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[作文] 324作文贴,求互改,贵在坚持! [复制链接]

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发表于 2012-3-14 22:22:54 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

题目:2010.8.28NA


Since people care public recognition more than money, they will work harder to abtain public recognition even though there is no more money given.





Our society is changing all the time. It is no longer what it used to be in the 20th century, but one where the rich could make the most important decisions and possess the most valuable resources. When faced with the choice of whether to work for public recognition or for money, I think the majority of modern people would choose the latter.



As is presented in Maslow's theory which he called the Hierarchy of Needs, the fundamental needs of a human being is physiological needs, including food, clothing, shelter and so on. They are the literal requirements for human survival. If these requirements are not met, the human body simply cannot continue to function. It is clear that these needs can only be met if you have enough money, ranther a job which could only bring you a widely admitted recognition along with a meager salary. As is known to all, houses are extemely expensive in big cities in China. Just take Beijing as an example. The average price for a brand new house has come to about 25 thousand per square meter. It is ten times as it was seven years ago! If you don't have as much as two million yuan, you could hardly expect to settle in this modern city. Nowadays, people are much more likely to be burdened under the pressure of meeting their physiological needs, so it is obvious that people should work hard to earn more money.


Moreover, public recognition is actually a matter that can be possessed right after you have owned enough money. How does this happen? Just think about the world-famous billionaire, Bill Gates. At his early years, he worked hard and finally made his company Microsoft among the most competitive ones in the whole world. As he owned enough money, he engaged himself in charities. In 2008, he retired, and what he did shocked everyone: he donated all his properties, amounting to 58 billion. All these payed him back a public recognition, although he didn't intend to get it. Many pop stars are also active in charity. Wang Fei, a successful singing star in China, has set up a foundation for those children who were born with some kind of diseases. She hopes to get help from society through the charity fund. Until now, she has helped thousands of children to grow up healthily both mentally and psychologically. She also wins the recognition from the public. Thus, work hard, own enough money and help those in need, then you'll be recognized by public.


Admittedly, recognition does bring an enhanced sense of self-worth and accomplishment. It brings along, however, much interference from the media, too. Nowadays with advanced Internet technolygy and efficient news press, after a person has bulit up his recognition an reputation, the public would quickly know everything about him. For instance, one of my best friends, Yin Chongwei, once saved four people when a terrible earthquake hit Sichuan Province in 2008. He suddenly became famous and received public recognition. But it also disturbed his everyday life. He was interviewed by numerous news press and he was forced to take part in all kinds of public activities, even things that he didn't like. So as we can see, recognition is not actually as wonderful as it is imagined.


All in all, though it is one of the most important goals to gain recognition, money is in fact the most elementary thing in our life.
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沙发
发表于 2012-3-15 21:13:44 |只看该作者
3月15日 110708 the friend that can have fun with are more important than the friends that can get more help from?

A good friend will, to some extent, bring you happiness and make your life colorful, yet I disagree with the statement that a friend who can have fun with is more important than a one who can get more help from.

As the old saying goes, "A friend in need is a friend indeed." Whether or not he can share your sorrow with you is the final criterion to judge a true friend. Such standard is often broard and abstract in constrast to the narrowness and rigidity of the crition: have fun. For quite a long time, I had been struggling with Toefl IBT. It was so difficult for me because I'd never had a chance to learn English for quite a long time. I had to deal with the numerous vocabulary, grammer, pronunciation and I really didn't know how to begin with. One day my friend Mary saw mee and I told her my difficulty. She didn't laugh at me, instead, she told me patiently that I should make a well-organized plan and devide my goal into several small ones, which would be more attractive and attainable. It is with her help that I gradually gain confidence in my study and I strongly believe that a true friend is one that will not desert you but offer you help when you are in trouble.

Moreover, you can easily have fun with your friend as long as you help each other. The famous Chinese pop star,Selina, was heavily burnt once when she was working. It was so serious that she could hardly speak or walk around. What was worse, she was going to get married with her boyfirend in a few days and the ceremony was then canceled. At that time, Many people believed that her boyfriend would leave her and find another beautiful girl to be his wife. However, Selina's boyfriend had never left her since she was sent into hospital. He stayed with her all day long and kept speaking to her , wishing she would revive. To our surprise, with her boyfriend taking care of her, Selina recovered quickly and eighteen months later, she was able to sing again. At the beginning of this year, she got married with her boyfriend. Selina is now living a happy life. So we can just imagine, what will happen if her boyfriend wasn't willing to take care of her? She would definitely become one of the most unfortunate people in the world! So, overcome the difficulies with your friend, then happiness will come right after it.

Yet my disagreement does not suggest that good friends should not have fun, but that someone could have fun with does not mean that he could be defined as friend. It is apparent that some classmates or workmates are very funny and make people around laugh all the time by talking some interesting story, but perhaps we will never contact each other after work.

To sum up,  the real friends are those who can assist us in proper ways, but not just entertain us.

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板凳
发表于 2012-3-16 14:51:21 |只看该作者
316综合TPO11.doc (31 KB, 下载次数: 4)

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发表于 2012-3-16 21:28:32 |只看该作者
2012.3.15 已改完

3.15xydxuyidan by laozhan.doc

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发表于 2012-3-16 23:27:43 |只看该作者
TPO2.doc (31.5 KB, 下载次数: 7) 这个是自己挑的题目,主要是练一下综合模板,哪位大侠愿意给意见的赶紧了哟~

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发表于 2012-3-17 10:07:15 |只看该作者
317独立-2010-10-9机经题目 compared with people who live in cities, people who live in rural areas can take better care of their families.
317-10.10.9独立.doc (36 KB, 下载次数: 2)

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发表于 2012-3-17 20:59:21 |只看该作者
今天又写了一篇机经作文。
2010.10.22- the advice from grandparents has no use for their granchildren because the world changed a lot during the past 50 years.
317-20101022.doc (36 KB, 下载次数: 5)

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发表于 2012-3-19 13:41:19 |只看该作者
7# xydxuyidan

修改By kkmm130

317-20101022.doc

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发表于 2012-3-19 18:17:29 |只看该作者
319
paitence is usually not a good strategy. people should take action now rather than later.
2011827.doc (30.5 KB, 下载次数: 9)

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发表于 2012-3-19 19:33:38 |只看该作者
3.16 综合 已改

316综合TPO11.doc

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发表于 2012-3-19 19:34:01 |只看该作者
我的3.16综合

3.16 TPO11 integrated writing by 佐左927.doc

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发表于 2012-3-19 20:43:11 |只看该作者
3月17号独立修改

Some people may hold the opinion that living in rural areas enables us to take better care of our family. However, based on my own experience and thoughts, I would like to say that living in the city would allow us to better look after our family. (用2个look after our family有点重复,可以说advantages are more prominent)
First of all, compared to rural areas, big cities have better facilities, which in turn(这里用in turn是反过来还是轮流啊?怎么都觉得不对的感觉) offer us greater convenience as well as better life standards. I myself live in a big city with my parents and I feel it is really worth it. Every half year I would take my parents to hospital to have a physical examination. Hospitals in big cities usually have better equipment and are more reliable. Moreover, I often go to the theater to watch movies with my parents and we have a lot of fun together. Every time after watching a movie, we would spend some time sharing our opinions and it makes us feel closer to each other. Also, shopping mall is among the favorite places my mother and I like to go to. It makes us feel great when we finally go home with bags of clothes and shoes. However, if I live in the countryside, I will certainly not have access to so many resources and facilities, and I might not take care of my family as well as in the city.
Second, people in the cities usually have higher income, thus (they) have the ability to meet various needs of their family members. According to a recent survey carried out by Xinhua Newspaper, one of the most influential newspapers in China, the average income in cities is three times as much as that in rural areas. What a big gap!(书面作文出现这个感觉不太合适) With better salaries, people could afford a babysitter to take good care of their children, a car to enable them to get their destinations efficiently, a gym card to build up a healthy body. In a city, people's material life can be maintained and at the same time, we are taking better care of our family by offering them better living conditions.
Finally, it is in big cities that we can receive (a) better education, thus(用的有点多,换成hence吧) we learn how to respect family members and how to get along with them. My cousin Henry lives in a rural area and he does not have a chance to attend a middle school. Instead of taking care of his sick parents, he often gets drunk, fights with young men and he does not have a job. He seldom returns home and his parents almost lose heart. What I remember clearly about him is that one day he told me that if he could go to school, things would be quite different. This is sad but it does prove that city life gives us more chance for education and we learn how to love others.
To sum up, compared to rural areas, living in cities prepares us with better facilities, higher income, as well as better education. All these contribute to our taking better care of our families.
作者的思路很清晰,三段的论述都很完整。就是句子之间的变化不多,很平淡,有些表达感觉过于重复了,再就是自己的例子有点多,一般用一个差不多了吧。我自己的水平也不高,改了一些我觉得不太好的地方,希望可以互相学习。

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发表于 2012-3-20 14:36:13 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 xydxuyidan 于 2012-3-20 16:04 编辑

320独立
people now are easier to become educated than in the past.
20101030.doc (36.5 KB, 下载次数: 2)

320综合 320综合-E3.doc (32 KB, 下载次数: 0)

发现坚持写、坚持改真的有用,今天写不那么干涩了,写的比以前快多了,大家一起进步~!

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发表于 2012-3-20 16:51:19 |只看该作者
比较想知道大家综合一般写多少字,我写到290左右但是有很多是模板里的字,会不会点覆盖不全啊,但是确实是把来得及听到的都写进去了。。
再附一篇综合
320-E4.doc (31 KB, 下载次数: 1)

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发表于 2012-3-21 12:12:12 |只看该作者
话题:2010.2.11-parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes.
321-2010211.doc (38 KB, 下载次数: 3)

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RE: 324作文贴,求互改,贵在坚持! [修改]

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