有空给你们改改ISSUE（含130分析/改完会短信通知/平均排队时间2周）

sinbad_28UID: 2147500

虽然看到亲已经改过了130了~但是偶还是抱着一丝的希望~希望亲能帮着改改啊~

小的在这里谢过了~

第一次发东西到论坛上~见笑了~

There is probably not a definate or a correct answer to the question of h ...
蓝鸢唯紫 发表于 2010-7-10 22:50

There is probably not no a definate or a correct deterministic answer to the question of how should children [children should 从句不用倒装] be socialized, since people are both can be solitary and societal at the same time [这是不是你要说的意思？体会下改前后的区别？]. The title statement implicates that we have not yet [yet就够了，更地道] learned how to properly socialize children; however, I find the speaker is too pessimistic [这个词用的非常精准！] to assert the point. Surely, to which the extent that where children are socialized determines the future of society, yet as long as the education can reach a state of equilibrium [very good!], the society can progress continuesly; today's methods [method过于宽泛了，educational strategy and parenting style] of children's socialization, though flawed, still contain much of merits.

Admittedly, as more and more parents choose to home-school [good] their children, [不断开阅读节奏性更好] in fear of their children's being tainted with bad atmosphere of enviroment [不明确，什么坏环境？], more and more a growing number of [more and more 用2次了] children are have been isolated from complex external environment [同上，不明确]; as clever and erudite as they might be, some of them would be lack of the consious sense [不是知觉] of coorperation or competition. Being unable to communicate properly or smoothly, the 'victims' of the limited socialization would be faced with facing more obstacles and hardships than others. What is more disruptive to the society, causing by the unbalanced education, would be the decline of effectiveness of society acitities, a perdictable result from children's rejections to be involved in
social events.

Nevertheless, a better society not necessarily would be brought about by well-socialized children; many great scientists and scholars have deficiencies of communication with other people, yet possess some extraordianry features that others, who concentrate on how to being polite or pleasing others, do not possess. For instance, Newton, a great scientist of Britain all time, and Luxun, a great [great用滥了。。。] novelist of China, both are known to be solitary people and hard to get along with. One must hold his conscious of personal being firmly, even sometimes would go against some problematic norms of society, in order to create and work without some extrinstic limitations. [我个人不很同意你的论述，感觉有点偏激吧。现今社会成功的科学家，作家和其他领域的专家大都具有非常好的人际交往能力，不再是像以前人们所说的“与世隔绝”的仙人了。]

Moreover, the social trends and moral standards nowadays determines, to some extent, that the future generation should better to [had better + 原型，初中语法忘记了吧？呵呵] hold their own opinions and characteristics rather than being a pushover. Immanuel Kant suggests that one has the freedom to choose their own ends and they certainly own themselves . therefore, the best policy for parents to socialize children might be applying few policies, instead of making too much goals, such as to be well-socialized, for them. Therefore, a good alternative of parenting style to maneuvering the children with pouring efforts to make them who the parents want them to be, should be allowing the children develop as is, and this might give both parents and children more degrees of freedom of being true to themselves.[这样改怎么样？]

In sum, each society has their own specific situation, and people can not perdict the effects of certain education, whether the one focus on socialization of children or not; therefore, there might not be a fixed way of raising children, hence, to my understanding, parents' and schools' different focus of education might lead to diverse personalities of children and, at the same time, a dynamic society, which might perform better than that all children's being well-socialized.

sinbad:
1.从一个角度来说，你这篇文章是偏题了（不只一点点）。因为你只阐述了小孩怎么与社会沟通与今后对社会的影响的关系，然后又进而偏到“如何教育小孩”。但没有讨论“我们 是否懂得教育小孩”，也就是说后半个命题几乎没讨论（如果我题目没记错的话）。
2. 怎么办呢？这样改：第一段说，不同意“小孩怎么社交与今后对社会的影响有巨大关系”，同意“我们并不懂得教育孩子”，因为很多父母喜欢硬性培养，结果事与愿违，等等。明白我意思吗？

sinbad_28UID: 2147500

且慢！还没改完！

转角微笑UID: 2852069

题目：

Both the development of technological tools and the uses to which humanity has put them have created modern civilizations in which loneliness is ever increasing.

正文：
I agree with the opinion presented in the issue above that human is not morally free while they regard modern technology as the main cause of the time spirit of profound loneliness.

The universally accepted theory of Historical Materialism issued by Karl Marx the great thinker and philosopher indicates that modern civilization developed accompanying with the process of capitalization, with the material progress being the foundation of cultural advancement.
As modern technology brings the rapid economic growth in contemporary era, it has been widely considered as the culprit for bringing the widely felt loneliness and alienation among modern men.

To some extent, it is justified to regard the increasingly advanced technological tools as the chief culprit for the mood of loneliness and dislocation featured in modern civilization. The evidence for this viewpoint seems to be clear. Above all, the mode of mass manufacture moulds the mechanized lifestyle and the standard, cold, apathy way of thinking as well as the lack of passion and impulse. Employees are in a sense regarded as machines too. The identification as human being is ignored and worn out.

In addition, the mass media makes it less necessary for people to get together and communicate with each other face to face. What we need to do is nothing but sit in front of the computer and tap the keyboard. No eye contact. Nor warm-hearted smiles. No hug. On this dilemma we are feeling lonely and puzzled as well, but there is no easy way out. The ever increasing feel of loneliness becomes a common occurrence to be accepted and suffered by everyone, with the modern technology being the blame.

However, I’d like to issue a new and deeper reason for the dilemma in which modern man are suffering. That takes humanity into consideration. It is, not only the technological tools are to blame, but we human cannot flee the responsibility.

First of all, utilitarianism and materialism that is the by-product of capitalization along with the advancing technology. These exist deeply in human soul and we can never be morally free. In a sense, these values have come into being as a result of the way people utilize modern means of technology. That is to say, the mass manufacture creates great wealth but also moulds the value system calling for wealth as the only standard of success, thus ignoring the emotional need of people. And under such notion, we gradually become money-oriented but isolated from each other what money brings us on earth? This is worth pondering.

Secondly, the mass media provides people for a more convenient and effective way of communication but we gradually abandon the common way of interaction. Thanks to the convenient Internet, we are able to chat with friends from remote corners on the globe. But we let the coldness fill our communication and abandon the most important friends and relatives.

What’s more, lack of faith and belonging in the post war era also causes loneliness. And isn’t war the product of the cold, emotionless technology in the purpose of fight to plunder wealth?

Thus the root of this feel of loneliness in modern civilization is still human ourselves. Technological tools are created by human ourselves and meant to serve us; hence it appears ridiculous for us to blame it in turn.

To better this existential crises in the corner, we are to face the emptiness and materialism that exist deeply in our civilization courageously enough to shoulder the responsibility to change our current existential situation, to utilize the technology sensibly and intelligently as to enjoy their profit and flee their drawbacks, to develop and cherish the cultural wealth, and finally seek a sense of meaning and belonging in the milieu of the seemingly lonely modern civilization.

麻烦楼主帮我改一下吧，自己写总是很没有头绪，你的意见对我很重要！十分感谢！

dsndiziUID: 2792853

30# sinbad_28 啊哈！万分感谢您的修改！那请问我那个引用美国自由的那一段，我要是不说他们没有统一的仪式。。。而就说有些文明现象 不是很注意一定要有固定的仪式行么？然后我再说比如美国如此的自由，比如结婚不像其他国家一样一定是某种特定的仪式，美国人可以有各种各样的形式 然后这也行成了他们多元化的文化形式 而不是单一的仪式形式，这样可以么？？
还有我的长句问题您说得很中肯~~我会改进的！

lvruochenUID: 2792806

万分感谢~~

120 So much is new and complex today thatlooking back for an understanding of the past provides little guidance forliving in the present.

In recent year, the world changes sorapidly that we are now living a greatly different life from the past.Therefore, it is largely concerned whether looking back for an understanding ofthe past can provide any guidance for us in such brand new circumstances. Somepeople believes that looking back at past can only serve as a key in bringingabout some obsolete knowledge or even merely some fact about the past withoutany practical use. In taking various factors into consideration, I reckon thatlooking back in the past can bring us something influential, only in case thatwe learn for an understanding of the past instead of for memorizing andimitating of the past. Finding out historical facts is daily work ofarchaeologists, nevertheless comprehending what happened and trying to figureout the unchangeable principle of development can really play a significantrole in our own life.


To begin with, the attitude that learningthe past for nothing but the dated facts should be abandoned. That means anabsolute adoration of what happened and even doing exactly like those in thereal life. "The dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormypresent. The occasion is piled high with difficulty and we must rise with theoccasion. As our case is new, so we must think anew and act anew. We mustdisenthrall ourselves." The words that Abraham Lincoln said in thecritical circumstances of the civil war can also be understood in light of whatattitude we should take facing past events. Being the slaves of the past eventscan be pity. If we stick to the timeworn statistics, we can get no benefits exceptsome chances to parade ourselves as some kind of history expert, at the cost oflosing our own creativity. That is obviously not what an intelligent personwants. To sum up, we should not live our own precious life as what happenedbefore.


On the contrary, nonetheless, the oppositeattitude, a total ignorance of the past, can be a catastrophe. Thedisadvantages of adhering to the past can not be an excuse for degrading thepast to a point that even a glance at the immaterial treasure from the past canbe a waste of energy. The reason why we can achieve such great accomplishmentsof our civilization is that human can learn from the past, and continue to dofrom the foundation, instead of establishing the foundation once more. As aconsequence, looking down on looking back at the past is a kind of degradationto some extent.


After negating those two extreme oppositeviews, we should come to see the significance of comprehending the past forsome eternal principles and according those principles with our greatlychanging world. Although many factors that form our life in the past have vanishedor replaced by something new, not only in the field of material but theimmaterial world, yet some invariable value have survived and still actedinfluentially nowadays. Comprehending those things is the real goal of lookingback at the past. We can name the principle of tolerance for instance. Findingout the contract between the intolerance of the sentence of death of Socratesand the tolerance under the behavior of his calmness, we can judge which isgreater. Bruno told us the tyranny of intolerance at the cost of his death. Thetragedy of Galileo shows the restraint of intolerance is the obstacle ofimprovement. Then we can learn the importance of tolerance from the events thatwe should never do those again. So, deeply comprehending the past and accordingknowledge with reality is what we should do when looking back at the past.

To conclude, after knowing what attitude weshould take for the past, we should respect the past and learn what theirauthentic meanings are. That is the value of looking back for an understandingof the past.

dsndiziUID: 2792853

TOPIC: ISSUE103 - "The study of history has value only to the extent that it is relevant to our daily lives."
WORDS: 583          TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2010-7-13 15:11:51

Does it the truth that the study of history has value simply to the extent that it is relevant to our daily life as the author suggested? In response to this assertion, one needs to analyze it comprehensively and systematically. although, at the first glance, the assertion has merit form a normative standpoint, which I agree with, that investigating history can be favorable to our daily lives, while, after thorough consideration, I still can not utterly agree with the assertion, from my perspective, I disagree with the issue from the aspect that the author overlooks or ignores the broad realms on which history might also has its significant influence.

First and foremost, there is no denying that studying history is favorable towards regulating as well as improving peoples' daily lives, as history is shaped by numerous excellent inventions and stories, it undoubted to be an impetus for improving peoples' daily lives based on these inventions, meanwhile people can also learn from the stories not only for absorbing meaningful experiences but also avoiding making the same mistakes. On one hand, from the respect of topping inventions, for example, printing skills, compass, papermaking technology and so on, these ancient inventions still be used in modern life play essential part of roles in people’s lives. on the other hand, the former studies in history, especially in the field of medicine, have motivated many great breakthroughs. For instance, through searching into the development of AIDS, biologists and scientists find new treatments and apply on patients for better fighting with the illness, but also give recommendations to the normal people away from contracting AIDS thus have a heath life. In these sense, history indeed have a direct and glorious contribution to human being’s modern life.

In the second place, despite of the merits from the speaker's claim in virtue that the author neglects the wide fields that history can impact on humans, from my viewpoint, history also has a positive influence on cultivating human's values, interests, ethics and ambitions. There is no suspicion, across the long river of history, there are many celebrities who have inspiring and previous spirits which is meaningful for massive public today learning from. Thomas Edison, who first invented electric light bulb, failed hundreds of times for finding a right lamp wick, but with strong determination，he successfully work out the light bulb, from him people today can learn about how to keep on our dreams and fight for it without giving up. Likely van gogh even was poor all his life and regardless in his generation he kept on drawing his paintings with the external theme, love, yet time proved him, from him people can learn the sparking spirit of maintaining interests. In sum, it is safely to advocate that history which filled with many inspiring stories is instrumental in encouraging people mentally.

Finally and may be the most importantly, history equally has an indispensable impact on forecasting future. There are many disciplines which may not change with time went by, and from summarizing relative previous experiences can help people to forecast future. Take environment problems for example, desertification, from the experience in history, people get the knowledge that over cutting forests and over grazing will lead desertification, so people today conscious that for preventing desertification, people should built more trees and preserve the initial forests. Ozone layer problem has been emerged for a certain of time, after summing up experience people deduce the relieving of greenhouse gases. In this respect, history assistant people to forecast the tendency of environmental problems and thus take actions before it getting worse.
From the analysis above, I should commit to the optimal conclusion that history has value not simply on human's daily lives but also on mental standard and is also useful for making perspective actions by forecasting future. As a result, when judging the function of history, it should be fairly considered by taking every conditions into account.

queen_LUID: 2773956

第一篇issue 前辈猛拍吧。。。。

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society.
Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
WORDS: 595          TIME: 00:55:13          DATE: 2010/7/13 21:03:33

Since human being is social animal, anyone cannot live in a place where he cannot communicate with each other. Lonely is a bigger problem more than hungry or poverty to overcome. When people get together in one arena, with taboo, law or custom applying to our social life, society began to appear. People build the society; society in its turn change people. People inherit knowledge and experience form ancestor and use them to build society much better than yesterday. So I agree that how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society, moreover, we still have to learn much to teach them how to make a better society.

There are two basic mode to teach children in our society. One of them is get early education from their parents or eldership, most from their parents. When I was a little child, my parents often told me some basic skill such as how to go through a road or how to distinguish the direction, more important, they told me how to be a polite child who use polite language to thank someone help you or forgive someone who hurt you but no intention. The best thing they taught me was that how to communicate with others and make friends with different people. Today, I appreciate my parents teach me how to have good friends to make you life better, and, actually I become a person who have many friends to share our happiness and sorrow.

The other basic and important education mode in our life is getting education at school. Teachers from primary school to university give us different knowledge about nature, society and history. These knowledge broaden our vision and improve our intelligence. At the same time, we learn how to cooperate with others in one team. In my university ,we always form a team in one lab to overcome a scientific problem. Everybody in one team providing his idea and wisdom for a same goal is such a exacting thing.

However, not everyone can have such chance to work with others frequently and have enough friends to make life better. Today's school especially primary school and high school put too much emphasis on memorizing dead facts such as which year did government sign this treaty rather than cultivating creatively to get better grade to make student to go to a better university. In China, my country, this phenomenon is serious in every school. Children become the machine to learn some dead knowledge without considering question by themselves. Perhaps, they don't need to think by themselves, because the only thing they need to do is to remember the standard answer and receipt it on exam paper. No teacher or class teaches children how to think by themselves and how to cooperate with each other. The classmates also become competitors in exam. Unfortunately, parents always encourage their children to win in every competition not to cooperate with others to get biggest benefit

The awful education mode only can make our children become machine of learning and selfish men when they are in a team. They don't know how to communicate with others and how to cooperate with others in one team. The future of our society would become terrific future. To avoid this horrible future, we should ask ourselves seriously how to raise children is a right mode can help bring about a better society. What we should do is to teach our children in order to make our society better, we must work hard together and join hands to face and overcome big storm, then we all can see the beautiful rainbow in the sky.

queen_LUID: 2773956

前辈已经改过很多130了。。。。；来晚了呀~~

sinbad_28UID: 2147500

这是我修改后的作文~~请版版请教

题目：
"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can bring about a bette ...
nanfeng25899 发表于 2010-7-10 18:52

When it comes to the question: have we learned to raise the children who will bring us a better society? The speaker claims that we haven’t mastered this crucial “technique”, which will determines the future of our society. Undoubtedly, our society’s destiny might be affected influenced by the socialization of our kids; however, its influence should not be overemphasized as many factors will make a difference to our future. [“无可非议，我们的社会多多少少会被孩子的交际所影响，但这种影响至关重要，因为很多因素会改变未来。” 翻成中文你觉得通吗？]

As for the speaker’s conclusion [the speaker is not making a CONCLUSION, the speaker is making a CLAIM.], if those future’s owners [你是想说“孩子是未来的主人”吧？呵呵，这是中国英语。。。] are not socialized , how do they, who lack of the basic communication skills and team spirit, live a better life themselves, not to speak of a better society. As the rapid development of China, “Guanxi”, which is originated from the internet, has become a new word in the English vocabulary. This word pinpoints reflects the essence of Chinese culture, that is, how well you have socialized determines, to large extent, whether your [怎么写这写着就出来个“你”了呢？] career will succeed ultimately. This fact does illustrate us the importance of socialization in contemporary society.

Moreover, socializing the children does make a great contribution to bettering the society. In most cases, the considerably meaningful breakthrough is not achieved by individuals, but a team. Being a team, negotiation, communication and cooperation play the key role in the activities of the team. For example, the brainstorm is one way to exchange the distinguish ideas and create new views among college students [只适合大学生吗？] when they needs some inspirations. In this way, they are indeed out of box [what box?], and get the innovative results  [results of?]. It’s those seminal perspectives that become the motivation of the society change, a better society. In addition, in today’s society, no matter which field you are delving in, as it is more tough than ever to make any breakthrough, the significance of cooperation is becoming more obvious. If you cast a look at the 2006 Nobel Prize for Medicine, you will find out that it is two biologists---Andrew Fire and Craig Mello---that make the discovery of RNA interference. Therefore, socializing our offspring [children就可以了，说offspring就好像你跟别人聊天的时候说：“哎，你后嗣几岁啦？”], admittedly, will be conducive [传导？我看不懂阿。。。] to the progress of a society.

Of course, I concede the speaker’s assertion that society’s fate to some extent depends on how social the children are, but there must also be other factors which decide the prospect of a society, ranging from personal belief to intelligence. For instance, as one of the three global religions, the Christian impart the doctrine of universal love to the adherents who believe they will go to the paradise after death for doing a lot of deeds in their whole life. Hence, the personal conviction, in this sense, is one kind of impulsion to the better society other than the socialization. What is more, we have to admit that intelligence level [智商？应该说intellectual ability] is still the inevitable limitation to the development, because this internal and physical factor does restrict how much information or knowledge we can absorb. As a result, I deem that even though they are socialized, they cannot guarantee a better society owing to the influence of other elements.

To sum up, the socialization is one of the significant ingredients in the form of our future; yet taking other parameters into consideration are indispensable. As far as I’m concerned, when weighing up the factors affecting the society’s destiny, the speaker should and must consider all of them discreetly.

sinbad:
实在不好意思。。。如果这篇我要仔细改的话估计要全红了(sorry)。我读上去的感觉像是你写了中文以后贴到google translator里翻译一下出来的文章。逻辑也比较混乱，请看1楼我给130写的评述。我不是要打击你，你得好好加油了，起码得着重读北美范文。这个楼里130这个题目有好几篇了，看看别人的先。

sinbad_28UID: 2147500

34# dsndizi

大概行吧。不过你得注意，自己不确定的东西可千万别写，要写也得先找些相关的资料来读一下哦。还有就是语气很重要，这个估计得写了才能知道。

figuechenUID: 2850619

40# sinbad_28

Issue17: just&unjust laws，希望能听听大大的意见~先谢谢了~
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1122396-1-1.html

星雨夜UID: 2780868

谢谢楼主

AneraUID: 2841768

辛苦大版主了:)

TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
WORDS: 668
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2010-7-13 10:59:02

I agree with the author's first claim that the famous individuals have drawn too much attention of today's history research. Nowadays, when we talk about the foundation of the America, who goes to our mind immediately? It is George Washington in most cases. What about the civil war? No doubt that Abraham Lincoln will appear in our mind in the first place. However, we know that millions of people whose names have been forgotten have devoted themselves to these two significant history events. In my view, these people are the decisive power of the history events and trends. Thus, I also agree with the author's second claim that groups of forgotten people instead of famous few played the most important role in history events.

To find out the emphasis of today's study of history, one needs to look no further than a history textbook. In the Chinese history textbook, we know all of the famous emperors who had made great influences to the process of history but learn little about the common people who lived in the same period and took part in these great influences. For example, we know that the first emperor in Chinese history who named Yin Zheng made the decision of building the great wall to resist the attack from the north minorities. However, this project is so huge that could not be done without a large group of people. To my knowledge, nearly one million workers died during the building of the Great Wall for the reason of overwork or terrible working environment. Today, we can only remember the decision of Yin Zheng, but when we look at the Great Wall, we know that there is even no one brick which have been laid by himself. It is no doubt that historians in this era have overlooked the groups of forgotten people who indeed made the progress of history.

In fact, it is rare that a contribution in the history had been made by only one individual, especially in significant events or trends. One persuasive example is the Renaissance which is referred to a beginning of modern civilization by the after people. Though we can learn from the history book that Da Vinci, Michelangelo, Rafael had played an important role in this historic events, we can find that the lasting time of the Renaissance is much longer than their lives. It is hard to say when it began and how many people had took part in. This events had influences so many aspects, e.g. humanism, art, science, religion, self-awareness, that it is impossible for an individual to cover all of these aspects. In my view, it is the group of people whose identities had been forgotten propelled the progress of the Renaissance rather than some famous individuals.

In addition, the groups of people whose names have long been forgotten played are the decisive force in historic events. From history researchers or books we know that the famous emperor of France, Napoleon, won most wars in his life and built a country over the whole Europe. However, learning from his bibliography, I find that the achievements of him shall be more attributed to the people and soldiers who advocated him. When he came back from Egypt with great success, he gained support from most people in France. This led to the success of the later revolution which made him the ruler of France. However, after failure in the war against Russia, he lost some of his adherents, and consequently lost his throne and been banished to a small island. His life gives us an illustration that without the group of forgotten people, no individual can made any achievement in history.

In sum, for many reasons today's history research has focused too much on the famous individuals in history. However, as a famous word said, the history is made by the majority people. Those forgotten groups of people are the real decisive force of the progress of history, and deserve more attention in history study.

xiaoking2007UID: 2848328

顶楼上