有空给你们改改ISSUE（含130分析/改完会短信通知/平均排队时间2周）

nanfeng25899UID: 2629871

39# sinbad_28
谢谢斑斑给我修改了~~~~说实话，写完这一篇后我对自己的提纲的把握也不是很大。。。看来我我还是要求改的，我会加油的~~~
btw, be conducive to是有助于的意思。。。

sinbad_28UID: 2147500

31# sinbad_28

灰常感谢~~写的时候好像是是没怎么注意后半部分（挠头。。）~

总而言之就是把态度题写成了建议题。。。改法很高明嗯~

还有点问题：一个就是GREAT的用法，我其实是觉得有种排比的感觉才故意安 ...
蓝鸢唯紫 发表于 2010-7-13 22:55

“排比”是中文写作的手法，英文不讲这套的，呵呵。再说great又不是什么好词，用的太泛滥了。。。。

那个better什么的你查字典吧，我也不清楚。

hyacinthUID: 2184492

46# nanfeng25899


just one comment, avoid using speaker to refer to the topic sentence...

there is no speaker...>_<

if it helps, statement is a better word of choice.

shadow1987UID: 2605840

46# nanfeng25899  


just one comment, avoid using speaker to refer to the topic sentence...

there is no speaker...>_<

if it helps, statement is a better word of choice.
hyacinth 发表于 2010-7-15 01:50

主要是北美大叔整天这么用啦~

shadow1987UID: 2605840

I533. "Students should bring a certain skepticism to whatever they study. They should question what they are taught instead of accepting it passively."

思路：

1:先让步，说青少年处于叛逆期，过度的怀疑可能导致拒绝接受；但是我还是很同意topic的观点（因为有一个certain，所以看得很顺眼），因为怀疑的能力也是一种独立思考的能力，是科学和社会前进的动力。

2：既然说学生的学习需要怀疑，要给学习分层次，那就文理科吧，北美范文说社会和政治好像不太适合学生的学业。先说理吧，好说，还是哥白尼的例子。

3：文的例子其实很多，但是很难写好，比如说中国的教育，最好能找个点，最后选了一个文化大革命= =！。

4：这里再来个让步，从反面思考，说有些人认为怀疑阻碍了学生接受新的知识，或者效率下降了，但是这种暂时的效率下降是acceptable的，是为了以后能更efficient做的铺垫。

5：结论

Considering some juvenile students who are remain in the rebellious phrase of their lives, I must admit that undue skepticism could sometime become the rejection of process of accepting knowledge. However, knowing that all the new notions from no matter scientific field or realm of art are base on skepticism towards those already established theories, I totally agree with the speaker's claim that students should bring a certain skepticism to whatever they study and question what they are taught instead of accepting it passively.

Our scientific research is on the march throughout the whole time of human scientific evolution. The obvious signs of development of science are the confutation of established, old theories and the founding of innovational, new theories. For instance, geocentric theory is a deeply rooted judgment which was believed by most of people who lived in the dark ages. However, Copernicus, one of the greatest astronomers not only in the renaissance period but also in human history, casted doubt on geocentric theory when he was learning this theory and finally overturned it through his spirit of skepticism. Even the conclusion drew by Copernicus, heliocentric theory, is still incomplete, the story already proved the fact that skepticism can indeed helps us make tremendous progress in scientific field. Hence, I think skepticism is an essential characteristic for students.

Likewise, the students who study arts also need this spirit. Given that knowledge of humanities, especially those historical contentions are usually summarized by our elder generations, we should aware that all the judgments we are leaning haven't been, and never can be proved by experiments, data and formulas. What's more, our elder generations have their own limitations like the social environment where they lived amidst, particular historical conditions and the instruction imparted by their elder generation. Consequently, the spirit of skepticism is even more significant in the realm of arts. Take Chinese Cultural Revolution as an example, the students who lost their skepticism believed in the short-sight assertions given by Chairman Mao and some other wicked people, and jeopardized the social stability and development. Therefore, having critical thinking is a crucial condition in judging what is right and what is wrong.

However, some people may still remain unconvinced; they would argue that if every student suspects every sentence in their textbook, skepticism will quells their progress of study seriously. To some extent, the above scruple is reasonable, but I still insist on agreeing the speaker's claim, because skepticism, which can also be seen as the capability of critical thinking, is the momentum of human development. In this way, I find the temporary inefficiency is an acceptable expense for long lasting efficiency. Altogether, my firmly held view is that students should bring a certain skepticism to whatever they study and question what they are taught instead of accepting it passively.

To sum up, although undue skepticism might be an obstacle in students’ educational process and prevent them to accept new knowledge, I still agree with the speaker's statement. Skepticism exerts tremendous influence not only in scientific field but also in realm of arts; furthermore, the side effect of certain skepticism will eventually be concealed by the shine of its advantages. Knowing these, we should absolutely place enough value on skepticism and confirm the speaker's stance.

hyacinthUID: 2184492

50# shadow1987


这个题目其实就是围绕美国本科教育展开的。。。上什么课你都能听到老师说要勇于质疑他/她的观点  前两天教授给个题目让我做  我直接用他的结果接着往下算了  结果他让我以后遇到这种情况都要自己再算一遍  确认他算的对不对。。。-_-b

所以选择支持是很主流的一个观点 也是很明智的。。。

至于例子其实很好举  尤其中国教育 什么抗日啊 国共内战啊 太多太多了。。。不一定非要用文革  而且有的时候例子不一定非要很大  很小的一个东西也可以展开的。。。比如那个 小的时候咱们都学什么  爱迪生说天才是靠百分之一的灵感和百分之九十九的努力。。。但是后来发现人家还有后半句 但是这百分之一的灵感很重要。。。 原话不记得了 大致就这意思吧。。。这个例子就能略窥一斑咱这中国教育啊。。。不质疑能行么。。。呵呵


另外不明白为什么要有第一个让步  如果解释的不好的话 等于是削弱了你的中心论点。。。但是第四个的让步就很好  

-----------------

LZ 不好意思在你的楼里有点喧宾夺主了。。。

下下周俺也要考GRE了  估计是没时间练习作文了 就借地和大家讨论讨论了。。。还望谅解 >_<

hyacinthUID: 2184492

另外用哥白尼也没什么啊。。。我准备SAT的时候就特备了哥白尼和布鲁诺的例子  不过真到考场上 还真是又忘了他那名字还有地心说是怎么拼的了   -_-b

但是貌似大家不太喜欢用布鲁诺。。。但其实真正说来  布鲁诺才是为真理献身了的。。。

另外那个 不要用 chariman Mao...  直接用名字好一点。。。

likewise 倒是用的很好的。。。

shadow1987UID: 2605840

另外用哥白尼也没什么啊。。。我准备SAT的时候就特备了哥白尼和布鲁诺的例子  不过真到考场上 还真是又忘了他那名字还有地心说是怎么拼的了   -_-b

但是貌似大家不太喜欢用布鲁诺。。。但其实真正说来  布鲁诺才是 ...
hyacinth 发表于 2010-7-15 11:30

关于前辈留的几个问题，我说下我的看法，见笑了~
1：关于质疑，我想到个小故事，以前英文书上看的，说教授拿个猫头骨说这是一种新物种，然后介绍了它的生活习性和栖息地，然后隔天测试把所有的学生都判不及格了，说你们这帮倒霉孩子没一个人质疑我说的话，其实这哪里是新物种，这只是个猫头骨！（faint，这教授真有劲= =！）
2：中国历史，诸如抗日，内战，台湾问题，这些问题我认为确实难说啊！因为本来就没有客观的，历史性的定论（中国有中国的定论，台湾有台湾的，美国有美国的）或者说，即便有，国内学生也是很难学到的。所以想来想去写文革，至少有个广为接受的论调。
3：前辈那个提议很inspiring，就是百分之九十九的汗水加百分之一的灵感，结果被断章取义了，我以前看过一个帖子，专门介绍被断章取义的名人名言。
4：关于让步，introduction总是得把自己观点概括得全面点吧，即便我同意，我也得让步，以展示自己的思辨性！（个人观点，maybe naive，前辈笑完之后请留下意见和建议。）
5：关于布鲁诺，以前读过点文字，说他的献身其实主要还是反对宗教神学，科学的见解不是被烧的主要原因。所以在Issue里宗教这种话题还是不碰的好。
5：最后说毛泽东，前辈在彼岸生活，个人认为老美听得懂chairman mao听不懂Maozedong，求证~

hyacinthUID: 2184492

前3个就不评论了。。。

er 忍不住还是想说下第2个 抗日和内战 国内学的其实已经很扭曲了  台湾倒的确是很争议  总之我觉得这种当场作文 尽量不要用这些例子  太大了 不如那种断章取义的例子好展开

第4条那个 我以前改托福作文的时候说过很多次  但是发现大家还是喜欢这么写。 怎么说呢 概括全面是好事 但是你摆个COUNTERAUGUMENT在那里 又不予以反驳或者加以解释  那为什么要摆在那里 很有可能因为这一个没有解释的观点 导致读者先接受了你反面的观点 没有被你正面的观点说服。。。

我又仔细看了下你第一个让步  青少年叛逆期跟质疑有关系么  我觉得好像是那种什么都反着做 跟怀疑没关系  或者你再确定下青少年叛逆期的具体解释  但是你后面一个让步就很好 因为你随后给了解释

当然了 个人喜好不一样 呵呵 还有一些关于COUNTERARGUMENT的话想说 但是等我回去再研究研究ISSUE到底是怎么要求的  呵呵

5 同意

毛泽东这个  我个人觉得称呼其CHAIRMAN的时候 已经有一种尊敬的意思在里面了  这种在西方很有争议的人物  用中立点的名字比较好 当然有可能是我想多了   此外 我上历史课的时候感觉很多历史上中国人的名字都是用台湾那边的拼音的 也就是Mao Tse-tung  因为美国人看到这个会读  但是他们不会读z  不管是哪一个吧  有个办法  你写的时候要用这种名字的时候可以先随便挑一个 比方说
Mao Tse-tung(or Mao Zedong) 就搞定了。。。

最后 俺可不是前辈。。。把人都叫老了。。。>_<

好了 讨论就此为止吧。。。在人家改作文的楼里说了这么多不沾边  总觉得不太合适

sinbad_28UID: 2147500

请随意讨论，没关系:)

shadow1987UID: 2605840

LZ关于link works的教诲让学生很受用，50楼拙作I153的语言请LZ劳神改改

牛黄解毒丸UID: 2777046

TOPIC:ISSUE36 - "The greatness of individuals can be decided only bythose who live after them, not by their contemporaries."


Shouldthe people who live today decide the greatness of their predecessoror should the important person be valued by their contemporaries? Theevaluations  of the individuals, in my opinion, depend on what fieldof those individuals are in. While in certain fields,  individualsare reasonably valued by their contemporary people, in some fields,famous persons need to be decided by their descendents, however, inother fields greatness of individual should valued from bothcontemporaries and descendents . To support my point of view, I willprovide several reasons and examples.

Firstof all, In the realm of sports and entertainment, I, personally,think that the celebrities should be apprised by theircontemporaries. The reason why we call them celebrities is that theyalready made the great contributions to contemporary societyin their fields and widely accepted by their contemporaries. In theentertainment field, one need  look no further than Michael Jackson,Michael shared his understanding of the world and love, in the formof music, with his fans. And his the best-selling album,Thriller andhis thirty times of Garmmay Awards are the persuasive evidence of hiscontributions to the music valued by his contemporaries. His moonwalk  and robot dance, which are both well known and popularized, areanother affirmative evidence of his contributions to the danceaccepted by contemporary people all over the world. While in therealm of basketball,  no one will doubt basketball skills of AirJordan.  His five times of MVP are the best confirmation, bycontemporaries, of his fantasticperformance on the play ground. Thepersonal value and importance in the fields of sport andentertainment, consequently,  are reasonable judged bycontemporaries.

Secondly,common sense tells us that the greatness of the famous politicalleaders is unlikely to be valued disinterestedly by those who live atthe same age of those leaders. Consideredcertain prominent political leaders,  Napoleon, who had anambition to conquer the whole continent of Europe, was valuedas a great general of France at his time, However, his greatnessresorted by the form ofwar and his artillery, which brought the nightmare to thewhole European residences. Let us look another example, ChineseChairman Mao,  he was valued as the famous leader and  great generalduring his age. influenced bythe flattery words from his fellowsand contemporaries, Chairman Mao fails to fully exam his  unconsciousdecision of culture revolution   which made Chinese people sufferedspirit torture and prosecution over ten years. In the realm ofpolitic, partial evaluation of thepolitical leaders is always made by their contemporaries.




Finally,Considered the arts and literature , the spiritual wealth to theworld, the personal greatness is evaluated not only by theircontemporaries but by their enduring influence to later generations. The romantic novelist  Jane Austen are not only valued by Britishpeople who lived in the later of eighteen century , but alsoevaluated by the descendents, even today's  critics, historians andreaders. Her novel, Pride and Prejudice, illustrated a  true life oflater of eighteen and early of nineteen century in British, and herimportance was acknowledged by praising her realismand dramatic qualities of her narrative from contemporaries. Herlasting influences is well proved by the widely read of her novelsand by regarding her as one of the most beloved writers in Englishliterature. Accordingly the greatness of individual should be valued from his/her contemporaries as well as  descendents.


Insum, the greatness and importance of individuals could be decided bythe people wholiveafter them, However, under certain cases, the prominent individualsalso can be valued by their contemporaries as well. After all, theevaluations of the greatness of famous individuals varies from caseto case.

wuyinheroUID: 2683653

我写的130，楼主帮忙看看 谢谢啦

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
WORDS: 605          TIME: 00:52:46          DATE: 2010-7-13 10:44:23

When asked whether we have learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society, opinions vary from person to person as people's distinctive background and experience. In my viewpoint, as the educational resources are rather limited, the government could not invest all the financial resources in raising children. Besides, it is impossible for the teachers and parents to instill all the valuable knowledge to the children as the knowledge and information are abundant in the modern society. However, we could teach the children a way of thinking by which they could bring about a better society.

To begin with, according to behaviorist psychologist Waston, human behaviors are determined by a set of external factors and education plays an essential role in the cultivation of personality and characteristics of children. If the children's behaviors are desirable and in accordance with social rule, then this kind of behavior will be strengthened, consequently, these behaviors are likely to be repeated in appropriate circumstances in the future. However, if some behaviors are not in accordance with the social rule, then the occurrence of such behavior would be punished, as a result, these behavior would unlikely to appear in the future. With the strengthening of desired behavior and punishment of undesired behavior, the children have unconsciously learned the corresponding social rules. Although we could neglect their role in the development of society as they are so weak in their childhood, once they are in their adulthood, their behaviors are increasingly important that determines the destiny of society. Hence, we could understand the reason why we should pay enough attention to the process of socialization of the children.

Does it mean that we should try our best to teach the children all the social rules and possible solutions in bringing about a better society. Several factors determines the answer is not. On one hand, the educational resource is rather limited that the government could not invest all the money in the primary education. The college education is also significant and should receive equal attention. On the other hand, the society is too complex that no one can guarantee the schools are able to teach the students all the possible solutions in bringing about a better society.

However, human beings are smart enough that we do not need to acquire all pre-determined knowledge and solution in dealing with future problems. Compared to machines, we are flexible and know how to adapt to different circumstances and situations. Therefore, the school could just teach the students how to think in an analytical way and how to solve the problems critically. These analytical thinking methods are more important than those possible solutions. For instance, nowadays, the school not only teach the students basic knowledge such language and arithmetic but also teach them to be responsible for personal behaviors and care for other's feelings. In 2008, China has witness a devastating earthquake in Sichuan. Thousands of adolescents volunteered to help the victims in the earthquake. They sacrificed their personal satisfaction for the greater good without considering the safty of themselves. Although the textbook doesn't explicitly teach them to help victims in the earthquake, the education has successfully instilled them to be empathy in their daily life, which play a significant role in bringing about a better society.

To sum up, children are socialized in such a way that their appropriate behaviors are strengthened and inappropriate behaviors are punished. Although the school could not teach the students all the possible solutions when they encounter difficulties, the teachers and parents could cultivate the students some important characteristics that could bring about a better society.

ihotdogUID: 2774452

ISSUE130
How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.

words:508
Do the destiny of society hinges upon how children are socialized? Do we really don't know how to raise children to bring us a better society? I tend to not agree with the arguer. I concede that socialization is of course can help a n individual do better in society, however I don't think it is the most important thing for people to build better society. Even it is I still think that our education system knows how to socialize our children.

I commit that a well socialized child will often make more contribution to our society than a child who not be socialized so well. Children who are socialized will know how to communicate with others, how to work with others. So that when they have some ideas, they will know how to let others know what they are thinking about .People would like to work with them. People always call them 'nice guy' because people who work with them, talk with them, live with them will feel happy and comfortable. So if the 'nice guy' can do something to improve the society everyone would like to help him/her.

However, in my view, socialization is not the most important thing of an individual to determine the destiny of society. Normally a 'nice guy' with normal intelligence can only make several people feel happy, it’s hard for them to change the situation of society .Obviously, so many great academic physical scientists such as Einstein, Sheldon and Stephen Hawking are socialized not very well. Einstein always did something very stupid which every normal person will hard to understand. Sheldon have so many unbelievable customs in live which make him looked like a freak. Hawking even lose the ability of speaking. But indeed they are the greatest scientists and all improve the development of our society. So in my point of view, individual with high intelligence, good skills, knowledge, optimistic attitude will do more to help bring about a better society.

What’s more, it’s not fair for the arguer to claim that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society. After hundreds of years’ developing, contemporary education system certainly know about how to raise children as individuals who are needed to make the society better. As children study in school, teachers not only teach them about the most important knowledge but also many other important ability or character in school life. Such as the ability of communicate with others, the skill of treat people, the character of be honest and to differentiate between good things and bad things. Children are socialized during the school life gradually.

In sum, when it comes to whether a child grows up to contribute to a better society, the key determinant is not socialization but rather some other factor----such as raw intelligence, character or personal conviction. And I am apt to said that we know how to raise children and how to socialize them. Then I fundamentally disagree with both aspects of the speaker's dual claim.