各位 帮我看一下，issue 130这样写可以吗？

smile_annieUID: 2689995

130."How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society.Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bringabout a better society."

There isan opinion that how children are socialized determines the destiny of society.Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bringabout a better society.

Towardsthis opinion, I admit that socialization does play an important role to eachsociety, but I do not believe that how children are socialized determines thedestiny of a society. Besides, even there are some flaws in education incontemporary, we should also admit that with the development of human society,education is become better than any period in history.

What doessocialization mean? In my understanding, socialization mentions an individualadapts himself/herself into a specific social culture and social norm. In thisadaptation process, an individual learns appropriate ways of speech, behavior,dress and appearance, especially social norms. For example, as a young girl inancient china, she was not encouraged to receive education, and only boys wereencouraged to attend schools. However, this conception has changed because wepromote the concept that every one, both men and women, should enjoy the equalrights to receive education. The opinion that every one has a equal right toreceive education change many people’s fate, thus change the society. However,socialization cannot determine the destiny of society along since there areother factors influencing the destiny of a society, such as technology,environmental problem, and political intervention and so on. Imagine that if apolitical leader permit scientist to carry out experiment of human clone, thedestiny of our human society will definitely be changed, let along socialnorms.

Towardschildren’s education nowadays, I admit that there are several flaws, like wecould not ensure that every child’s talent will be discovered, and everychildren will receive a well-round education. However, we have to notice thaton this field, the school education has improved a lot. As I have discussedabove. Many centuries ago, girls were not allowed to receive school educationas boys. As a girl, her destiny was married to a man under parents’ arrangementand gave birth to children. She did not have social status; she even did nothave a formal name and used her husband’s name instead. However, incontemporary society, as a girl, she has the same right to receive education,go to university, select job, and choose her Mr. Right by herself. Oureducation has improved a lot. Internet surf allows every child to check usefulinformation with high efficient. Thus, it is unfair to say that we have notprepared to raise children who can bring a better society. Besides, everyperiod in the history has their uniqueness and they will encounter new problemsthat their ancestors never encountered before. Thus, it is unfair to concludethat the way we raise our children could nor ensure a better society in thefuture because we could not anticipate the future things, what we can do is tryour best to make it better, better than our last generation.