PP上的A习作,希望大大们帮忙批改一下

shunfangUID: 3050457

9.3就考了,写作一点底都没有,主要是语言语法没底, 拼写经常有十几个错误(大多是笔误),思路上到感觉自己问题不大。以下是PP上的一篇习作,求达人给简单批阅一下，给点意见，并问下考试时这样的文章大致会有几分。先谢谢了！
题目:

The following is a memorandum from the business manager of a television station.
"Over the past year, our late-night news program has devoted increased time to national news and less time to weather and local news. During this time period, most of the complaints received from viewers were concerned with our station's coverage of weather and local news. In addition, local businesses that used to advertise during our late-night news program have just canceled their advertising contracts with us. Therefore, in order to attract more viewers to the program and to avoid losing any further advertising revenues, we should restore the time devoted to weather and local news to its former level."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

习作:

    This argument recommend that the television station should restore the time devoted to weather and local news to its former level, which reduced last year,in order to attract more viewers and to avoid losing any further advertising revenues.The reason given in support of this recommendation is that the complaints concerned with the coverage of weather and local news are increased. The author also indicate that some local businesses just canceled their advertising contracts. However,close scrutiny of these evidences reveal that they provide little credible support for the recommendation. To make the recommendation more persuasive, the author should provide more evidences.
    First of all,the author does not explicate what the percentage of complaints in all viewers is. Although the number of complaints is increased, it is entirely  possible that the percentage is reduced sharply due to the number of total viewers is increased after the television news programme changed. Also, there may be much more viewer prefer the changes, but they have no way express their attitude.The author should provide more evidence to rule out these possibilities.
    Secondly, the mere fact that some local businesses canceled their advertising contracts is insufficient to conclude that all of businesses do not like the changes and will canceled their contracts. The businesses which canceled their contracts may have their own reason. Just like they were facing some finance problem or the global economic are in the recession . Their is no evidence to show that it is just because the changes on the news television programme.To support this claim, the author should evince more evidence and find out the root cause of the decrease of the contracts.
    Finally,even if all complaints and decrease of the contracts are just because the television station has devoted increased time to national news, the author unfairly assumes that restore the time devoted to weather and local news to its former level will certainly attract more viewers and avoid losing any further advertising revenues. One television viewer likes a television program not only because what the type of the program is but also many other considerations, such as the quality of the program and the stability of program schedule. It is possible that they will lose more viewer after the restoration because people do not like television program changes frequently. The author need more evidence to prove that people really prefer the former news program by start a new survey or any other ways.
    Examining all the factors referred above,it is safe to draw that the argument is unpersuasive as it stand. While the argument does highlight one possible solution, more evidence is required in order to move forward on.

shunfangUID: 3050457

给点意见也成啊。
或一起互改也行,共同提高,不嫌弃的话可以站内信联系我