我的作文贴

bonismUID：2973654

感觉你写的风格很像GRE作文啊!

theflyfishUID：2101420

16# bonism GRE作文比这要求高多了

应小呆UID：3109940

欢迎来改我的作文~
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1280678&pid=1775350653&page=4&extra=


Do you agree or disagree with the following statement
Working at home using computers or telephones is better than working in the office 10,5,22

It is undeniable that modern technology has provided contemporary people much convenience and made them to live and work in a more comfortable circumstance compared to last generations（为什么用复数呢？）. Some people even predict ‘the vanish of offices’, since people can simply use computers and telephones to deal with their work at home and they do not need to go to office any more. However, in my perspective（from my perspective）, this argument is merely partly right and people will choose to stay at home or go to office in terms of their occupations.

It is true that people engaging in some occupations, especially those concerned with sales and purchases, can perfectly finish their jobs at home. And they can benefit greatly because they can save time from commuting to offices and they can avoid unnecessary troubles in the daily connection with their coworkers and supervisors. The boom of electronic business can illustrate this point clearly. Another example is that many Korean priests deliver sermons and communicate with Christians totally through internet. This does not prevent Christian spread widely in Korean(不太明白上下句之间的逻辑关系，楼主能解释一下吗？顺便能说一下Korean priest这个例子的来源吗？). Writers and artists are also examples that should be allowed to choose their working places liberally, although based on different reasons. Their wild and sentimental spirits refuse to be settled and their inspiration might be undermined（这个词用的真好~） if they are forced to go to office daily. Actually, some successful writers are famous for their quirky tempers（学习了~）. For example, Steven King, a prominent novelist, possesses his own castle and spends most time there. He claims that the castle is the fountainhead of his novels. In this situation, the best thing to do is to allow them to stay wherever they want to.

However, there are also some jobs that require people to go to office every day. Some jobs require workers to deal with emergencies or sudden accidents, so workers have to gather together in a certain place with certain equipments or gears and only in this way, they can react as fast as they can. Firemen might be an example of this type of occupations. No one can predict precisely when and where will a fire starts, except that he is the arsonist. As a result, firemen have to go to their offices and prepare for every possible fire with his fellow guys.

Some jobs need workers to connect directly with their clients, and people who engage in these occupations also need to go to offices. Doctor is an example that belongs to this category. It is true that doctors can manipulate some machines by computers to help them do some specific surgeries. However, if a doctor tells his patient that he will operate the surgery by computer at home, it is not hard to imagine how the patient will react. Restaurant waiters, construction workers（这两个例子很好哇） have to go to their workplaces for the same reason.



最后要是有个总结段，我觉得会更完整些~

theflyfishUID：2101420

18# 应小呆

1 写错了，应该是earlier generations
2 in my perspective 和from my perspective 都行。google都能查到
3 我在韩国呆了3年了，有时没事就去教堂看看。这个例子是说现在有的牧师都不去教堂布道了，就在家里布道，然后录下来放到网上去。用这个例子来证明不去office工作也不影响工作效率，还节省时间。
4 总结段我也不知道。以前听李笑来的课，他说有没有总结段影响不大。我也没太想明白。

sallyremyUID：3120928

14# theflyfish

改好了
很不错的文章哦~所以改起来很顺的
记得帮我改呀:handshake

应小呆UID：3109940

19# theflyfish

韩国好玩不？

theflyfishUID：2101420

21# 应小呆
唉，要多无聊，有多无聊。

lemonsweet3UID：2848875

7月12日
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement
Working at home using computers or telephones is better than working in the office 10,5,22

It is undeniable that modern technology has provided contemporary people much convenience and made them to live and work in a more comfortable circumstance compared to last generations. Some people even predict ‘the vanish of offices’, since people can simply use computers and telephones to deal with their work at home and they do not need to go to office any more. However, in my perspective, this argument is merely partly right and people will choose to stay at home or go to office in terms of their occupations.

It is true that people engaging in some occupations, especially those concerned with sales and purchases（范围限定的特别好 严谨、具体、吸引人）, can perfectly finish their jobs at home. And they can benefit greatly because they can save time from commuting to offices and they can avoid unnecessary troubles in the daily connection with their coworkers and supervisors. The boom of electronic business can illustrate this point clearly. Another example is that many Korean priests deliver sermons and communicate with Christians totally through internet. This does not prevent Christian spread widely in Korean. Writers and artists are also examples that should be allowed to choose their working places liberally, although based on different reasons. Their wild and sentimental spirits refuse to be settled and their inspiration might be undermined if they are forced to go to office daily. Actually, some successful writers are famous for their quirky tempers. For example, Steven King, a prominent novelist, possesses his own castle and spends most time there. He claims that the castle is the fountainhead of his novels. In this situation, the best thing to do is to allow them to stay wherever they want to.(我觉得你学识好丰富啊，知道很多事情和很好的例子；有个小建议，后面从画家作家开始有一点点轻微偏题，忽略了题目里的一个要素“using computers or telephones” 我觉得是不是多提一句作家在家用电脑写作会更保险一点？起码提到了题目里的computer)



However, there are also some jobs that require people to go to office every day. Some jobs require workers to deal with emergencies or sudden accidents, so workers have to gather together in a certain place with certain equipments or gears and only in this way, they can react as fast as they can. Firemen might be an example of this type of occupations. No one can predict precisely when and where will a fire starts, except that he is the arsonist. As a result, firemen have to go to their offices and prepare for every possible fire with his fellow guys. （同样没有提到computer or telephone）



Some jobs need workers to connect directly with their clients, and people who engage in these occupations also need to go to offices. Doctor is an example that belongs to this category. It is true that doctors can manipulate some machines by computers to help them do some specific surgeries. However, if a doctor tells his patient that he will operate the surgery by computer at home, it is not hard to imagine how the patient will react(是不是用respond或者feel可能好点？react有点中国式英语 好像外国人很少这么说，应该是它多用于化学反应的反应). Restaurant waiters, construction workers have to go to their workplaces for the same reason.没有结尾？



1.我写这道题目时，也在纠结到底要不要管题里面的“using computers or telephones” ，因为我写的理由里也大多没有重点涉及到电话电脑；但是后来怕考官觉得我偏题、没审情题目要求，所以还是特意强调了一下电话电脑。我也建议您也再多提一下。

2.我以前一直不敢写这种分类讨论式的，总怕写不好，最后观点混乱；但是我觉得您处理的特别好！


3.我觉得您脑子里的“料”特别丰富，整篇文章读起来感觉一气呵成、十分饱满充实。比如韩国神父的例子、城堡的例子；
而且您的例子感觉是很信手拈来特别轻松，比如这篇作文里随处可见一个个小例子：销售行业、电子产品行业、医生用电脑做手术、服务员建筑工人需要亲临工作现场…..
我觉得我在这方面就不足，我写作文也不善于大段地论述，我比较喜欢举例子；但是有时看到一道题经常会想不到合适的好的例子、甚至根本想不出例子！
你在这方面是怎么做到的呢？有什么建议和经验吗…?谢谢！

lemonsweet3UID：2848875

欢迎你来改我的作文~~~！！ 同一个题目：）

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1280367-2-3.html

theflyfishUID：2101420

7月13日独立

没思路啊。后两段纯凑字数。学习学习大家怎么写的。

第一句引文不正确，更正为It is the best of time, it is the worst of time.

qqweer2007UID：2686919

25# theflyfish
写的很不错，比我好多了，学习了不少~

Which is better, challenging plans about one's future or practical plans about one's future?

It's the best of time, it's the worst of time. The sentence Dickens wrote in his novel A Tale of Two Cities can best describe contemporary world we live in. We enjoy more liberty because we have more choices and chances to achieve our potentials. However, we also feel lost and confused for the uncertainty of life. Thus we need plans to guide us toward future. The question now is what kind of plans we need, challenging ones or practical ones? From my perspective, practical plans about future can benefit people more because they are more feasible and flexible and thus can help people to achieve their goals more swiftly and smoothly.(写的真好。学习了)

Psychologists have studied why people hardly fulfill their plans and the result is that most people tend to overestimate their capabilities and underestimate the difficulty they will confront in the process. After several times of failures to complete plans, many people become frustrated and go to another extreme that they seriously doubt their ability and believe they are doing an impossible job and give up their plans finally. To resolve this problem, psychologists put forward an easy solution which is to make plans more realistic. The best way is to separate plans as several clear steps and every step has definite and achievable goals. Besides, plans should be adjustable to adapt to the change of one’s ability. Since people can finish their plans at first, they will build up confidence gradually and they are more likely to continue for a long time. Once what they do according to plans become to built-in habits, their goals are achieved successfully. （我觉得这段应该再给个开头说明论点，比如
Practical plans can help people estimate themselves appropriately and thus achieve their goals smoothly. 不然感觉一上来就在论证，论证的观点却要看完这段才明白。）

Another advantage of practical plans is that they are more flexible and people can adjust their goals in the process of exercising their plans. One problem people face when they make plans is that they are not very clear about what they really want and what they really interest in. You can recognize the very fact simply by seeing how many people loathe their major after four years’
experience in college even they claimed how they loved it before they enter college. As a result, compared to an unrealistic challenging plan, a pragmatic changeable plan is more beneficial. （这段感觉论证有点小偏差，例子应该论证practical plans 在某些情况下可以灵活调整。而这个例子在论证有很多人不知道自己想要什么。感觉逻辑上有点问题。Anyway，写的比我好多了。学习了不少）

In sum, people should make practical plans about future because they can benefit more.（其实可以把上面的论点简单罗列下，这样一句话总结会不会显得太弱。）

qqweer2007UID：2686919

我的作文贴，求拍啊~~
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... age=1#pid1775352810

theflyfishUID：2101420

26# qqweer2007

谢谢帮我修改啊。第三段逻辑上问题确实挺大的。本来写两段就结束了。但字数太少，只好又凑了点。。。

theflyfishUID：2101420

7月14日独立

carol0607UID：3022610

We live in the best of time, we live in the worst of time. The sentence Dickenson wrote in his novel Two Cities can best describe contemporary world we live in. We enjoy more liberty because we have more choices and chances to achieve our potentials. However, we also feel lost and confused for the uncertainty of life. Thus we need plans to guide us toward future. The question now is what kind of plans we need, challenging ones or practical ones? From my perspective, practical plans about future can do more benefits to people (more) 去掉 because they are more feasible and flexible （and thus ）so that it can help people to achieve their goals swiftly and smoothly.

Psychologists have studied why people hardly fulfill their plans and the result is that most people tend to overestimate their capabilities and underestimate the difficulty which they will confront in the process. After several times of failures to complete plans, many people become frustrated and go to another extreme that they seriously doubt their ability and believe they are doing an impossible job and give up their plans finally.（Finally，they would give up their plans 感觉把最后一个and隔离出来说会更好些，不然太累赘了） To resolve this problem, psychologists put forward an easy solution which is to make plans more realistic. The best way is to separate plans as several clear steps and （every）each step has definite and achievable goals. Besides, plans should be adjust（able to）in order to adapt to the change of one’s ability. Since people can finish their plans at first, they will build up confidence gradually and they are more likely to continue for a long time. Once what they do according to plans become to built-in habits, their goals（are achieved）will achieve successfully.

Another advantage of practical plans is that they are more flexible and people can adjust their goals in the process of exercising their plans. One problem people face when they make plans is that they （are） do not very clear about what they really want and what they really interest in. You can recognize the very fact simply by seeing how many people loathe their major after four years’ experience in college even they claimed how they loved it before they enter college. As a result, compared to an unrealistic challenging plan, a pragmatic changeable plan is more beneficial.

In sum, people should make practical plans about future because they can benefit more.


我水平有限  只能改基本 对结构没有什么太大的贡献  掩面……  如果有些改了是我自己会错意了就见谅哈

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1284071-1-1.html

我的作文帖 欢迎批改   希望能共同努力进步！