Daily Writing 蜗牛的作文贴，互相学习

西雅图黄页UID: 3235802

The last few years has seen a surge in trend of moving. Asked whether it is beneficial for people to moving(to people to move, be beneficial to 对XX有益), people would give a great diversity of ideas based on their individual value systems. Some of them argue that it will be a sensible decision once people move to a new town or new country, while others claim that since people, leaving away from their own town or country, would feel lonely as lacking of friends (that 之后应该跟一句独立的句子，然而这里只有since开头的一个分句). On balance, I would fundamentaly (fundamentally) speak highly of (speak highly of 是高度评价，用在这里不合适，而且这个词组后一般只跟名词，不跟从句)that the benefits brought by moving for people are extremely higher over than (改成far outweigh ) disadvantages.

To begin with, moving to a (an) unfamiliar place serve as an (a) crucial factors (factor) in building personalities. We cannot emphasize the significance of living dependently(independently) too much. take myself (my own experience) as an example. When I was only 12 years old, I was sent to Chongqing, an absolute new city for me. Although high level of education quality bathed me
(cultivated me), came up with are a variety of practical problems (a variety of practical problems arose when living alone). I have(had) to cook for myself and clean the house (cook and clean the house by myself), even to lease a house for the first time. Gradually, I can courageously face up any quetion I met (can face the challenges bravely) and conquer them one by one. For this reason, moving to a new place plays a role of teacher (play role as a teacher), who fostered people the independence (fostered independence for people, foster 后跟要培养的东西).

Furthermore, what is also worth noticing (what is also of great concern) is that moving to another place does not necessarily mean losing (loss,有名词的就最好不要用动名词）of friends. Actually,(instead) people can seize opportunities to make a contact with more people, who would give a hand or instruct to your career (employment guidance). More importantly, by communication through the internet or emails, people can keep the precious friendship with old friends. On no account can we ignore the value of widely located internets. Coincidently, a general investigation conducted by a research team lead (led)by Professor Frank of Social Department of the United Nations, discovering(discovers) that 80.2% surveyed people who leave(have left) to new town or country approve that there are no any adverse influence between (on) them and their old friends. Therefore, it is little indication for people moving to lack of friends(there is little indication of losing friend if people move to another places).

Admittedly, there is no denying that it is moving to new place that decrease the times (chances) that people visit each other. Although, (However, though)staying the old town or the country contributes greatly to friendship, it may inevitably have the negative impacts. Such adverse (unfavorable, 词汇多样化)consequences may include abandoning success opportunities or excessively relying on friends and family members. In this sense,  people, especially the young should (might as well最好，语气不要太强) leave to new place to create perfect(better) lives.

Taking above considering into account(Take into account above consideration), I would feel quite comfortable to(I reasonably) arrive at the conclusion that people should go out to a wonderful new place to develop their new lives and careers. Although, certain benefits still exist in the counterpart (opposite choice)discussed before(although 分句后还要有主句，这句分句不妨跟前面一句连起来). However, considering the potential problems it may bring to us, I do not believe that it is a wise to stay for a long time at the place where people be(were) given birth to. As for me, I am in favor of the opinion that excellent advantages would been taken to people who hike to new places(这段太罗嗦，有点凑字数的感觉了,不过可能托福就是要字越多越好。。。).
句与句之间逻辑性很好，句型和词汇也比较多样化，但楼主多多注意语句顺不顺啊，还有单复数和时态，有些话只有半句。。。加油哦！

鸟儿UID: 3238411

综合：TPO14   修改

红色为添加，蓝色为疑惑，灰色为删除，粉色为精彩！

The reading passage raises the issue that it is a wise decision that people apply salvage logging（不知道该表达地道么？感觉adopt/apply the measure of更好）, which is thought to be beneficial both to forest and to economy(both and 一定要引导并列成分). However, the statement is strongly weakened by the lecture, which provides drasitically different ideas and argues that all the benefits are questionable.


The professor begins by pointing that salvage logging does not necessarily mean the right conditions for new trees. Actually, new trees can not reach the soil and survive as lacking of （as a lack of）suitable nutritions. This declaration disagrees with the standpoint that new trees can not grow in fired place, in which the damaged trees will spent many years to decompose, as demonstrated in the reading passage.

Then the professor goes on maintain that it is little indication that salvage logging would bring benefits for forest since the eliminate spruce bark beetles(这句since 引导的原因没说完吧？). Because by applying the measure, it also destroys the place where birds and other insects habit (inhabit). According to the the reading passage, however, salvage logging protects the forest for the reason that it decreases the dangers of insect.
Therefore, the lecture goes against what is presented in the reading passage.

Finally, the professor states that this method are expensive and lack of values. Furthermore, it is temporarily good for jobs giving to local residents because of more trained workers of outsiders（because more trained workers come from outsiders）. This point of view still casts doubt on the contents of the reading passage, which considers that it can bring effection of (on?)economy and solve the searching jobs for local persons.

Conclusion:
很精彩，措辞组句都很老道！昨天第一次写综合学习了你的上一篇，今天发现这两篇的模板一模一样。虽然这个模板很严谨很精准，但是太常见了。我昨天网上随便下了几个模板，其中有一个就是你用的这个，基本一致。所以我担心用这个的人太多，ETS判雷同。建议你替换一些同义词，平时练习的时候多尝试。总体基础很不错哦！学习了！

Sudden2012UID: 2856328

17# 西雅图黄页
谢谢大师这么细心的修改，感激Ing

Sudden2012UID: 2856328

1月31日 独立+综合
100924NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? College or University should offer students more preparation before they start working.
综合tpo15

鸟儿UID: 3238411

呼叫~你还没帮我改昨天的综合作文呢~ 我就写了那一篇综合，指导下吧~

alexfanfanUID: 3133140

不好意思 1/27的 改晚了

loveinwcUID: 3241878

蓝色为改过后的拼错单词，画黄线有点困惑，紫色是修改意见，绿色是添加单词

第一次改作文，如有不恰之处，请多多包涵并指出，感激不尽。。


综合：TPO15
The reading passage raises the issue that since the cane toads hover a large amount of numbers( reproduce a large amount of offspring 可以吗？), several methods are proposed to inhibit the spread of them. However, this statement is strongly weakened by the lecture, which provides drastically different ideas and argues that all of the measures are questionable.

The professor begins by pointing out building a national fence does not necessarily mean that it will prevent them advent to another place（their advent of mass reproduction in another place 那个您在把advent当动词用吗？）. Actually, cane toads foster（改成leave怎样？） the young and eggs in streams, which take them flow from one site to another. This declaration disagrees with the standpoint that by building a fence, cane toads cannot make the population invade to another place（真心有点困惑，invade是及物动词吧，后面不用跟to的说……the cane toad population can't invade another place怎样？）, as demonstrated in the reading passage.

Then the professor goes on maintain that it is little indication that volunteers can decrease the amount of cane toads by capturing them. In fact, the untrained volunteers would destroy the nature creatures such as the frogs, which are familiar（similar吧？） to cane toads.
According to the reading passage, however, citizens organized by government can decrease the population of cane toads effectively. Therefore, the lecture goes against what is presented in the reading.

Finally, the professor states that cane toads will infect the virus, so do the other species.
As the cane toads are native insects（as the cane toads which are
a vital part of the ecosystem extinct 原因补完一下）, the whole ecological system would also suffer the negative consequence. This point of view also casts doubt on the contents of the reading passage, which considers the virus would not play an adverse role in the ecological system because it do not harm to most of the infected species.

鸟儿UID: 3238411

1月31日 100924NA 独立写作修改


红色为添加，蓝色为疑惑，灰色为删除，粉色为精彩！

Gone are the days when students with university education backgrounds have readily access to jobs. Pure academic education is like two-edged sword, it has generated boons as well as banes to students. In this day and age, the issue of before-work preparation has been thrown into sharp belief（确定么？谷歌学术查不到该词组http://scholar.google.com.hk/scholar?q=throw+into+sharp+belief&hl=zh-CN&lr=）. People remain devided over whether more instruction should be taken to studtents. As for me, I tend to agree with the statement that education institutions should offer more preparation for students since the large amount of benefits it brings far overweight the disadvantages.


First of all, before-work preparation serves as an incrucial（a crucial） factor in studying for students. As the common sense telling us(tells .因为as 引导句子), only if connect the theories with practical subjects（practices），can we perceive the true meanings of theories. (only when...can we... only if=if, 那么从句应该是完整句子吧？而且主句不用倒桩。）Take my own experience as an example. I am a student of Sichuan university, which is an（a） high level of education institution in china. And my major is accountancy. By remembering all the formulas and academic terms, I can accquire high scores in any professional exam. However, actually, I can not precisely tell profound meanings of terms and reasons of formulas untill the day when I take part in a practice in a real corporate to study for a month, which is a project providen（provided） by school. (the day和 for a month矛盾)As a result, I accquire the practical meanings of academic theories. For this reason, colleges or universities should offter more preparation as more as possible.（as more preparations as possible）

Futhermore, what is worth noticing is that more preparation plays an increasingly pivotal role in job serching (searching )for students. That means, the employers prefer to give opportunities to student who have taken more preparation and expressed skillful (skills)to daily work. Coincidently, a general investigation conducted by a recent research led by Professor Frank, discovers that 80.2 percent of managers approve that they would take the before-work preparation as the most significant criteria to decide which person to employ. Despite that, the booming rate of employment of students, which be(is) concerned by students and parents, will increase the reputation of universities or colleges. In this sense, it is a wise desicion for universities or colleges to instruct students more preparation.

Admittedly, more preparation would take much time, which be(is) supposed to spent on academic studying. However, it does not neccessarily mean that student can not study well on academic knowledge. Consider that, students can possess five free hours to study and take part in entertainments. But now, before-work preparation will cost one hour of whole time, then four hours be remained. (这个论据有点没看懂啊，是一种假设么？) As a student, long term studying telling us, （proves that）the rest time is sufficient for us to study well. Therefore, it is little indication that the before-work preparation have negative impact for （on）students.

On balance, considering the benefits to studying and working of students brought from more preparation, I would fundamentaly speak hihgly of the opinion that it is sensitive(a sensible) decision for colleges and universities to provide suitable preparation to students who would face up with serching(searching) jobs.


总结：结构特别好！每一段都有Topic sentence and conclusion！倒数第二段还来个让步，逻辑严谨哇~~~乍一看像范文，我仔细看了好几遍，才揪出来一些小毛病。。共同探讨下。

坏绿的眼睛UID: 3138294

1月31日 100924NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? College or University should offer students more preparation before they start working.

Gone are the days when students with university education backgrounds have readily access to jobs. Pure academic education is like two-edged sword, it has generated boons as well as banes to students. In this day and age w1] , the issue of before-work preparation has been thrown into sharp belief. People remain devided over whether more instruction should be taken to studtents. As for me, I tend to agree with the statement that education institutions should offer more 加vocational preparation for students since the large amount of benefits it brings far overweight the disadvantages.

First of all, before-work preparation serves as an incrucial w2] factor in studying for students. As the common sense telling us, only if connect the theories with practical subjects, can we perceive the true meanings of theories. w3] Take my own experience as an example. I am a student of Sichuan university,  which is w4] an high level of education institution in china. And my major is accountancy. By remembering all the formulas and academic terms, I can accquire high scores in any professional exam. However, actually, I can not precisely tell [w5] profound meanings of terms and reasons of formulas untill the day when I take part in a practice in a real corporate to study for a month, which is a project providen by school. As a result, I accquire [w6] the practical meanings of academic theories. For this reason,  colleges or universities  w7] should offter more preparation as more as possible.

Futher more, what is worth noticing is that more preparation play an increasingly pivotal role in job  serching w8] for students. That means, the employers prefer to give opportunities to student who have taken more preparation and expressed skillful to daily work. Coincidently, a general investigation conducted by a recent research led by Professor Frank, discovers that 80.2 percent of managers approve that they would take the before-work preparation as the most significant criteria to decide which person to employ. Despite that, the booming rate of employment 好词啊我就想不起来这么用哇 of students, which be concerned by students and parents, will increase the reputation of universities or colleges. In this sense, it is a wise desicion for universities or colleges w9] to instruct ][w10] students more preparation.

Admittedly,这个词好！
more preparation would take much time, which be supposed to spent on academic studying. However, it does not neccessarily mean that student can not study well on academic knowledge. Consider that, students can possess five free hours to study and take part in entertainments 。w11] But now, before-work preparation will cost one hour of whole time, then four hours be remained. As a student, long term studying telling us, the rest time is sufficient for us to study well. Therefore, it is little indication that the before-work preparation have negative impact for students.这句句式我喜欢
但是
放在这段会不会有些偏题呢？其实放在下一段首句后面是不是更好
首句有提到benefits

On balance, considering the benefits to studying and working of students brought from more preparation, I would fundamentaly speak hihgly of the opinion that it is sensitive decision for colleges and universities to provide suitable preparation to students who would face up with serching jobs.

[w1]喜欢 偷走 我就总想写In modern society

[w2]这个词 不认识 也木有查到哦

[w3]楼主是想说实践出真知？

[w4]这里用is似乎不通顺 用which stand for 呢？

[w5]用represent是不是更好

[w6]直接get 呢

[w7]可以换成 school authority

[w8]其实楼主是想说hunting?

[w9]多换换同义词比较好哇

[w10]Instruct 不准确吧 不如用give

[w11]其实我个人认为consider that 多余了，直接在句尾加个Before是否更简洁明了

我用的wor的批注功能。。。显示不出来 颜色也显示不出来 楼主可以看我的附件 里面格式是正常的 比较好看

Sudden2012UID: 2856328

2月1日 独立 谢谢修改

loveinwcUID: 3241878

蜗牛君您好，2月1日综合互改，你我被分到了一组，尽管对于您而言是大大的不幸，但我仍然想要厚颜提醒一下您…………我改了您的，您没改我的，这不太好吧？

Sudden2012UID: 2856328

26# loveinwc
wc君，
首先谢谢你帮我修改TPO15，
2月1日的分组您可能看错了，这个是分组链接https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1285161&extra=&page=1：

2月1日综合 ：
骆嫣婷(骆嫣) loveinwc

我2月1日没有写综合，所以没有听过这篇，只能帮你看看语法句型之类的错误，改得不好，见谅。

再发一份到你的作文贴上
! g1 z; r& {) Z$

坏绿的眼睛UID: 3138294

谢谢你的修改  很让我受益~！

loveinwcUID: 3241878

跪倒。。。瀑布汗。。高人我错了，其实小的我只想让您改第一篇就好的啊，捂脸狂奔而去。。。。ps再汗，对不起，我弄错了，是三十一号的综合，只是第二天我发现有点诡异的地方再次编辑了一下就变成了2月1，啊。。乌龙啊。。。what happened~~~ 4# Sudden2012
27# Sudden2012
再次谢谢高人，受宠若惊ing。。

Sudden2012UID: 2856328

2月2日 独立 谢谢修改