有空给你们改改ISSUE（含130分析/改完会短信通知/平均排队时间2周）

annkeUID: 2605122

配合主题 issue130
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1124071-1-1.html
拜托大虾了！！！

sinbad_28UID: 2147500

题目：

Both the development of technological tools and the uses to which humanity has put them have created modern civilizations in which loneliness is ever increasing.

正文：
I agree with the  ...
转角微笑 发表于 2010-7-12 21:00

题目：

Both the development of technological tools and the uses to which humanity has put them have created modern civilizations in which loneliness is ever increasing.

正文：
I agree with on the opinion presented in the issue above that human is not morally free [啥意思？] while they regard modern technology as the main cause of the time spirit [啥意思？] of profound loneliness.

The universally accepted theory of Historical Materialism issued proposed by Karl Marx the great thinker and philosopher indicates that modern civilization developed [developed是后置状语？读起来有些混淆] accompanying with the process of capitalization, with the material progress being the foundation of cultural advancement.
As modern technology brings the rapid economic growth in contemporary era, it has been widely considered as the culprit for bringing the widely felt loneliness and alienation among modern men.

To some extent, it is justified to regard the increasingly advanced technological tools as the chief culprit for the mood of loneliness and dislocation featured in modern civilization. The evidence for this viewpoint seems to be clear. [即使是clear也最好要简述一下] Above all, the mode of mass manufacture moulds the mechanized lifestyle and the standard, cold, apathy way of thinking as well as the lack of passion and impulse. Employees are in a sense regarded as machines too. The identification as human being is ignored and worn out. [这段语句写的很流畅，但是说实话我看的不是太明白，比如“mechanized lifestyle and the standard, cold, apathy way of thinking”指的都是什么呢？]

In addition, the mass media makes it less necessary for people to get together and communicate with each other face to face. What we need to do is nothing but sit ting in front of the computer and tapping the keyboard. No eye contact. Nor warm-hearted smiles. [眼神和微笑似乎不确切吧，视频可以有这些啊] No hug. On this dilemma we are feeling lonely and puzzled as well, but there is no easy way out. The ever increasing feel of loneliness becomes a common occurrence to be accepted and suffered by everyone, with the modern technology being the blame.

However, I’d like to issue develop a new and deeper reasoning for the dilemma in which modern man human-beings are suffering. That takes humanity into consideration. It is, not only the technological tools are to blame, but that we human cannot flee the responsibility.

First of all, utilitarianism and materialism that is the by-product of capitalization along with the advancing technology. These exist deeply in human soul and we can never be morally free. In a sense, these values have come into being as a result of the way how
people utilize modern means of technology. That is to say [good], the mass manufacture creates great wealth but also moulds the value system calling for wealth as the only standard of success, thus ignoring the emotional need of people. And under such notion, we gradually become money-oriented but isolated from each other . what money brings us on earth? This is worth pondering.  [very good!]

Secondly, the mass media provides people for with
a more convenient and effective way of communication but we gradually abandon the common way of interaction. Thanks to the convenient Internet, we are able to chat with friends from remote corners on the globe. But we let the coldness fill our communication and abandon the most important friends and relatives.  [这段这样改动一下：你的结构是AAAA but BBBB. CCCC but DDDD.建议改成：AAAA, CCCC but BBBB, DDDD。明白我意思吗？这样读起来要流畅很多]

What’s more, lack of faith and belonging in [belonging in啥意思？] the post war era also causes loneliness. And isn’t war the product of the cold, emotionless technology in the purpose of fight to plunder wealth? [Yes/No. 感觉如果要出现疑问句的话最好能自己回答一下，即便是很明确的答案。]

Thus the root of this feel of loneliness in modern civilization is still human-being ourselves of our own. Technological tools are created by human ourselves and are meant to serve us; hence it appears ridiculous absurd for us to blame it in turn.

To better this existential crises in the corner, we are to face the emptiness and materialism that exist deeply in our civilization courageously enough to shoulder the responsibility to change our current existential situation, to utilize the technology sensibly and intelligently as to enjoy their profit and flee their drawbacks, to develop and cherish the cultural wealth, and finally seek a sense of meaning and belonging in the milieu of the seemingly lonely modern civilization.

sinbad: 你的语言功底很强，写作也很有技巧，大多数长句斗能让人通读下来。对你的建议我觉得可能需要把文章的可读性提高一下，因为你写的很多名词，比如像我上面指出的，很难让读者立马反映过来你想说什么，或者你想指代什么。这时候如果能用一些简单的例子来进一步说明就更好了。当然我没有评过GRE作文卷，不知道这样略带“晦涩”的文章是否能得高分。

franceneUID: 2818958

诶，正为这道题愁呢，看过大大版主的思路，豁然开朗哇。

马上就要考试了，请大版主狠狠地批！

Issue 130
“How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can bring about a better society.”

In the statement above, the author claims that the socialization of children the extent to which that we did not give sufficient attention on education to our children relates to the future of a society. On one hand, I would like to argue that socialization of children is not the merely factor that determine the destiny of society, although it plays an important role indeed. On the other, I utterly agree that we still need to put more effort on how to teach children to bring about a better society.

First of all, Human being is social animal which inevitably involves certain relationships with others. This is the very character which distinguishes man from other species of animals during the evolution of humankind. Therefore, the cooperation in a society ,the influence by the society would be the eternal theme for human lives. Socialization is a concept which used by the sociologists and educationalist to refer to the process of learning one's culture and how to live with it. Childs is born to be like blank papers, who try to fulfill their life to a colorful drawing by initially observing how others act around them. An ancient Chinese historical story tells that In the childhood of wisdom saint Mencius, his mother selected the position of their home three time for the aim of seeking a good environment for him to grow up. How children be socialized, how are they influenced by the circumstance around them is vital for what a child is likely to be in the future which can possibly determine the destiny of society which as the Mencius did.

However, to determine destiny of a society, there are still many factors to be taken into consider. Values such as honesty, persistence, kindness and so on which are the fine qualities to influence the development of a society may be formed by individual’s own experiences of life or learning from constant failure. Thomas Edison, considered to be one of the greatest scientist in history, attended to school for three month only. In most of childhood, Edison was tutored by his mother and himself without any influence by others. Edison succeeded via his efforts and persistence to the failure. Although he is not well socialized, his invention of an electric lamp fundamentally change the whole world.

Consider the author’s next claim in the other half of the statement. I do agree that we did not find an efficient way to teach our children to bring out a better society tomorrow. To reconsider about our traditional education which focuses on the impartment of knowledge, children spent too much time on learning of various skills which is merely as a tool for survival. Value education, such as how to judge world, how to identify themselves from others which is the rather basic problems for children to know today and better understanding for a better life tomorrow. Actually, for most of time, children learn these things from the society which always tells them right from wrong. It is better to say that society is a much more widely-ranged school which induce all members, including the children,  into its moral norms, attitudes ,values, motives and social roles rather than the school training.

In sum, To make our society more better with our children, on one hand, to strengthen the education on values in school teaching. Besides, televisions, newspapers, all the mess media, every member of the society which is the best teacher should set a good example for the next generation. Only to build a good environment for these children, can our offspring lead a bright future tomorrow.

sinbad_28UID: 2147500

万分感谢~~

In recent year, the world changes sorapidly that we are now living a greatly different life from the past.Therefore, it is largely concerned whether looking back for an underst ...
lvruochen 发表于 2010-7-13 08:31

In recent year, the world changes sorapidly that we are now living a greatly different life from the past.Therefore, it is largely concerned whether looking back for an understanding ofthe past can provide any guidance for us in such brand new circumstances. Somepeople believes that looking back at past can only serve as a key [simple functionality] in bringingabout some obsolete knowledge or even merely some useless facts about the past withoutany practical use. In taking various factors into consideration, I reckon that looking back in the past retrospect can bring us something influential, only in case thatwe learn for an understanding of the past instead of for memorizing andimitating of reproducing the past. Finding out historical facts is daily work ofarchaeologists, nevertheless, as an average individual comprehending what happened and trying to figureout the unchangeable principle of development can really play a significantrole in our own life.


To begin with, the attitude that learningthe past for nothing but the dated facts should be abandoned. [如果光看第一句我看不明白到底要摒弃哪个] That means anabsolute adoration of what happened and even doing exactly like those in thereal life. "The dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormypresent. The occasion is piled high with difficulty and we must rise with theoccasion. As our case is new, so we must think anew and act anew. We mustdisenthrall ourselves." The words that Abraham Lincoln said in thecritical circumstances of the civil war can also be understood in light of whatattitude we should take facing past events. Being the slaves of the past eventscan be pity. If we stick to the timeworn statistics, we can get no benefits exceptsome chances to parade ourselves as some kind of history expert, at the cost oflosing our own creativity. That is obviously not what an intelligent personwants. To sum up, we should not live our own precious life as what happenedbefore.


On the contrary, nonetheless [nonetheless的意思好好查查字典，用的不是地方啊！前面的也是], the oppositeattitude, a total ignorance [ignorance是无知的意思，应该用ignoring, neglecting等词] of the past, can be a catastrophe. Thedisadvantages of adhering to the past can not be an excuse for degrading thepast to a point that even a glance at the immaterial treasure from the past canbe a waste of energy. The reason why we can achieve such great accomplishmentsof our civilization is that human can learn from the past, and continue to dofrom the foundation, instead of establishing the foundation once more. As aconsequence, looking down on looking back at the past is a kind of degradationto some extent.


After negating those two extreme oppositeviews, we should come to see the significance of comprehending the past forsome eternal principles and according those principles with our greatlychanging world. Although many factors that form our life in the past have vanishedor replaced by something new, not only in the field of material but theimmaterial world, yet some invariable value have survived and still actedinfluentially nowadays. Comprehending those things is the real goal of lookingback at the past. We can name the principle of tolerance for instance. Findingout the contract between the intolerance of the sentence of death of Socratesand the tolerance under the behavior of his calmness, we can judge which isgreater. Bruno told us the tyranny of intolerance at the cost of his death. Thetragedy of Galileo shows the restraint of intolerance is the obstacle ofimprovement. Then we can learn the importance of tolerance from the events thatwe should never do those again. So, deeply comprehending the past and accordingknowledge with reality is what we should do when looking back at the past.

To conclude, after knowing what attitude weshould take for the past, we should respect the past and learn what theirauthentic meanings are. That is the value of looking back for an understandingof the past.

sinbad：兄弟，我不知道以前有没给你改过文章，但是不是打击你，你的写作水平亟需提高啊。我只是改了其中的大约2%的错误。如果像这样一个容易的题目你还把意思写成这样的话估计issue想拿3分都难。很多词用的不对，很容易写清楚的意思没写清楚，伽利略那个例子也用的不合适（合适的用法应该是某某人因为借鉴了历史而避免了灾祸的发生，而不是说“我们”要以历史为鉴，这在逻辑上是不同的）。给你2个意见：1）看别人的提纲，多思考。2）自己不清楚的词一定要查英英词典！因为你自己不确定的东西写出来了别人是不可能明白的。

ihotdogUID: 2774452

大神给我的改改吧。。在第6页

sinbad_28UID: 2147500

ISSUE130
How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.

words:508
Do  ...
ihotdog 发表于 2010-7-16 22:46

Do the destiny of society hinges upon how children are socialized? Do we really don't know how to raise children to bring us a better society? I tend to not not to agree with the arguer [arguer是北美范文的写法么？我觉得不是很好啊]. I concede that socialization is of course certainly can
help a n individual do better in society, however I don't think it is the most important thing for people to build better society. Even it is ; I still think that our education system knows how to socialize our children.

I commit that a well socialized child will often make more contribution to our society than a child who  is not be socialized so well. Admittedly, a well socialized child is more likely to succeed in his/her later societal life than a child that is not. [这是你想说的意思吗？] Children who are socialized will know how to communicate with others, how to work with others. So that when they have some ideas, they will know how to let others know what they are thinking about .People would like to work with them. People always call them 'nice guy' because people who work with them, talk with them, live with them will feel happy and comfortable. So if the 'nice guy' can do something to improve the society everyone would like to help him/her. [哈哈，理由很可爱啊。不过说正经的，你还是没看我1楼给的分析吧？]

However, in my view, socialization is not the most important thing of an individual to determine the destiny of society. Normally a 'nice guy' with normal intelligence can only make several people feel happy, it’s hard for them to change the situation of society .Obviously, so many great academic physical scientists such as Einstein, Sheldon [Sheldon Cooper??] and Stephen Hawking are socialized not very well. Einstein always did something very seemingly stupid which every normal person will hard to understand. Sheldon have so many unbelievable customs habits in life which make him looked like a freak [这个词是骂人的]. Hawking even lose the ability of speaking. But indeed they are the greatest scientists and all improve the development of our society. So in my point of view, individual with high intelligence, good skills, knowledge, optimistic attitude will do more to help bring about a better society.

What’s more, it’s not fair for the arguer to claim that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society. After hundreds of years’ developing, contemporary education system certainly know about how to raise children as individuals who are needed to make the society better. As children study in school, teachers not only teach them about the most important knowledge but also many other important ability or character in school life. Such as the ability of communicate with others, the skill of treat people, the character of be honest and to differentiate between good things and bad things. Children are socialized during the school life gradually.

In sum, when it comes to whether a child grows up to contribute to a better society, the key determinant is not socialization but rather some other factor----such as raw intelligence, character or personal conviction
personality and charisma. And I am apt to said [你觉得对吗？] that we know how to raise children and how to socialize them. Then I fundamentally disagree with both aspects of the speaker's dual claim.

sinbad:
1. 这个楼里130有好几篇了，建议你全要看一遍，人家都写的比你好哦。然后把我1楼130的分析看一下思考一下，建议这个题目重写。
2. 写作的基础还要提高啊，托福考试中那种语法错误都多的不得了。自己要多查字典多修改。有机会找别人互改。

caiyunjiaoUID: 2774098

TOPIC: ISSUE208 - "The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests. You can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people."
WORDS: 538          TIME: 01:47:32          DATE: 2010/7/18 星期日 0:44:16

The speaker hold the view that the appearance and behavior of a society's people is an observable mean to know much about the society's ideas and value since it can be disclosed by the way people look, dress, and act that their attitudes and interests. From a my personal point of view, it is accurate in some cases, but when we analyze the proposition comprehensibly and systematically,  we cannot utterly depend on the appearance and behavior to judge a society’s ideas and values with an all-side consideration.

Generally speaking, for most people, one's attitudes and interests can be embodied by their appearance. Relying on their attitudes and interests, people's judgment of what is beautiful differ from person to person, which enables people let their appearance and behavior cater to their view. The fact may give us the possibility to have an insightful look from without indirectly. For example, we can identify a professor from his serious attitude as he is engaged in scientific work; we can recognize a ball game fan from his polo shirt of his supported team; we can perceive the royal family's status from their honorable behavior as they have upbringing.

Just as an old saying goes: No one can judge a person from without. Sometimes someone doesn’t care what they have shown to others. Taking Rockefeller， an American oil magnate， for an example, if you do not his identity, when you two come across, you might not recognize him since he looks like a civilian who dressed normally and severely. Another case in point is that a manslayer looks normally in ordinary times. Sometimes some people may not dress what they prefer since they are subjected to the circumstance. Such as employee in a company, they are in work clothes on work time or students who are required to be dressed in school uniform. Their attitudes and interest in dressing are throttled by surroundings.

To some extent, by observing the appearance and behavior, we can tell some about a society's ideas and values. As social life, human beings' spirits compose to society's value and individual's attitude can partly represent society's idea. For instance, the leisure of France's dressing indicates its people are romantic; the inclination of American's dressing shows its people are free. Moreover, the changes in appearance and behavior indicate the changes in society. The changes in China can illustrate this point: In Qing dynasty, men had long braid and people all dressed conservatively. Yet Chinese today are modern and exotic.

While stating that what I have talked above doesn't mean that I entirely agree with the speaker's assertion, I want to point out that society's idea and value is a mind system which assess and see things deeply. Thus, we cannot fully understand it simply from the appearance and behavior of its people. Furthermore, in some cases they are discord with each other. In addition, a society's true values may hide behind its profound history and culture which needs to be studied in a long time.

In short, we may know a part of a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people. If we want to comprehend the society fully, what we can only do is to study it tardily.

自己写时感觉 1、不会开头 2、文章主体的字数基本靠天收，重点不清；3、表达全是自己想着中文写的英文 4、句子表达不地道 5、语法错误 6、时间长，分论点总是展不开导致字数很难上去。；但是具体是什么，主要问题出在什么地方自己不清楚。希望辛巴达能指出我的弱点以便我以后重点改进！另外如果这篇文章上不了3分也请您明说，以便我更加努力！谢谢！

sinbad_28UID: 2147500

诶，正为这道题愁呢，看过大大版主的思路，豁然开朗哇。

马上就要考试了，请大版主狠狠地批！

Issue 130
“How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have n ...
francene 发表于 2010-7-18 08:32

In the this statement above, the author claims that the socialization of children, to the extent to which that where sadly we did not give pay sufficient attention on education to our children, is related to the future of a society. On one hand, I would like to argue that socialization of children is not the merely factor that determines the destiny of society, even though it plays an important role indeed. On the other, I utterly agree that we still need to put more efforts on how to teach children to bring about a better society.

First of all, Human being is social animal whichwho inevitably involves certain relationships with others. This is the very character parameter that [强调句式要用that，初中语法吧？] which distinguishes man from other species of animals during the evolution of humankind. Therefore, the cooperation in a society ,the influence by the society would be the eternal theme for human lives. Socialization is a concept which used by the sociologists and educationalist to refer to the process of learning one's culture and how to live with it. Childs [!!!]   is born to be like blank papers, who try to fulfill their life to a colorful drawing by initially observing how others act around them. An ancient Chinese historical story tells that In the childhood of wisdom saint Mencius, his mother selected the position of their home three times for the aim of seeking a good environment for him to grow up. How children be  are socialized, how are they  [they are不用倒装] nfluenced by the circumstance around them is vital for what a child is likely to be in the future which can possibly determine the destiny of society which as the Mencius did.  [good!]

However, to determine destiny of a society, there are still many factors to be taken into consider. Values such as honesty, persistence, kindness and so on which are the fine qualities to influence the development of a society may be formed by individual’s own experiences of life or learning from constant failures. Thomas Edison, considered to be one of the greatest scientist in history, attended to school for three month only. In most of his childhood, Edison was tutored by his mother and himself without any influence by others. Edison succeeded via his efforts and persistence to the failure. Although he is not  as well socialized, his invention of an electric lamp light-bulb [lamp还包含灯架] fundamentally change the whole world.

Consider the author’s next claim [个人更喜欢proposition] in the other half of the statement. I do agree that we did not find an efficient way to teach our children to bring out a better society tomorrow. To reconsider about our traditional education which focuses on the impartment of knowledge, children spent too much time on learning of various skills which is merely as a tool for survival. Value education, such as how to judge world make wise judgments, how to identify themselves from others which is the rather basic problems for children to know today and better understanding for a better life tomorrow. Actually As a matter of fact, for most of time, children learn these things from the society which always tells them right from wrong. It is better to say that society is a much more widely-ranged school which induce all members, including the children,  into its moral norms, attitudes ,values, motives and social roles rather than the school training.  [最后提出的观点“社会是个学校”很好！]

In sum, To make our society more better with our children, on one hand, to strengthen the education on values in school teaching. Besides, televisions, newspapers, all the mess [mass] media, every member of the society which is the best teacher should set a good example for the next generation. Only to build a good environment for these children, can our offspring lead a bright future tomorrow.  [最后没写好。必须要重复题目的问题和你的观点，而你却依然在使用例子，这显得不够精炼了吧。So do you agree with the statement? Do you think that we know, or we don't know, or we don't know yet, about how to educate and socialize out children? ]

sinbad：
1.很高兴你看了我的分析并按照这样的思路写了。我个人是觉得这样讲逻辑比较通顺的，不知道其他人怎么觉得，建议你要不让其他人看看吧。我还特地找了下北美范文，他们写的思路也跟我的不同（是那种传统的思路）。所以听听别人的意见看，万一我说的不对呢。
2.你的which从句用的太多了，但又不是用的都恰当，这其实是中国学生的通病。对这点我没啥改进意见好提，呵呵，不好意思了。。。

nieyongUID: 2742661

大哥  谢谢你了~~   我二战才开始~~好人啊~！！

Issue 221"The chief benefit of the study of history is to break down the illusion that people in one period of time are significantly different from people who lived at any other time in history."
提纲：
the speaker overlooks that in some aspects there are remarkable differences between people in different time periods, and they benefit us a lot.
1.         The nature of humanity and the essence of society, our desires and the conflicts, have stayed unchanged on the whole.  Troy War  Edward VIII
2.        it's equally to rewarding to appreciate and analysis the significant differences between people of different eras.(新旧制度科技发展给人类的启示)
3.        via studying shining stars in the galaxy of history of different periods, we are moved and fairly influenced by the excellent giants and mostly the tenacity of their wills.
  
  As long as human beings gained ascendency across the earth, people cannot stop studying history so as to help establish a better world. The speaker claims that the notion that people remain unchanged is the chief conclusion of studying history. To a certain extent, I agree with this assertion. However, the speaker overlooks that in some aspects there are remarkable differences between people in different time periods, and they benefit us a lot.

  The nature of humanity and the essence of society, our desires and the conflicts, have stayed unchanged on the whole. For instance, Beauty and love are the forever themes across the river of the human civilization, even extreme actions are being taken to fight for them. The Troy War, between Troy and Rome, which lasted for ten years and left their citizens in an abyss of suffering, started only due to the dispute of a beautiful woman named Helen. Not come singly but in pairs, Edward VIII abdicated in 1936 only to marry an American divorcee. The government strongly opposed the marriage, so he chose to give up the power intrepidly. What's more, people have the inherent desire for democracy and freedom; therefore, it's not that weird to have so many insurgences of the poor farmers in the ancient and the hot national liberation movements in the Third World. Having realized upon this stage, we will be more skillful in penetrating people's inner heart and delivering human resources more effectively. The principles manifested can also guide the evolvement of the society.

  However, it's equally to rewarding to. At no other time than in our present time has the need for appreciating and analyzing the significant differences between people of different eras been more necessary. In terms of the development of regime and science, with the abolition of slavery and the annihilation of feudalism, democracy and law have become the melody of the new era. Furthermore, hi-tech has changed into the mainstream of our contemporary world. Industrial Revolution is the milestone of the modern times and our way of life is totally different from the primitive ones because of the highly developed technology. History is mirror, through sparks between established conventions and much more enlightened and unique points of view, whether failure or success, we can obtain beneficial experience and have more mature and sophisticated choices against the challenges lying ahead.
  
  On the other hand, via studying shining stars in the galaxy of history of different periods, we are moved and fairly influenced by the excellent giants and mostly the tenacity of their wills. Such as Columbus, the greatest explorer in history, clang tenaciously to his ambition of finding new land even though all the sailors were on the edge of desperation; Dr King, an American activist and prominent leader in the African-American civil rights movement. His intrepidity incurred the extremists' bullets. Though core value of the society has changed over times, and we are little by little losing more and more praisable virtues that our forefathers emphasized, the great pioneers of different eras act as the beacons of our soul, and guide our way of life in accordance to the reality.

  In conclusion, although the nature of humanity does remain constant over times, the regime, science and spirits of the society have changed appreciably. Also, the chief benefit of studying history lies mainly in the lessons learnt from history and the established principles we use to guide our directions.

转角微笑UID: 2852069

题目：

Both the development of technological tools and the uses to which humanity has put them have created modern civilizations in which loneliness is ever increasing.

正文：
I agree with  ...
sinbad_28 发表于 2010-7-18 09:47

谢谢sinbad，太感动了=。=谢谢你的鼓励！
说实话我把这篇发上来的时候心里特别没底，因为我刚开始写issue，特别担心别人会完全不明白我在讲什么= =真的辛苦你了~~
这么说来，我的问题是写的不够precise和concrete，老是自己想到一些什么东西就非要写下来，完全不顾读者的感受，所以应该把问题讲的深入一点，既然提出了一个观点就要解释清楚，不能这样模棱两可，可以举一些具体的事例，是吗？


呃，顺便说一句，我是学英美文学的= =看了太多后现代的文学理论什么的了。。。都被毒害了= =
mechanized lifestyle and the standard, cold, apathy way of thinking，我是在一个戏剧的评论里看到这样的说法的= =就是说在工业化的进程中，人失去了作为人的identity，变得机械化了，作用也跟机器一样了，汗，我记住了，以后不写这些晦涩的东西了。。。
还有：belonging in [belonging in啥意思？] the post war era  
这个地方用sense of belonging 比较准确吧，就是缺少归属感，不知道该追求什么，不知道自己属于哪里，也是后现代的一种时代情绪吧= =




谢谢你，我会继续努力再努力的~~:)

sinbad_28UID: 2147500

谢谢sinbad，太感动了=。=谢谢你的鼓励！
说实话我把这篇发上来的时候心里特别没底，因为我刚开始写issue，特别担心别人会完全不明白我在讲什么= =真的辛苦你了~~
这么说来，我的问题是写的不够precise和 ...
转角微笑 发表于 2010-7-19 00:01

sense of belonging改成security更好些

“晦涩”问题我真的也不确定啊，这也许就是GRE作文的一个谜吧。。。。

superlonglongdfUID: 2805941

请楼主帮我修改一下 感激不尽
题目：ISSUE8 - "It is often necessary, even desirable, for political leaders to withhold information from the public."
字数：632          用时：2:00:00          日期：2010-7-19 15:46:01

    I agree with the speaker that it is often necessary, even desirable, for political leaders to withhold information from the public. Politicians may, in some special circumstances, be not wisdom to tell the truth in consideration of the interest of the party or the nation. however, we must not allow the politician undue freedom to withhold information from the public, otherwise, we will risk sanctioning demagoguery and the democracy of the society will also be undermined.
One reason for my fundamental agreement is that, considering their special career acquirement, it would better to withhold some information from the public, the political leaders  should be much aware of the exposing of the private life, since good imagines of the politicians in the public are very important if the politicians want to gain more supports from the public and to win more ballots in the coming vote. For example, if the president of a country exposed of being afraid of his wife, or with some personal flaws and bad habits or trapped in a sex scandal, these would throw a mud on his imagines and he would be possibly consequently lose most supports in the populace. So in the position of the politician themselves, the view concerning withholding information is realistic.
Another reason why I essentially agree with the speaker is that politicians withhold the information to some degree is due to that some plans are associated to the countries’ interest and safety thus keeping them complete confidential from the public is necessary. For example, the government must keep the plan of fighting against the terrorists as a secrete of the highest level of the country, to assure the action to be a success, in turn the public's safety is protected. And also every country’s limitary disposition and plan must withhold from the public, since military link with the safety of a country.
Additionally, withhold information from the public can also avoid the horror of the public which would result in the unrest of the society, For example, when a ravage disease such as SARS, or bird flu was pervasive in a country, the government may disclose the early number of people that killed by these disease to make the populace aware of the fatal results caused by the disease so they would take some measure to keep themselves away from the disease. But the government won't expose the real number when it become too large, because it would be not conducive but perhaps would cause the disorder of the society, all they can do is invest more money and more experts to cure the disease as early as possible. In such crucial time, withhold information from the public is very important to keep the society go on well.
      Having recognized that withhold information from the pubic is often necessary for the interest of the public, political leaders must never tell lies to the public or withhold the information too often, otherwise the public risk sanctioning demagogy, and the result is very destructive. We will never forget the fact that there were inter-religious massacres and nations conflicts in history since the misunderstanding and hates between each religion caused by the lies and the deception of the government. Many people died and the cities destroyed. Then when people become conscious and found they were deceived by the politicians, the government lost the credibility of the populace forever and were finally substituted by the new government.
     In sum, the way of politics requires the political leaders to withhold information from the public. Such behavior is necessary means to the final objective of effective political leadership and the interest of the country. Nevertheless, if a leader goes too far away on this point, depends on the lies and deception to preserve his leadership, he is destined to ends up with a failure as a betrayer of the people and the country.

王梦然8851UID: 2733665

TOPIC: ISSUE40 - "Scholars and researchers should not be concerned with whether their work makes a contribution to the larger society. It is more important that they pursue their individual interests, however unusual or idiosyncratic those interests may seem."
WORDS: 693          TIME: 0:45:00          DATE: 2010-7-21

Under the circumstance of such diversified subjective for researching, we have a strong tendency in turning allowing the researchers and scholars sufficient liberty to decide their own subjective is always effective approach through which the talent and intellect of researchers and scholars could be dug out or inspired. Significantly endowing the right of liberal research is, it can never overshadow the significance of restriction and regulation towards research. In taking various factors into consideration, I reckon that the claim in which the liberty of research is overemphasized would be too vague to be informative.

Admittedly, as is often the case, passions and interests of researchers accepted to be the most impulsive strength for encouraging them to devote in the whole process of research without any extraction and idle, for the reason that one's interests could ignite the courage of researchers to overcome the most sophisticated problems. As a common sense, only the raw interests are the straight forward stimulation for achieving progress in any fields. To confirm this point, one needs look no further than the case of Marie Curies. She lost her mother in her childhood and suffered poverty, so her family cannot support her to study in education institution. However, it was her great interests towards science that promote her to learn hard by herself. Finally, under impulse of her passionate enthusiasm of science, she was get the admission from famous university.

The inherited nature of research based on one's interest poses some problems that hinder the blue print of successful achievement from being converted to reality. Theoretically, sounded as liberal research is, while in practice some impediments such as wasting the talent of our researchers and even non-profitable investment are the fatal elements that make the feasibility of this proposal vulnerable to any questions and challenges. The very meaning of research is to improve the human life standard and promoting the human civilization. In this sense, only the research which is beneficial to human beings was the meaningful and valuable, otherwise it is only a kind of wasting money and talent. To attest this viewpoint, the case of the invention of military weapon was a good example. After the world war two individuals reevaluated the science and technology which brought about fire guns, warship, submarine and even nuclear. These destructive inventions derived from science and technology threatened the peace of our world.

In addition, there is no point to claim that researches based on individual's interest unexceptionally are the most promising one. Indispensable indulging the interests of researchers is, it can never overshadow the advantages of doing researches for contributing the society. Some researches which was designed from the prospective of the requirement of society are also important that cannot be overlooked. To substantiate this point, the case of the exploration of universe serves as an appropriate illustration. Some countries work on exploring the outer space cooperatively such as United States and Soviet Union to discover the available spaces and resources for human. The population explosion and shortage of the resources are the most complicated and urgent problems for human beings.

To bring the idea further, it is unwarranted and sometimes even dangerous for us just rely on the interests of research always effective approach for guaranteeing the morality and legal, as it stands, it can only do part of the job. Some of scientific research was not only influence human dignity but also destructive to morality and legal, which should be banned by regulation or restriction of governments. Extending giving the priority for researching according to one's declination without any restriction and regulation would be deemed to suffer from the huge lost and even great failure. To demonstrate this point, the case of clone serves as an example. Clone was an astonishing and promising technique for conserving human genes, however it was banned by religions and laws on the ground that human clone is immoral and illegal.

To sum up, it is essential for us to restrict the liberty of researchers and scholars for deciding their subjective. The research must be assured to be moral and legal. Every research must contribute to human civilization; otherwise, it is doomed to be meaningless.

费话先生UID: 2788924

谢谢楼主O(∩_∩)O哈哈~如果忙的话，语法错误标注就好啦，不用费心帮我想啦。
TOPIC: ISSUE153 - "Students should bring a certain skepticism to whatever they study. They should question what they are taught instead of accepting it passively."
WORDS: 538         TIME: 00:39:42          DATE: 2010-7-20 11:06:38

    Skepticism, broadly defined, is an attitude of incredibility towards everything including a general theory or a specific object. The author claims that every student should hold such an attitude toward what they study in daily's education. I agree with what the author says since skepticism can stimulate a student's interests in studying, encourage him to innovate and think independently.
Students who hold a certain skepticism to study will have more incentives to study and more likely to discuss with teacher. When students start to doubt what the teacher tells to them, they will try to collect information to verify the validity of the teacher's argument afterwards. Through this procedure, they can have a better mastery of knowledge and are more likely to find their favorite field. On the contrary, those who used to accept no matter what the teacher teaches to them have few incentives to rebel the existing theories, so they feel needless to search for more knowledge voluntarily. Additionally, those students who are so full of skepticism incline to debate or discuss with teacher, which further arouse their inspiration and exploratory spirit in turn, In short, due to the strong incentive to doubt whether the teachers are right and the discussions with teachers, the students will devote themselves in study more and better understand what they learn..
  Another obvious advantage is that skepticism can encourage students to innovate and think independently. As we all know, skepticism is one of the best impetus to the innovation in one's study. For example, a student who has a skepticism attitude towards the solution on a social issue may try to find the most suitable way he thinks to solve or improve it. Through the procedure of improving and correcting the existing defects, the students learn how to think independently and innovate. Both the creativity and the critique thinking will be quite beneficial to one's future work or further research. Also, due to our students' innovation and critique thinking, the current wrongs can be corrected instead of repeat in the future.
   Many people would hold a strong opposition to the opinion from two aspects. The first reason is that the skepticism may lead the class into a situation of disordered. However, the disordered class to a large measure is more easily inspire students' critique thinking and stimulate the interests than an ordered class since the above reasons. The second reason may be that it is not proper for students, especially young students, to doubt everything since they do not have enough ability. But such opinion overlooks the real spirit of skepticism. Skepticism does not mean that a student should deny everything that other tell him. In fact, skepticism is something that encourages you to ask question and explain the question resting on his independent critique thinking rather than an authority's thinking. So, even if students are young and have pretty limited knowledge, students can also benefits a lot from the procedures of collecting information and demonstrating his ideas. A student is allowed to be unfamiliar with Goldbach’s conjecture; but it is rather a pity that he never doubts why one plus one really equates two.
   Overall, we should encourage our students to hold certain skepticism in their daily study. The original goal of education is to help a student find his interested field and obtain his goal based on his own independent thinking and own ability. A famous educational professor once said: when people are over thirty years old, most of them will forget ninety percent of what they have ever learned in university. So the most lasting advantage for education is to teach a student how to think himself and make judgment. From the angle, why should we oppose our students to doubt the existing knowledge?

王梦然8851UID: 2733665

昨天看见这贴光兴奋了，忘了谢楼主，希望能得到楼主的指点，小女一周后就要考了！