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发表于 2011-2-17 15:26:22 |只看该作者
2.17独立
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发表于 2011-2-18 11:31:54 |只看该作者
2月17日独立,让你久等啦:)
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No pains, no gains.

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发表于 2011-2-18 15:02:11 |只看该作者
不好意思2.16的现在才改完哈,前段时间word文档用不了






Coincident with the development of thesociety is the growing of the discussion that students are more influenced fromtheir teachers rather than their friends. From my perspective, I am convincedthat it is friends that show more impacts. (我觉得这里可以概括一下自己的理由,为后面的展开做铺垫,仅仅是建议)


Basic to the influence is the time. A recentinvestigation conducted by Chinese Academy of Social Science demonstrates that in Chinathree-quarter students spend their weekend with their friends. This statisticmay manifest the phenomenon that majority of students spent most their timewith their friends on account of the time spend at school and at weekend. Thus,students have more chances to talk with each other the news, gossips and thethoughts. While, on the contrary, only being at school can students meet theirteachers, and teachers could not take care of everyone at one time. For me,when I was in high school, I had the communication with my friends in the classto talk about the study, and shared news and gossip in the lunch time. Inaddition, we went out to have fun such playing football or having a trip at theweekend. Consequently, friends have more chance to show me their ideas and that makes me change. (How did those ideas change you?Try to make a example to support your view and make the essay more logical, isa predominant factor when your essay being graded.)


Not merely the time, does similarity offriends also exerts greatly on the influence. It is widely acknowledged thatpeople share more things with their friends than their teachers on theconsequence of the relationship. Students could talk with their friends anything they want such as the funny story and the feelings about some girls (虽然不清楚ETS会不会管,但这个不和谐的险还是别冒了吧- -). While, with their teachers,they normally just have the conversation about the study, at the same time, students have to watch out their behavior so that theywill not be punished(最好别举这样的例子,外国人无法理解中国变态的师生关系) which could never be happened with their friends. For example, whenI fell in love with a girl in my high school, I shared this thought with myfriends and they gave me several ideas to create the chance to show my feelingto her. But I won't share this with my teacher for as fora teacher, students should put all the attention on the study, having arelationship with a girl would definitely be denied. That is one of the reasonswhy I think friends give me more influences than my teachers.



Striking although the influences my friendsgive me, the influences form teachers should never be ignored too if the studyis taken into deliberation. Obviously, as a students(??单数还是复数), we should putstudy as priority, thus teachers affect us greatly for they could teach us thesome useful things suchas the English and the math which will play a important role in thefuture test.

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发表于 2011-2-18 17:21:56 |只看该作者
2.18 独立
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发表于 2011-2-18 17:34:45 |只看该作者
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发表于 2011-2-19 10:27:26 |只看该作者
2.18 修改意见
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发表于 2011-2-20 07:02:34 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 shadowran 于 2011-2-20 07:39 编辑

2.19 独立
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发表于 2011-2-20 13:48:24 |只看该作者
作文修改
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奋斗中

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发表于 2011-2-20 19:08:17 |只看该作者
不好意思昨天回学校,今天才改好~
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发表于 2011-2-21 10:08:51 |只看该作者
2.21 独立
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发表于 2011-2-22 08:18:49 |只看该作者
2.22独立
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发表于 2011-2-22 09:29:58 |只看该作者
221独立修改


Coincident (感觉有点不对?) with the development of the film is the growing awareness of the discussion that should movies and television always show audience good people being rewarded and bad people being punished. From my perspective, I am firmly convinced that it is necessary to show the bad ending of the good people and the bad people without being punished.


Basic to the film is the attraction. A recent investigation conducted by Chinese Academy of Social Science demonstrates that in China three-quarter people want to see the movie with the story that could not be seen in the normal life. This statistic may manifest the phenomenon that the majority of people will pay more money to the movie that contains the unusual plot on account of the attraction of the different experience. Thus, the movie with bad guy running away without the punishment is one of the best way to attract people, for most of the movie end with the good guy kill the bad guy, and audience commonly could predict the general ending even at the beginning of the movie so that they will lose the passion of appreciate all merits of the movie, which could also lower the interest of the movie. Consequently, trying something unusual is a good option for the film maker.


Not merely the attraction, does(去掉?) showing bad guys without punishment also contribute greatly to enhancing audience themselves. It is common that in the real world, most of the ending is not good, the good people often get nothing but the regret even though they show their kindness all the time. On the other hand, the bad guy such as the one lies to others and the greed business man, they always have the way to avoid the punishment and the law, and enjoy the life which should be adopted by good guys. So the movie should sometimes show the reality so that people could get access to the actual life and thinking about life after the movie.


Striking although the advantages of showing bad without the punishment leads to are, the good points of showing good people getting reward should not be ignored too if the positive influence is taken into deliberation. Obviously, most people could be encouraged by the movie which shows the bad guys with the bad ending, and know that no matter what, justice exists.(know that justice exists anyway) In addition, especially for the children, they believe what they saw and the positive movie is the best advisement(advice) for them. Thus, movies should depict the story that bad guys sometimes could avoid the punishment.(意思说反了?)


In conclusion, though the movie which shows the bad people getting punishment has the positive impact, it is reckless to say that moves and televisions should always show audience good people being reward because showing in the opposite way could attract more attentions and reflect the reality.
总体上写的不错,结构,理由都没问题。有一些句子说的不太恰当。

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发表于 2011-2-22 17:40:46 |只看该作者
不好意思改晚了~~

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发表于 2011-2-22 17:53:15 |只看该作者
~

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发表于 2011-2-22 19:44:50 |只看该作者
囧,附件老传不上来。。。
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RE: shadowran的作文本 [修改]
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