[i习作temp] 网上练习悲催作文得了2.5分，含评语大家分析看，1119G [复制链接]

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电梯直达

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发表于 2011-11-16 15:56:27 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

我在PRICETON 网上模考练习作文，悲催的得了2.5分，评语看不懂（红色的），帮忙解释下，什么问题，如何提高，1119G。。。
Men and women, because of their inherent physical differences, are not equally suited for many tasks.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

It is widely acknololedged that there are differences between women and men.Therefore some people claim that many tasks which are fit for men are probably not fit for women.However,as far as I am concerned,this pronouncement really needs to take into consideration.
Admittly,there are works that more fit for men rather than women,for instance,hunting in ancient time is probably a man's job as it needs much strength.And women usually collect and cook food.Women usually have a more sensity in mood and they are more likely to be phycologist or teachers.
But the foregoing supporting do not exclude my disagreement that the tasks can be suited unequally.Though men usually can have more strength than women,however it is social convention that form the result.That is to say,if a woman practice hard,she can do as well as men do,just like antheletes in olympic games.Therefore,every kind of work can be done by men and women,if he or she willing to work hard on it.
Additionally,tasks as an objective thing always have many aspects some of which suits for men and some for men.For instance,in the realm of service job,more women are wanted than men.Women seems represent kindness more than men.However nowadays there are more and more men assistants can be seen in the restaurant or even on the plane.Some of them also quite charming especially for women customers.Taking another example on the scholasim,where men are dominated,there are growing precent of women who make great contributions,such as Madam Curie.Also in the government regulation, the German's president aand Amercan's primer are women.
Conclusively,although there are probably some inherent physical differences in gender,this is not excuse for one's bad proformance.If one want to do the job well and is willing to investigate his energy and time,he or she can have the chance to do it well.

Men and Women - 2.5

Hi, I must say that you made a good try. However, the flaws in the argument could have been discussed better with more details. Always try to write a defined introduction and conclusion. In an argument essay try to bring out the strength or the weakness of the argument with your understanding and reasoning. Better luck next time.
Here's some additional feedback: • Indent your paragraphs. • Discuss one assumption in each paragraph. • Essays need an introduction, a body, and a conclusion.