darkathrun(法律文氓)的进军美利坚作文帖

darkathrunUID: 2813505

一楼感谢各位帮忙修改，希望大家都能都在相互帮助相互批改中取得好成绩！

darkathrunUID: 2813505

Date 15/07
Topic: people should live in the city or country all life instead of moving to another place.
Nowadays we can see a lot of people are rushing towards several far-away big cities, leaving their own hometowns behind. It’s crucial for us to seek for a better understanding why this phenomenon more and more commonly happens.
First and foremost people are leaving for a batter chance to be promoted. There is no doubt that it’s easier for people to find a better employment in big cities, considering the fact that the differentiating situation in different cities. Besides, moving to another city is rather a challenge to oneself, with which supposedly we go and look for our limits. Nevertheless we can have a better career future if we choose big cities, remote from our hometown.
However, going to the major cities may not be a good idea. To begin with, we should repay our hometown for its payment. Homeland is where people begin their living, and it have devoted itself to bringing us up. We should have a further understanding towards our homeland. In addition, for the sake of career development, we should choose our hometown instead of big cities. We have our root here, and we can do something much easier via our friends who have developed further understanding of us since childhood than via strangers, who’s indifferent and greedy. Last but not the least, big cities now is overcrowded due to the feverish pulling-in of people from every corner in this country, and this make finding your very own room in big cities rather a coincidence.
Taken what concerns me into consideration, I firmly hold the idea that we should stay in the city or country throughout all life. Finding a right place in a big city is not a easy job to undertake. Stick with what keeps you accompany since your birth, and you’ll find it much better to moving to another place.

darkathrunUID: 2813505

Date 17/7
Topic: All students should be required to take basic science classes even if they are not this major.
Nowadays there’s a trend that students who are into art give up basic science classes, considering them as helpless and time-wasting. What they are eager to do is rushing against time towards their goals without any hesitation and obstacles.
However, this phenomenon is fiercely objected by most of people, which is as well against my standpoint. Firmly we hold the opinion that we should have a basic understanding of science, no matter we are science students or not.
First and foremost, in the aspect of living, basic science knowledge is crucial to one person. Life fulfills with science phenomena, leading to our stuck in normal life if we lock necessary science knowledge. Imagine what will happen if you’ve had no understanding at all about daily science. Life would be a total mess.
Besides, science study contributes to our thinking pattern and logic. There’s no doubt that our view has been greatly widened and our sense of organization has been improved due to the study of science. We become more logical, organized and reasonable, and this all roots in science study.
Last but not the least, undergraduates who study art benefit a lot from the experience of science study. Science study helps them to rebuild their comprehension of art. At the same time, a further understanding of art is achieved as well as science.
Taking what concerns us into consideration, I, in accordance of most people, firmly hold the opinion that we should have basic science knowledge rather than be blind of it, no matter whether or not we are science students. Only by this way can we manage a fulfilled, organized, and integrated life.

darkathrunUID: 2813505

我刚刚把我前天和今天的作文移到这里了，以后就在这个贴下扎营啦~~希望大家能够多加点评，小弟在这里谢谢各位了~

darkathrunUID: 2813505

Date 20/07/10
Topic: Businessmen are only motivated by desire of money

Taking what concerns me into consideration, I firmly hold the idea that businessmen are only motivated by desire of money. Impulse of money is no doubt the completely fully explanation of their behavior.
First and foremost, from my point of view, dollars are the only things jump into businessmen’s head. Businessmen are similar to predators, hunting for quarries without any mercy and hesitation. Just the moment only money is what they want to capture, and is what they can take. For example, do the people who make a large deal over real estate purchase mansions for the sake of living? Of course not, their desire is to make more money, and their money is pulling into the estate market due to its profitability, while they turn a blind eye over the people who desperately seek for a house to shade themselves from shining and raining. Morality, laws, media comments and even penalty never ever have a single link to businessmen’s thoughts.
Besides, money is the ultimate destination of their commencement of business. Supposedly we can't deny that a large scale of businessmen donate lots of money to charity, as well as the improvement of employer’s welfare. However, their intention may be regarded as sophisticated and reprehensible. To begin with, what they are really eager to is not happiness of helping others, on the contrary, is preferential duties which save money for them. Other than tax, handle with public is one of the factors contributing to this. With the growth of human right concepts, more and more people are calling for differentiation by means of boycott and demonstration, which leads to the forced and unwilling evolution. Furthermore, we may think discount is a step to benefit customers, while the matter of fact is that businessmen can get rid of the goods that have difficulty in selling and earn more money. So much as we purchase, we can easily find out that businessmen’s margin profit largely depends on discounted goods. By these ways the businessmen set up a busy schedule of collecting money.
In a word, what encourages businessmen to behave is easily to see, that is money. If we want to have a better world, maybe we should begin with telling businessmen something related to mercy and morality.

darkathrunUID: 2813505

囧。。。。今天网络有问题附件传不上去。。。明天再试试如果传的上去明天传

darkathrunUID: 2813505

6# darkathrun 今天传一下。。这是5L的word文本

zenglingyuanUID: 2773905

Taking what concerns me into consideration, I firmly hold the idea that businessmen are only motivated by desire of money. Impulse of money is no doubt the completely fully explanation of their behavior.（看了开头 感觉一股牛气铺面而来）
First and foremost, from my point of view, dollars are the only things jump into 很传神啊 businessmen’s head. Businessmen are similar to predators, hunting for quarries without any mercy and hesitation. Just the moment（？） only money is what they want to capture, and is what they can take. For example, do the people who make a large deal over real estate purchase mansions for the sake of living? Of course not, their desire is to make more money, and their money is pulling into the estate market due to its profitability,（这个例子举得太好了） while they turn a blind eye over the people who desperately seek for a house to shade好  from shining and raining. Morality, laws, media comments and even penalty never ever have a single link to businessmen’s thoughts.（没有那么严重把，还是要事实说话）Besides, money is the ultimate destination of their commencement of business. Supposedly we can't deny that a large scale of businessmen donate lots of money to charity, as well as the improvement of employer’s welfare. However, their intention may be regarded as sophisticated and reprehensible. To begin with, what they are really eager to is not happiness of helping others, on the contrary, is preferential duties which save money for them. Other than tax, handle with public is one of the factors contributing to this. With the growth of human right concepts, more and more people are calling for differentiation by means of boycott and demonstration, which leads to the forced and unwilling evolution. Furthermore, we may think discount is a step to benefit customers, while the matter of fact is that businessmen can get rid of the goods that have difficulty in selling and earn more money. So much as we purchase, we can easily find out that businessmen’s margin profit largely depends on discounted goods. By these ways the businessmen set up a busy schedule of collecting money.
In a word,（这个连接词最好不用）what encourages businessmen to behave is easily to see, that is money. If we want to have a better world, maybe we should begin with telling businessmen something related to mercy and morality.（很像TIME上的结尾方式，亮点）
我不知道说什么好。。。这篇文章非常地道 用词和结构都很准确 说老实话语言上没的挑 这个基本功了的，我觉的亮点在结尾和开头 简短有力 ，可能唯一不足的是感觉2个观点没有严格的区分 完全可以dollars are the only things jump into  businessmen’s head 和money is the ultimate destination of their commencement of business. 2段的文章中心句都差不多 。

darkathrunUID: 2813505

8# zenglingyuan 多谢你的称赞啦，说实话没想到会有这么高的评价有些惭愧额。。。

darkathrunUID: 2813505

Date: 22/07/10（08.10.25NA）
Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students who keep their rooms neat and organized will be more likely to succeed than students who do not.
Taking what concerns me into consideration, I firmly hold the idea that students who keep rooms neat and organized will have a better chance to succeed than students who turn a blind eye on their mess room.
First and foremost, an organized surrounding can do contribute to people by forming the habit of arranging themselves up. A contributory fact can be lent to validate my assertion is that handling the ability to make our rooms neat and organized benefits us a lot by nurturing attentiveness and efficiency, which are really imperative factors to oneself. Taking lawyers as an example, lawyers are those who are required of highly rigorous logic and reasoning due to their profession, and in a large scale it is the habit of organizing and neatening that helps its forming and strengthening. Only with the habit of organizing can a person achieve the ability of attentiveness which is crucial to us, and we should draw a solid recognition that this kind of habit origins in such small matter as keeping one’s own room neat and organized.
Besides, enhancement of efficiency is one of the results of keeping the room neat and organized. Let’s imagine what devastating result can we draw in a disordered lab which is totally a mess, which will be a disaster from its beginning to its ending. The doctrine applies to our own room, too. With a neat room we will find what we are searching for as quickly as we can and there will be no possibility of losing something in a dark corner. By organizing our room we can make sure our time will never be wasted in looking for something which is overflowed in the mess room.
All in all as I concern, supposedly people with the habit of keeping their rooms organized and neat have a better chance to win due to its nurturing of attentiveness and efficiency, which are the key factors of success.

这次写的很困难，构思了一下午晚上才写好，今天早上发上来给大家批改，求狠狠拍砖~

zenglingyuanUID: 2773905

对不起 严重迟到了。。下不为例Taking what concerns me into consideration, I firmly hold the idea that students who keep rooms neat and organized will have a better chance to succeed than students who turn a blind eye on their mess room.(开头简洁有力）
First and foremost, an organized surrounding can do contribute to people by forming the habit of arranging themselves up. A contributory fact can be lent to validate my assertion is that handling the ability to make our rooms neat and organized benefits us a lot by nurturing attentiveness and （work)efficiency, which are really imperative factors to oneself. Taking lawyers as an example, lawyers are those who are required of highly rigorous logic and reasoning due to their profession, and in a large scale it is the habit of organizing and neatening that helps its forming and strengthening. (例子感觉说少了，说服力不够 可以加lawyer have to face a vast ocean of files等等来说)Only with the habit of organizing can a person achieve the ability of attentiveness which is crucial to us, and we should draw a solid recognition that this kind of habit origins in such small matter as keeping one’s own room neat and organized.（中心+论述+例子+结尾句 不错的结构） '   
  Besides, enhancement of efficiency is one of the results of keeping the room neat and organized. Let’s imagine what devastating result can we draw in a disordered lab which is totally a mess, which will be a disaster from its beginning to its ending.（这个例子很到位） The doctrine applies to our own room, too. With a neat room we will find what we are searching for as quickly as we can and there will be no possibility of losing something in a dark corner. By organizing our room we can make sure our time will never be wasted in looking for something which is overflowed in the mess room.  没读懂
All in all as I concern, supposedly people with the habit of keeping their rooms organized and neat have a better chance to win due to its nurturing of attentiveness and efficiency, which are the key factors of success.' s'
恩 词汇和句型的转换非常自如  又有实例 整个文章饱满 论证有力 非常难得的文章，估计至少都是25吧。。。受教了
理由跟我一样。。。。但比起来我完全就是小学生的水平，算了我还是不拿出来搞笑了 我在好好改改

darkathrunUID: 2813505

好久没发作文了的感觉。。。。今天晚上补上，如果迟了还希望大家见谅。。。

darkathrunUID: 2813505

Date: 27/07/10 (09.01.17 NA )
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits
Nowadays has witnessed an unpredicted explosion of advertisements surrounding the people, which have a gigantic bad effect on the forming of unhealthy eating habits among people, leading to the result of an unprecedented amount of over-weighted people settling in every corner around this country. The following reasons will account for this.
First and foremost, it’s the goods being advertised that contribute to our unhealthy eating habit. The thing that all of us have to acknowledge is that the goods being advertised are so fascinating that we can’t resist the attempt to purchase, and when it comes to food, we have to eat what we buy due to temptation up in a relatively short time, which gradually becomes the formation of our unhealthy eating habit. Taking Maxwell as an example, as soon as the coffee is represented in TV with absorptive color and pottery cup, the aroma seems to strike us in that moment as if the time stopped running away from us! So attractive as they are, signing bills for these lovely things seems unavoidable to us, which generates the problem of how to sweeping them up in a due time, leading to the bad eating habits.
Nevertheless, ads is the major cause of our laziness. As a matter of fact, I will never, however, deny that advertising brings about convenience and comfort to us. But there’s no doubt that ads make people used to stretching on the sofa, watching TV and waiting for the service coming. Through ads what people have to do is making a phone call, and keeping on watching TV and waiting is all the rest has to be done. It goes without saying that people become reluctant to exercise and they would rather lie on the sofa, pressing the bottoms to change channel to channel to get a new ad which is suitable for them. To cut a long story short, day by day doing as represented concludes in gaining weight and a broken down body.
To sum up, taking what concerns me into consideration, I firmly hold the idea that advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits. While maybe other factors such as staying up and irregular cuisine contribute to the formation as well, nothing could ever beat ads which applies temptation and results in people’s laziness. It’s so significant to eliminate the effect of ads to form a healthy habit.

siehahaUID: 2668909

:victory:

darkathrunUID: 2813505

14# siehaha 多谢啦~