凉凉的作文贴。

Yvaine198831UID: 2956487

4.11 综合

凉言UID: 2996787

难产。

mpromanusUID: 2565872

34# 凉言

Do you agree or disagree?
A job with more vacation time is better than a job with high salary but less vacation time.

Nowadays people view the standard of a good job differently: some prefer jobs with more vacation time, while others admire jobs with a high salary but less vacation time. In my view, a job with more vacation time but a low salary, which can offer employees more than just money, is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time.

To begin with, during vacation time people can participate in plenty of other things ('Other', as opposed to what? You can't really talk about 'other things' without an idea of what the 'non-other' things are, can you? I understand you meant to say 'other things than their jobs', but this is the beginning of a new paragraph and you can't assume readers will know automatically what 'things' you want to talk about.), say, take some courses that may advance (You 'promote' a person, not 'promote' his career.) their career positions and do whatever they are interested in. Not only can those activities broaden the scope of their knowledge, but also enable them to improve their career abilities (A 'career' means 'a field of choosing for your professional life' [ex. a career in medicine = the field of medicine is my chosen area to work in as a professional], which obviously doesn't go too well in front of 'abilities' - do you normally say 'field abilities' or 'abilities IN (the) field'?), which can lead them to a better job. One of my best friends Coral, who was majored in English, her first job was in a small firm with low salary and, of course, little work to do (If you take out the 'who' part, this reads 'my best friend Coral, her first job was xxx' - it's not a proper sentence.). But my friend did not want to yield to this situation, so she took some courses about accounting in her spare time, which was an area she knew nothing about (If you use 'the', it implies that accounting is THE ONLY area she knew nothing about - which is hardly true for anyone.). Although the payment she got was very low, it was enough for her to live with. And after two years of learning that course (So it's one course or 'some courses'?), she also succeeded in applying (Although I'd encourage to you to use 'succesfully applied'. Use simple verb phrases. Cut gerunds.) for an accounting certificate (Again, if you use 'the', it implies there is ONLY one accounting certificate in the whole world for her to apply.). Finally, she got her dream job thanks to that accounting courses (Now you are contradicting yourself.) and the English skills she previously mastered. Therefore, it is of great significance to use vacation time to improve oneself. (This example is particularly interesting because your friend eventually changed to another presumably higher-paying, busier job [accountants are almost always the most overworked people in companies, as far as my experience goes..]..and according to your stand on this question, her old job should be better than her new one..quite a paradox, yes? Of course, if you explicitly say her new job pays much higher but doesn't require her to work more, than that's indeed a better job. This is for you to think about what details you should bring out in your example to really support your point.)

What's more, people all need to have a rest. A job with little vacation time may stress people and even depress them even though the salary is high. Taking a vacation or other leisure activities, such as listening to a music performance and hanging out with friends, may help people escape from the real world without that heavy load of work. And thus, ensure employees are vigorous and positive to face whatever difficulties in their lives (This sentence doesn't have a subject.). Plus, vacation time plays a vital role in one's family life. Take a story I once read for instance: a father did not accompany his daughter for a whole year due to his busy work, and after one year he returned home, his daughter even could not even recognize him. (I don't think your story adds much to your discussion. Sure she doesn't recognize him, but if she has been in close touch with him - it's not very clear what you mean by 'did not accompany' - then she could kind of re-establish the relationship pretty fast. All in all it is not necessarily 'worse'. You've only argued that the lack of family time leads to some distance between family members, but not that this job is better or worse than another.) Hence, taking vacation to relax or to stay with one's family is of equal (What does this 'equal' with?) importance to work.

To sum up, I agree with the assertion that a job with more vacation time but less payment is better than a job with less vacation time even the salary is high.


总结：


你的语法有到后面越写越乱的倾向，另外请注意单复数一致。


论述方面第一个例子还好，第二个例子就比较明显地漂了 - 段落的起始句是假期少的工作让人有压力云云，收尾是‘假期对工作有同等重要性’（先不说你‘同等’的是什么。。），那么你这一段到底想说明什么呢？是假期的作用还是假期的重要性还是什么呢？所以请注意论述的时候不要让你的逻辑随着句子漂流。

lv1015UID: 2505136

4.12已经改好， 47# 凉言

凉言UID: 2996787

谢谢~~！！

凉言UID: 2996787

谢谢修改的同学~鞠躬

kkndkkndUID: 2692699

改好了，突破20贴了...cong自己一个

凉言UID: 2996787

快考试了！又进入了难产阶段、。。- -求指教！！

892524570UID: 2975104

批改啦~~~

凉言UID: 2996787

感谢修改的同学~鞠躬

das_postkarteUID: 3012913

抱歉抱歉，今天有事，批改的作文明天补上！:loveliness:

lv1015UID: 2505136

47# 凉言

das_postkarteUID: 3012913

415独立批改~~:loveliness:

das_postkarteUID: 3012913

416独立批改~~:loveliness:

lv1015UID: 2505136

4.16独立改好了 55# 凉言