argument 182 求拍，留链必回

happily1989UID: 2807228

二战了，一战AW2.5 很纠结~~ 二战的第一篇习作，1月25就考了555~
BTW,新年快乐~


TOPIC: ARGUMENT182 - Butter has now been replaced by margarine in Happy Pancake House restaurants throughout the southwestern United States. Only about 2 percent of customers have complained, indicating that 98 people out of 100 are happy with the change. Furthermore, many servers have reported that a number of customers who still ask for butter do not complain when they are given margarine instead. Clearly, either these customers cannot distinguish margarine from butter, or they use the term "butter" to refer to either butter or margarine. Thus, to avoid the expense of purchasing butter, the Happy Pancake House should extend this cost-saving change to its restaurants in the southeast and northeast as well.
WORDS: 455
TIME: 00:30:08
DATE: 2002-5-31 0:41:03

In this argument, the author concludes that the Happy Pancake House should use margarine to replace butter to cut down the cost in the southeast and northeast restaurants. And he/she gives the reasons as follows. (1)In the southwestern restaurant, only 2 percent of the customers complained that they did not want to eat margarine instead of butter, therefore 98 percent of the customers was happy with this change.(2)The customers who still ask for buffer reflected no complain through the servers, after all they cannot distinguish margarine from butter, or they use butter to stand for margarine.(3) Because of the success action in southwestern, the leader of the restaurants should take the same action in southeast and northeast as well.

However, the author's viewpoint is unwarranted. First, the author assumes that only 2 percent of customers have complained the change indicates that 98 percent of customers are happy with this change. It is an either-or logical flaw. Perhaps --just like the author mentioned -- they cannot distinguish margarine from butter, or perhaps in local area, people often use "butter" to stand for either real butter or margarine.

Second, the author overlooks or chooses to ignore the accurate data, and only points out that "many servers", "a number of customers". He/she neither shows us that the exactly number of how many servers have reported and how many customers who still ask for butter nor does point out that how many percent of the servers have reported and how many percent of the customers do not complain. Furthermore, the customers who do not complain cannot stand for they cannot distinguish margarine from butter or they use the term butter to refer to either butter or margarine, perhaps the customers who did not complain the change only because they did not want to spend their limited time to complain this such small thing or perhaps they choose to eat in another cake restaurants next time to show their dissatisfy. To make this argument reasonable, the author should give us exactly data instead of vague data.

Third, even if the action in southwestern earns great success; the author cannot assume that the same action will success in southeast and northeast restaurants. Because different areas have different tradition and different taste, perhaps in other areas, people do not tend to use butter to refer to margarine, or perhaps in southeast and northeast, people do not like to eat margarine. By the way, to make this argument more reasonable, the author also should give us evidence to show that in southeast and northeast of United States, margarine is cheaper than butter.

To sum up, this argument seems to be reasonable, however it has at least three flaws which make it cannot convince the reader. To fix these flaws, this argument will be more perfect.

happily1989UID: 2807228

2# lasselore
多谢多谢~ 新年快乐哈~

自从上次AW2.5以后我想了很多，总觉得以前argument那种过分套路化的写法是得低分的原因。所以这次准备的时候看了很多东西，gter上的ARGU的精华帖几乎都看了一遍，又看了两个版本的新东方网络课堂。

第一段现在看看觉得当时确实写的比较啰嗦，不过我现在很手足无措，不知道第一段应该写些什么，把三个要辩驳的论点做一个简略的概括可能是一个我认为最妥当的办法吧~~，但是我的英文水平本身不高，所以概括能力问题很大@@@，而且各种连词啊 标点啊 总是把握不准（曾经想过参加个作文互改小组的，看到进组要求aw4.5+，每次都望而却步 555~）。

关于第一段辩驳的时候所用的文中的例子，是新东方小宝老师提供的一种辩驳思路，以彼之道还之彼身，用文中他所支持第二个论点的例子来反驳第一个观点。（第一次这么使用，也不知道用的对不对。。。）

第二段我也感觉写的比较生硬，正在考虑明天琢磨琢磨这种引用作者说话的语言应该怎么组织。。 弱弱的问下，“如此小的一件事应该怎么表达”？ 我很中式英语的用了一个this such a small thing 贻笑大方。。。

关于三个论点的开头，因为以前看到过有人用first,second,third这样开头，为了尽量简练、弱化模板，我就这么用了。。。 要想一想可不可以换一下...
关于那个butter和margarine谁便宜谁贵的那个 我觉得是个小错误，一带而过即可，没找到好的连接词，随手就写了个by the way = =.请问这种小错误应该一带而过呢还是应该直接忽略掉不写呢？

最后一个to 确实头脑发热 orz,检查了一遍 竟然没看出来 = =丢人


总之，谢谢你在即将跨年的时候能够耐心看我这篇乱七八糟的拙作，现在对于argument 的写法很迷茫，真有一点手足无措的感觉了。。。 谢谢你~ 新年快乐

wasrippleUID: 2985357

第三段 应该是exact number 而不是 exactly number
第三段第二句第三句都太长了，建议断成短句表述起来更加清楚
表顺序用Firstly, secondly,到第三个的时候就不要用thirdly了，建议换成in addition/furthermore/moreover/besides that/
第四段第一句，success不可做动词
结尾把to fix these flaws 换成if these flaws are fixed

也帮忙看看我的吧
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1214062-1-1.html

happily1989UID: 2807228

4# lasselore
好的，好的~谢谢你的建议
上次AW很郁闷 ISSUE是一篇写过的 自认为写的挺不错的，ARGU是吃鱼不感冒那个 虽然没写过，感觉所有逻辑错误都找出来了 最后只有2.5分 所以我怀疑可能是ARGU大家都在用千篇一律的模板造成的，上次准备ARGU的时候我也主要是按照《简单粗暴的写好ARGUMENT》那样准备的，所以这次准备比较迷茫，比较怀疑这种模板化的写法真的好吗？中国每年这么多考生，肯定有相当多的人用模板化的写法，rater肯定能够看出来的。。。况且光模板就300+的字数，个人感觉很本末倒置，正文信息还不如模板多。  前两天看了无夏姐姐说的自由写作的方式，感觉很好，可是限于英语水平有限，写出来的也就像现在的这篇拙作一样，不伦不类。。。

happily1989UID: 2807228

5# wasripple
谢谢你哈，我去改你的那篇，水平实在有限，见谅~

upcdanielUID: 2982350

4# lasselore

求你那个330字的模板，肯定很给力