【NINE】小组第一次作业by-XF

woshigoogletamaUID: 2944072

处女作啊，可算憋出来了，第一次如传说中，痛苦滴相当。
The author claims that the development of people's individualities could be
affected by the convenient and luxurious life we live today. At first glance,  
this piont of view seems to be somewhat compelling, bur further reflection
tells me that I cannot agree with the statement.
  First,I'd like to say that both ancient and modern human race use tools to
make life become more convenient and that's the difference between human and
animals. So, one cannot be totally independent without tools. The luxuries and
conveniences of contemporary life are created by all kinds of complicated
tools, without which we can't accomplish our tasks everyday.For example, you
boss asks you to accomplish the treatment of the accounts in one day.If you
have a computer to help you ,it's OK that you can fufill your work in time all
by yourself.Otherwise, you have to work together with your colleagues in order
to hand in the assignment in time. So, we can see that, on the contrary to the
author's statement,people actually become more strong and independent by using
the luxuries.
  Futher more,during the process of the evolution of human beings and the
development of the society,problems are emgerging all the time and solved later
by the working brains of our humankind. You may say that one day our smooth
going and high efficient work relied on the modern tools like computer or would
be totally broken down by a sudden electric power cut. Howerver, the invention
of the accumulator has made the problem no matter problematic and in the future
there may be better ways to solve it. Thus, people are the creators of life and
our creative thoughts in our great brains enable us all the time to face all
kinds of difficulties brought by the so-called luxuries and conveniences. So,
in fact,what we rely on are ourselves, not the complicated tools.
  To conclude, the luxuries and conveniences created by ourselves can help us
develop into strong and independent individuals and they will never make us
vunarable to emergencies cause our powerful brains are working all the time.

会飞的橙子UID: 3012240

这个如果没人改的话，和没落贵族互批一下，然后自己修改后礼拜三中午第二次互批

woshigoogletamaUID: 2944072

求指点

huangwei.tinaUID: 3022495

你的单句太多，给人感觉琐碎，可以自己尝试将单句该为复杂复合句。。。

batman4000UID: 3139168

The author claims that the development of people's individualities could be
affected by the convenient and luxurious life we live today. At first glance,  
this piont of view seems to be somewhat compelling, but further reflection tells me that I cannot agree with the statement.  
First,I'd like to say that both ancient and modern human race（这里感觉race用得不恰当） use tools to make life become more convenient and that's the difference between human and animals. So, one cannot be totally independent without tools.（这个结论的逻辑性不是很强，应该由tools的不可或缺性过渡到这里，而不是仅仅让生活变得更舒适） The luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life are created by all kinds of complicated tools, without which we can't accomplish our tasks everyday.For example,your boss asks you to accomplish the treatment of the accounts in one day.If you
have a computer to help you ,it's OK that you can fufill your work in time all
by yourself.Otherwise, you have to work together with your colleagues in order
to hand in the assignment in time. So, we can see that, on the contrary to the
author's statement,people actually become more strong and independent by using
the luxuries. （奢华指的是之前的tools吗？）  
Futher more,during the process of the evolution of human beings and the
development of the society,problems are emgerging all the time and solved later
by the working brains of our humankind. You may say that one day our smooth
going and highly efficient work relied on the modern tools like computer or would be totally broken down by a sudden electric power cut. Howerver, the invention
of the accumulator has made the problem no matter problematic and in the future
there may be better ways to solve it. Thus, people are the creators of life and
our creative thoughts in our great brains enable us all the time to face all
kinds of difficulties brought by the so-called luxuries and conveniences. So,
in fact,what we rely on are ourselves, not the complicated tools.
  To conclude, the luxuries and conveniences created by ourselves can help us
develop into strong and independent individuals and they will never make us
vunarable to emergencies cause our powerful brains are working all the time.

抱歉这么晚才回给你~总体来说，我觉得你的文章逻辑还是比较清晰的，并且用了一些比较复杂的词汇，这些都是值得我去学习的。不过，我认为你给出的两条原因并不是特别令人信服，议论的也较浅显，建议再深入挖掘下~
还有就是，貌似你的文章字数比较少哈，只有350左右的字，建议增加一条论点~