, for a short time, is not enough, since the situation of two towns can be very different, and statistic errors may be easily ignored. To settle a proper solution, more specific observations of Forestville its own must be conducted.

嗯，这位版友他因给的那个详实啊，我是非常佩服的。
但是有一些地方可能需要改进，一个就是长句实在是太多了，看得太辛苦呀，特别是TS，太长啦，这样也会冲淡提纲挈领的感觉。我觉得长短句交错会比较流畅一些。另外，有些地方需要简化。我是这样想的，若有不周全就无视我吧。这个说理虽说要充分，但建立在用更少的语言言更多的物上，有些短语吧虽然不重复，但在意思上其实是一样的，给人感觉稍显冗长了些。
anyway，good job!

费话先生UID: 2788924

先谢过帮我改楼的大人们~
TOPIC: ARGUMENT45 - The following appeared as an editorial in a wildlife journal.

"Arctic deer live on islands in Canada's arctic region. They search for food by moving over ice from island to island during the course of a year. Their habitat is limited to areas warm enough to sustain the plants on which they feed, and cold enough, at least some of the year, for the ice to cover the sea separating the islands, allowing the deer to travel over it. Unfortunately, according to reports from local hunters, the deer populations are declining. Since these reports coincide with recent global warming trends that have caused the sea ice to melt, we can conclude that the decline in arctic deer populations is the result of deer being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea."
WORDS: 579
TIME: 00:36:08
DATE: 2010-7-14 11:19:43



Merely based on several substantiated assumptions and reports with vague information, the author concludes than the recent global warming trends caused the sea ice to melt and hence decline the arctic deer population. However, the argument is poor-reasoned and need closer scrutiny.

The threshold problem is that whether the population of arctic deer really declined. Except for a few reports from the local hunters, the author doesn't give any reliable statistics to demonstrate that. It's possible that the arctic deer move to a new habitat where is far away from human's habitat to prevent themselves from killing by the hunters. Or the groups of arctic deer find another favorable habitat with more plants they need, so they just leave their old habitat, as a consequence the hunters less frequently see them than before. Either scenario, if true, will weaken the assumption that the number of the arctic deer did decline. Thus, without more reliable scientific investigate, the author cannot regard the subjective judgment or direct observation of hunters as sufficiently reliable.

Even if the less of arctic deer is unfortunately true, the author cannot justifiably equate the connection between the declining population of arctic deer and the global warming with cause and effect relationship. However, the author gives no evidence the global warming have a marked influence on the ice in Canada' arctic region. Perhaps, the global warming is not so severe enough to melt the ice in Canada (since the temperature in Canada is so low owing to its high latitude). Or the amount of melting ice increases a little and can be neglect with respect to the impact on the arctic deer habitat. Until the author demonstrates the global warming virtually have influenced the habitat of arctic deer and hence decline their population, I cannot accept the assumption at all.

Again, the author fails to take other alternative explanations to the less of arctic deer population into account. It's possible that more arctic deer dead during the past years due to the overhunting of human being rather than the melting ice. Also, the author ignores other possible changes of climate which may also produce adverse effects on the survival of arctic deer except the global warming. Those changes may include the encroachment of arctic deer’s habitats because of the increase of human population. In short, without ruling out other possible alternatives, the author cannot safely say that global warming is attributable to the less of arctic deer.



In the final analyze, suppose that the global warming to some extent accelerate the melting of sea ice, the author claims that the arctic deer wouldn’t change their old-aged migration across the frozen Iceland and accordingly result in their survival crisis. However, the author fails to underpin the assumption with strong evidence (in fact, no evidence). Perhaps, the arctic deer migrates across to another Iceland just to seek for more plants; therefore, if there are enough plants in the Iceland where they currently lived, they will be less likely to migrate. As the author states, the global warming causes the increase of temperature in Canada which may conduce to the growing of plants. As a result, the arctic deer give up their conventional migration pattern for the increasing of food.


In sum, the argument is far away from satisfactorily reliable based on several subjective assumptions. To bolster the argument, the author should provide more statistics to demonstrate the decline of arctic deer population. Also he should prove the declining, if really exists, is the result of global warming other than other possible causes.

koyoiUID: 2694874

占位修改28楼

红色字体语法问题
蓝色字体词句修善问题
紫色字体内容相关问题

Merely based on several substantiated assumptions and reports with (缺定冠词) vague information, the author concludes than the recent global warming trends caused the sea ice to melt and hence decline the arctic deer population. However, the argument is poor-reasoned and need closer scrutiny.

The threshold problem is that whether the population of arctic deer really declined. Except for a few reports from the local hunters, the author doesn't （正规文体中尽量不要使用缩写） give any reliable statistics to demonstrate that. It's （问题同上） possible that the arctic deer move to a new habitat where is far away from human's habitat to prevent themselves from killing (being killed) by the hunters. Or the groups of arctic deer find another favorable habitat with more plants they need, so they just leave their old habitat,(.) As a consequence the hunters less frequently see them than before. Either scenario, if true, will weaken the (credibility of the / 注意weaken和assumption的搭配是不妥的) assumption that the number of the arctic deer did decline. Thus, without more reliable scientific investigate (investigations), the author cannot regard the subjective judgment or direct observation of hunters as (后面应该是名词) sufficiently reliable (evidence).

Even if the less of (有这样的用法吗？) arctic deer is unfortunately true, the author cannot justifiably equate the connection between the declining population of arctic deer and the global warming with (to the) cause and effect relationship. However, the author gives no evidence the global warming have a marked influence on the ice in Canada' arctic region (前句与后句并无转折关系). Perhaps, the global warming is not so severe enough to melt the ice in Canada (since the temperature in Canada is so low owing to its high latitude). Or the amount of melting ice increases a little (注意a little意为一些，这里用little，即几乎没有，更恰当一些) and can be neglected with respect to the impact on the arctic deer habitat. Until the author demonstrates the global warming virtually have influenced the habitat of arctic deer and hence decline their population, I cannot （这里貌似要用倒装？我不确定） accept the assumption at all.

Again, the author fails to take other alternative explanations to the less of arctic deer population into account. It's possible that more arctic deer dead (died) during the past years due to the overhunting of human beings rather than the melting ice. Also, the author ignores other possible changes of climate which may also produce (bring about/make etc.用Produce表示产生影响貌似显得比较中国化 不地道) adverse effects on the survival of arctic deer except (for 注意except和except for的区别) the global warming. Those changes may include the encroachment of arctic deer’s habitats（北极鹿栖息地的入侵？应该是被入侵）because of the increase of human population （这里可以直接说是人类的入侵，不必提及是因为人口增长才导致的入侵，因为仍然存在一种可能性即人口一定的情况下由于其他因素导致了人类对北极鹿栖息地的侵占）. In short, without ruling out other possible alternatives, the author cannot safely say that global warming is attributable to the less of arctic deer.

In the final analyze, suppose that the global warming to some extent accelerates the melting of sea ice, the author claims that the arctic deer wouldn’t change their old-aged migration across the frozen Iceland and accordingly result in their survival crisis (逗号前后两句读起来不通，需要rewrite). However, the author fails to underpin the assumption with strong evidence（what evidence?）(in fact, no evidence) (有就是有，没有就是没有，括号注解无意义). Perhaps, the arctic deer migrates across(through) to another Iceland just to seek (for seeking) for more plants; therefore, if there are enough plants in the Iceland where they currently lived, they will be less likely to migrate. (前后不连贯，读起来不通畅) As the author states, the global warming causes the increase of temperature in Canada which may conduce to the growing of plants （作者有暗示这个观点吗？）. As a result, the arctic deer give up their conventional migration pattern for （because of ）
the increasing (increase) of food.

In sum, the argument is far away from satisfactorily reliable (宾语在哪?) based on several subjective assumptions. To bolster the argument, the author should provide more statistics to demonstrate the decline of arctic deer population. Also he should prove the declining, if really exists, is the result of global warming other than other possible causes.

总体感觉找的点都蛮准的，而且攻击也到位。在用词和句式保证丰富多样的同时文章显得很客观理性，基本没有很明显的模板痕迹。
但是小的语法错误较多，例如词性和一些词组的区别上需要多加强。另外 transition words的应用不到位，导致文章在有些地方看起来比较吃力。

koyoiUID: 2694874

TOPIC: ARGUMENT35 - The following appeared in thesummary of a study on headaches suffered by the residents of Mentia.

"Salicylates are members of the same chemicalfamily as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches. Although many foods arenaturally rich in salicylates, for the past several decades food-processingcompanies have also been adding salicylates to foods as preservatives. Thisrise in the commercial use of salicylates has been found to correlate with asteady decline in the average number of headaches reported by participants inour twenty-year study. Recently, food-processing companies have found thatsalicylates can also be used as flavor additives for foods. With this new usefor salicylates, we can expect a continued steady decline in the number ofheadaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia."

The researcher claims that the commercial use of salicylates as preservatives in recent decades is the cause of a trend of the decline in the average number of headaches through a 20-year study. In addition, the new function of salicylates as flavour addictives is anticipated to further decline this number in Mentia. It seems a rejoiceful prevision; nevertheless, several loopholes bogged it down.

First of all, the researcher failed to realize that even through salicylates and aspirin belong to the same chemical family, it does not indicate salicylates necessarily have the same function of treating headaches as aspirin. In addition, in the past decades, salicylates have only being used as preservatives, which means people have little opportunity to directly contact with them so that it is of little possibility that the salicylates brought influences on them. As a result, the function of treating headaches remains questionable.

The second flaw relates to the ambiguous statement of the 20-year study. Apart from the uncertainty of the representativeness and size of the patients observed, the possibility of other factors (such as the anomalous weather and changes in people's life styles) that may cause a decline in the average number of headaches is not ruled out so that it could not be acknowledged there is a causality between salicylates and the declining number of headaches.

Finally, the anticipation of the effect brought by the new function of salicylates also remains invalid as it is unknown whether the residents in Mentia have the similar physical conditions as the samples in the study and whether they will consume foods with flavour addictives of salicylates over a long period of time. Even they do, the micro precipitation of the salicylates may affect little on treating headaches.

In sum, the result of the study of the causal link between salicylates and headaches and the anticipation will keep stay in suspicion if the mentioned flaws are not revised. To ameliorate the credibility of them, the researcher should: firstly, corroborate there is a cause-and-effect relationship between salicylates and headaches through scientific experiments; secondly, modify the study, ensuring there is few influence of other factors in spite of salicylates. Furthermore, the content of salicylates as flavour addictives and the conditions of the residents (such as their dietary habits and whether the result of the study can be adopted) are also needed to make a more reliable anticipation.