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[a习作temp] Arguement 209 酒香作文小组 Boris21 [复制链接]

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发表于 2010-10-9 21:41:29 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
Argument 209:
The following recommendation was made by the Human Resources Manager to the board of directors of the Fancy Toy Company. “In the last three quarters of this year, under the leadership of our president, Pat Salvo, our profits have fallen considerably. Thus, we should ask for her resignation in return for a generous severance package. In Pat's place, we should appoint Rosa Winnings. Rosa is currently president of Starlight Jewelry, a company whose profits have increased dramatically over the past several years. Although we will have to pay Rosa twice the salary that Pat has been receiving, it will be well worth it because we can soon expect our profits to increase considerably."



Since the decline of profits in the last three seasons, the Human Resources Manager suggested to the board of directors that they should find a new president of the Fancy Toy company instead of Pat Salvo. In his statement the HR appointed Rosa Winnings as the candidate of the presidency for that Rosa has been running a jewelry company successfully for years. He believed that it is beneficial to the toy company even that will cost them as twice the salary as they paid for Pat Salvo. Although the HR`s intention is to change the unpleasant condition of this firm, however, he failed to give adequate grounds for his proposal.

In the first place, the fall of profits possibly caused by other factors, e.g. the old-fashioned design of toys, the failure in marketing, the problems of the material provider and etc., so the leader is not responsible for all the consequences. Moreover, three quarters is not a long term. Pat Salvo may has already made some new policies to revive the company and the positive statistics perhaps will come the next three month.

On the other hand, The success of managing Starlight jewelry should not be regarded as the hope of saving a toy company. The jewelry firm runs well may be for the demand of consumers is increasing dramatically in the recent years. Even if Rosa Winnings is good at management, her experience from selling jewelry may not solve the problems of a toy manufacturer. In this case Pat
is more competent than Rosa.


Last but not at least, the HR is too optimistic to the effect of new president. As the factors mentioned above, the increasing of profits is not only caused by excellent leadership, so expectation will come true only when other wounds have recovered. And this is also a reason for changing the president.

In sum, the HR provides the board of directors a logically flawed proposal in which we cannot see any credible evidence to support his viewpoint. To replace a president who struggles to save his company for whom even succeed in another industry but amateur of this is not a wise choice. And he must be disappointed soon when the profit does not increase as fast as he expected.
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发表于 2010-10-10 20:29:20 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 慕夜凉 于 2010-10-10 20:31 编辑

Since the decline of profits in the last three seasons, the Human Resources Manager suggested to the board of directors that they should find a new president of the Fancy Toy company instead of Pat Salvo. In his statement the HR appointed Rosa Winnings as the candidate of the presidency for that Rosa has been running a jewelry company successfully for years. He believed that it is beneficial to the toy company even that will cost them as twice the salary as they paid for Pat Salvo. Although the HR`s intention is to change the unpleasant condition of this firm, however, he failed to give adequate grounds for his proposal.



In the first place, the fall of profits possibly caused by other factors, e.g. the old-fashioned design of toys, the failure in marketing, the problems of the material provider and etc., so the leader is not responsible for all the consequences. Moreover, three quarters is not a long term. Pat Salvo may has already made some new policies to revive the company and the positive statistics perhaps will come the next three month.


On the other hand, The success of managing Starlight jewelry should not be regarded as the hope of saving a toy company. The jewelry firm runs well may be for the demand of consumers is increasing dramatically in the recent years.(可以改成The reason jewelry firm runs well may be that the demand of consumer is inceasing dramatically in the recent years.) Even if Rosa Winnings is good at management, her experience from(of?) selling jewelry may not solve the problems of a toy manufacturer. In this case Pat is more competent than Rosa.



Last but not at least, the HR is too optimistic to the effect of (changing a )new president. As the factors mentioned above, the increasing of profits is not only caused by excellent leadership, so expectation will come true only when other wounds have recovered.(语句不通)
And this is also a reason for changing the president.




In sum, the HR provides the board of directors a logically flawed proposal in which we cannot see any credible evidence to support his viewpoint. To replace a president who struggles to save his company for whom even succeed in another industry but amateur of this is not a wise choice. And he must be disappointed soon when the profit does not increase as fast as he expected. (只是一种可能性。用在结尾处的语气好像表示如果换了PRESIDENT就一定会失望,好像不太好啊。可以把这些句子放到倒数第二段)



文章总的条理还是清晰地,但需要注意一下结尾。

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