新手思遥的作文贴

思遥UID: 2865808

9.7 日作文


In the past several decades, it has long been considered only right and proper for children to compel their parents’ option, including their future enterprise and marriage. Nevertheless, with the change of conventional concepts, many people prefer to let children make a selection to their route of future. Personally, I am in favor of this behavior for the benefits it brings.
Undeniable is that parents who do have much more experience will possible make correct choices for their children. It seems so favorable that their children would grow up smoothly and happily. However, the drawbacks of this action should not be overlooked. It would virtually make negative effects by abating their children’s courage to face hardship for example. Thus I make preference to let children determine their own future
Firstly, option of children’s future can bring children with maturity and growth. If children decide their future and accept the challenges they will meet, they will learn much through the experience and become mature at last. Conversely, if parents have already decided routes their children will take and remove all difficulties, without any doubt, children could be taught nothing except dependence. My cousin is a good example. In order to continue the expertise, his parents exert to let him take charge of the company and always offer helps on anything. Finally, when the he became the chairperson of the company, he had no ability to deal with such a big company and eventually turn it to failure.
Secondly, making decision by themselves will lead them to victory. It is universally known that everyone will try their best to achieve what they aspire, so do children. They obtain motivation from the interests, impelling them to keep moving towards success. From recent television talent show I saw a lot of examples. Famous singer Laure Shang is one of them, she persist in her musical dream and never give up endeavor. It is as a result of her choice of own route that help winning the competition called super girl and become well-known. Therefore, to allow children decide their own route is a better alternative.
To sum up, taking into account for above analysis, I believe to make children choose the prospect is the better choice because the maturity of children and thinking about their hobbies.

tzzxp16UID: 2677282

In the past several decades, it has long been considered only right and proper for children to compel their parents’ option, including their future enterprise and marriage. (it seems sensible for children to obey the routes their parents choose for them. “compel the option”我有点不太懂)Nevertheless, with the change of conventional concepts(due to the advancement of society, or while time changes, 这里的“conventional concepts”没有指明是什么概念在变呀), many people prefer to let children make a selection to their route of future(many people prefer children to make their own choice for the future). Personally, I am in favor of this behavior for the benefits it brings(I am in agreement with those parents’ decision；behavior这个词是指一个具体行为，以上表明的是父母的意愿，不是具体的，可以换成thoughts, decision, or preference).

It is undeniable is that parents who do have much more experience will possibly make correct choices for their children, It seems so favorable that their children would(in a way children may) grow up smoothly and happily. However, the drawbacks of this action should not be overlooked. It would virtually make negative effects by abating their children’s courage to face hardship for example. (上两句改：However, one cannot overlook negative effects in this thought which may result in children are too afraid to face hardships). Thus I make preference to let children determine their own future.

Firstly, option of children’s future can bring children with maturity and growth(children can become strong and mature individuals by making decisions for themselves.“option”是名词，主语可改成let children make options can…另外bring maturity and growth的结合有点问题). If children decide their future and accept the challenges they will meet, they will learn much through the experience and become mature at last（此句不够简练，改Also by envisaging the future and accepting challenges they would meet, children can obtain more experiences）. Conversely, if parents have already decided routes their children which will take and remove all difficulties(reduce difficulties), without any(no) doubt, children could be taught(acquire) nothing except(but) dependence. My cousin is a good example（Taking my cousin as an example,）in order to continue(cultivate his) the expertise, his parents exert to let him take charge of the company and always offer helps on anything(unconditionally). Finally(Thus), when the he became the chairperson of the company, he had no ability to deal with such a big company and eventually turn it to failure(there is little capacity for him to handle such a big company and eventually the business was shut down).

Secondly, making decision by themselves will lead them to victory(children would acquire more success by making own decisions). It is universally known that everyone will try their best to achieve what they aspire, so do children. They obtain motivation from their interests, which impelling them to keep moving towards success. From recent television talent show I saw a lot of examples. Famous singer Laure Shang is one of them, she persist in her musical dream and never give up endeavor. It is as a result of her choice of own route that help winning the competition called super girl and become well-known. (There are inspirations on recent television talent show I watched, for example, singer Laure Shang persisted in her dream as a musician, with her determination and courage, she won the Super Girl competition which and finally became famous.) Therefore, to allow children decide their own route is a better alternative.

To sum up, taking into account for analysis above, I believe by make children choose the prospect is the better choice because the maturity of children and thinking about their hobbies(I believe it is beneficial to let children make their own choice for the future).

字体抽风，不知道怎么改。。

米爆爆UID: 2892134

In the past several decades, it has long been considered only right and proper for children to compel their parents’ option, including their future enterprise and marriage. Nevertheless, with the change of conventional concepts, many people prefer to let children make a selection to their route of future. Personally, I am in favor of this behavior for the benefits it brings.没找出很大错误。但个人觉得代词太多
Undeniable is that parents who do have much more experience will possible possibly make correct choices for their children. It seems so favorable that their children would grow up smoothly and happily. However, the drawbacks of this action should not be overlooked. It would virtually make negative effects by abating their children’s courage to face hardship for example. Thus I make preference to let children determine their own future1 g, r' 个人没看出什么问题。用词一般般。只是觉得开头段长了点。m% j4 ~6 X- D个
Firstly, option of children’s future can bring children with maturity and growth. 没指出是什么optionIf children decide their future and accept the challenges they will meet, they will learn much through the experience and become mature at last. Conversely, if parents have already decided routes their children will take and remove all difficulties, without any doubt, children could be taught nothing except dependence. My cousin is a good example. In order to continue the expertise, his parents exert 后面跟的finally那句用的是过去时。那你这个也应该用过去时吧to let him take charge of the company and always offer helps on anything. Finally, when the he became the chairperson of the company, he had no ability to deal with such a big company and eventually turn it to failure.
Secondly, making decision by themselves will lead them to victory. It is universally known that everyone will try their best to achieve what they aspire, so do children. They obtain motivation from the interests, impelling them to keep moving towards success. From recent television talent show I saw a lot of examples. Famous singer Laure Shang is one of them, she persist in her musical dream and never give up endeavor. It is as a result of her choice of own route that help winning the competition called super girl and become well-known. Therefore, to allow children decide their own route is a better alternative. 这段写得不错。
To sum up, taking into account for above analysis, I believe to make children choose the prospect is the better choice because the maturity of children and thinking about their hobbies.' w" V; ?6 T# ?. K/ K! \


整体而言是不错的。没有太大的语法错误。而且句式多变。good

思遥UID: 2865808

谢谢大家。。继续努力！！

思遥UID: 2865808

9.9 日作文

With the increasingly higher living standard of people, recreation such as movie has been a indispensable aspect of people’s daily life. When it comes to movies, a public debate about the diverse genre’s value has arisen. To some people, movie which can teach people about real life is the only one worthy to watch. Nevertheless, I totally disagree with this concept and believe that every movie has its own importance to watch.
Firstly, the movie’s essence is to entertain people instead of teaching them. Pressure gained from work or study lead people to look for a way to release it. Since some kinds of movie like comedy can provide them with a stress-free atmosphere and create laughter, watching a movie is a good choice for them. However, if they only opt some educational movies to watch, as a result, the negative feelings will enhance and the aim to relax won’t be achieved. I have a parallel case. Once I went to cinema after the failure in test in order forget the upset obtained from that test. I chose a movie about earthquake and the stress sentiment of which made me feel much heavier conversely. Consequently, I felt even worse because of that movie. If I had selected a comedy in that case, I would feel better.
Secondly, the movie also plays an important role for people to bounden their horizon. For example, it can offer people opportunity to experience virtual life. Because the technique of animation and three-dimensioned have greatly improved, nowadays more and more scientific movies are brought into screen. It is through this genre of movie that gives people a emotion of surprise and make them more hopeful to future. The film “I robot” is a good example. By depicting the world of robots let people know much more about them and realize the endless potential of them too. For that image can only be seen on the screen, therefore, I think this kind of movie is also worthy to watch.
Undeniably, the necessity of watching educational movie cannot be overlooked. For instance, these movies can help people understand the love among people, the responsibility of protecting environment and so on. Thus I make preference to watch all kind of movie rather than only educational movies.
To sum up, take into account for the statements above, I consider every movie is valuable to watch no matter what genre it is for the reason that each movie has its significance such as entertainment and bounden horizon.

kimi0428UID: 2592187

With the increasingly higher living standard of people, recreation such as movie has been an indispensable aspect of people’s daily life. When it comes to movies, a public debate about the diverse genre’s value has arisen. To some people, movie which can teach people about real life is the only one worthy to watch. Nevertheless, I totally disagree with this concept and believe that every movie has its own importance to watch.
Firstly, the movie’s essence is to entertain people instead of teaching them. Pressure gained from work or study lead people to look for a way to release it. Since some kinds of movie like comedy can provide them with a stress-free atmosphere and create laughter, watching a movie is a good choice for them. However, if they only opt some educational movies to watch, as a result, the negative feelings will enhance and the aim to relax won’t be achieved. I have a parallel case. Once I went to cinema after the failure in test in order (to) forget the upset obtained from that test. I chose a movie about earthquake and the stress sentiment of which made me feel much heavier conversely. Consequently, I felt even worse because of that movie. If I had selected a comedy in that case, I would feel better
Secondly, the movie also plays an important role for people to bounden their horizon. For example, it can offer people an opportunity to experience virtual life. Because the technique of animation and three-dimensioned have greatly improved, nowadays more and more scientific movies are brought into screen. It is through this genre of movie that gives people an emotion of surprise and makes them more hopeful to future. The film “I robot” is a good example. By depicting the world of robots let people know much more about them and realize the endless potential of them too. For that image can only be seen on the screen, therefore, I think this kind of movie is also worthy to watch.7 f* z( ]# ]# t4 ]  J! M
Undeniably, the necessity of watching educational movie cannot be overlooked. For instance, these movies can help people understand the love among people, the responsibility of protecting environment and so on. Thus I make preference to watch all kind of movie rather than only educational movies.
To sum up, taking into account for the statements above, I consider every movie is valuable to watch no matter what genre it is for the reason that each movie has its significance such as entertainment and bounden horizon.


没什么语法错误，观点也比较贴切

思遥UID: 2865808

With the increasing pressure gained from employment during the financial crisis, it seems not only difficult to find a job but also hard to keep a job. Since in the recent years, the percentage of employment has decreased a lot, a stable job has become very significant to a person no matter how much salary is. In my way of thinking, I believe that to have a job which is secure is much more important than one with high salary especially in this economic depression.
First of all, occupation of security is good for a joyful life. With the stable income, people cannot be concerned about their expenditure of basic needs and entertainment. Therefore, people can spend their money on whatever they need if necessary and also have enough money to do with emergencies such as disease and accident. Without any doubt that they will enjoy the happy life. However, if a family owns a job without security, when they face trouble and require a sum of money when they lose the job, they will suffer a hard period for the deficient money. As a result, they would not have a active motion in daily life. Thus a secure job has a lot to do with the happiness of life.
What’s more, a safe work also makes active effects on people’s mood. People do not need to worry about the loss of job when working so that the pressure of these kinds of people is much less than who earn a well-paid job but will lose easily. It is likely for these people to enjoy their work whatever the salary is and even they will try their best to make achievements on their fields. Consequently, they will be promoted because of enthusiasm on working and finally have a good salary. Take a example of my brother, after graduation did he take a job of waiter in a dessert restaurant and made a contract with that restaurant. It is obvious that he couldn’t obtain much money from this job. Nevertheless, it is that contract that releases his pressure on losing job and he was in a good mood when working. He was always very polite and friendly with customer which was appreciated by his boss. Finally, he was be promoted to a manager in that restaurant with a well-paid.
It is deniable that jobs with high salaries are welcomed by all the people. They will use money gained by work to buy the luxury which they like. Notwithstanding, the shortage of these work often be overlooked. For instance, they are not secure and will be lost easily. When this terrible case happen, it will not be hard to imagine the result of it.
Take into account for all reasons above, I think the job with low salary but secure is much more important than a well-paid job but will be lost easily. Considering the pleased life and cheerful emotion, I will choose the low paying job without hesitate.

凼凼55667UID: 2904147

With the increasing pressure gained from employment during the financial crisis, it seems not only difficult to find a job but also hard to keep a job. Since in the recent years, the percentage of employment has decreased a lot, a stable job has become very significant to a person no matter how much (the) salary is. In my way of thinking, I believe that to have a job which is secure(这里用从句有点浪费) is much more important than one with high salary especially in this economic depression.

First of all, occupation of security is good for a joyful life. With the stable income, people cannot（cannot 表示‘不能够’。改don’t need to） be concerned about their expenditure of basic needs and entertainment. Therefore, people can spend their money on whatever they need if necessary and also have enough money to do with emergencies such as disease and accident. Without any doubt that（去掉that，否则句子无主） they will enjoy the happy life. However（下文没有转折的意思，改on the other hand引出反面论述） if a family owns a job without security, when they face trouble and require a sum of money when they lose the job, they will suffer a hard period for the deficient money. As a result, they would not have a active motion in daily life. Thus a secure job has a lot to do with the happiness of life.   

What’s more, a safe work also makes active effects on people’s mood. People do not need to worry about the loss of job when working so that the pressure of these kinds（pressure of 改on, 改this kind） of people is much less than who earn a well-paid job but will lose （lose后添加it代指job，否则意思不明）easily. It is likely for these people to enjoy their work whatever the salary is and even they will try their best to make achievements on their fields. Consequently, they will be promoted because of enthusiasm on working and finally have a good salary. Take an example of my brother, after graduation did he take a job of waiter in a dessert restaurant and made a contract with that restaurant. It is obvious that he couldn’t obtain much money from this job. Nevertheless, it is that contract that releases his pressure on losing job （逻辑有点不严谨，你brother又没有失业，哪来失业压力）and he was in a good mood when working. He was always very polite and friendly with customer which was appreciated by his boss. Finally, he was be(去掉be) promoted to a manager in that restaurant with a well-paid（缺名词）.

It is deniable(意思说反了吧？) that jobs with high salaries are welcomed by all the people. They will use money gained（用earned较好） by work to buy the luxury which they like. Notwithstanding, the shortage of these work often be （often be改is often）overlooked. For instance, they are not secure and will be lost easily. When this terrible case happen, it will not be hard to imagine the result of it.

Take into account for all reasons above, I think the job with low salary but secure is much more important than a well-paid job but will be lost easily. Considering the pleased life and cheerful emotion, I will choose the low paying job without hesitate.
文章优点：连接词用得很精彩。
不足：1,造句要更严谨一点
      2,举身边的例子，显得说服力不够
3,字数不是多就好，接近600字的写作在考场上是很难完成的。

ttuuttuuUID: 2299729

0914  修改 by ttuuttuu
Do you agree or disagree the statement: having jobs with low paying salary and being high secure is better than jobs with high salary but being easy to lost.








With the increasing pressure gained from employment during the financial crisis, it seems not only difficult to find a job but also hard to keep a job. Since in the recent years, the percentage of employment has decreased a lot, a stable job has become very significant to a person no matter how much salary is. In my way of thinking, I believe that to have a job which is secure is much more important than one with high salary especially in this economic depression.
  第一段寫的非常好    是自己的模版嗎?

First of all, occupation of security is good for a joyful life. With the stable income, people cannot be concerned about their expenditure of basic needs and entertainment. Therefore, people can spend their money on whatever they need if necessary and also have enough money to do with emergencies such as disease and accident. Without any doubt that they will enjoy the happy life. However, if a family owns a job without security, when they face trouble and require a sum of money when they lose the job, they will suffer a hard period for the deficient money. As a result, they would not have a active motion in daily life. Thus a secure job has a lot to do with the happiness of life.
not bad !如果有  例子更好

What’s more, a safe work also makes active effects on people’s mood. People do not need to worry about the loss of job when working so that the pressure of these kinds of people is much less than who earn a well-paid job but will lose easily. It is likely for these people to enjoy their work whatever the salary is and even they will try their best to make achievements on their fields. Consequently, they will be promoted because of enthusiasm on working and finally have a good salary. Take a example of my brother, after graduation did he take a job of waiter in a dessert restaurant and made a contract with that restaurant. It is obvious that he couldn’t obtain much money from this job. Nevertheless, it is that contract that releases his pressure on losing job and he was in a good mood when working. He was always very polite and friendly with customer which was appreciated by his boss. Finally, he was be promoted to a manager in that restaurant with a well-paid.


這段真的寫的很好  該有的例子也有  

It is deniable that jobs with high salaries are welcomed by all the people. They will use money gained by work to buy the luxury which they like. Notwithstanding, the shortage of these work often be overlooked. For instance, they are not secure and will be lost easily. When this terrible case happen, it will not be hard to imagine the result of it.( a- [+ y3 Y; G( K

8 ~2 R$ [% [! E
例子張力不夠  應該多點發展

Take into account for all reasons above, I think the job with low salary but secure is much more important than a well-paid job but will be lost easily. Considering the pleased life and cheerful emotion, I will choose the low paying job without hesitate.


結論很好 ~用字完美


謝謝你讓我欣賞一篇好文章
這篇有4.5/5.0的等級  值得我學習 ~

! _

思遥UID: 2865808

10.2作文


With the increasing pressure gained from life and work, more and more people suffer from stress. As a result of this trouble, many negative impacts have affected people’s life by causing health problem, and affect their performance while working. Therefore, many people exert to find effective ways to solve this problem. Some of people prefer to stay alone to calm down their mood. However, in my way of thinking, I believe to spend time with other people is a better choice.
Primarily, asking family members for help is a good way to relieve one’s stress. It is universally known that family have played an important way in one’s life. There is no one who understands you more than your family. Hence, when you ask them for help, they will always willing to lend a hand to you and offer best suggestion. By using their advice, we can easily overcome our problems. Take an example of myself, I once felt stressed because of my school work. I tried to deal with it by myself but failed. So I turned to my family for help. They help me analyze my source of my problem. Then they told me to take easy to my study and try my best, no matter what result is. As a result of their help, confidence and motivation returned to me and I was in a good mood again.
Secondly, sharing one’s stress with his or her intimate friends is also a good option. You and your friend are probably at the same age, having the same problems. For this reason, by communicating with your friends, they could give you the superior solutions and can tell you some funny jokes to make you feel better. Besides, you can also choose to have entertainment with your friends in order to relieve your stress. For instance, going out for a picnic or seeing a comedy show are both excellent alternatives to relieve the pressure.
Undeniably, staying alone can make people calm down in some way. Nevertheless, some latest news showed that many people commit suicide or fall ill for not handling the stress by oneself successfully. Therefore, in long term, staying with other people is a better choice for most of people.
To sum up, according to the demonstration above, I insist the opinion that to spend time with someone else is a good option considering the strength and weakness of both ways.

naturekdUID: 2702801

谢谢批改我的作文~

思遥UID: 2865808

09.01.17 NA   Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits.

As the negative impact caused by unhealthy eating habits are more and more serious nowadays, much attention has been focused on the source of these problems. A proportion of people attribute these diseases to mislead of advertisements. Nevertheless, after observing the daily life of diverse kinds of people, I maintain that it is modern life that results in unhealthy eating habits.


Undeniably, the advertisements do have influence on people’s formation of bad habit. However, with the increase awareness of people, it seems easily for them to tell whether true or not of the advertisement. Hence, mislead of advertisement is not the major cause of the unhealthy eating habit. By analyzing the source of this problem, I ascribe it to the modern life for the following reasons.

Firstly, life renders people so much pressure that they nearly cannot spare any time to enjoy a meal. A number of people, no matter which roles they play in society, face the problems which are engendered by the pressure of their work. In order to be promoted, the employees abandon their eating time to concentrate on the project distributed by their superior. With the purpose of getting high marks in examination, quantities of students make preference to study while eating. For example, when midterm examination was going to approach last semester, I abnegate the lunchtime and was absorbed in reviewing the course. Until I felt hungry, I bought some fast food to save time. Consequently, a bad habit is developed.

Secondly, after experiencing the tiring work for a whole day, many people feel downhearted and no energy and interest is left to take pleasure in meals. During the financial crisis, most company has cut down the number of persons employed. Therefore, each worker has been assigned more tasks to deal with which lead them feel extremely tired when off duty. The only thing they desire to do when returning home is to have a rest to relax them instead of delicate cooking. Some of people choose to eat snack when watching television and some would rather to cook quick-freezing food which is much easier to prepare. For instance, when my mother feels weary after work, she often buys some fast food for us such as pizza or hamburger. Although we are aware that this kind of food is not nutrient and healthy, because of tiredness obtained from work, we have no choice but to eat them.

In conclusion, on account of the pressure and fatigue which are offered by life, people do not pay much to the custom of eating and thus lead the development of many unhealthy habits.
Therefore, since a health body is an indispensable aspect of people’s life, people should concentrate on the bad effect of unhealthy habits and then take action to prevent it.

naturekdUID: 2702801

楼主作文写得很好，只有一些时态方面的小毛病，学习了～