melodyskiing之作文贴

厄先生UID：2865467

28# MELODYSKIING
lz 叫我来改你的作文。。简直我都不好意思下笔改。。向lz 学习。。。

kikyou_lrUID：3228606

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... p;extra=&page=5
我的交晚了不好意思

厄先生UID：2865467

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1330782-1-1.html 是要这样交吗？

kikyou_lrUID：3228606

  修改的见附件

MELODYSKIINGUID：2841950

34# kikyou_lr thank you for your correction!
1、谢谢指出人称混乱问题，因为我后来才把he改成you，有些地方就漏了改
2、in that 表示因为……不是分开的
3、呵呵……你说我偏题了，我也说你偏题了，看来我们对题目的理解确实有点偏差...不过第二段我写得确实不够严密，谢谢啦^^
4、leave sb. + adj.（个人觉得好句子，分享之~）
继续加油~~

MELODYSKIINGUID：2841950

33# 厄先生 不用吧……ms贴到daily writing那里就好了~~已回改~~

nimaoerzxyUID：3180559

29# MELODYSKIING
     When we come across difficulties and tough problems, we would like to turn to family or friends for comfort. The best way is to talk with them face to face, pouring out upsetting problems. They(我觉得这个加个would 语气会更好) pat us on the back, give advices and encourage us to keep on. However, parents or bosom friends may be far away from us. (这里单纯说家人和朋友会远离我们有点生硬， 加上by various reasons , 家人和朋友会因为种种原因远离我们)As a result, we have to discuss problems with the help of telecommunication, using e-mail and text message, or talking via telephone and voice message. I prefer to discuss the difficulties via telephone because I am anxious when facing problems and text cannot（cannot 什么？ 应该是cannot solves such problems ）.; ; l, U6 H a% g$ j
    As far as I am concerned, discussing upsetting or controversial problems by email or text messaging is inefficient. Facing controversial problems, I always drop into anxiety. So anxious am I that I can hardly（merely， virtually） calm down to organize a long message, stating my point clearly. I need someone to help me figure out the solutions. If I am able to illustrate the problem clearly and list the advantages and disadvantages of all the solutions, I won't be upset. Also, it is impossible for me to demonstrate the problem in （only）one or two sentences because I am（would be 语气不要太绝对） at a mess with different ideas fighting in my brain.（这句很好哦！尤其是fighting in my brain 生动） Typing really bother me for I type rather slowly. In addition, parents or friends may not check their email and massage box every minute so that I have to wait for reply. Waiting, however, is really suffering for me when trapped in trouble. I want to get advices and solve the problems as soon as possible.

   What's more important, text messages are too pale to convey my anxiety and upset feeling. The course of communication is divided into three procedures: message coding, sending to the receiver, message decoding. Lots of information may be lost in this course, especially in the discussion of emotion. People are not good at organizing words when they are upset or anxious. Instead, they will sponteneously（spontaneously ） use nonverbal signs to show their feelings. Without the nonverbal signs, such as body gestures, sounds, facial expressions, which play a significant role in communication, the receiver may decode the message in a wrong way, resulting in a misunderstanding. Once I left a text message to my friend after I break up with my boyfriend, saying "I am in despair!". She thought I was just a bit sad, even though I used the word "despair". Actually, I was so upset that I even consider suiside.(a suicide ) Even though we can use text expressions, such as , :< or T^T to convey our emotion, they are still pale compared to the voice. With the help of sounds, the listener can easily perceive my emotion. They may catch my anxiety by my nervous voice and feel my sadness by my sobs. Likewise, it is also easier for me to feel comfort from their soft voices.

* b, Y/ s! {0 J$ j
In brief, as emails and text messages are inefficient and too pale in conveying emotions, I would definitely prefer to phone my parents or friends to discuss controversial (and upsetting) problems.
楼主用的词语和短语都很新 ~~~基本上挑不出什么大错，，不过我个人认为作为里面语气不要太绝对了 ，适当用一下 would ， maybe， 或者加强语气用 definitely 等等，
感觉第一段写的有点浅 不过也可以。 中间段不错而且值得我学习 论述的两个点用了反证法， 不说phone的好 反而写text的不好， 这样也挺新颖的。建议写五段， 结尾草率了点吧 。还有就是拼写。今天受教了！！加油！！

MELODYSKIINGUID：2841950

2月6日 101009NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People can take care of their family members better when they live in big cities than in the countryside.
（这篇写了一个半小时，比较长，还是不知道怎么写结尾，仍求拍...）

In past decades, an increasing number of people manage to crowd into big cities which means more opportunities to success and better life quality. People used to view that living in big cities they can take care of their family better, since it is much easier to access to better medical care and better education. Nowadays, however, people take a fresh look on it. Individuals who bury themselves working have little or no spare time to play with children. Also, they can hardly afford the expense of medical care and school fees. High living cost obstacles individuals to take care of their family members.

In big cities, such as Beijing and Shanghai in China, living costs are really high. It costs about 10,000 for a kid to attend a common kindergarden for 4 years. So does medical care expenses. It costs more than 100 RMB for only a cold. Moreover, houses, necessities for a family, seem unaffordable for ordinary citizens. All these expenses force bread earners to work hard, adding loads to their shoulders. Big cities provide a lot more chances to make money, in deed, but Accompanying with the chances are competitions. They need to make tremendous efforts to earn money. As a result, parents are busy working, negotiating with clients. Working for extra time is just a daily case that they merely have no time to get together with family members. People may have little or no time to look after their sick children. Even when their parents pass away, a few people cannot get back home. Kids may be unhappy without the accompany of parents even though they have attained better education while parents may not be content if they cannot see their children all day long, even if they are billionaires. What's more, parents are essential to kids. It is likely for the kids who lack love, care and proper guidance to be wicked, dishonest or unreliable.

In the countryside, on the contrary, relatively poorer as they are, they enjoy times getting together with family members, which will definitely boost their happiness. Mother spends hours telling fairy tales to her little kids while father goes fishing or hunting with boys and teaches them skills. All family members have dinner around a long table, listening to grandfather's stories in his days. Living under the same roof, family members are able to take care of each other better. Children will not be alone when parents are at work. By the way, it is dangerous to leave kids at home because they are so curious that they might play fire or do some perilous experiments. Although the medical care in the countryside lags behind that in big cities, countryman are capable to cure some diseases using cheaper medicines or herbs, which is as effective as the expensive medicine. As we can see, most people in the countryside are living a healthy life. When it comes to serious illness, such as cancers or heart diseases, however, I commit that patients will get better treatment in big cities.

Based on the reasons above, in spite of rich resources in medical care, education and so forth, people in big cities do no better than the ones who stay in the countryside in taking care of family members.

MELODYSKIINGUID：2841950

37# nimaoerzxy Thank you for your correction!!
准确拍砖！大谢！我也觉得我语气太绝对，而且总是不知道怎么结尾~学习学习！

iBT20120304UID：3228839

In past decades, an increasing number of people manage to crowd into big cities which means more opportunities to success and better life quality. People used to view that living in big cities they can take care of their family better, since it is much easier to access to better medical care and better education. Nowadays, however, people take a fresh look on it. Individuals who bury themselves working have little or no spare time to play with children. Also, they can hardly afford the expense of medical care and school fees. High living cost obstacles individuals to take care of their family members.

In big cities, such as Beijing and Shanghai in China, living costs are really high. It costs about 10,000 for a kid to attend a common kindergarden for 4 years. So does medical care expenses. It costs more than 100 RMB for only a cold. Moreover, houses, necessities for a family, seem unaffordable for ordinary citizens. All these expenses force bread earners to work hard, adding loads to their shoulders. Big cities provide a lot more chances to make money, in deed, but Accompanying with the chances are competitions. They need to make tremendous efforts to earn money. As a result, parents are busy working, negotiating with clients. Working for extra time is just a daily case that they merely have no time to get together with family members. People may have little or no time to look after their sick children. Even when their parents pass away, a few people cannot get back home. Kids may be unhappy without the accompany of parents even though they have attained better education while parents may not be content if they cannot see their children all day long, even if they are billionaires. What's more, parents are essential to kids. It is likely for the kids who lack love, care and proper guidance to be wicked, dishonest or unreliable.
* S5 O9 N4 J6 o0 |& ]. T

In the countryside, on the contrary, relatively poorer as they are, they enjoy times getting together with family members, which will definitely boost their happiness. Mother spends hours telling fairy tales to her little kids while father goes fishing or hunting with boys and teaches them skills. All family members have dinner around a long table, listening to grandfather's stories in his days. Living under the same roof, family members are able to take care of each other better. Children will not be alone when parents are at work. By the way, it is dangerous to leave kids at home because they are so curious that they might play fire or do some perilous experiments. Although the medical care in the countryside lags behind that in big cities, countryman are capable to cure some diseases using cheaper medicines or herbs, which is as effective as the expensive medicine. As we can see, most people in the countryside are living a healthy life. When it comes to serious illness, such as cancers or heart diseases, however, I commit that patients will get better treatment in big cities.7 P; I1 w9 L* ?

Based on the reasons above, in spite of rich resources in medical care, education and so forth, people in big cities do no better than the ones who stay in the countryside in taking care of family members.


楼主的文章充满佳词润句，令人佩服！
所有标绿的词汇，都是我在写作中没有用过的，现已被我一一收入囊中。多谢了哦！

iBT20120304UID：3228839

In past decades, an increasing number of people manage to crowd into big cities which means （我觉得此处用 due to 似乎更流畅呢，你觉得呢）more opportunities to success and better life quality. People used to view that living in big cities  they can take care of their family better, since it is much easier to access to better medical care and better education. Nowadays, however, people take a fresh look on it. Individuals who bury themselves working have little or no spare time to play with children. Also, they can hardly afford the expense of medical care and school fees. High living cost obstacles individuals to take care of their family members（这几句话的语气似乎都太过绝对了哦。并非所有居住在城里的人们都忙得不可开交，仍有很多人可以支付起昂贵的医疗教育，也有很多人可以事业家庭兼顾）. * e) Q0 F  A" t& O8 @4 k（（））

In big cities, such as Beijing and Shanghai in China, living costs are really high. It costs about 10,000 RMB？ for a kid to attend a common kindergarden for 4 years（4年才花10000元？每年2500元？即便是每年2500美元，老美可能也会觉得并不昂贵呀。）. So does medical care expenses. It costs more than 100 RMB for only a cold（对于很多美国人而言，他们应付感冒咳嗽发烧之类的小病，都只有三条，一多喝水，二多吃碳水化合物，忌油腻高蛋白，三多休息。除非危急生命的大病或紧急救助，他们可能并不如中国人那般，一生病就去吃药看医生。因此，你举这个例子，可能让他们无法理解哦）. Moreover, houses, necessities for a family, seem unaffordable for ordinary citizens （相当多的美国人连美国的副总统是谁都不知道，因此也很可能不了解太平洋另一边的中国，高房价高物价正在逼得鹅城百姓活得很苦。因此，这个例子可能他们也无法理解哦）. All these expenses force bread earners to work hard, adding loads to their shoulders. Big cities provide a lot more chances to make money, in deed, but Accompanying with the chances are competitions. They need to make tremendous efforts to earn money. As a result, parents are busy working, negotiating with clients. Working for extra time is just a daily case that they merely have no time to get together with family members（case后面的这半句，似乎略嫌重复多余，因前面已提及）. People may have little or no time to look after their sick children（并非所有忙碌的白领们的孩子都生病了）. Even when their parents pass away, a few people cannot get back home（can not get back home due to extremely heavy work load）. Kids may be unhappy without the accompany of parents even though they have attained better education while parents may not be content if they cannot see their children all day long, even if they are billionaires （您似乎很喜欢用长句子，然而我认为，长短结合最佳。此外，在用长句子时，最好能合理断句，否则读起来会较为费力）. What's more, parents are essential to kids. It is likely for the kids who lack love, care and proper guidance to be wicked, dishonest or unreliable. - [1 F9 D$ |7 w, M. t
4 q! K# i0 q! B; R6 E( Q6 w. m; X, Y


In the countryside, on the contrary, relatively poorer as they are, they enjoy times getting together with family members, which will definitely boost their happiness. Mother spends hours telling fairy tales to her little kids while father goes fishing or hunting with boys and teaches them skills. All family members have dinner around a long table, listening to grandfather's stories in his days. Living under the same roof, family members are able to take care of each other better. Children will not be alone when parents are at work（在农村，孩子也有可能是孤寂的。此处太过绝对。Children would be less likely to be alone.）. By the way, it is dangerous to leave kids at home because they are so curious that they might play fire or do some perilous experiments. Although the medical care in the countryside lags behind that in big cities, countryman are capable to cure some diseases using cheaper medicines or herbs, which is as effective as the expensive medicine. As we can see, most people in the countryside are living a healthy life. When it comes to serious illness, such as cancers or heart diseases, however, I commit that patients will get better treatment in big cities.: z: K1 C/ ?3 E5 H' F; x" b" N+ N

Based on the reasons above, in spite of rich resources in medical care, education and so forth, people in big cities do no better than the ones who stay in the countryside in taking care of family members.


楼主的英文功底很好，能将那么多好词汇生动地用到文章中去，且语法很棒，长句子一个接一个。
我个人觉得，楼主还可以在这几方面获得提高：一是举例子更加cogent，二是论证更加concise，三是充分考虑到中美之间的文化差异，因给您阅卷打分的肯定是一个美国人。

iBT20120304UID：3228839

楼主是否有时间，可否帮我看看我的一篇习作呢？非常感谢！
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1331543-1-1.html

MELODYSKIINGUID：2841950

第一次写综合……时态不知道怎么弄，有点混乱，求建议。
In the lecture, the professor is in favor of the "let it burn" policy for the reason that fire is natural phenomenon, which is good to the forest in spite that it does cause damages. This idea opposes the critics of policy in the reading passage.

Firstly, Yellowstone fires indeed led to significant distruction to the vegetation in the park, with a great numbers of plants died out, yet the burn of old plants provides opportunities for new plants. An increasing number of new plants emerged in the park. For instance, the fall of tall trees creates spaces for smaller plants,which needs sunlight. As a result, vegetation in Yellowstone park became increasingly diverse.

Secondly, contrary to the author's opinion that wildlife is unlikely to revive, owing to the destruction of habitats and the disruption of food chains, the professor claims that the animal population would certainly recover, even increase. The new plants such as shrubs create an ideal habitat for small animals like rabbits. Consequently, the population of their predators will increase, making the food chain more complicated and complete.

Finally, the professor commits that the fires indeed had a negative effect on the local economy which is mainly based on the tourism in short term. Nevertheless, she points out that such disaster is unusual. Actually, it did not happen again since 1988. With the vegetations and animals recovered, tourists will come back to the park next year and each year after that .Consequently,the fires won't harm the economy in long term.

紫梦于UID：3232379

43# MELODYSKIING 楼主作文改好了，我等级不够发附件，把你的邮箱给我好吗？用的是word批注。。。

MELODYSKIINGUID：2841950

44# 紫梦于 好 melodyskiing@gmail.com