凉凉的作文贴。

mpromanusUID: 2565872

50# 凉言

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
In a team, those who do not accept others’ criticism can not succeed.

Currently, instead of working on a project merely by one person, an increasing number of people tend to cooperate in a group (Do these people tend to cooperate in 'A group' - as in 'one single group'? This is quite possibly affected by your first language. Now, we do say 大家在一个团队里合作, but if you think about it, this Chinese expression is more often addressed to a specific set of 大家 rather than 'people' in a general sense. When you are talking about general cases, one simple rule is to keep the singular/plural setting consistent, unless you do intend to mean otherwise. People cooperate in groups. A person joins a team - you get the picture.)
to chase (This has a rather negative connotation. I'd suggest 'strive for'.) one goal. During (Why not 'while'? If you use 'during', then 'working' becomes a gerund - and gerunds tend to make sentences difficult.) working together with others, criticisms and even conflicts may occur. Some people claim that people who do not accept others’ criticism cannot succeed in a team. The assertion is, in my view, reasonable and considerate, and I maintain that criticisms also facilitates one group member’s ability to attain success (This whole 'facilitate' part is very awkward, because you normally 'facilitate' a meeting or a conference (in a business setting), but not 'facilitate an ability'..You just don't use certain words with certain other words.)

On the one hand, in one group members who cannot accept others' criticisms may lack of the spirit of cooperation, which is extremely essential in team-play. It is the cooperation of group members that combines each individual's merit and excellence together. On the contrary, if one lacks the consciousness of collaboration, even though he/she is adept in one area, a bunch (The way you use very sophisticated words interlaced with very informal ones is surely very interesting..and it might be an indication that your vocabulary is not comprehensive enough.) of other subjects may be beyond his/her range of knowledge, and he/she does not discuss with others either. The result will definitely be negative for one’s overall development. Thereby, those who reject others’ criticisms may not obtain ('achieve') success due to a deficiency in the sense of cooperation.

In addition, people who are not willing to accept other's critique might not discover their own blemishes, and thus, they are not able to correct their errors. There is little possibility that one can always be perfectly accurate. Without criticisms from others, who may judge from a subject perspective, seldom can one improve the viewpoint (What viewpoint?) or himself/herself. Provided one maintains an idea (I think I've seen more than one person using the phrase 'maintain an idea'..and I also think that you should use 'hold on to/insist on/persist on an idea' instead..) but never revises it, he/she would make the same mistake again and again, and consequently success is hard for him/her. As discussed above, people who do not accept others’ criticisms cannot attain success because of insisting on incorrect opinions all the time.

On the other hand, criticisms strengthens one's capacity of tolerating mean or even unfair comments (I personally don't think criticism itself increases one's capacity for negative comments..but the ability to accept criticism does..), which may afterwards cultivate one to be an open-minded person. When I was a child, I was often criticized as incapable of using? English. At first, I repelled such comments and took them as ill-intentioned. As my age grew, I started to understand some of them ('Them' comments? Because I think you really meant 'commentors'..) really wanted to help me and that help, in the form of criticism, required courage and genuine friendship. So I began to take advices, no matter mean or not. To my surprise, not only was my English noticeably improved, but I also made more friends and was much happier than before. Therefore, I think criticism helps people obtain success by tempering their nature.

Although, admittedly, others' criticizing may not be completely correct, it indeed helps one examine his/her weaknesses or limitations. Therefore, I strongly agree with the assertion that people who do not accept criticism cannot gain success.


总结：


这篇的论述很好，就是有些表意还不是非常清晰的地方需要注意，另外就是你的词汇和句式大部分都很正式，但是偶尔会出现很随便的用词，就很扎眼。如果不是表达上的需要，请特别注意全篇风格的统一。

凉言UID: 2996787

麻烦姐姐帮我看看，谢谢了~！

mpromanusUID: 2565872

62# 凉言

我又看了一遍，发现我上次帮你看的时候漏掉了一个很严重的问题。。误了你的考试，是我的错。。

就是题目问的是vacation time，而你论述的都是工作的spare time。这两个是不完全一样的。下班回家，周六周日，这是spare time。vacation time是包括工假，也就是下班回家周六周日之外你可以请假不上班的时间。。vacation time的多少和工作多不多没有必然关系。。你的例子实际上是工作太多导致spare time太少而不是vacation time太少。。=.=

（我竟然会犯这么粗心的错误。。面壁画圈圈去了。。:mad: ）

凉言UID: 2996787

63# mpromanus
额。。。所以分低是因为审题，而不是语言表述和例子么？。。
话说这次作文只有22分，总分100，都对写作丧失信心了。。。
灰常感谢姐姐的无私帮助！！真的！！！
鞠躬

mpromanusUID: 2565872

64# 凉言

嗯，是的，因为论述举例都是说spare time而不是vacation time，所以被认为是偏题了吧。22分是fair（17-23分）的高分，我觉得说明你语言okay啊，但是以偏题复议到good没什么机会，所以如果要再考多注意审题啦。加油~（包括我自己也要注意审题。。画圈圈。。）