重新奋斗作文贴

kaolaliangUID: 2758807

改好

rysfUID: 2514937

恩 恩 我好喜欢狗狗什么的  ：））
15# chenyyalex

日落沙发UID: 2764889

18# chenyyalex

rysfUID: 2514937

水平有限 见谅
一起加油~

cyanidinUID: 2897934

不等了，你写好了我晚上给你改吧。。。

cyanidinUID: 2897934

xiugai.doc (17.5 KB, 下载次数: 6)

2010-11-21 11:02:40 上传

下载次数: 6

cyanidinUID: 2897934

谢谢你今天的批改，让我认识到了我的语法是有多差啊！！呵呵
thank you~~

ttuuttuuUID: 2299729

revised by TTUU
整體寫的論點例子都很好
除了第三個 論點~

windslpUID: 2903140

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Playing sports teaches people more lessons about the life.

Nowadays, numerous of people like to play sports to study much unusual knowledge, especially the lessons which cannot study in school. Some people hold that those lessons cannot use in school's exam, so they definitely disagree with this statement. However, other people, like me, prefer choosing that we can study more lessons by playing sports, and I have several reasons to support my viewpoint.

First and foremost, we can practice our teamwork in playing sports, after a game finish, we will know that which gap we should bury it. For example, in NBA, no matter a player which has an outstanding technique, if he has not any same level’s teammates, he will never get success, like
Leboran James（Lebron James？）, although he has the best technique, though his boss can use money to absorb abundant role players, though he has also ample salary, he still prefers to transfer Miami Heat. No matter his technique has already perfect, he still has a biggest gap: he has not any the same level players fighting with him. So, he prefers escaping（既然你是赞同的,那么我觉得用这个词就不大好额- -。） to Heat. According to this example, we can understand that if we want to success, we should have strong teammates, because teammates are the indispensable factor of how to get success.
（我觉得例子和论点不是很贴切,虽然例子很好,但是和论点的关联不是很密切- -。
因为你开头提到了teamwork,虽然不是你的主要观点,但是还是你的论点一部分,而然例子和它没有什么联系.如果能简要提到Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh阐述下为什么他会选择去Miami,除了原本队友不是同一个level 还有就是为了better teamwork.这样会不会更好.）

There is no doubt that Residual Olympic Games tells us: no matter people's disabilities are serious or unserious, if they are still brave to play sports, everyone will give them the warmest applause. For example, there is a disability man which was an American solider before. He lost his legs by accident, so that he had to retire. However, he chooses to take part in the 100 meters champion and become to a famous disability player. According to this example, （这个我觉得可以替换掉额.因为上段已经重复用过了,）we can draw a conclusion that never give up, because there are a lot of people are worse than us. But they still struggle to challenge themselves.

Of course, only playing sports cannot increase students' mark. They cannot use the sports’ credits in place of other subjects. However, a close inspection of the argument would reveal how flimsy it is: when we go to school, the indispensable thing is what knowledge we can study in it, but not how many credits. Consequently, I am sure that my above examples can conquer all opposes.

In conclusion, some people still contend their opinion: they are only concerned about they will use how many years to graduate, so they pay all energy to earn credits. I still support my viewpoint: To practice our teamwork, we can be easy to get success. Never give up; we can be brave to challenge everything.

晚了,不好意思,,结构没有什么问题. 主要是一些词汇能替换掉就更好, 断句像你学习,
只是个人意见,如有不妥望见谅,