Go2011Go作文练习贴

Go2011GoUID: 3006241

15# hcp4715 嗯，非常感谢

Go2011GoUID: 3006241

TPO 10
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The passage and the lecture hold different views on the main cause of the population decline of sea otters. The passage indicates that the environmental pollution accounts for the decline and provides three arguments to support this idea, while the speaker refutes this idea and maintains that it is the predation that decreases the number of sea otters.

First of all, the speaker argues that if the sea pollution was the main cause, there would be a number of dead sea otters rushed on the beaches. However, the absence of the dead in reality weakens the idea of the passage. Instead, this fact supports that a number of sea otters are killed by predators.

Second, as mentioned in the passage, orcas prefer to hunt whales, but this kind of animal is not available recently so that they change their diet to smaller sea mammals like seals, sea lions as well as sea otters. This also explains why some other species decreases at the same time which directly disproves the idea of the passage that pollution is the main cause.

Finally, both the passage and the lecture concern about the uneven pattern of the otter decline. Contrary to the passage that ocean currents and other factors raise this problem, the speaker deems that since the predators are large and cannot access the shallow and rocky streams so that the population of sea otters there remain stable, while for other places where the orcas often emerges, the population of sea otters reduces.

Go2011GoUID: 3006241

3.2 独立作文
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time
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Most people earn their living though their jobs, and people may have different ideas towards the importance their jobs. From my own perspective, job is only part of life, the one with more vacation time but a low salary is more attractive than the one with a high salary but less vacation time.

First of all, life is limited, and there are around 30,000 days for most of us to live. We have more important things to do beyond our jobs. Do you still remember your dreams when you were little? Unfortunately, most of us would admit that they have already forgotten these valuable and meaningful dreams, and are obsessed with huge amount of work or chores in our daily life. A job with more vacation time will provide us the opportunity to think about our dreams and the real things that we are longing for. Take my friend Steve for example, he loved adventure stories and had a dream to travel around the world when he was four. He nearly forgot his dream until one day he met a young Japanese who has visited 40 countries by himself. Steve reexamined his aims and goals, then quitted the well-paid job in an investment bank and found one with low salary but more vacation time. He has started his world trip last year and his first stop was Egypt.

Moreover, vacations offer you more time to spend with your friends and family. Travelling with my family, watching movies and shopping with friends are the most enjoyable things to me. Life can be more colorful than you expected if you take more time to cherish and enjoy it.

Finally, vacations can be a great impetus to work. People always feel stressful or even exhausted if they are continually working under high pressure. Beyond doubt, the efficiency and effectiveness of their work will decline under this circumstance. Occasional vacations just serve as the refreshment to those tired workers, and they will be full of energy when returning from holiday.

beangtUID: 2691375

3.02独立修改

Education is of the utmost importance to a nation, since people not only learn basic read and write through education, they also need education to equip themselves with prerequisite working skills to make their own living. To decide which the government should spend more, on the education of very young children or the education of universities, we need to examine the different roles that the two educations play and their corresponding responsibilities.
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( i9 o- a1 e) Y2 i, o% h% a  [& mYoung children receive education mainly from kindergartens and elementary schools. From my own perspective, the primary goal of this education is to teach children the basic reading and writing skills, and form a good learning habit. Young children will also learn how to cooperate with others and express their ideas by participation (participating) in school activities. Through a variety of extra-curriculum classes like dancing, swimming, skating, etc., they will find what they are passionate about and the things they will pursue in future education. Obviously, this kind of education is essential and fundamental to people’s further development, and thus we have the nine-year compulsory education system in China to ensure that every child can benefit from the education at least for nine years no matter whether you (they) are rich or poor, living in big cities or remote areas.
这段的目的是什么？我觉得如果写这段后边的转折或者对比应该更强烈一些，不然显得观点不清。
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Different from the elementary education the children receive, the education of universities has more profound meanings to a nation’s development and prosperity so that it deserves more funds. It is common that universities closely cooperate with government research centers in different scientific fields, and this cooperation is fruitful. Take the national biocomputation center of Stanford University for (as) an example, the joint collaboration with NASA has obtained great research achievement and support the NASA mission for human exploration and development of space.
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' ~. M3 N2 S5 X3 D/ FIn addition, Compared to the teaching facilities of primary schools, higher education needs more money to create an advanced research environment, for example, libraries, laboratories, lecture halls, etc. One important goal of the university is to help students develop their own way of thinking, analyzing and eventually solving problems through classes and experiments. To help them achieve these abilities, universities need to hire distinguished experts and experienced teaching staff (faculty?) with great amount of money. Moreover, scholarships and financial aids are necessary for poor students which amount to another burden to universities.
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In conclusion, education for the young is important for a nation, and the education of universities deserves more government support due to its significant role and responsibilities.

语言非常流畅，第二段和整体思路好像有点不一致。

Go2011GoUID: 3006241

19# beangt 谢谢，嗯，你说的很对，我再好好改改哈

sun3mayUID: 2574771

改3.2 独立作文：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time. p; l, c: a: C
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Most people earn their living though their jobs, and people may have different ideas towards the importance their jobs. From my own perspective, job is only part of life, the one with more vacation time but a low salary is more attractive than the one with a high salary but less vacation time.


~6 V) h7 l% Z) D, P* D
First of all, life is limited, and there are around 30,000 days for most of us to live. We have more important things to do beyond our jobs. Do you still remember your dreams when you were little? Unfortunately, most of us would admit that they have already forgotten these valuable and meaningful dreams, and are obsessed with huge amount of work or chores in our daily life. A job with more vacation time will provide us the opportunity to think about our dreams and the real things that we are longing for. Take my friend Steve for example, he loved adventure stories and had a dream to travel around the world when he was four. He nearly forgot his dream until one day he met a young Japanese who has visited 40 countries by himself. Steve reexamined his aims and goals, then quitted the well-paid job in an investment bank and found one with low salary but more vacation time. He has started his world trip last year and his first stop was Egypt.(如果再加上一些steve的情感上的收获就更好了，体现他通过改变工作实现梦想之后的满足感。个人建议哈~)

Moreover, vacations offer you more time to spend with your friends and family. Travelling with my family, watching movies and shopping with friends are the most enjoyable things to me. Life can be more colorful than you expected if you take more time to cherish and enjoy it.（这一段可以再充实一下）

+ }8 r. R; C, Y7 `- E" O% f
Finally, vacations can be a great impetus to work. People always feel stressful or even exhausted if they are continually working under high pressure. Beyond doubt, the efficiency and effectiveness of their work will decline under this circumstance. Occasional vacations just serve as the refreshment to those tired workers, and they will be full of energy when returning from holiday.

语言不错（觉得好的词用绿色粗体标出了），很流畅，有的还有点像名言了，厉害。只是不知道是不是因为时间的原因，后两段，特别是倒数第二段显得不是很充实。可以再添加具体的实例，或者进行正反论述来充实文章。
改的不对的地方再多多交流哈~
一起加油！

hcp4715UID: 2697633

17# Go2011Go The passage and the lecture hold differentviews on the main cause of the population decline of sea otters. The passageindicates that the environmental pollution accounts for the decline andprovides three arguments to support this idea, while the speaker refutes thisidea and maintains that it is the predation that decreases the number of seaotters.（开头真好，简洁明了！ 赞！）

First of all, the speaker argues that if the sea pollution was the main cause,there would be a number of dead sea otters rushed on the beaches. However, theabsence of the dead in reality weakens the idea of the passage. Instead, thisfact supports that a number of sea otters are killed by predators.

Second, as mentioned in the passage, orcas prefer to hunt whales, but this kindof animal is not available recently so that they change their diet to smallersea mammals like seals, sea lions as well as sea otters. This also explains whysome other species decreases at the same time which directly disproves the ideaof the passage that pollution is the main cause.

Finally, both the passage and the lecture concern about the uneven pattern ofthe otter decline. Contrary to the passage that ocean currents and otherfactors raise this problem, the speaker deems that since the predators arelarge and cannot access the shallow and rocky streams so that the population ofsea otters there remain stable, while for other places where the orcas oftenemerges, the population of sea otters reduces.

第三点写得比较充实，前面两点有点单薄，建议也可以采用类似的写法。开头值得学习.
加油！

Go2011GoUID: 3006241

3.3 TPO11
Both the passage and the lecture talk aboutwhether reading less literature will have bad effect on culture nowadays. Withthree evidences, the passage points out that there is harm on culture whenpeople read less literature, while the speaker disproves this idea by reputing theevidences one by one.


To begin with, the speaker admits thatthere is a sharp decline of reading literature, but books of other disciplineslike science and history are surely thought-provoking. Moreover, these booksare often creative and of high quality which is a good source of intellectualstimulation. This idea directly weakens the point of the passage that nothingelse but literature provides the intellectual stimulation.


Second, the passage says that many personsspend much time on entertainment like watching TV that has lowered the level ofculture in general. The speaker reputes this point by indicating that themeaning of culture is ever changing, and culture now encompasses a variety offorms like movie and music. She also argues that movies and music provide amore direct way to express the culture than literature.


Finally, the speaker holds that literatureis less popular than before in that they are too obscure to be understood byreaders. It is the author that to blame not the audience or publishers as mentionedin the passage.

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3.3 独立
3.3writing.doc (32 KB, 下载次数: 6)

2011-3-4 12:48:08 上传

下载次数: 6

谢谢修改的同学们！

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3.4 综合TPO TPO 12.doc (27 KB, 下载次数: 3)

2011-3-4 20:52:17 上传

下载次数: 3

sun3mayUID: 2574771

3.3 TPO11
Both the passage and the lecture talk aboutwhether reading less literature will have bad effect on culture nowadays. With three evidences, the passage points out that there is harm on culture whenpeople read less literature, while the speaker disproves this idea by reputing the evidences one by one.

To begin with, the speaker admits that there is a sharp decline of reading literature, but books of other disciplines like science and history are surely thought-provoking. Moreover, these booksare often creative and of high quality which is a good source of intellectual stimulation. This idea directly weakens the point of the passage that nothing else but literature provides the intellectual stimulation.. A; Q* U$ ~7 a

Second, the passage says that many persons spend much time on entertainment like watching TV that has lowered the level of culture in general. The speaker reputes this point by indicating that the meaning of culture is ever changing, and culture now encompasses（is encompass） a variety offorms like movie and music. She also argues that movies and music provide amore direct way to express the culture than literature.

Finally, the speaker holds that literatureis less popular than before in that they are too obscure to be understood by readers. It is the author that  blame to（改为should be blamed）not the audience or publishers as mentioned in the passage.

总体写的不错，要点都在了，学习了。（关于第一点我确实没有听全，多谢指出，我以后要多多注意~）
只是有点小语法问题已经标在文章里了。
一起加油！

sun3mayUID: 2574771

3.3独立~
抱歉 今天学校有事儿耽搁了 放上来晚了。

ncnysUID: 2347325

Education is of utmost importance to a person’s self development, a nation’s innovation and prosperity. Few would disagree that teachers play a significant role in education, but the increase of teachers’ salaries alone does not necessarily mean (lead to) the improvement of the education quality, and we need a package solution to achieve this goal.

From my own perspective, one goal of education is to help students develop their own way of thinking and learning so that they can analyze and solve problems by themselves after graduation. This process is totally led by teachers, and students often deem their teachers as role models. In most cases, it is from teachers that students learn virtues like honesty and integrity. Teachers also help students broad their vision and form their worldview. As a result, enhancing the teaching quality is the key to the success of the education. If a topic sentence is added, it might be better?

Good payment is an incentive to teachers’ hard work, but obviously it is not equal to the raise of the teaching quality especially to higher education. Salary is one of the factors to attract distinguished professors from famous universities or institutions, while research environment and teaching facilities are at least as essential as salary, without which the professors cannot carry out their researches. To improve the quality of higher education, more financial support to the researchers is a must. Regular trainings for teachers, communications with other universities and companies like joint schools can bring new teaching methods which will add more benefit to the teaching quality improvement.好观点！如果能再论证以下如何more benefit就更好了。

To raise the teaching quality, it is extremely important to ensure that the teaching content and teaching methods are appropriate for the students. A recent work load survey of the elementary students reveals that the work load is almost unbearable. Besides regular assignments and homework, most students need to take extra classes on weekends so that they are able to catch up with their teachers and perform well in exams. In my opinion, this will directly discourage the young students’ learning spirit, for there is little fun in the process of learning but taking endless exams. School teachers need to take this feedback into great account to make sure their way of teaching is suitable to the students. Knowledge itself is important, but more important is to motivate the students to explore the knowledge, to stimulate their intellectual thinking.个人觉得，如果有与增加工资这种方法的对比就更好了。

To sum up, improving the quality of education is a complex issue and raising the teachers’ salaries is helpful but not enough. best way or not?

每段的主题清晰，如果能适当增加其他方法与增加教师工资的better程度对比，则更能突出题目中best与否的论证。另外，我也跟LZ一样，喜欢写长句。。哈哈。。如果能适当增加短剧的用法，可能流畅度更上一层楼。。与LZ共勉，加油！

hcp4715UID: 2697633

25# Go2011Go
3.4号TPO12的综合写作

Both the lecture and the passage talk aboutwhether the portrait of a teenage girl owned by a member of the Austen familyis Jane Austen. The passage provides three evidences to prove that Jane Austenis the subject, while the speaker refutes this idea and deems the figure is oneof Jane Austen's relative.

Though this painting was authorized to useas the illustration of Austen by her family in 1882 as the passage mentions,the speaker finds this evidence is questionable in that the family who made therecognition had never seen Austen, since she had been dead for almost 70 yearsby that time.

Moreover, the passage points out that theface in the portrait resembles the one in Cassandra's sketch which depictsAusten. However, the speaker thinks it unconvincing, for Austen had a largefamily with many young girls, and it is common that they looked like eachother. The speaker believes that figure of the portrait is more likely to beher relative. This idea is also supported by some professors.

Finally, the style of the paintingindicated by the passage cannot be a sound evidence to prove the girl isAusten. The stamp on the back of the picture shows the canvas used for paintingwas sold at a later time when Austen was 27and not a teenager.

赞！！开头非常精简，听得非常清楚，要点都抓得很准。
好好学习了

Go2011GoUID: 3006241

3.4 independent 3.4independent.doc (29.5 KB, 下载次数: 3)

2011-3-5 16:46:00 上传

下载次数: 3