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[i习作temp] Issue4—写了一上午令我内牛满面的issue,求拍,有改必回~ [复制链接]

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发表于 2010-7-31 13:04:44 |显示全部楼层
题目:
"No field of study can advance significantly unless outsiders bring their knowledge and experience to that field of study."


以下是我写的:




In the era of knowledge explosion, one can hardly find a subject exist purely without referring to any knowledge of other fields.Therefore, I agree with the assertion that outsiders' introduction of knowledge and experience to a field can result in significant advance in this field.



To begin with, common sense tells us that no field of study purely exists without referring to knowledge of another field. Even the most seemingly absolutely irrelevant fields inevitably have necessary links. On the surface, linguistics seems to be a field of study only concerning human languages and linguists seems to be people who only deal with structure, application and social function of languages, however, while experts explore the origin and structure of a specific language, first they have to be acquainted with the historical and cultural background of contemporary society in which the language is generated, these issues, howbeit are the research categories of anthropologists and historians, even sociologists. Moreover, if it were not the archaeologists who discovered the pictographs or written words on relics, the contents of historical linguistics may not be so rich as it is now.



Furthermore, the fact that studies of modern scientific fields tends to develop in an interdisciplinary way, in which knowledge of one field works as research approaches to the exploration of another, precisely indicates that one field's knowledge and methods of dealing with things can be essential to the development in other fields. A branch of chemistry—physical chemistry, as the name of the subject implies for instance, uses the refined theories and experimental technique in physics to explore, deduct and further investigate the fundamental laws in chemistry. Moreover, in some fields, knowledge of another field works not only as an approach contributing to the researches, but also as a basic tool for the new discoveries of these fields. One apparent example is the development of Einstein’s theory of relativity, noted as a new view of universe. Consider the condition that without the support of calculus and linear algebra in mathematics, Einstein may not have such fertile imagination to break through from the classical physics, consequently the prominent theory would not have been created.




Nevertheless, too much emphasis on exotic knowledge and experience will to some extent cause an overlook in the construction and development of an area, on account that to understand and proficiently utilize the knowledge of another subject itself need a large number of experts and resources of both fields. If a balance is not laid upon the allocation of resources to major field and related field, then outsiders’ bringing their knowledge and experience may impose a adverse influence on the development of certain area.




To sum up, knowledge as an intertwined network provides the opportunity for each field of study to explore the unknown in a creative and multi-dimensional way, in consequence, it is essential to utilize other fields’ knowledge and experience as a source of reference to better advance one field of study. At the same time, we should also balance the portion of introduction and self-construction, avoid taking the branch for the tree. Only in this way can a field of study advance significantly.




写完了,感觉很有问题,但说不上是哪里。。。恳请各位帮我看看都有哪些问题,尤其是逻辑上,谢谢!

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发表于 2010-7-31 13:53:45 |显示全部楼层
我是新手,可能说的建议不对,请原谅啊~ 我觉得文章条理不是很清晰,开头段没有引出下文的脉络,第一段的末尾和第二段的开头读起来重复的感觉有点别扭,第二段和第三段其实都是在说没有任何一个学科是孤立存在的?呵呵 这是我的一点拙见,有不对的地方望见谅,我现在也才刚起步,大家一起加油~ 1# joyce==

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发表于 2010-7-31 14:07:01 |显示全部楼层
To begin with, common sense tells us that no field of study purely exists without referring to knowledge of another field.(总觉得用common sense特别的不academic,能不能说history teaches us that。。。)

Consider the condition that without the support of calculus and linear algebra in mathematics, Einstein may not have such fertile imagination to break through from the classical physics, consequently the prominent theory would not have been created. (这里我觉得楼主是想说明其他学科对他这个研究的帮助,忽然把落脚点放到imagination有点奇怪吧,如果说。。。 the knowledge in calculus and linear algebra equiped Einstein to develop the prominent theory which has unprecedentedly profound influence on sciences. 额,我也不知道怎么写,我就是想说那个意思哈。。。不好意思。。。)

整体来看,我觉得楼主的语言功底很扎实的,肯定能写出好作文,不过有点头重脚轻的感觉,就是body的第三段觉得与前两段相比论述不充分。加个例子啥的?恩,你看能不能用信息爆炸的例子,现在就是信息过多导致人们茫然了,那个意思的。。。有例子,楼主查查吧。。。
反正我觉得写得比我是好多了,嘿嘿,楼主也帮我改改呗。。。
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1131581-1-1.html

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发表于 2010-7-31 14:15:24 |显示全部楼层
希望lz不要怪罪(也可能是我错了,水平不够)
1. 你的文章不少语法错误,比如第一段就好几处,时态的(exist --> existed)、单复数的(advance在这里是可数的); Therefore在这里的使用,因果关系太strong了。后面各段的语法错误不少,请lz自行寻找。。。。
2. 第二段第一句,paraphrase一下比较好,你这个直接重复,立马让人觉得在灌水。
3.句型上,不需要太刻意追求繁复,关键是意思明白。
4.论证可以展开更多,层次感更分明,会比较好。

个人意见,仅供参考。
如人饮水,冷暖自知

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发表于 2010-7-31 14:35:29 |显示全部楼层
2# guo0693 我又看了看,果然我的逻辑很不对路。。。谢谢啦^^ 一起加油啊~~

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发表于 2010-7-31 14:42:58 |显示全部楼层
4# ply0192 谢谢指点~~你说的第4点吧,我在举例子的时候总感觉无话可说,比如这篇issue里的几个例子,都是写了一两句就没下文了。。。能不能说一下怎么展开论证呀?多谢啦!

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RE: Issue4—写了一上午令我内牛满面的issue,求拍,有改必回~ [修改]

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Issue4—写了一上午令我内牛满面的issue,求拍,有改必回~
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1131602-1-1.html
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