【RichardLee的作文】新G ISSUE 82/97/100求修改

richardleecod6UID: 2759051

ISSUE 82/97/100: “Colleges and universitiesshould require their students to spend at least one semester studying in aforeign country.”

On the subject of whether colleges anduniversities should require their students to spend at least one semester studyingin a foreign country, judging by the long-term discussion and my personalexperience, I agree with major of people that studying abroad is certainlybenefit the students in colleges and universities, while some details need tobe thought about.

The base of the first benefit of studyingabroad is that it is a undeniable fact that this world is connected by variousmeans of technology. As the word noted by XXX in XXX, this world is becoming a “globalvillage”. Under such circumstance, students’ learning knowledge is not limitedin their own countries but around the world, thus one alternative to obtain theoriginal information in to study in certain foreign countries. When studyingabroad, student will better understand with the field he/she is learning, andby that the student can form their own thinking and comparison with thesituation in their own countries. For example, when I was in an exchangeprogram of communication at Michigan University in America, I deeply appreciatedthe idea of resolving public relationship crisis when facing disaster. Thegovernment should release the critical information in time to ease the panic ofthe public instead of hiding it to prevent further damage caused by rumors.

Learning abroad of students has advantage forthe country as well. College and university student is the future of a country,who will play the main role in a country’s tomorrow. When students graduate andgo into specific fields, with the different views and thoughts they gained inthe experience abroad, these students will be have better performance in newthoughts and even leading the development of it.

However, several details need to be furtherdiscussed. One semester could be enough for some applicant subject like engineeringor construction, but for art subjects like painting, literature or language,one semester is too short for them. Besides, if the countries which thestudents are studying in are in political crisis or social revolution, thesafety of the students cannot be guaranteed. In addition, living and studyingin a foreign country is a big challenge for student, under the pressure oftaking class and away from home may cause mental illness for them. Finally,without the support of government or college, learning abroad is a huge expensefor some families and it will be no doubt to heavy these families’ financial burdenif learning aboard become a mandatory policy.

In sum, learning aboard is good for eitherstudent or the country if it carry out under careful consideration.


谢谢！！

richardleecod6UID: 2759051

XXX的是例证部分，当时忘了加上去了

watertcafeUID: 2999484

On the subject of whether colleges anduniversities should require their students to spend at least one semester studyingin a foreign country, judging by the long-term discussion and my personalexperience, I agree with major of people that studying abroad is certainlybenefit the students【语法错误，sth is beneficial to sb或者sth benefits sb】 in colleges and universities, while some details need tobe thought about.
【开头略显冗赘，其实只要从I agree开始就可以的，前面没有必要。新G的ISSUE只有30分钟，除非你打字很快，思路清晰，能在开头有目的地交代题目背景（比如在这个全球化的时代国际性人才的重要性之类）或什么的，否则，开头直陈观点，一句话即可，把时间和字数留给后面的论述更好，那才是ETS最想看的】

The base of the first benefit of studyingabroad is that it is a【an】 undeniable fact that this world is connected by variousmeans of technology. As the word noted by XXX in XXX, this world is becoming a “globalvillage”. Under such circumstance, students’ learning knowledge is not limitedin their own countries but around the world, thus one alternative to obtain theoriginal information in to study in certain foreign countries. 【看不懂……请修正语法错误】When studyingabroad, student will better understand with the field he/she is learning, andby that the student can form their own thinking and comparison with thesituation in their own countries.【从comparison开始看不懂……】 For example, when I was in an exchangeprogram of communication at Michigan University in America, I deeply appreciatedthe idea of resolving public relationship crisis when facing disaster. Thegovernment should release the critical information in time to ease the panic ofthe public instead of hiding it to prevent further damage caused by rumors. 【这个好像偏题了？最后最好来一句话说明这个例子怎样论证了你的观点】
本段观点鲜明，但是好像没有建立清晰的因果关系。地球村和出国学习的必然联系没有讲清楚~~全球化时代不代表一个人一定要出国学习啊。最好点明这样的背景下需要全球化的人才，而每个国家有不同的文化背景，不同的语言和学科发展，多方面学习各个国家的文化、科技知识等等，可以丰富一个人的背景，提升其综合素质和作为“世界性人才”的可能性。

Learning abroad of students has advantage forthe country as well. College and university student is the future of a country,who will play the main role in a country’s tomorrow.【语法。。最好用future代替tomorrow】 When students graduate andgo into specific fields, with the different views and thoughts they gained inthe experience abroad, these students will be have better performance in newthoughts and even leading the development of it.
【论点清晰有力，但是展开不够。需要例子或者更翔实的论述】

However, several details need to be furtherdiscussed. One semester could be enough for some applicant subject like engineeringor construction, but for art subjects like painting, literature or language,one semester is too short for them. Besides, if the countries which thestudents are studying in are in political crisis or social revolution, thesafety of the students cannot be guaranteed. In addition, living and studyingin a foreign country is a big challenge for student, under the pressure oftaking class and away from home may cause mental illness for them.【语法错误】 Finally,without the support of government or college, learning abroad is a huge expensefor some families and it will be no doubt to heavy these families’ financial burdenif learning aboard become a mandatory policy.
【论点清晰，论证翔实，但还是缺乏针对性的例子……】

In sum, learning aboard is good for eitherstudent or the country if it carry out under careful consideration.
【简洁有力的结尾，不过似乎太短了一点……】

全篇单词拼写错误倒是不多，但是好多单词之间木有加空格=v=。LZ再注意一点吧。
论点发展调理清晰，点明支持出国学习，但是需要考虑一些其他因素。语言表达许多方面有些chinglish，需要修正哦^^。结尾稍微长一点，不要仅仅对文章做复述，可以拓展一下，展望一下未来什么的，相对的，开头要短一点。另外，很大的问题是缺乏有力度的例子，这点一定要解决哦~~不然会让整篇文章看起来没有说服力。
最后，赞一个LZ的思路很清晰，加油^^建议多多研究范文。

richardleecod6UID: 2759051

3# watertcafe 谢谢watercafe的修改，这里论坛里的热心人真多！

sarahchooUID: 3028673

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