有空给你们改改ISSUE（含130分析/改完会短信通知/平均排队时间2周）

hyacinthUID: 2184492

观摩ing~~

xixi~~

hyacinthUID: 2184492

"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can bring about a better society." 一个命题可能叫做first half a ...
sinbad_28 发表于 2010-7-10 12:26

i think those are two separate statements, because they are claiming different things...
well mathematically speaking....

>_<

番茄精英UID: 2818067

TOPIC: ISSUE78 - "Schools should be required to teach the essential interconnectedness of all human beings and thus help eliminate wars, cultural clashes, and other forms of conflict."
WORDS: 568        TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2010-7-11 11:07:41

  It seems that the author promotes a way to solve all the basic problems such as wars, cultural clashes , and other form of conflicts by education ,especially formal education in school. In some extent, school education should take the duty to release social and human being's puzzles, however, I do not generally agree with the opinion that school are forced to accept the requirement to teach the essential interconnectedness of all human beings.
  No one can deny  many problems rooted in the lack of cooperation of countries, communities and races, especially in the nowadays world of globalization and modernization. The power that any individual , any society or any one single country possess, are far from the strength to master great questions that cover a range of a continent and even the earth as a whole: middle east wars, religion conflictions, global warming and abnormal climates. Unlike the rule discovered in market economy that every single participants actually lead to a result that benefits others via their own behavior seeking for a biggest private profit, in problems mentioned above, sacrifice ,communications and cooperation are necessary thus interconnectedness, is both inevitable and reasonable for any country to instill to their future power, the youngsters, directly in the form of formal education in school.
  Though I am insofar inclined to the intention to teach students a spirit of interconnectedness , I doubt the efficiency of such an action. The first point lies in the defination of school and education. As writer says, the essence of education emerges when people forget all they have learnt from education, that is to say education aims at rousing inner passions and ability to reach one's goals, no matter academic or mundane. The action of coercing school to teach students the interconnectedness to all human beings seems in some extent, flies over the face of its original aim -----to solve all forms of conflicts among human beings while in the fact, a deep responsibility upon human destiny and social trend will more effectively stimulate students' endeavor and passion to concentrate on these problems instead of merely feel reluctant about the curriculum that school has taught them.
  In another aspect, it is also impractical. Wars, cultural clashes and the like conflicts are founded on human nature, which are hardly to eliminated-----wars initiated from the distinct of competition, cultural clashed exist accompanied with the inborn prejudice of differences from ourselves. No matter  how human developed, intelligence and moral cannot totally counterfeit these distinct and therefore, conflicts of such cannot be completely erased from history. Moreover, school itself in submerged in a certain local or national cultural environment that it dignify and magnify: Islamic schools will never attempt to abet school students to accept attacks from other religions, on the contrary , it will intensify the positive influence of the religion in students' mind and strengthen its status. As a result it is impossible for a school to stand out of its angle , in a absolute objective angle to help students establish a foundation to solve global problems.
  In a sum, interconnectedness should be taught to youngsters in order to wove them in to the fabric of the global. However , whether can interconnectedness eliminate conflicts such as wars and cultural clashes remains questionable, and in addition, the way to spread interconnectedness should be considered further, schools seem not to be an efficient path.

sinbad_28UID: 2147500

我靠，来了那么多？你们慢点倒是，我只有一个头啊。。。。。。

3奶小哀救命！！！

sinbad_28UID: 2147500

辛苦了啦。。。
不过order那个。。。the order of the society 是正规用法。。没什么问题
如果查字典order下面的词条就包括了
conformity or obedience to law or established authority; absence of disturbance ...
lingli_xiaoai 发表于 2010-7-10 16:34

哦，学习了，我只是平时很少见这个说法。多谢多谢！

sinbad_28UID: 2147500

i think those are two separate statements, because they are claiming different things...
well mathematically speaking....

>_
hyacinth 发表于 2010-7-10 20:49

那个是我自己感觉得，北美范文上面怎么写得我都忘记了。所以也有可能不必按照我说得改。

Max_SugarUID: 2850551

本人小白，纠结中。望指点。。。
7. The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing recordof contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentationthan written records.

Our life has gone through great changes with more accuracy andefficiency ever since the video camera has come into being,. Though it is truethat the video camera is becoming more and more important in modern life, itcannot take place of written records because our life is far beyond what we seeand what we hear. There are more amounts of things we need to understandthrough the medium of written records.

With the video camera, we can record our life more easily than everbefore. Within the time of pushing a button, our smiles, along with the bluesky, scudding clouds are vividly preserved on thatsmall picture hereafter. What a video camera provides is so imbued with detailsthat we can still reflect the scene after quite a long time and thanks to thevideo camera, even when we are old enough, what we have experienced is stillclear as yesterday, echoing around, reminding us the way we were. What’s more,video camera is of vital importance recording world’s big events in its way so aboundingthat written records cannot achieve. Through video camera, the wind of worldcup caught on. As a result we are so invoked by the universal fraternity ofFIFA, as well as the glory of the winners, the gallant spirit of theirbattles. As a result, we are so invoked by the universal fraternity ofFIFA, as well as the glory of the winners, the gallant spirit of theirbattles that we devote all our energies, cheering for our favorite team fighting for their glories.

However, video camera is not so convenient compared with writtenmaterials in the following aspects: first, the span of time is not long enoughand it’s hard to record accidents that would take a long period of time, suchas history, usually known by studying documents written by ancient people; onthe other side, not only does recording by video camera expensive for ordinarypersons, especially in developing countries, but it also rules out thepossibility to generalize in order to make abstract commentary and criticism.

Most importantly, in the history of several thousand years, itis the recording of ideology and spirits of human beings that drives mankind tomove forward as individuals: we employ our forefathers’ thoughts in practice,improve it, gain our own way of having a better living, and hand it over to ourdecedents. Yet, the “all powerful” video camera seems to lose its function whenthere needs to provide insights into the mind, while documents carry bothcultural significance and metaphoric significance. We can see phenomena throughvideo cameras, but we learn its essence, thereby making ourselvesunderstood by contemporaries, even our offspring through written records. This is why modern writers are still sought after by newgenerations, because we see their minds as well as those deepest feelings throughtheir writings.

Tosum up, the author overstates the importance of video camera. We cannot choosebetween video camera and written records in that each one has its irreplaceablemerits and values. Video camera offers accurate and convincing method when itcomes to recording temporal, spatial events while written documents provide amore detailed and rational information in lower cost, which will always beneeded to qualify, demystify and furnish meaning to the world around us.

统计：580

dsndiziUID: 2792853

207"Rituals and ceremonies help define a culture. Without them, societies or groups of people have a diminished sense of who they are."

Is that the truth that without the ceremonies societies or groups of people would have a diminished sense of who they are as the author suggested? In response to the issue, I need to analyze the topic comprehensively and systematically. The issue has some merits at the first glance, which I agree with, that rituals and ceremonies help to define a culture in some extent. While, through further considering, I still could not totally agree with the whole conclusion, in the view that the author overlooks the decisive function of rituals and ceremonies, meanwhile lacking such activities is not sure to reduce the sense of a culture, and ignores some alternative forms which could also help to define a culture.

First and foremost, it can not be denied that rituals and ceremonies, which mostly have a long history, indeed help to give cohesion into a certain culture. Rituals, which invariably have a relationship with religions, mostly served as a formalization celebrated by the fellows of religions. Rituals make it possible for the fellows, who have the same firm belief, could get together in order to exchange the comprehension of their religion’s spirit, as well as share individual experiences which may related with that spirit, thus accelerating the sense of who they are, which standpoint they have, what’s most significantly is that not simple can it reinforce the love, awe, respect of that region, but also inherit to or attract new members when other people enjoying their rituals. Ceremonies, on the other hand, might not have a tight correlative with religions rather that it is more likely to be organized by some particular things, such as weddings, bumper harvests, a rainy season and so on, all of these can give an impetus to motivate remembering and defining a distinctive culture.
  
What’ more, although there are some merits from the above analysis, I still have to quest the preciseness of the whole issue. I strongly believe that some cultures seldom have rituals or ceremonies, even there are some are not considered a crucial formation to define the culture. For example, America, which is such a freedom nation and whose educational spirit is to encouraging cultivate individual characters, nearly have no rituals or ceremonies which is ruled must be celebrated by all the citizens, may you have a suspicion that at least Americans have wedding, while what’s wonderful is that take the cases happened through American history, people there have a wedding have distinctive styles, some in church which may more traditionally, some may in balloons, even some have wedding throughout the world.. Thus if the culture is advocating freedom and diversify, there will be no doubt there exist an unitive rituals or ceremonies.

Finally and perhaps the most importantly. The author fails to rule out some alternative forms which can help to define a culture despite of rituals and ceremonies. From instance, in England, brevity means a crucial spirit that Englishmen should have, and taking extreme sports figure their symbolic characteristic. In Africa-America, people there distinguish themselves from others by excellent speeches and their figures. In Brazil, soccer can be regarded as a culture as well. From the cases above, i can safely draw an conclusion that under the background of the current diversified world, culture, such a broad conception, can be defined in various different ways, rituals and ceremonies might be just one part of it, thus of course without rituals and ceremonies it is not doom that people’s sense of belonging will diminish, however in fact, it can be intensified by other forms.

From the analysis above, i can safely committed to an optimal conclusion that admittedly rituals and ceremonies can help define a culture in some degree, while without them people are not destined to lose the sense of who they are. as some others various forms can also help to maintain the culture. As a consequence we need to take every possibility into account when judging this issue.

lingli_xiaoaiUID: 172506

我靠，来了那么多？你们慢点倒是，我只有一个头啊。。。。。。

3奶小哀救命！！！
sinbad_28 发表于 2010-7-11 11:59

你可以规定一个数量 比如每日一篇 or 你能接受的数量啊。。。
发来的都改会累死。。我记得我以前也干过。。

shadow1987UID: 2605840

谢谢楼主修改啊，受益肥浅~

sinbad_28UID: 2147500

本人小白，纠结中。望指点。。。
7. The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing recordof contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentationthan written records.
...
Max_Sugar 发表于 2010-7-10 22:32

Our life has gone through great changes with more accuracy andefficiency ever since the video camera has come into being,. Though it is true Despite the truth that the video camera is becoming more and more important in modern life, it still cannot take place of written records because our life is far beyond what we seeand what we hear. There are more amounts of things we need to understandthrough the medium of written records. [good]

With the video camera, we can record our life more easily than everbefore. Within the time of pushing a button, our smiles, along with the bluesky, scudding clouds are vividly preserved on thatsmall picture hereafter. What a video camera can provide is so imbued with detailsthat we can still reflect the scene after quite a long time and that, [这里得断一下，否则太憋气了] thanks to thevideo camera, even when we are old enough, what we have can experience is stillclear as yesterday, with memories echoing around, reminding us the way we were. What’s more,video camera is of vital importance recording world’s big events in its way so aboundingthat written records cannot achieve. Through video camera, the wind of worldcup caught on. As a result we are so invoked by the universal fraternity of FIFA, as well as the glory of the winners, the gallant spirit of theirbattles. As a result, we are so invoked by the universal fraternity ofFIFA, as well as the glory of the winners, the gallant spirit of theirbattles that we devote all our energies, cheering for our favorite team fighting for their glories. [描述的很不错！]

However, video camera is not so convenient [美国人在写"不好"的时候会这样说(更委婉)：when it comes to the convenience of usage, the video camera falls slightly short...] compared with writtenmaterials in the following aspects: first, the span of time is not long enoughand it’s hard to record accidents that would take a long period of time, suchas history an era or certain period of time, usually known by studying documents written by ancient people; onthe other side, not only does recording by video camera is expensive for ordinarypersons especially in developing countries, but it also rules out thepossibility to generalize in order to make abstract commentary and criticism can barely be used as a media for abstract of an event or criticism of some opinions [同样，我也是没有一棒打死，因为也不是绝对的].

Most importantly [必需重申观点——视频不够好。否则看到这里我不知道你这段想讲什么了。], in the history of several thousand years, itis the recording of ideology and spirits of human beings that drives mankind tomove forward as individuals: we employ our forefathers’ thoughts in practice,improve it, gain our own way of having a better living, and hand it over to ourdecedents. Yet, the “all powerful” video camera seems to lose its function whenthere needs to provide insights into the mind, while documents carry bothcultural significance and metaphoric significance. We can see phenomena throughvideo cameras, but we learn its essence, thereby making ourselves understood by contemporaries, even our offspring through written records. This is why modern writers are still sought after by newgenerations, because we see their minds as well as those deepest feelings throughtheir writings. [excellent!]

Tosum up, the author overstates the importance of video camera. We cannot choosebetween video camera and written records in that each one has its irreplaceablemerits and values. Video camera offers accurate and convincing method when itcomes to recording temporal, spatial events while written documents provide amore detailed and rational information in lower cost, which will always beneeded to qualify, demystify and furnish meaning to the world around us. [good!]

sinbad:
1. 正式写作要避免用it's，要用it is。文中我没给改出。
2. 很喜欢你写的例子，描述的很到位，赞！
3. 注意一下一般现在时和情态动词作用的区别。sth does/sth can do的细微差别我上面给改了一些。体会一下。
4. 你这篇写的已经挺了不得了，呵呵。一个地方就是说“反对”的时候注意下语气，即使是斩钉截铁的也要说的委婉。

cynthiasmileUID: 2735173

TOPIC: ISSUE212 - "If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable.


The speaker claims that if a goal is worthwhile, then any means taken to achieve this goal is justifiable. Although there are many stimulating examples that one person spared no efforts to attain the goal which is meaningful and worthwhile and finally contributed a lot, close scrutiny of this question reveals that whether a goal can be called worthy needs more consideration on moral and legal aspects.

To begin with, throughout the humankinds' long and mysterious history, we can find many evidences that there exists lots of widely accepted worthy goals which really costs tremendous efforts to attain. In the realm of science, Thomas Edison, who is considered to be one of the most important people who has changed that era he lived in, always encourages many people by his unfailing pursuit of the invention of new technologies. And his famous saying (and I paraphrase): "Genius is 99 percent perspiration and 1 percent inspiration" suggests that without hard work and persistence one cannot achieve his or her goal.  Another examples can be seen in the endless pursuing of creating a world of peace , love and care, Mother Teresa has toiled a lifetime to bring a ray of sunshine in the lives of the destitute people in India. These people all sacrifices themselves and persists in their way to attain the much higher goal of the development of all humankinds.

However, under many circumstances, whether a goal is worthy enough to take any means to attain still needs more consideration from moral aspects. Take the typical case people use to explain consequentialist moral reasoning system: there are five patients each desperately need of an organ transplant in order to survive, one needs a heart, one a lung, one a kidney, one a liver and the fifth a pancreas, while the doctor cannot find any donors at the moment. There is one healthy man next door from which one can get the five organs the patients need to survive but definitely the healthy man would die. This goal seems worthwhile because one can save five peoples' lives in sacrifice of only one person's life. Apparently most people with the basic moral sense wouldn't agree with this action. That's because whether the action taken to reach one goal is right or not also depends on the consequences  resulting from that action. Another example is about Von Braun who is considered to be the preeminent rocket engineer in the 20th century. In order to pursue his research interest on the aerospace,  he serviced for Nazi German who could provide fund and facility for his research. However, the Deadly V-2 combat rocket designed by Von Broun brought tremendous disasters to the people throughout the world. In short, even if a goal seems worthy, one better takes further discussion whether it may brought moral problems.
   
Moreover, if one puts too much emphasis on accomplishing their goals without taking into consideration about the legitimacy of their ways, it would cause unexpected serious results also. Convincing examples actually can be seen around everyone's daily life. In order to make more money, some factories choose to reduce expenses by exploiting child labor, using unacceptable materials and releasing poisonous water into rivers which has been a serious obstacle on the progress of sustainable development. Also great attention was given to the details of academic fraud by South Korea's top scientist Hwang Woo-suk who claimed to have cloned human embryos from embryonic stem cells while it turned out that he has invented most of his experiment data in order to raise his reputation in the academic area. Any actions from above are stemming from the people's reckless and impetus pursuit of ostensible interests while overlooking the possibilities of illegal and bad effects they might bring.

In sum, before one take action towards a goal which is thought to be worthy, one should take further consideration on whether the means will be accepted on moral and legal aspects. If the answer is yes, then we cannot see any excuses one doesn't spare no efforts in achieving this goal.

Max_SugarUID: 2850551

27# sinbad_28
真是好人哪，感动中。。。谢谢鼓励啊，小白将继续努力，加油！！！

sinbad_28UID: 2147500

207"Rituals and ceremonies help define a culture. Without them, societies or groups of people have a diminished sense of who they are."

Is that the truth that without the ceremonies societies or g ...
dsndizi 发表于 2010-7-10 22:35

Is that it the truth true that without the ceremonies societies or groups of people would have a diminished sense of who they are as the author suggested? In response to the issue, I need [would like] to analyze the topic comprehensively and systematically. The issue has some merits at the first glance, which I agree with, that rituals and ceremonies help to define a culture in some extent. While, through further considering  upon reconsideration, I still could not totally agree with the whole conclusion, in the view that the author overlooks the decisive function of rituals and ceremonies, meanwhile as lacking such activities is not sure to will not necessarily reduce the sense strength of a culture, and that the author also [重复从句主语以便使结构更明细] ignores some alternative forms which could also help to define a culture.

First and foremost, it can not be denied that rituals and ceremonies, which mostly have a long history, indeed help to give inject [or infuse] cohesion into a certain culture. Rituals, which invariably have a relationship with religions, mostly serve s as a formalization celebrated by the fellows of religions. Rituals make it possible for the fellows, who have the same firm belief [belief is always firm], could get together to gather in order to exchange the comprehension of their religion’s spirit, as well as to share individual experiences which may related with that spirit, thus to accelerating the sense of who they are, which standpoint they have, .[必需断句] what’s most significantly is that not simple [only?] can it it can [为什么不用倒装？查一查语法书] reinforce the love, awe, respect of that region, but also can inherit to or attract new members when other people   [谁？] are enjoying their rituals. Ceremonies, on the other hand, might not have a tight correlative correlation with religions rather that it is more likely to be organized by jointed to some other particular things [things是个极差的词，千万不要在写作中用。] events, such as weddings, bumper harvests, a rainy season
and so on, all of these can give an impetus to motivate remembering and defining a distinctive culture.
  
What’ more, although there are some merits from the above analysis, I still have to quest the preciseness of the whole issue. I strongly believe that some cultures seldom have rituals or ceremonies, even there are some are not considered a crucial formation to define the culture. For example, America the United States, which is such a freedom nation and whose educational spirit is to encouraging cultivate individual characters, nearly have no rituals or ceremonies which is ruled must be celebrated by all the citizens, may you have a suspicion that at least Americans have wedding, while what’s wonderful is that take the cases happened through American history, people there have a wedding have distinctive styles, some in church which may more traditionally, some may in balloons, even some have wedding throughout the world.. Thus if the culture is advocating freedom and diversify, there will be no doubt there exist an unitive rituals or ceremonies. [你这样说他们估计不会给你高分了。。。。。 另外复杂从句我就不改了，自己仔细改，下同]

Finally and perhaps the most importantly. Last but not least [而且这还不是一个句子], The author fails to rule out some alternative forms which can help to define a culture despite of rituals and ceremonies. From instance, in England, brevity means a crucial spirit that Englishmen should have, and taking extreme sports figure their symbolic characteristic. In Africa-America [这是哪个国家？我地理小白。。。], people there distinguish themselves from others by excellent speeches and their figures. In Brazil, soccer can be regarded as a culture as well. From the cases above, i can safely draw an conclusion that under the background of the current diversified world, culture, such a broad conception, can be defined in various different ways, rituals and ceremonies might be just one part of it, thus of course without rituals and ceremonies it is not doom that people’s sense of belonging will diminish, however in fact, it can be intensified by other forms [such as...].

From the analysis above, i can safely committed to an optimal conclusion that admittedly rituals and ceremonies can help define a culture in some degree, while without them people are not destined to lose the sense of who they are. as some others various forms can also help to maintain the culture. As a consequence we need to take every possibility into account when judging this issue.

sinbad:
1. 你比较喜欢用结构复杂的长句，这很好，但是写的时候经常偷换动词形态，时态。刚学习写作的人可能比较难看出来，因为读到后面就忘记前面了，但是这不可能骗过美国人的。我已经给你改了不少了。
2.这个题目比较难写的，已经写的不错了。有一个地方要注意，最好不要说什么“你们美国人都是没文化没传统的”这种话，判卷的人看了不会高兴的，呵呵。