Go2011Go作文练习贴

daisy8936UID: 2999019

58# Go2011Go

3月11日独立修改
Being financially responsible is very important to adults. The core is to live within one’s means. It is common that young people often run out of money and are overwhelmed by the endless bills. However, this rarely happens to those who are good at money management and always spend less than they make. In my opinion, it is essential for children to learn the skills to manage money including good spending and saving habits.

Spending one’s money wisely is kind of habit that needs to be cultivated for years. Most people have a strong internal impulse to buy the appealing things like luxuries. Credit cards make it possible for them to purchase when they cannot pay for that in cash at once. To avoid the blind pursuit of luxuries, it is important for children to learn the difference between luxuries and necessities, since one cannot easily resist from impulsive buying without a strong will. Moreover, children should be encouraged to make their own budget, to help them know where the money is going and help them still have the（貌似不应用定冠词，改成a或去掉也许更好？） spare to spend at the end of the month.

Saving money is a long and essential activity for people, and should be taught to children as early as possible. Spending every dime you earn is not a wise choice since you may retire one day and need to live on the savings. More often than not, children take what they have for granted, and always ask their parents to buy new toys and candies. Satisfying whatever the children desire has no positive influence to their development let alone their skills of money management. Instead, it is necessary for them to learn to cherish what they have through saving pocket money and finally paying the bills themselves. When I was in primary school, my mother helped me to make a want list for the things I like. By doing chores like washing the dishes and cleaning the rooms, I got paid by my parents. It usually took me several months to save enough money to buy one thing on the want list. But I felt rather proud since I could purchase it by myself.

In sum, being financially responsible is a complex issue. People need to learn the basics of money management when they are young with the assistance and guidance from teachers and parents.

语言很好，逻辑很好，观点的展开也很好，各种好…学习了！我得练多长时间才能练到这个程度啊~~
一个小意见：第三段有两个理由，分别是省钱可以防止后患以及攒钱可以培养孩子的自理能力和金钱管理意识，这两个观点之间如果加一些连接词的话，也许逻辑会更清晰一些，不知道我说的对不对，呵呵…

Go2011GoUID: 3006241

independent3.12.doc (28.5 KB, 下载次数: 12)

2011-3-13 10:51:34 上传

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独立3.12

hcp4715UID: 2697633

62# Go2011Go 3.12号独立作文修改
3.12 independent by go2011go(rev. by hcp4715.doc (31.5 KB, 下载次数: 8)

2011-3-13 11:39:55 上传

下载次数: 8

整个语言相当流畅，而且结构也很好！
如果能够先把开头，分论点和结尾就写出来，然后再逐个充实分论点，那就不用担心没有时间写结尾。

ChwyUID: 3027653

综合修改

The passage argues that buzzing, a new kind of advertisement has generated lots of side effects and many critics would like to see it banned. The speaker, a part time buzzer totally disagrees with that and provides three evidences to prove that buzzing is beneficial to customers.

First of all, the passage deems that buzzing is misleading, while the speaker argues that buzzers are those who have used the product and found it good to people. Moreover, it is true that they are paid by the company, but buzzers are telling the truth to the customers.

Second, the speaker casts doubt on the idea that customers believe whatever the buzzers say, since buzzers pretend to be just private individuals. On contrast, the speaker mentions that customers always ask many questions to the buzzers about the price, service and so forth.这里好像没有讲全....我这里听力里没听懂 这个ask quetion和前面的是有什么转折关系阿？ask就代表不会完全信任吗

Finally, the passage mentions the harmful effect that buzzing is likely to have on social relationships. The speaker indicates that if the products are not good enough, the company will not hire buzzers to promote them. Customer will like the products after trying it. So buzzing will not result in the spread of mistrust or dishonesty as the passage indicates.

写的很好 听力信息点大多都听全了

ChwyUID: 3027653

独立修改

independent3.12.doc (26 KB, 下载次数: 6)

2011-3-13 19:33:42 上传

下载次数: 6

伶女UID: 2797207

3.12 revised

Go2011GoUID: 3006241

3.14_Go2011.doc (30.5 KB, 下载次数: 7)

2011-3-15 10:35:03 上传

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独立3.14

candis712UID: 2824089

3.14独立修改

Go2011GoUID: 3006241

3.15独立 3.15_Go2011.doc (30 KB, 下载次数: 3)

2011-3-15 14:48:47 上传

下载次数: 3

Go2011GoUID: 3006241

3.16_Go2011.doc (30 KB, 下载次数: 6)

2011-3-16 09:44:59 上传

下载次数: 6

hcp4715UID: 2697633

69# Go2011Go

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?People would be happier if they had fewer possessions.

Someargue that people would be happier if they had fewer possessions, since theyhave fewer things to care about. From my own perspective, however, happiness iskind of satisfaction about yourcurrent situation. It is determined by your life style, value system and desiresatisfaction which has little to do with how many things you possess.

Itis obvious that the poor possess much fewer than the rich, but most of them donot feel happiness, especially to those farmers living in the (rural)remotearea of China. With limited incomes, they are worried about the tuition fees oftheir children, the money to purchase seeds and pesticides for farming and soforth. They are unhappy because they cannot satisfy their basic needs, letalone further development. Furthermore, they even feel more upset andfrustrated when they are aware the big gap between the rich and the poor, andhow hard it is for them to gain a better life. This is also a prevalent problemamong the rural migrant workers in China who leave their small villages for worksin big cities. It is reported that most of them have a desire to be treated equally as city dwellers by the employers（这个句话也与possession无关）
andhave their own apartments and cars in some day. The abundant possessions mean happinessto the poor.

Moreover,whether people feel happy or not closely is related to their value system andlife style. The survey of the happiest cities conducted by Forbes each year showsthat Mediterranean and South America cities are always on the top of the list. The beauty of these cities, affordable housing and businessopportunities offer an ideal living space(这一段貌似有点多余，因为与主旨句的valuesystem 无关).Meanwhile, the pace of life there is relatively slow and it is easy for people tokeep a good work and life balance. Children there are not forced to be topstudents, since the education resource is abundant and public schools neartheir home are of good teaching qualities. On thecontrary, a recent report shows that more than 80% of primary school studentsfeel unhappy and unwilling to go to school in Shanghai, China because of theendless exams and courses. To get admission to the famous middle schools, mostof the children have to take extra classes in their weekends（这个例子绕得有点远，毕竟与possessions的关系不大）.

Tosum up, happiness is what everyone pursues. It is kind of feeling comes alongwith your achievement（从哪儿来的？）,life style and satisfaction（这不就是happiness的一部分？）.

观点十分明确，但是展开的时候有点偏题。第一段相对来说比较好，如果再直接例证possession对happiness的作用就更好。
第二段的观点很明确但是例子举偏了，没有围绕valuesystem & life styel 完全展开，只把lifestyle提了一下。（个人意思，欢迎讨论）

Go2011GoUID: 3006241

3.16独立在70楼

hcp4715UID: 2697633

70# Go2011Go 这个写得很好！

油油3UID: 2991191

Do you agree or disagree with the following statements?universities should give the same amount of money to the sports’ activities as they give to their university libraries.
With each passing day,the universities always spend a large amount of money on libraries.However,in my opinion,it's also very essential to focus on the sport's activities,which contributes to the students's health,improves the students' ability of teamwork,a result that the same money should be paid to the sports' activities.My points will be justified as follows.
The point of pinnacle importance for my preference on the students' health.The students' sports' activeites will enable the students to take more exercise at the leisure time which will be of health for the students.For example,with the heavy load of the study,students usually keep seated in the long run in the classrooms or libraries,a result that back and neck pain has been popular/prevailing amid the students.Then the sports' activity will change the status,stimulating students to get up and to take more exercise.On the other hand,as the Chinese saying goes:"a physical health is an important prerequisite for mental heath and academic achievement  ”a physically fit student body will in turn improve the efficiency of the study.
With the first point stands the second demonstrating ability of the teamwork.As we all known the sports' activity in the university ,such as basketball,football and vollyball,usually require the teamwork,which lead to the improvement of ability of the teamwork.AYOU Daily,the chinese most famous magazine ,found through the investigation that, the students who used to take part in the sports'activities are more successful in cooperation with others than the ones who not.
Considering the long-term benefits of the sports' activities,enough investment should be paid to the spots' activities.The goal of every university should be to have well and enough equipments the students need.In order  to be more convinient to take exercise.The larger the student body,the more adequete equipments the  universities should provide.On the other hand,well-trained instructors are also essential,who maitain the equipments and oganize the students to take sports'activities.All of above ask for a large amount of money.
Hence,the same money should be gave to the sports' activities as the libraries.

油油3UID: 2991191

额，我表示很对不起版主以及版内的同学，点进来时没有看前面，只看到71楼发的作文，就跟着发了自己昨晚完成的独立写作，没弄清规则，很是不好意思，不过有没有大牛能帮我改改啊或者评论下呢（74#作文），初次涉托感觉很没底~谢谢大家~:)