smenxiao的写作练习贴

turnpUID: 2776787

已经改好了。


TPO19Integrated.doc (23.5 KB, 下载次数: 13)

2011-8-2 00:40:54 上传

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tiannipUID: 2745078

1# smenxiao
批改后的作文见附件，不对之处请多保函，嘿嘿。
0801-smenxiao.doc (33.5 KB, 下载次数: 15)

2011-8-2 01:04:11 上传

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after90sundaeUID: 3132327

语言不错

april0515UID: 2997208

6# smenxiao

8月2日 20090807NA Parents should allow children to make their own choices rather than help determine children's future.: Z When a child is born, though delicate and small, he or she is an individual. However, some parents simply consider their children as “gifts”, that is, a belonging to them and try to make every single decision for them.（吼吼，觉得这个比喻有点点抽象捏，不过概括得很好~） This will not only thwart （thwart用的好！学习啦）the development of their children, but also deprive them of （再次学习，deprive of)their rights. Therefore, I hold the opinion that parents should allow children to make some of their choices personally. * t1 g+ K: {- s" s) ^ First of all, a child cannot stay in childhood forever, which means that they will have to face their own decision making moment some time in future such as signing a contract with employers. If a child was spoiled to obey every decision made by their parents, he or she would become totally dependent on their parents even under this circumstance. Without independent thinking about his or her life, both present and future, it is very doubtful whether the child can solve the problems on their own after they are 18. There is a case that a little boy, who is used to listen to almost every word of his mother, for xample, where to spend summer holidays and what toys to buy, turns out to be a “mommy boy” when he grows up. Finally, his wife could not bear this any more and divorced with him

(觉得这段推理逻辑很清晰，但是个人感觉推理的层面有点浅显了，可以在例子这里升华一下，稍稍展开一下例子，可能会更好一些，比如具体说一下他的哪些行为肿么让妻子受不了啦）

.+ w! _9 H% j' e$ G8 c3 S' L((((j  djued l(jue ! s8 u& r* B) d! c  `0 g8 b When a child is getting taller and stronger, it also indicates that he or she has gradually realized what to want. The process of realizing their needs is also a process of growing. At first, they answer simple questions like “which you prefer”, which is a decision making process already. As they grow on, their decisions are getting increasingly complicated, from the clothes to wear to which university they would like to go.& _- N; N3 ?) \( c7 A5 W  M8 Y ) T4 x: U5 V( P# Q- Y: K: d On the other hand, however mature the children are, they still lack experience. Introductions and suggestions from parents are needed when making serious decisions. Maybe they will not obey what their parents what, but the advices will provide them with another way of thinking at least. （这段观点也不错，如果能把后面的总结句子稍作改动放在第一句说就更好啦，一般第一句最好提出一个明确的论点，后面在进行分析。这样会更清晰一些~） $ R2 e; G3 R4 c) B! w To sum up, encouraging children to make their own decisions will be beneficial for their later life, however, proper suggestions from parents are still important to them. （这篇文章语言准确简洁很值得我学习！唯一的瑕疵就是例子可以再饱满一些，以及论点论据的位置注意一下就可以啦，很不错~加油~）

欢迎来改我的作文！！！   https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1285640&extra=&page=4

chhiwawaUID: 2958205

Parents should allow children to make their own choices rather than help determine children's future.When a child is born, though delicate and small, he or she is an individual. However, some parents simply consider their children as “gifts”, that is, a belonging to them and try to make every single decision for them. This will not only thwart the development of their children, but also deprive them of their rights. Therefore, I hold the opinion that parents should allow children to make some of their choices personally.



First of all, a child cannot stay in childhood forever, which means that they will have to face their own decision making moment some time in future such as signing a contract with employers. （个人认为每段的开头应该稍微简短一些，简洁明了地提出观点会比较好，这里说child 不能永远在童年里，但是没有直接与make choice扯上关系，不太好。可以先指出本段观点说，孩子终究是需要做自己的决定的，然后再说不可能永远在童年等等等）If a child was spoiled（这里不应该是spoil吧，感觉“宠坏”是父母一味听从孩子的无理要求，而不是孩子听从父母。要么就把后面改成，父母帮孩子做每一个决定，if a child was spoiled by his parents who helps their child make every decision, 应该更合适） to obey every decision made by their parents, he or she would become totally dependent on their parents even under this circumstance. Without independent thinking about his or her life, both present and future(both at present and in future), it is very doubtful whether the child can solve the problems
on their own after they are 18. There is a case that a little boy, who is used to listen to almost every word of his mother, for example, where to spend summer holidays and what toys to buy, turns out to be a “mommy boy” when he grows up. Finally, his wife could not bear this any more and divorced with him.  w! c; `$ k! y3 g  x8 U* q* L

When a child is getting taller and stronger, it also indicates that he or she has gradually realized what to want.(what to want好像很中式化，可以说what to do//What they want/prefer) The process of realizing their needs is also a process of growing. At first, they answer simple questions like “which you prefer”（”which do you prefer”）, which is a decision making process already. As they grow on, their decisions are getting increasingly complicated, from the clothes to wear to which university they would like to go.  l9 ?! X; `9 }1 g- H
: y- ~" v# @: （前两段的思路，一个是客观原因一定会长大必须做决定，一个是主观原因，他们漫漫长大能够做决定，很好啊~但是有点觉得不够一目了然）

On the other hand, however mature the children are(这里应该是mature as children are), they still lack experience. Introductions and suggestions from parents are needed when making serious decisions. Maybe they will not obey what their parents what(两个what我猜你肯定是打错字了，呵呵), but the advices will provide them with another way of thinking at least. 8 O( }) R' b, h& i

To sum up, encouraging children to make their own decisions will be beneficial for their later life, however, proper suggestions from parents are still important to them.

happinessviviUID: 2837177

搞定！

byebyehakuUID: 3124349

smenxiao的作文修改一会儿发上来~
这里是我的作文 欢迎批改~~~

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... p;extra=&page=2

byebyehakuUID: 3124349

8.6修改奉上~~~

sixjjleighUID: 2918719

8月6日20101022NA  Do you agree or disagree with the following
statement? The advice from the grandparents is of no use to their grandchildren
because the world has changed a lot over the past 50 years.

Whether the advice from grandparents is useful to their grandchildren is a controversial topic in today’s China since the “4-2-1” mode family, which consists of 4 grandparents, 2 parents and the only one child, has been very typical. 开头长句语法清晰，语言不晦涩，表扬之。While grandparents tend to dote on the child, young parents, especially those “post 80s”, sometimes hold different opinions. Although some advices from grandparents are no more practical, there still(句中有although了，还能用still?)
remains useful ones.

Since it is the first time for young parents to have a child, they still lack experience. Few of them can adapt to the transition of their role to parents as soon as their child was born even if they have been prepared a lot in advance theoretically. 写得很好。What’s worse, some young parents are even unable to take good care of themselves as they have been spoiled by their parents for a long time. For instance, many youngsters can
not cook and they are used to eat outside even after they get married. How can we expect these parents to prepare proper food for their child on their own? Therefore, it is almost impossible for them to raise their offspring without advice from grandparents who are apparently more sophisticated. After all(In other words是不是会更通顺？), most of these(可换成nowadays) grandparents have brought up more than one child in a comparatively poorer and harsher environment.在我看来，这一段的语言木有什么问题，就是例子还有点抽象，如果能再具体点，应该能加分。

What’s more, however the world has changed, the past and the present must have something in common. Raising child generates a host of troubles(?), for example, excessive control over little child may lead to rebelliousness in adolescence whereas parental neglect may cause the tendency of violence of a child. The balance between these two extremes has always been discussed throughout history. Grandparents’
advices(advice) may be very useful especially when parents facing this sort of problems.

Admittedly, the past 50 years have witnessed a great change in society(society太空泛，our daily life比较好), thus some of the suggestions from grandparents may not work. Contradiction sometimes occurs when grandparents manage to meet every demand of their grandchildren since they don’t want them to repeat their hard life while parents consider it is(可删) necessary for their children to experience adversity.

To sum up, although times has changed a lot due to the rapid development of society, it is too arbitrary to assume that advice from grandparents are of no use.(380w)