有空给你们改改ISSUE（含130分析/改完会短信通知/平均排队时间2周）

等待终点UID: 2875375

:hug::hug:

yx_103UID: 2876941

希望前辈能够改改，哪怕是个断评也好~~谢谢前辈，不胜感激


40."Scholars and researchers should not be concerned with whether their work makes a contribution to the larger society. It is more important that they pursue their individual interests, however unusual or idiosyncratic those interests may seem."

Should scholars and researchers engage in those fields that benefit the society? According to this statement, the speaker accentuates the importance of scientists’ pursuits for individual interests rather than the contribution to the society, no matter how unusual or idiosyncratic. I fundamentally agree with the speaker, with several reasons.

Firstly, it is undoubted that some disciplines do prompt the pace of development of society; especially certain subjects are established for solving immediate society problems. These branches of science can benefit the nation in short period, as a result many governments and international organization have invested sufficient capital and practiced politics to assist scholars and researchers study. Considering, for example, the environment pollution, a host of scientists have been preoccupied with air pollution and greenhouse effect so as to improve the quality of people’s life, besides searched for alternative energy such as solar power, tidal stream energy and biomass.

Nevertheless, it is impossible to evaluate whether a research will make a profit to the long-term development of society. Before the end of a study, the result and contribution are uncertain and unknown. No one could foreknow the accomplishment of a man when he was just a baby. For example, once upon a time, scientists could hardly elucidate some miraculous phenomena in nature such as electricity, however, as time passed by and with laborious and intensive research, electricity has serve as a paramount role in people’s everyday life in modern world. Galileo’s law of falling bodies, which didn’t solve any thorny problems, however, becomes one of the fundamental principles in contemporary physics and boosts the successors’ discovery and innovation. Mendel's law of inheritance might be regarded as idiosyncratic and has little effect on the social problems at that time. However, it becomes the foundation of Genetics and contributes to the improvement of science and society.

Furthermore, interest is an essential factor for overwhelming majority of researchers to choose the subjects and directions. On one hand, individual interest can arouse the enthusiasm and motivation. With comparison, if they are compelled to focus on what they are not concerned, these studies will exhaust their initiative during a short time, which may result in faults and negligence. On the other hand, some valuable research achievements are ascribed to interest, which is a short cut to progress of society. More scientists will come up with more creative and prophetic ideas and keep the science and society advancing stably when doing what they consider interesting. Einstein Albert who simply put his effort in the theoretical physics eventually promoted the advances in natural science. Watt James who just interested in the mechanism of the steam engine eventually propelled the Industrial Revolution in the eighteen century.

Finally, scholars have to take the influence, especially poor impact, into account. And their researches should not cause serious problems in society. For example, even though some scientists have strong interests in cloning human beings, they mustn’t do that, since such research will lead many adverse effects in ethics and morality.

To sum up, due to the abovementioned discussions, any scholars and researchers have the right to choose what they are fond of, just like one can decide to wear what makes him look handsome. All the disciplines of science are useful and helpful over a long period of time, which will push forward human civilization, not only the study for short-term social problems, but also including unusual or idiosyncratic realms of research.

sinbad_28UID: 2147500

虽然这题目楼主已经改过，还是抱着一点希望把第二篇习作发上来试试...已经改了3次，有些忐忑不安。谢谢指点的人啦！
TOPIC: ISSUE17 - "There are two types of laws: just and unjust. Every individual in a soci ...
qiongping 发表于 2010-8-2 06:50

TOPIC: ISSUE17 - "There are two types of laws: just and unjust. Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and, even more importantly, to disobey and resist unjust laws."

According to the statement above, it seems that people are conferred on with the duty of obeying some laws while disobeying others. As far as I am concerned, however, as an established system, laws have relatively objective regulations of their own. The chief function of laws is to seek for a selective solution between conflicting interests. Therefore, it's not so reasonable to judge or change laws with individual viewpoint.

First of all, it is virtually unrealistic to define a piece of law as just or unjust. The definitions are not only involved in personal interests and experiences, but also limited by certain situations and cultural customs. For instance, the issue of homosexuality has been hotly argued for over 10 years without a clear conclusion. Some people consider the permission of homosexuality as respect to personal volition and freedom, while the opponents condemn it as an immoral trait and call for legal prohibition and severe penalty. Correspondingly, in some states of America homosexual marriages are admitted by laws, whereas in many other states homosexuals may be arrested for their announcements of sexual tendency. Neither side of the debate persuades its opponent because the solid different of their interests, experience and ways of thinking. In this case, we can more or less catch the impossibility of giving a universal judgment to even one sort of law, let alone thousands of other laws.

Secondly, the stable of society will be inevitably undermined due to the validation of the author's statement. With the first justification of personal violation of a sort of law, there must be the second, the third...and at last people have to suffer the worst chaos caused by the lack of definitive threshold to limit one's behavior. The overwhelming of personal freedom and justice will ironically deprive more people’s rights. What if a murder is exempted from his guilt because he regarded the verdict was unjust? What if a judge explains legislations as he pleased? Is it literally a disaster to the concept of justice?[answer the questions]  

Finally, I sincerely concede the existence of defeats and deficiency of laws, but it is not to say that laws should be modified directly by individuals. For the sake of long-term stability, amendment of laws should be conducted step by step. Admittedly, to appeal for and guard pertinent official departments to correct errors is a steady method. Only with the help of organized instigation and widespread surveys, can innovation guarantee the interests of most people.

In conclusion,despite of the debates over depicts and incompleteness of the contemporary laws, it's unlikely to be judged or even changed by personal matters, which is both unreasonable and dangerous. On the other hand, people can turn to legitimated methods for firm and save improvements. Only with patience and tolerance can the fairness and justice of society progress in a steady way that assures civilians rights to the utmost.

Sinbad:
由于我来不及改语言了，我就大致的看了一下，总的来说论述层次和角度还是相当不错的，算得上是入木三分。语言上还需要适应英文写作的表达方式：1）英文写作没有反问句，提出问题你必须要自己回答；2）AAA of BBB结构中，AAA必须是名词； 3)不清楚怎么用的词，一定要查过，比如deprive后要加of，等。 祝你进步。

sinbad_28UID: 2147500

楼主好~这篇Issue17，我比较认真的完成的一篇，辛苦楼主帮我仔细看看了，十分感谢楼主！！

TOPIC: ISSUE17 - "There are two types of laws: just and unjust. Every individual in a society has a responsibili ...
PsMaggie 发表于 2010-8-2 10:42

The author seems to offer a reasonable point of view that one should obey just laws and disobey unjust laws. However, this statement overlooks two issues while in the first phrase statement/sentence, the author fails to categorize any law as either just or unjust and in the second phrase, the author neglects the harm it would bring if one disobeys laws no matter just or unjust.

In the context of all the proposed, we need to distinguish the just laws and unjust laws. But whether a law is just or unjust, it is rarely a straightforward issue. Firstly, the fairness of any law depends on one's personal value system and sometimes hard to reach an agreement. Consider, for example, the controversial issue of euthanasia. Individuals with particular religious beliefs tend to view laws allowing hospital to give a euthanasia to the dyings us unjust, while individuals with other value systems might view such laws as just. Secondly, the fairness of a law also depends on personal interests. It happens often that somebody shout to a law which doesn't meet their own needs. He/she would probably think inequitable of the laws which bring damage to him or herself while at the same time brings benefit to many more people in the society. In this case should one person disobey the laws that he or she thinks them unjust? In short, chances are that disobeying laws would bring plenty of troubles while individuals are unable to judge a law in a right way. [good，还可以写事实上根本不存在unjust,just law，只有合理和不合理之分。]

And to the government, which is a department administrating citizens through the laws. The only reason for people put trust in it is the confidence in the law's fairness. Thus, however, if the law which is recognized as an authority of the whole can't ensure the obedience of everyone, thus everyone resists it and then everyone becomes used to resisting them, not to mention the social harm. Just like that there is one thing the government put wrong on it, it would make civilians hold no brief for the other things the government has done while those things may not be bad. So it is not a simple thing to just disobey something wrong even it is really unreasonable because a minor may lead to confusion in many other parts even implicated in a number of the innocences. As a result there comes a chaos in total.[还可以写的内容有：1）多数国家的法律制定者（政府）其实也是在向公正公平的法制努力着的；2）政府是人民选举产生的，所以政府一般有其存在的理由——它必定是得到了多数人民的支持的，所以人民在一定程度上对法律也是有影响力的，但直接不服从自己认为不公正的法律是不可行的。]

What's more, as an individual, revolting laws would bring harm to him or herself in a large part, after all, it is our own country's forces that protecting the laws. In modern society, to protect people through the way of using laws, it is the responsibility of judges, legislatures and judicial officials. To listen to the masses' voice and find the ill-formed rules then amend isn't the citizens' job. Obviously it is unfitted to put this great responsibility on the normals. What government dose is rarely finding out the unjust laws and rules, what is more significant is to figure out better solutions which can't be reached by the latter’s simply disobeying.

To sum, a stable society should be a collectivity that has specialization and cooperation, and each performs his or her own functions. After all, not all the people understand the true just, and simple rude never solve the problems

sinbad: 分析方面比较清晰合理，建议看下你楼上那篇，也许有观点可以借鉴。语言上还要加油，最后那句rude什么的我都没看懂。

yjrUID: 2842629

前辈您好，早上模考了一篇，初稿400多字改过之后600多字，觉得是有史以来思路较清晰的一篇了~~第一次帖文章出来，麻烦您指教。小的拜谢~~~辛苦您了~~看您这么辛苦很感动~~

TOPIC: ISSUE70 - "In any profession-business, politics, education, government-those in power should step down after five years. The surest path to success for any enterprise is revitalization through new leadership."

It is believed that a perfect leader is of great importance to the success of any enterprise. There follows a question that how long should a leader be in power? The speaker holds the notion that in all human endeavors, leaders should be replaced every five years to ensure the success. Consider that new blood instilling into an enterprise is always a good thing, but it may also cause problems, I find that frequently changing leaders may be not a wise choice to achieve success.

On balance, I generally agree with the statement insofar as that an enterprise is in the need of new strengths all the time. Suppose a pool of water, if there is no fresh source for supplement, the water pool will become dirty and smells without any vitality. However, if we change the water in a regular time or instill fresh water into it, the pool must become clear and lively again. Any field of profession-business, politics, and education is just like this water pool, desperately needs fresh water to come in. Because the new blood can bring them about new thoughts, new inspirations, and new experience, which pull them out of the old forms, to see a new and broader world.

Another advantage of new leadership in an enterprise is that it can avoid bureaucracy. Experience shows that in every field of the society, if people hold the power for too long a time, they may become very likely to use the power to make their own benefits, which means they tend to concern their self-interest above the broader interests of the whole enterprise. They also have the tendency to bog down in a limited thought model, which may prevent the enterprise from further progressing, which perhaps is the most significant reason to explain the principle in many companies and institutions today that high level leaders must exchange their positions in a certain period of time.

However, even there are significant advantages of a new leadership, the limit of five years is in short of consideration. The first reason has to do with the sense of belonging. Only five years on the position make leaders feel like a passenger of this enterprise, the time limit seems to tell them every single second that they are just tourists here and will leave after certain five years. Without sense of belonging, leaders will not regard this as their whole life career, and have no passion to try their best, not mention to scarify for it. If a leader has this kind of felling, how can we expect the enterprise to be successful?

The second problem for frequently changing leaders is that new leaders sometimes are not so informed with current situations in the field at first place, including some rules, regulations, and implicit relations. The consistency of an enterprise is another significant factor to achieve success. New leaders with entirely different leading style and management method may cause incoherence in companies, which will result in no order. In this case, how to choose a good and proper new leader every five years is a big project, after all it is not easy to promote a new leader with adequate experience and enough technical skills in only five years.

In sum, I believe the benefits that new leadership would bring to those enterprises; however, it also may cause a series of problems if we change the power center too frequently within five years. Therefore, the feasibility of this method to ensure success is open to question. We are required to strike a balance between fresh strengths and old but experienced leaders, and focus on some other means such as enforcing the training or improve the production system, to ensure success.

PsMaggieUID: 2861847

TOPIC: ISSUE157 - "There is no such thing as purely objective observation. All observation is subjective; it is always guided by the observer's expectations or desires."
关于这篇“世界上究竟有没有纯粹客观的观察”的命题，我自己也想了很长时间，上网看了一些牛人写的，包括看到一篇寄托上的文章，是完全支持题目的，他的思路比较新颖，是从整个过程、工具选择等来一步一步支持观点。我也看了北美范文的这一篇。最后我自己总结出一份自己的提纲，但是还是存在一些问题，希望楼主给我看看，我这种论述方式、论述结构问题大不大。还有就是我写的关于儿童这方面的您觉得可不可用？多谢楼主了！！（我8月20号考）

我的提纲
一、承认，observation is always subjective and guided by the observer’s expectation or desires.
分论点：分为consciously & unconsciously
1.        unconsciously: 各种例子：一场球赛球有没有出界，足球球员是否犯规，最终都必须依照裁判认为的，这也是会产生错判的一个很重要的原因
2.        consciously:在艺术领域上的，人们观察艺术品必须要带有主观性，一千个读者就有一千个哈姆雷特，否则艺术将不可能被认作艺术，而会被认作为教科书
二、反对：纯粹客观的观察是存在的，即使是在观察之前就带有了expectation or desires的情况下。一个是合格的科学研究者，科学的本质要求观察者必须做到客观。数据的纪录，现象的描述description，都不能带有主观的偏见和预期、喜好。因此，如果是合格的科学家的观察可以说是纯粹客观的；另一个是kids or babies, 孩子不具有成人的这种复杂思维，很多情况下当他们在观察事物的时候，玩玩全全是没有任何expectation的，甚至是婴儿的观察，就更是纯粹客观的observation。

TOPIC: ISSUE157 - "There is no such thing as purely objective observation. All observation is subjective; it is always guided by the observer's expectations or desires."
WORDS: 611          TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2010/8/5 12:52:37

It is truly hard to find an observing not being guided by the observer's expectations or desires as the author claims that, there is no such thing as purely objective observation.  I agree with the speaker insofar as that in some sense, observation can hardly be purely objective. This case can be manifested in two aspects----consciously and unconsciously---- as I would discuss below.

Firstly, we would notice plenty of examples in our daily lives that indicate the subjective observations. Is it valid when a play shot the ball in the last second in a basketball game? Is it a foul when body contact happens? All these awards should be decided by the referee, the only observer in the playground. Although the regulation is detailed and objective, the final decisions made by referee's are from subjective observations. That is why wrong or inaccurate judgment happens frequent in the sport games. And also, there is another interesting study about the tourists came to New York at their first time. While they arrived in New York, what they said is not "Wow! This is New York!" while interesting is that what they often said is "No! This isn't New York!" This truly illustrates a kind of thing: our everyday experience as humans informs us that we often disagree about what we observe around us. That is, observation is subjective in a conscious way.

Secondly, we may sometimes find that we need to take our own interests and expectations such subjective ideas in observation, especially in the realm of art. Everyone has his/her own particular opinion about a certain art work so observation inevitably contains subject feeling and emotion. It is hard for us to image when art becomes a purely objective thing and every one's opinion is the same. If so, the art field will have no more creativity and energy which is proved long ago that is: there are a thousand Hamlets in a thousand people's eyes. In this case, it is nearly impossible to generate purely objective observation because everyday experience informs us that different people have different opinions when they observe the same object.

However, does it mean that there is no observation with pure objective totally? I'm afraid not. First consider the scientific works. As we all know, in scientific area, the nature of science calls for an absolute objectivity. Such as the records of data, the description of phenomenon and the like, can't not be taken with any prejudice and interest. No matter how subjective people's minds are, the explorations of nature world can't be changed, this objective world would not change with human' consciousness. Therefore in this case, an observation of an eligible scientist could be regarded as objective. In addition, there are many observations of kids are objective totally. It is widely known that the thoughts of kids are not so complex as adults which means that under many circumstance, they observe the things around without any expectation. Some may say that their observations are guided by desires. However this desire is just to know but not to confirm from which this desires are not the same as the author's desires. Especially the observation of babies who haven't got any thinking just use their eyes to see the around. We can totally say that their observations are pure, pure objective.

Still, despite of all the limitations, it is a crucial principle to depict things from an objective view as much as possible. But it is also in positive sense to assert that no pure objective observation exists in the world. After all, we could allege that almost every observation is guided by the observer's expectations or desires, but not the whole.


还有8天就考试了啊~~！

sinbad_28UID: 2147500

艰难二战中，上次作文3.5，希望10G能够有所突破
麻烦楼主给看一下吧
另外，把socialized理解为潜移默化什么的还是感觉好模糊啊，我这样写可以吗？
The speaker claims that how children are socialized today d ...
yulu9206 发表于 2010-8-3 01:48

The speaker claims that how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society, with which I can just fundamentally agree. In my view, how children are socialized today do play an important role for the future of society, however, that is just one aspect of education which is in fact the most decisive factor for the development of society. As for the statement that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society, it will collapse by itself since facts speaker louder than words.[so do you agree or not? state clearly.]

  To start with, I admit that without good socialization of children, the destiny of society will be in danger [没那么严重吧？]. As we all know, society is a collection of relationships between individuals. And relationships is an association between two or more people, which may take place in a great variety of contexts, such as family, friends, work, clubs, neighbourhood and so on. The socialization of children includes providing them with the skills and habits necessary for participating within their own society. However, if children can not be socialized well, their association between people will be limited to family and school only. Without all kinds of relationships between individuals, an uncompleted society can hardly develop well. Also, the normal development of individual will be uncompleted, since a great part of individual development can only be realized in society.[论述似乎空洞没有内容啊。。。]

   However, though the future of society would be in danger without good socialization of children, it is far from the only factor that determines the destiny of society. In fact, it is merely one aspect of education, which is the process that society deliberately transmits accumulated knowledge, skills and values from one generation to another. Children are all naive and ignorant at first. Through a comprehensive education, they can become responsible, thoughtful, and enterprising citizens who will help bring about a better society. While failling education or uncompleted education will produce worthless sorts or even criminals who endanger society. For example, if a child was well socialized but did not have a correct value, it is very likely that he or she will do something that endangers the society. Therefore, it is the whole education of children determines the future of society, and socialization of children is merely an important part of that. [so how would you relate education to socialization? i didn't see you explain that point.]

   Besides, I strongly oppose to the author's statement that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society, which exaggerates the shortcomings of present education and severely ignores the fact. The fact is that the human society is vapidly developing thanks to the contribution of many outstanding individuals and the efforts of numerous civilians. For example, one of the Nobel Peace Prize laureates, Mother Teresa, who devoted her whole life to advocating for the poor and helpless, certainly has helped bring about a better society. Though I admit that the present education is not perfect in that it could not be specificly designed to meet the individual needs and many people on earth can not receive an adequate education even today. Therefore, maybe we can not train all the children on earth to become someone who can help bring about a better society, but this kind of individuals do exist everywhere on earth. [So... having a few outstanding individuals equals the fact that we already know how to raise children? I dont think so.]  
   
In conclusion, we should pour more resources into the improvement and spread of education, including the socialization of children, since it plays a so significant role in the development of society. Thus, more and more responsible, thoughtful, and enterprising citizens will be produced and our society will consequentially become better and better.

Sinbad: 语言上还过的去，内容上就比较乱了。这个题目前面我已经改了起码5遍 了，建议翻翻前面的帖子和我的批注。

sinbad_28UID: 2147500

Issue 130 How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.
看作文的第三天， ...
蚂蚁小子 发表于 2010-8-3 08:53

The whole community is more focus on the growth of children due to the fact that our children are the future of the society. But whether the destiny of society is only determined by the children’s socialization still need our consideration. At the same time, we have got many effective methods to raise our children to make a better society.

Firstly, the speaker's point that the destiny of our society depends on how the children are socialized. This assertion, I have to say, exaggerates the function of socialization to some extent. The term socialization is used by sociologist to refer to the process of learning one's culture and how to live within it. For the individual, it provides the resources necessary for acting and participating with their society. I have to confess that without socialization children may grow into a wrong way or even an anti-social member, but socialization is only one factor that may influence the children’s contribution to society. And in my opinion, it is not even the most important one. A variety of cases can be cited to illustrate this point. Mother Teresa’s contribution sprang primarily more from her love for the poor than her socialization. Another convincing example is the popular singer Michael Jackson, whose childhood life is almost a nightmare, but he still showed great love and made a huge contribution to the infants and poor children worldwide. And his songs are continually caressing peoples' heart and lead them to make a better place for the entire human race. These examples demonstrate there are many factors that apart from socialization can bring goods for our society.

Next, the speaker's claim that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society, but the truth is opposite. For about a century years, continued progress are taking place in society. Let alone the improvements of science and technology, we also achieved greatly in politics, culture and human rights. In politics, we showed increasing concerns on peoples' democracy. In cultures, we put more emphasis on the communication between countries. And we're becoming more sensitive, and respectful of, the rights of women, various ethnic and racial groups. Don’t these contributions make by the children of half-century? From this point, the speaker’s view is somewhat perfunctory. However, what we should pay attention to is, despite the progress we made, we still have a long way to go.

In sum, the key determinant to our social destiny and prospect is not only how children are socialized, and it contains many other aspects including raw intelligences, parental influence and personal faith. Meanwhile, our society is steadily evolving into a more civilized, harmonious, and respectful one. In the final analysis, I may safely draw the conclusion that the speaker's claim falls short of persuasiveness.

sinbad: 语言有一定的基础，但内容上欠了一些，毕竟这个题目是比较难分析的一个，建议看我前面已经改过的5篇左右同主题。

遥远一月UID: 2828276

硬着头皮写了10来篇，发现自己修改还真是件是件棘手的事。
特此发上一片习作，希望斑竹能修改下我的文章。不甚感激~
What the speaker alleges that the study of history has value only when it comes to the extent that the study is relevant to our daily lives. Plausible may it seem at first glance, but I tend to disagree with this assertion, for that the speaker fails to look at issue in a broader way.

To begin with, there is no denying that the study of history has value to the extent that it is directly relevant to our daily lives. Pragmatically, many study history to better our life, and it does make sense. On one hand, this sort of study helps understand the past and provide better guidelines for the present life, and a better understanding exerts a profound influence on improving the conditions of life. We are always looking back for contrasts, to compare with our progenitors to seek for materials and experiences for the present life, in which way the use of fire maintains and the application of paper is being varied after generations. When putting us in histories, we may surprisingly find that the ideal we live is to some extent the same as before, and what we do is merely transforming the style or way. The everyday business of living, such as eating, dressing, sleeping, working and so on is just the same in substance, which is the greatest merit history owns for us to live continuously. [In addition, a better understanding exerts a profound influence on improving the conditions of life.] On the other hand, the mistakes of past in living teach us how to avoid them at present. Through mistakes of the past, we attain discoveries and inventors for today's life. It is apparent that through mistakes, we obtain progress.

However, the speaker places a too narrow value on the study of history. In turn, the study of history should transcend the direct affects on the daily life. History, meaning “inquiry, knowledge acquired by investigation”, keeps as a mirror reminding people of the past, which includes mistakes as well as accomplishments ever made. Through this mirror, we obtain a terrain for moral contemplation and identity. In my eye, it is the genuine object to convey the eternal and humanity other than to provide materials for simply reconstructing the past completely, and thus illuminating the hope of a better future. Firstly, consider the respect of survival, studying the attitudes and approaches towards the environment and even the world, and the consequences caused by human activities, we can make polices to administrate the environment well and even avoid such terrible results, in order to prevent the circumstances we live.  Take global warming as an example, getting a better standing of this social problem helps us understand clearly what we are doing and what we may cause. And eventually, we draw our attention to the tail exhaustion, the lack of afforesting fields, glacier-melting problems and so on. Through history, what we obtain is not simply the idea and way to go through the everyday business of living, but the capacity to survival, to improve the conditions of all human beings, both of which do not simply equal to the living of the present life.

Additionally, in military and political realms, it is essential to take a deep study of history. Commanders learn to lead the legion to fight in the war by studying the mistakes and experiences in history; politicians can make better decisions and policies concerning the country through the study of past. Another example involves in the scientific studies. Tracing back to the study can necessarily avoid same mistakes, and help broad the visions of scientists, leading them to their study in a more open way. Step by step in this approach, science advances due to the study of history.

In short, the history derives from everyday life, and should stand beyond life as well. What matters most is our attitude towards history, only when we can consider the study of history as many perspectives as possible, can we obtain more values from this study, not merely the values for the everyday businesses of living.

爱落红尘UID: 2830913

受益匪浅

遥远一月UID: 2828276

发现自己大条的忘记打题目了
TOPIC: ISSUE103 - "The study of history has value only to the extent that it is relevant to our daily lives."对应161楼的。望斑竹过目~

yulu9206UID: 2582118

159# sinbad_28
多谢版主，以为不会被改到了呢:)
我也觉得自己的问题是态度不够明确，论证也不是很有力，看来以后还是要把话说清楚，不能为了语言把内容搞乱了。
再次感谢啦~

sinbad_28UID: 2147500

已改过三遍~望赐教~！
题目：ISSUE50 - "In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculties should be required to spend time working outside the academic w ...
yaoxi28 发表于 2010-8-4 19:37

The speaker asserts that the professors of all the subjects in the college and university should be required to work in professions related to what they teach. Aside from some specific academic areas in which practical work is not available for several reasons, I agree that it is helpful for faulty to work outside for both educational status and course content can benefit from the experience. [不错，很常规但很干练]

There exist at least two aspects of reasons that it is beneficial for teaching to let the professors come into close contact with the practical work. In the respect of educational status, it promotes the professors view the course not only from a theoretical point but also from a practical perspective, only by which can they master knowledge generally; it is, therefore, a useful way to increase their teaching status. For example, in the area of economic, a professor who is an employee in a company as well will understand the commodity market better and what commodities or service consumers really entail. Thus, the professors who work outside often have higher educational status. [用词非常恰当。观点上我个人有个小小的不同：一般来说，如果已经称之为“教授”了，那么他必然能够称得上是某个领域的专家，所以我觉得“有利于教授理解知识”的观点似乎有些不确切。不过不是大问题。]

In the respect of course content, experience in related professions can bring in the newest applications of the course which interest the students for expending their mental intellectual horizons. To illustrate this point clearly, here's a case from myself that is very convincing.here is an example from my personal experience.[不要说“我的例子很有说服力”，一般都是越摸越黑的，呵呵] One of my teachers major in computer science is also a manager in a big computer company, who is one of our favorite teachers due to the fact that not only he passes us on professional knowledge, but also share with us what he has undergone during the development of the new products with his group. What is also worth noticing is that students can accept advice of the current job market from those teachers who are familiar with it. Like some high-tech fields, such as computer science, have been developing so fast that instruction always lags behind application. Without teachers who work outside and keep up with the step of times development, graduates would find that the technology the have learned had been eliminated from the market for a long time. Therefore, teachers who work outside will enrich the teaching content and make the course more popular.

However, important as working experience may be, is it necessary for teachers in each area to work outside? I guess believe the answer is no. With respect to the feasibility of the proposition, not all courses can ferret out its related profession. For example, which profession is for teacher who majors in literature studying Shakespeare? A book seller? With respect to the necessity of the proposal, even if you find an appropriate job for every teacher, too much outside work will distract them from their regular work, and therefore, has a profoundly harmful influence on the quality of teaching. Teachers will place too much emphasis on their jobs instead of their students and researches. Thus, overstating the practical work will lose more than gain. [2个观点：1）你误解了job这个词了，teacher is a job. 2)莎士比亚的例子是想说明啥？我没看懂啊。]

In sum, I agree that it is worthwhile to require faculties to work outside in the similar professions except several academic areas in order to enrich the teaching content and improve the teaching status. Moreover, together with a multitude of ways according to the varying conditions the quality of instruction can truly be enhanced.[结尾段不用分层次递进，像第一段这样言简意赅就可以了。]

Sinbad:in/with respect好像被你用滥了吧，呵呵。

sinbad_28UID: 2147500

我十分赞同lz对于130题的理解。我之前就一直纠结于对how children are socialized 的理解
XDF翻译为“孩子社会化程度决定了社会的命运”，一直觉得这个解释有问题，
查韦氏“to socialize”意思是“to fit  or tr ...
溪汐河 发表于 2010-8-4 20:04

另外，写issue是应该像Argument常提到"the arguer claim..."，然后阐述自己观点，
还是避免使用”in my point of view”这类主观色彩比较强烈的词，直接以题目为一个论点的限定，然后展开论述比较好？
－强烈推荐使用”in my point of view”。

Children, one of the most crucial integral parts of the human beings, are always the centre of the attention of the whole society, not only because children is such that they needs constant care and protection, but also because time will make the salt [啥意思？哪学来的？] of the society out of them.
        
Clearly, whoever is devoting his/her heart and soul to the future of the society, was bound to have went through his/her childhood, having received some education, more or less, so there is no denying that what kind of a future generation these children will become, determines what kind of a society they will create. Some maintain that the destiny of the future lies in the degree to which the children are socialized. Currently some children are still taught about some acknowledged virtues, such as fortitude, prudence and justice to fit into the society--the stage of life, while young as they are, some children's minds are polluted by some sorts of deadly sins, such as lust, avarice and vanity to edge themselves into the society through a nasty way ; however, it is often the case that it is at least as, if not more, easy for the children growing with negative guidance, as for those with a positive outlook of  the world, to be accepted by the society, that is, to be well "socialized". However, the future of the society, shaped by the "socialized" but evil generation, is inevitably gloomy. [however这句没看懂啊。这么重要的地方你应该多写几句说明清楚。] Therefore, whether how children are socialized facilitates the progress of the society or not, is up to how we define the word "socialized". [我个人觉得问题不是出在怎么定义这个词，这个词这么用在题目里的时候意义就只有一层。] Children who are truly socialized are trained for the positive part of the society and able to reform the negative part, and therefore work as the pillar of the society.

Admittedly, how children are socialized, to some extent, influences the construction of the society, but [but这是什么用法？转折么？我只知道not...but...。上面也有一处] considerable knowledge, as the fundament of their thoughts; the optimistic philosophy of life, as the direction of their goals; and the social conscience, as the principles of their behaviors, etc., together master the destiny of the society. Even in some cases, whether a person is socialized makes little difference to one’s contributions to a society. Some maverick geniuses fail to communicate properly with others, and some of their perspectives are not well accepted by the society; however, the contributions they've made to the society are incomparable. Thus, it is little wonder that there appeared people, like Van Gogh and Thoreau, whose works were valueless in their time, while now their works are the most valuable treasures in the human history. [我不反对你对socilzed的理解，但是根据你的观点，凡高决定了社会的目标吗？似乎不是很恰当吧？]

Therefore, the key to the bright future of the society is to raise children who can make contributions to the society, however socialized they are. It is true that there are still many flaws in the education system and in the education methods of parents. Commendably, the schools make measures to optimize the arrangement of the courses and reform the forms of admission exams. Moreover, though some stale ideas remain in their mind, parents attempt to improve education methods according to their own childhood experience. It is a progressing cycle from generation to generation. Besides, the children take part in part-time jobs, activities, and voluntary work to make up for what the schools and parents fail to teach to them. It is not uncommon to find their figures in the eco-friendly activities, technology creativity competitions, and beneficent campaigns. No one can deny that their effort accelerates the development of the society.

There is no flawless standard to judge the methods of education. What we can do is to keep facing in the right direction, improving the methods, cultivating everyone’s potential, and therefore children, as well as the rest of human beings are sure to bring about a brighter society.

sinbad:
英文写作中没有“排比”的，所以很多分号建议都用句号断开。
关于怎么理解socialize，我觉得你想多了。不管是按我建议的还是新东方的理解，选一个写就可以。这个题目到是没有必要这样分析。
最终你还是没有回答“我们是否懂得教育孩子”的问题，你觉得呢？
建议翻翻前面的一些同主题，我改的更仔细一些，现在来不及改了，呵呵。