高频ISSUE48 自己改过一遍的限时作文，感觉还行，需要挑刺，求互改！

qiongpingUID: 2766031

TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
WORDS: 442 (改后448)

TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2010-8-13 12:31:59
（提纲见后，谢谢！）
It is rational for the speaker to assert that the most significant events and trends in history were made possible by groups of anonymous people rather than the famous few, yet we should not lose the sight of the fact that great individuals hold more promise for organizing, consolidating and utilizing the power of the mass. Hence, in my view, while the study of history should pay more attention to groups of people, the importance of individuals still deserves certain emphasis.

First I turn to the value of innumerable average people. In many, if not all, glorious achievements, it was the support or even sacrifice of anonymous people that ensured the success. Unfortunately, most people could not share the credit, which is always focused on the famous few. History is replete with such cases. If it were not for the sacrifice of tens of millions of people in India who wholeheartedly adhered to the principle of nonviolence and noncooperation, Mahatma Gandhi would not manage to emancipate India from British. Or, consider Martin Luther King, whose advocators formed formidable pressure to the authority and effectively enhance the campaign. Nevertheless, nowadays few among us can recall the names other than Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King when referring to the feats mentioned above.

Though it is admitted that the value of groups deserves more stress, it is not to say that the study of history should underestimated the great personages. In fact, the reasons why the famous few are highlighted are not unfounded. The most conspicuous factor is their ability to sustain the leadership. Their talents, in most cases, are rare and treasurable. For example, President Roosevelt who played a crucial role in extricating our country from the Great Depression is universally lauded for his exceptional ability to reconcile competing interests and the ability to convey subtle and elusive ideas in intelligible and amicable ways, which effectively mitigated the domestic conflicts and consolidated people together. Likewise, President Washington and President Lincoln are also admitted to be key persons who reversed the history, largely due to their unique gifts and their inimitable reputation. In this sense, it is necessary and justified for the study of history to highlight the great personages who represent the elite of society.

In sum, while I admit that groups worth more emphasis and credit, I concede that the study of history ought to attach certain importance to the few great individuals. The role of great individuals and the role of groups are virtually synergetic in history. Neither part can replace the other. When the studies of individuals and of groups are combined in study of history, it will be safe for us to expect a difference.

（1）历史研究的确需要放更多注意力在大众身上。如果不是很多无名氏在下面支撑着，很多伟业不能成功，然而他们最后总是被遗忘。（Exp： Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King）
   （2）然而，不能因为大众需要更多的注意，就看低个人价值。伟人的伟，和他的珍贵才能分不开（其实也和他的名望分不开，可惜没时间展开了）（Roosevelt, Washington, Lincoln）
    结尾：总是，大众和个人是共同作用于历史的，要结合起来研究，就会有新发展。

870416UID: 2527804

1.Or, consider Martin Luther King, whose advocators formed formidable pressure to the authority and effectively enhanced the campaign.    其实promote 是个更好的选择，Promotehttp://www.google.com.hk/search? ... afe=strict&sa=2
enhancehttp://www.google.com.hk/search? ... mp;oq=&gs_rfai=

2. Or, consider Martin Luther King, whose advocators formed formidable pressure to the authority and effectively enhance the campaign.
个人建议你把advocates 放出来，这样埋在里面不能突出你是要强调他
cosider Martin Luther King's advocators who formed...

3. nowadays few among us can recall the【those已经few can 了，那就别用the了吧】 names

870416UID: 2527804

Though it is admitted that the value of groups deserves more stress {stress on}

hough it is admitted that the value of groups deserves more stress, it is not to say that the study of history should underestimated the great personages. In fact, the reasons why the famous few are highlighted are not unfounded. The most conspicuous factor is their ability to sustain the leadership. Their talents, in most cases, are rare and treasurable.{这句可以和前面并成一句，明显显得散了} For example, President Roosevelt who played a crucial role in extricating our country from the Great Depression is universally lauded for his exceptional ability to reconcile competing interests{这个是什么？你是要说competition for interests吗} and the ability{the ability可以省略，更加干净，要不不要the，因为要和前面一样} to convey subtle and elusive ideas in intelligible and amicable ways{in a intelligible and amicable way是不是更好？}, which effectively mitigated the domestic conflicts and consolidated people together{consolidated coherence of nationals。不能加强人民}. Likewise, President Washington and President Lincoln are also admitted to be key persons who reversed the history, largely due to their unique gifts and their inimitable reputation. In this sense, it is necessary and justified for the study of history to highlight the great personages who represent {as} the elite of society.

In sum, while I admit that groups worth more emphasis and credit{worth is a n. → are more worth to emphasize and be credited}, I concede that the study of history ought to attach certain importance to the{指代不明，去掉为好} few great individuals. {while 和 I concede that 一起用不知道可不可以，我在阅读中和范文中都没看见过。。。}The role of great individuals and the role of groups are virtually synergetic in history.{这句话好像不是很连贯} Neither part can replace the other. {这里有点中式了，你前面已经表达了这个意思了，这句可以不要了。Thus,(你少了这个) the roles of great individuals and groups are virtually supplementary to each other.}When the studies of individuals and of groups are combined in study of history, it will be safe for us to expect a difference.{我看了 你的中文才明白，希望没理解错误，你是想说只有他们联合起来，我们才能发现放心的其他和以前所研究的历史不同之处出现吗？还是什么？}

870416UID: 2527804

总结：
因为我怕网络不好，我改的被冲点了，那我就哭了。所以多写了几个帖子，抱歉。
优点：
1。首先我觉得你的的用词和语言都非常好，我是第一次再寄托上改了一篇文章，我觉得有学习的文章改下来还是有收获的。
2。用了非常多的事例，历史事件。显得很充实，我是做不到，因为我记不住，呵呵，而且还那么多题目，这招不好用。
缺点：
1。事例太多。结果就是你 要不断的回忆特定的例子来支持你的论点。。。考试上不是很好操作，至少我是这样。
2。从你的结尾可能多少能看出你前面引用了别人的东西太多吧。。说实话前面很多地方还真不能一遍的读懂，比较复杂（虽然我觉得写的时候和读的时候感觉不一样，我自己读自己的东西有时候也一遍没看懂，呵呵）。但是到了最后段也是一遍没读懂，但是是on the other side.呵呵，开玩笑啦。
只是我觉得你前面做得太好，最后面写出来就很容易显出模板或者你自己的弱点。
就想新东方上课说的，模板越多就越需要你自己的实力去和模板抗衡。你把最后一段好好改改，表意连贯些，特别是那个difference给个definite 定语下就OK了。

上面是个人建议，欢迎讨论~~~~互相学习

qiongpingUID: 2766031

谢谢修改！我发现自己有加"the”的习惯，没事就加一下什么的，的确是个毛病 3# 870416

qiongpingUID: 2766031

的确，没了例子我自己还有点撑不起来...不如组队去互改活动吧，这样也能有机会让斑竹来改的。 4# 870416

870416UID: 2527804

这是我的第一篇ISSUE https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1138323-1-1.html
你可以参考下我的写作方式，细分，我觉得这个方法很好的，新东方时候老师教的。顺便帮忙提点建议吧~

这是我的，有时间看看，关于组队，其实我一直很犹豫，因为我31号就考试了，今天一天差不多都在坛子里面，也就改了你的作文还有看了另外一个的作文，感觉效率太低了。。。

johnmclainUID: 2676153

1# qiongping 第二段的结尾没有总结，尽管我们能理解你的意思，可是最好总结一下，并可以和下文良好的衔接。而且，觉得举例子举得很好，可是没有理论上的升华。
我们可以说，社会的群体或阶级的需要使得英雄们能够有所作为，他们同时也是英雄的思想的实践者和支持者。所以他们的思想，行动是对历史有决定性作用的；所以我们要研究他们对历史的贡献。然后接下文。英雄对历史也有很重要的作用。是他们决定了历史的具体的每一小步，并对将来的方向产生一定的影响。所以我们也不能忽视他们。
"the success"有点不明确，因为，不一定大家都成功了。

最后，你说要把两者结合起来，我很认同。

qiongpingUID: 2766031

President Roosevelt who played a crucial role in extricating our country from the Great Depression is universally lauded for his exceptional ability to reconcile competing interests{这个是什么？你是要说competition for interests吗}
---------------------------competing ：互相冲突的，互相抵触的
competing interests 就是互相冲突的利益
When the studies of individuals and of groups are combined in study of history, it will be safe for us to expect a difference.{我看了 你的中文才明白，希望没理解错误，你是想说只有他们联合起来，我们才能发现放心的其他和以前所研究的历史不同之处出现吗？还是什么？}
---------------------其实我想用it is safe to say(可以毫不夸张地说)这个结构，结果把人拆太散了
现在改成这样：It is safe to say, when the studies of individuals and of groups are combined in study of history, we can expect a promising difference.

qiongpingUID: 2766031

我24号就考了，时间也不多，不过互改的确不应占用太多时间，我也是每天把上网时间限在3小时内的 7# 870416