darkathrun(法律文氓)的进军美利坚作文帖

darkathrunUID: 2813505

看了下68楼，还可以。有些细节还是不够好，比如

“, who happened to be interested in Einstein’s research field”， 可以吧逗号和WHO 去掉
“how can we have us success coming” －－》HOW CAN WE SUCCEED ...
DriverEntry 发表于 2010-9-5 22:57

谢谢司机叔了，下次写的时候会注意。
现在一限时就有点紧张。。。。。不该犯的错误就这样酿造了

darkathrunUID: 2813505

现在开始发汇总贴了。。。。。最后12天了！！！

darkathrunUID: 2813505

9月7号作文
Nowadays we have witnessed an unprecedented zeal among parents to draw a blueprint for their own kids, expecting that this will do benefit them by paving the way, affirming the direction and eliminate blocks. At some point, this do have some effect on these kids, since they will save a lot of energy from fooling around without instruction and direction. However, taking what concerns people into consideration, no one can deny the bad influence brought by this method, which blocks mental growth of the kids, stops the kids trying their own thoughts and enhances these kids dependable to their parents. Parents’ future determining for their kids is really a troublesome choice to them.
First and foremost, with parents’ future determining, the kids are never allowed to cast their own thoughts into practice, which may murder some unpredicted opportunities for their kids. For example, what if Edison’s parents banned him from practicing his seemingly crazy, unrealistic and foolish ideas in the basement and forced him to devote himself to the boring career as a waiter or a trainman? We might have lost a talented inventor; we might have ourselves blocked in darkness during night falls to the city; we might have to wait another century for another genius to practice a thousand times with perspiration and stubbornness to invent light. We have to acknowledge with parents’ limited knowing to their own kids and their willingness to have their kids settled and decent they may mislead their kids, and destroy their potential possibility to succeed.
Apart from this, parents may have stopped their kids to be independent from them, which may do harm these kids. Supposedly kids should study from their failure in their again and again practice, so that they can grow inch by inch and finally become dependable people. When parenting in all aspects separates kids and failure, it blocks kids’ learning procedure. These kids lost their will to stand by themselves, used to others’ fostering and nursing. Thus, they are hopeless to depend on and become others’ burden.
Hence, it can conclude that parents should never help determined the future of their children, allowing these kids to make their own choices. No matter how beneficial for kids to draw a blueprint, how fabulous along the set path and how smooth and settled their life are, parents just cannot determine what the future will be like for their kids.

darkathrunUID: 2813505

严重发现自己的模板问题很囧。。。。。
开头第一句，结尾段第一句，每篇结构几乎都是一模一样。。。

darkathrunUID: 2813505

爪爪姐不要走全篇看完给点指导嘛。。。。。

darkathrunUID: 2813505

9月9号交
Nowadays we have witnessed an unprecedented popularity of movies around the whole world, which, unexpectedly and accordingly, gradually reconstructs people’s reflection and thinking of the world. Thus, some, serious and religious, suggest that people should never watch any recreational, ridiculous and foolish movies but some real movie that can teach you something about life. However, taking what concerns me into consideration, I firmly hold the idea that though no one can deny that movies about life lessons are fabulous and it is worthy to watch, people should watch comedies, plays and soap operas as complement to the serious ones. Not only can we enjoy ourselves with joy and delight, but also we can prepare ourselves for the humanity, cruelty and society represented in the serious movies.
First and foremost, what we need is more beyond serious attitude towards life, and recreation and relaxation is necessity to us. It resembles to having dinner, we may have the tasteful main courses, however, dissert and drink is also quite important to us. Leisure is never a paraphrase of laziness, pessimism and ignorance towards life, but is a way to relax so that we can have more energy to deal with what seems boring, frustrated and repeated to us. For example, we can learn a valuable lesson of pursuit and life from The Pursuit of Happiness, but coming to commercial movies which have nothing to do with serious life attitude, such as Inception, how can we stop our passion and excitement bursting? From this experience we may never learn something serious about life, we may never form any conception on life and we may never benefit us, but it can have our emotions released so that we can be in a better mood, which can never achieved by serious movies.
Apart from this, only watching serious movies is far beyond the reason why movie is so popular among people. Honestly people watch movie to relax from their work, while serious movies’ intention totally differentiating from this one. Only watching serious movies is impossible to people due to people’s intention which is seeking for recreation, and it will never realize as truth.
Hence, it can conclude that it is not only worth watching movies that can teach us something about real life. With movies full of joy, happiness and laughing, we can simply find that the comedies and plays are also incredible.

dukenuneeUID: 2859326

抱歉没找到tpo1综合在哪,麻烦回复。

darkathrunUID: 2813505

抱歉没找到tpo1综合在哪,麻烦回复。
dukenunee 发表于 2010-9-7 20:10

不好意思同学，我昨天写忘了。。。。抱歉，我过去帮你改改吧

bbliangUID: 2604466

版主你好！你的作文已经改好了。能否帮我改一下拙作？谢谢！

zhangyouj02UID: 2289316

78# darkathrun
Nowadays we have witnessed an unprecedented zeal among parents to draw a blueprint for their own kids, expecting that this will do benefit them by paving the way, affirming the direction and eliminate blocks. At some point, (it)this do have some effect on these kids, since they will save a lot of energy from fooling around without instruction and direction. However, taking what concerns people into consideration, no one can deny the bad influence brought by this method, which blocks mental growth of the kids, stops the kids trying their own thoughts and enhances these kids dependable to their parents. (it is ...)Parents’ future determining for their kids is really a troublesome choice to them. - t  P! d; V* ~- W+ o7 Y% L
First and foremost, with parents’ future determining, the kids are never allowed to cast their own thoughts into practice, which may murder some unpredicted opportunities for their kids. For example, what if
(?) Edison’s parents banned him from practicing his seemingly crazy, unrealistic and foolish ideas in the basement and forced him to devote himself to the boring career as a waiter or a trainman? (it would be...) We might have lost a talented inventor; we might have ourselves blocked in darkness during night falls to the city; we might have to wait another century for another genius to practice a thousand times with perspiration and stubbornness to invent light.
(Actually, it will make your reader lost  when you used this kinds of pattern. I mean that the clear and coherence are very important. )We have to acknowledge with parents’ limited knowing to their own kids and their willingness to have their kids settled and decent they may mislead their kids, and destroy their potential possibility to succeed.
Apart from this, parents may have stopped their kids to be independent from them, which may do harm these kids. Supposedly kids should study from their failure in their again and again practice, so that they can grow inch by inch and finally become dependable people (too stranger). When parenting in all aspects separates kids and failure, it blocks kids’ learning procedure. These kids lost their will to stand by themselves, used to others’ fostering and nursing. Thus, they are hopeless to depend on and become others’ burden.
Hence, it can conclude that parents should never help determined the future of their children, allowing these kids to make their own choices. No matter how beneficial for kids to draw a blueprint, how fabulous along the set path and how smooth and settled their life are, parents just cannot determine what the future will be like for their kids.


PS: Good Job. For the structure, I think that 2 advantages add 1 disadvantage would be better.
For the expression, please use correct word express yourself. I mean you need to change some expression pattern. Generally speaking, it seems your assignment has some stranger smell when I read it. Why not use the style of the toefl reading?
Good Luck.

zcnvszwjUID: 2815734

9月7号作文
Nowadays we have witnessed an unprecedented zeal among parents to draw a blueprint for their own kids, expecting that this will do benefit them by paving the way, affirming the direction and eliminating blocks. At some point, this does have some effects on these kids, since they will save a lot of energy from fooling around without instruction and direction. However, taking what concerns people into consideration, no one can deny the bad influence brought by this method, which blocks mental growth of the kids, stops the kids trying their own thoughts and enhances these kids dependable to their parents. Parents’ future determining for their kids is really a troublesome choice to them.
First and foremost, with parents’ future determining, the kids are never allowed to cast their own thoughts into practice, which may murder some unpredicted opportunities for their kids. For example, what if Edison’s parents banned him from practicing his seemingly crazy, unrealistic and foolish ideas in the basement and forced him to devote himself to the boring career as a waiter or a trainman? We might have lost a talented inventor; we might have ourselves blocked in darkness during night falls to the city; we might have to wait another century for another genius to practice a thousand times with perspiration and stubbornness to invent light. (这段排比用的有点罗嗦的感觉，虽然这句话本身挺不错)We have to acknowledge with parents’ limited knowing to their own kids and their willingness to have their kids settled and decent they may mislead their kids, and destroy their potential possibility to succeed. ' I$ a8 x1 b% P+ V1 W, C3 |5 z0 ~
Apart from this, parents may have stopped their kids to be independent from them, which may do harm these kids. Supposedly kids should study from their failure in their again and again practice, so that they can grow inch by inch and finally become dependable people. When parenting in all aspects separates kids and failure, it blocks kids’ learning procedure. These kids lost their will to stand by themselves, used to others’ fostering and nursing. Thus, they are hopeless to depend on and become others’ burden.
Hence, it can conclude that parents should never help determined the future of their children, allowing these kids to make their own choices. No matter how beneficial for kids to draw a blueprint, how fabulous along the set path and how smooth and settled their life is, parents just cannot determine what the future will be like for their kids.
1、        若干初级语法错误，比如 the life are…， 请竭力避免，因为你不知道考官会在你错第几个时开始扣分；
2、        明显有模板的痕迹（也许我猜错了），排比使用请慎重，毕竟它可能会让考官觉得你在凑字数，当然，最后那段的排比用得不错；
3、        论据的充分性和全面性还有待加强，感觉说服的力度不是很够；
4、        言语直接，还望见谅，祝楼主成功；
5、        别忘了修改我的哦。