好吧，我承认我不淡定了，Ar9,自己已修改，希望各位帮我修改下，带中文提纲。有拍必回

bluethere0727UID: 2820366

Argu感觉越复习越乱，剩下一周时间了，希望大家不要手下留情。
TOPIC: ARGUMENT9 - The following appeared in a memorandum from a dean at Omega University.

"Fifteen years ago, Omega University implemented a new procedure that encouraged students to evaluate the teaching effectiveness of all their professors. Since that time, Omega professors have begun to assign higher grades in their classes, and overall student grade averages at Omega have risen by thirty percent. Potential employers apparently believe the grades at Omega are inflated; this would explain why Omega graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from nearby Alpha University. To enable its graduates to secure better jobs, Omega University should now terminate student evaluation of professors."

WORDS: 402 （修改后516）         TIME: 00:38:00


DATE: 2011-2-19 15:24:57

提纲：1.没有证据表明OU学生成绩的上升是由于教授评价活动引起的。

2.即使是，也没有证据表明就业不好是因为潜在雇主认为OU的成绩有水分引起的。

3.停止教授评价活动不一定能使OU的就业更好。

In this argument, the author cites a student evaluation of professors to show the potential correlation between students' academic performance and the success of getting jobs, and then the author concludes that it is necessity for Omega University (OU) to terminate student evaluation of professors to enable their students can afford to secure better jobs. Convincing as the reasoning at first glance, further contemplation reveals that the conclusion is predicated on some dubious and biased assumption as stated below.

To start with, the author fails to prove that the progress of academic performance was solely aroused by the student evaluation of professors. Perhaps after the evaluation most of the students studied much harder than before and then gave birth to the rise in their grades; perhaps the quality of enrollments has significantly improved. Above all, the author ignores other factors might have also give rise to the same result, completely ascribes the improvements to professors, rendering the argument more dependable.

Even if the progress of academic performance can afford to attribute to professors, another flaw appears in this argument also calls this argument highly doubtful. The author unfairly deems the failing to get jobs solely to the potential employers mistakenly attitudes toward their grades. However, it is likely that the potential employers regard more profits could the students in Alpha University bring to them than these of OU. The latent information that the argument leaves us indicates that the author must have obscured some pivotal factors. Perhaps the OU lags far behind AU in the quality of instruction; perhaps the social status of Alpa University (AU) is much more significant than OU. Therefore, unless the author can afford to provide more evidence to show that the less jobs satisfaction of OU presented are caused by potential employers' opinion that the grades at Omega are inflated, the argument is largely unwarranted.

Granted all the defects mentioned above are logically acceptable, the author also commits a fallacy called “hasty generalization”. Failing to rule out other factor may also give rise to the unsatisfied jobs of OU, the author unilaterally concludes that this action can enable its graduates to secure better jobs. It is likely that the country is suffering from a lagging economy and few companies would employ new graduates of overall university. It is also possible that the students of OG could no longer meet the demands of contemporary society. Above all, to make this conclusion more convincible, the author should eliminate other factors, such as the influence of economy, the social status, and so froth. Only after evaluating all the facts might I trust the feasibility of this plan.

To make this argument logically more acceptable, the author should have to inform us some forceful reasons of the improvement in students’ grade. The author also need to seek for plentiful evidence to persuade me that potential employers will hire a student totally by his grades. In addition, to better appraise the conclusion raised in this argument, I would also be devoid of the conviction that whether the strategy could award the students of OG better jobs.

bluethere0727UID: 2820366

果然很少有人回。。。。。自己置顶6

missingusaUID: 2625832

你们俩可以互改嘛：
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1233670-1-1.html

加油！

kydaleUID: 2983639

文章分析的挺好的，主体上都到位了，就是可能还有一些语法错误。
求回拍（希望能够帮我看看文章的结构，是不是对路数，表达方式等等）语法还有拼写错误我自己改哈 https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1233670-1-1.html
In this argument, the author cites a student evaluation of professors to show the potential correlation between students' academic performance and the success of getting jobs, and then the author concludes that it is (a) necessity for Omega University (OU) to terminate student evaluation of professors to enable their students can afford to secure better jobs(有问题，改为 find better job会好一些). Convincing as the reasoning at first glance, further contemplation reveals that the conclusion is predicated on some dubious and biased assumption as stated below.To start with, the author fails to prove that the progress of academic performance was solely aroused by the student evaluation of professors. Perhaps after the evaluation most of the students studied much harder than before and then gave birth to the rise in their grades; perhaps the quality of enrollments has significantly improved. Above all, the author ignores other factors might have also give rise to the same result, completely ascribes the improvements to professors, rendering the argument more dependable.Even if the progress of academic performance can afford to attribute to professors, another flaw appears in this argument also calls this argument highly doubtful. The author unfairly deems the failing to get jobs solely to the potential employers mistakenly attitudes toward their grades. However, it is likely that the potential employers regard more profits could the students in Alpha University bring to them than these of OU. The latent information that the argument leaves us indicates that the author must have obscured some pivotal factors. Perhaps the OU lags far behind AU in the quality of instruction; perhaps the social status of Alpa University (AU) is much more significant than OU. Therefore, unless the author can afford to provide more evidence to show that the less jobs satisfaction of OU presented are caused by potential employers' opinion that the grades at Omega are inflated, the argument is largely unwarranted.Granted all the defects mentioned above are logically acceptable, the author also commits a fallacy called “hasty generalization”. Failing to rule out other factor may also give rise to the unsatisfied jobs of OU, the author unilaterally concludes that this action can enable its graduates to secure better jobs. It is likely that the country is suffering from a lagging economy and few companies would employ new graduates of overall university. It is also possible that the students of OG could no longer meet the demands of contemporary society. Above all, to make this conclusion more convincible, the author should eliminate other factors, such as the influence of economy, the social status, and so froth. Only after evaluating all the facts（可以改为eliminating all the factors,因为刚才说了因素，现在直接说现实是不是有点跳) might I trust the feasibility of this plan.To make this argument logically more acceptable, the author should have to inform us some forceful reasons of the improvement in students’ grade. The author also need to seek for plentiful evidence to persuade me that potential employers will hire a student totally by his grades. In addition, to better appraise the conclusion raised in this argument, I would also be devoid of the conviction that whether the strategy could award the students of OG better jobs.（个人觉得最后一句可以不要，有点模板化）

bluethere0727UID: 2820366

恩  谢谢你的建议  我会认真参考的  我有个问题 我觉得我的第一段论述有点过于简单 是不是有点头重脚轻了？
相对你改的，你的我改得可能比较粗。。。有什么问题继续讨论啊~ 4# kydale